Platonic
by Hatoralo
Summary: Lincoln Loud always wished to get a bit more attention in a family of eleven children. But when his wish is granted, he soon has to discover, that you rather be careful what you wish for. (Co-Author: Mama Aniki)
1. Chapter 1

**Note at the start: This fanfic is a collaboration between Oogie-Boogie/Ralte/Hatoralo and Mama Aniki.**

 **Loud House is owned by Nickelodeon and Chris Savino, who we want to thank for creating one of the funniest, largest familes in recent cartoon history. This is meant to be a work in their honor, a parody of things yet to see and a tribute to all the different forms of fiction that inspired us to write in the first place.**

* * *

 **Platonic**

by

Hatoralo & Mama Aniki

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Not your average Kind of sister Lincoln Loud**

* * *

One day Lincoln Loud came back from a usual school day. No catastrophe happened not did something come up that could endanger his social standing. Except for Clyde the people at the school had problems wrapping their heads around the difficulties of somebody who had ten siblings.

But he forgot this as he reached his house, opening the door.  
He was ready to face a typical, chaotic weekend at home.

"Hi everyone, what is…"

"BROTHER!"  
Leni rushed him at the door and cuddled him. "My sweetest brother!"

He did not expect that.  
Lincoln was more than surprised and shocked by the sudden affectionate gesture. Leni was probably the natural nicest of his sister but this hug came out of nowhere.

"Leni? Did something happen? Why…"

He got interrupted as she kissed him on the forehead and got even more cuddles.

„Okay, this is weird.", Lincoln said to no one in particular, as he got hugged even tighter by his second oldest sister. With a swift push he managed to free himself from her embrace, ready to ask her what the matter was. Only that the white haired boy didn't even have the chance to land with his feet on the floor, before he found himself again in her arms, his cheeks pressed against her face like he was some sort of cute little puppy she wanted to cuddle with.

But instead of pushing himself off her again, Lincoln, realizing that doing so would probably just result with him being caught a second time, decided instead to try another approach.

„So…Leni?"

„Yes, Linki?", the older sibling asked with a big smile on her face, oblivious to the fact that her brother felt rather awkward about being cheeks to cheeks with her in the middle of the living room, held up in the air like some sort of favorite toy.

„Why are you hugging me like this?"

„Well, because you are my little brother and I like love you, silly!"

"I… I love you too", Lincoln responded unsure. There was affection in the Loud House but not that regular and surely not in such a direct way.

"You do?" Leni beamed in joy. "I knew it! He loves me!"

Filled with joy she threw Lincoln into the air just to catch him and ran with him into the living room. Lincoln was more than perplexed by Leni's behavior.  
"Would you like to watch TV Linki?", Leni asked. "You can watch anything you want, I reserved the TV for you."

That said, she put her brother on the couch and shoved the remote in his hand. Lincoln could only stare in disbelief. Did one of his siblings just give him free control over the TV?

„Is this a prank?"

Leni blinked. „Pardon?"

„If I am going to push one of the buttons, is something going to happen with the TV? Like an embarrassing video of me singing to Lady Gaga in the shower, which Luan may have recorded last week?"

„You listen to Lady Gaga?"

Lincoln tried to change the subject. "Eh… Seriously, what is going on?",  
"You are just my favorite little brother!", Leni answered and Lincoln was not able to detect dishonesty in her words. But this was Leni, the nicest of his sisters and probably not able to tell a lie in a convincing manner even if she really wanted too.  
"I am also your only brother", he reminded her.  
"More reason to like you!", Leni responded. "You are special to me", she insisted and hugged him again.

In that moment Lori came down the stairs, typing on her smartphone like usual as she beheld Leni cuddling her only brother. _i_ /What are they doing?/ _/i_ , she thought to herself. _Did Lincoln help her with something important? Like literally helping her to find her own hands?_

With a slight cough she managed to diverge Leni's attention from her still dumbfounded brother to herself. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Duh", Leni said. "Like, can't you see that I'm trying to spend quality time with Linki?"

Lori was taken back a bit by the surprisingly condescending tone in her sister's voice. But instead of showing her surprise openly, she decided to resort to her own brand of sarcasm. "Looks more like you are trying suffocate him."

"I am not!", Leni protested. Then with a look of concern on her face she turned to Lincoln, who she was still holding. "Am I?"

"Not really. But could you be just a little bit less overwhelming?"

"Oh gosh Linki, I am sorry", Leni said and immediately put a bit of distance between herself and him. "I hope I didn't embarrass you"

Detecting actual hurt in her voice, Lincoln decided to do the only right thing and tell her that it was alright, only for Lori to inject that if anything, she was only embarrassing herself.

Lincoln was already expecting this to grow into an argument between the oldest siblings, but before Leni had even the chance to retort, Lori grabbed her at her arm. "Now come on", she said. "Didn't you want me to take you to the mall?"

"Oh yeah, that's right", Leni said, any desire to argue with Lori evaporating instantly.

"See you later Lincoln" said Leni. "Lori, I also already made your bed."

"I hope you didn't create another new bed for me from scratch."

"No Lori, but I thought you liked the frame I made for you."

Lori nodded. "Yes, but we sold it on our flea market, remember?"

The two left the house and Lincoln decided to forget what just happened and watch the latest episode of the T.M.N.T. now that he had the couch for himself.  
"This new Shredder is a hardcore badass I get it,", he commented after a while in the new episode, already forgetting what just happened with his sister. "But he is so obsessed with revenge, he could be the pope of a revenge driven religion."  
After a while, he shrugged with the shoulders, while onscreen "Super Shredder" was just losing his last bits of humanity. "But I guess obsession with anything can drive somebody insane.", he concluded and watched, as the Turtles fought their old enemy to a final stand.

The rest of the day was rather usual, which means the usual chaos but nothing overly dramatic. He spend some time with his other sisters and thought about what to do on the weekend. The only brother was thinking about calling Clyde while getting something to drink in the kitchen, as Leni suddenly appeared before him with shopping bags in her hands. Not an unusual sight but Leni's grin was brighter than normal and she seemed to stare at Lincoln in a way that unsettled him a little bit.

"Hi Linki", she said.

"Hi", Lincoln replied in return, an unsure smile on his face. To make the situation a little bit less awkward he tried to ask her if she found anything good at the mall, only for Lori to push Leni aside and go straight for the fridge herself.

"Move it, Lincoln", she said before pushing him aside too and looking for something to snack on before dinner for herself. "Didn't we have some chocolate left?"

"I may have eaten the last", Lincoln replied in passing, his attention rather being stuck on Leni, whose unsettling smile had slightly faded the moment Lori had pushed him aside. Unfortunately the look in her eyes had also slightly changed and in such a manner that she looked way more unsettling than before. Though he didn't have much time to focus on this either, as almost instantly after he said these words his brain caught up with him, reminding him off the fact that admitting to eating the last chocolate in this household was equal to committing high treason in Russia.

"You what!"

Only that the Russians would probably show more mercy than a cocoa depraved Lori.

"Not the Pretzel, please not the Pretzel!", Lincoln begged. Lori's iron gaze was concentrated on him without any hint of mercy in her eyes.  
But suddenly Lori shrugged in response. "Whatever", she sighed and left the kitchen.  
Lincoln was dumbfounded.

"What just happened?" She would have at least punched him after eating the last piece of chocolate. He had her seen doing this with Luna once for doing the exact same thing. Till that day he never thought that Lori could let her sister fly that far through the house.

"Good, she didn't harm you", Leni giggled happy. "Now I don't have to hurt her…"  
"Excuse me?"  
"Look what I have for you!"  
Leni took a piece of clothing out of one of her bags. It was a suit which from the trousers to the collar sparkled like crazy in the light.  
"This… This is for me?" Lincoln didn't know what he could say about a suit which would let him look like a walking disco ball.

"Do you like it?"

He tried to be diplomatic. "I think it is… interesting?!"

Leni squealed in delight about what she considered her brother's approval. Then, in a blink of an eye, and against all laws of physics, she somehow had managed to close the distance between her and Lincoln and replace his orange shirt and blue jeans with the fashionable abomination from glitter hell.

"Oww, look at you…"

 _I rather wouldn't_

"…You look so cute."

Lincoln was starting to get genuinely worried about Leni by now. Her being nice? No big deal. But this? Even if Leni would for some reason decide to buy something to wear for him, her taste in fashion should have prevented her from buying something like… THIS!

"Do I look fashionable too?", he asked as carefully as he could.

"Like this outfit will be totally in next season… Of 2040."

Lincoln gulped. He couldn't wear this on the street. The others at school would kill themselves laughing. Or not because he would blind them with the light reflecting from this suit. He couldn't go out with it either without blinding some unsuspecting drivers and causing a multiple pile up.  
"Thank you, Leni. I can't say I ever got something like this."

Leni smiled and gave Lincoln an innocent kiss on the check.

"I am so glad you like it".

She grabbed her bags and was on her way, declaring she had to get her other stuff set up before dinner. Lincoln was just glad he didn't have to smile anymore in the reassuring yet false way he did, the moment she was out of the kitchen.

"I have to get rid of this thing, before anyone else sees me in it."

"Too late"

Lincoln jumped in reflex and turned around.

"Hi Lincoln."

Of course that would happen, Lincoln thought after the shock of seeing his sister Lucy had settled. "How long have you been here?", he asked in resignation.

"Long enough to know that you are not wearing this suit on your own volition", the eight year old goth girl said. Yet she couldn't keep herself from smiling just a little bit about the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. "You look ridiculous."

"Thanks, I know."

"Even some vampires I know would not sparkle this bright."

 _That's it_ , Lincoln thought. _I am going to burn this thing sooner or later._

After changing his clothes and a (to his fortune) rather peaceful dinner the rest of the evening played out without any further strange developments. He had the feeling that somebody stared at him but every time he turned he just saw one of his sisters doing their thing.  
Lisa was doing some experiments involving what seemed to be six month old meatloaf, Luan played with Lilly while also making some of her jokes of varying quality, Luna was playing guitar and the twins were driving around in Lola's car, dressed like mafiosi from the prohibition era. Lola drove and Lana was firing with a Toy-Tommy gun from the passenger seat into the rooms of her sisters with large foam-bullets. They played "Drive-By-Shooting" every day since Lola somehow got her hands on "GTA: San Andreas" on Steam.

"Go to hell you twits! This is Lola Capone's territory from now on!", Lana screamed in her best imitation of a Chicago accent. "Hi, Lincoln!" Lola greeted him friendly as she drove by him. "How are you? No time to talk, we have to conquer new territory…!"  
And they were gone. Into the bathroom.  
Lincoln wasn't surprised by their actions. The only out of the norm thing in that regard was that Lola showed enough courtesy to drive around him, while Lana didn't shoot at him at all.

He wanted to enter his room as he heard Lori's voice calling out to him.  
"Lincoln!"

The boy gulped. "What is it, Lori?"

"Do you have a minute to talk?", she asked.

"Well, actually I wanted to sort my Ace Savvy Com-"

"I take that as a yes", Lori simply said in deadpan, taking her brother by the arm and dragging him into his room, before closing the door behind them.

"Look Lori, if this is about the chocolate, I can buy you some new one tomorrow."

"What? No, it is not that", she said in annoyance. Rolling her eyes and sighing, she leaned against the door. "I wanted to ask, if you have any idea why Leni is literally crazy after you."

Lincoln immediately felt relieved. That and glad that somebody else saw through Leni's behavior. "So it's not just me who thinks that."

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry Lori", he replied, throwing himself on the bed in exhaustion. "I really have no idea what is going on. All I know is that Leni is now all of sudden seeing in me her favorite sibling or something."

"Don't tell me", Lori said. "During our trip to the mall I was dumb enough to ask her why she was cuddling you like a puppy earlier."

"What did she say?"

"Well…"

* * *

 _"_ _I mean, Lincoln is just so understanding and cute, you know? His slight overbite and this small part of upstanding white hair on his head? It makes him look like an adorable little bunny," Leni squealed, much to her sister's annoyance. Five minutes ago Lori asked Leni what the deal with her cuddling Lincoln was and since then her roommate couldn't help herself but explain almost in detail just how smart and overall adorable her only brother was and how she wanted to cuddle and protect him. All Lori knew at this point was that Leni would need protection soon, if she was not going to shut up._

 _"_ _And hey, remember that time he helped me try and get my driver's license?"_

 _Thankfully it was only a couple more miles to the mall, where Leni would probably be long enough preoccupied with looking at the latest fashion as that she would talk her an ear up.  
Unfortunately though, only two minutes later, she was hitting a traffic jam, resulting in her having to listen to the extended cut of "Why Lincoln Loud is cute", told by Leni.  
_

* * *

"Let's just not talk about it."

The boy rubbed his chin, trying to figure out why Leni was suddenly so friendly to him.  
"I can't remember doing anything important for her which would explain this affection."

"She is talking like a lovebird", was Lori's annoyed thought. "But that idea is ridiculous except…. No, no, impossible!"

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing!", Lori responded quickly. She looked nervous and a little anxious.

"Look Lori, I think Leni may have found something in me that she appreciates a lot?"

Lori raised an eyebrow. "That is your answer?"

"The best I can come up with right now", Lincoln sighed. "I just hope she doesn't buy me any more clothing."

"She knows her fashion", defended Lori her sister.

"I would show you what she purchased for me but it may take your eyesight." Lincoln sat upright on his bed. "Let us wait until tomorrow. Maybe everything will be normal again by then."

Lori hoped so. She wasn't in the mood to hear her sister talk non-stop sweetly about any of her siblings without a break again.

"If you say so", she said in resignation and yawned. "I go to bed. Go and sort your comics or whatever."

"Okay then", Lincoln said, opening the door for her. "Night Lori."

Then, much to his surprise, Lori leaned slightly over him and gave him an affectionate kiss on the head. "Night, Lincoln" she said nonchalantly, oblivious to what she just did and left the room. Lincoln, too stunned to ask her why she just did that, just starred stared as she went back to her room, her attention drawn to her cell phone on the way. He would have probably stood there even longer, if not some accidental friendly fire by Lana had hit him in the forehead, snapping him back to reality just enough to close the door behind him.

Now alone again in the solitude of his closet room, he began to wonder for the upbeat time this day, what just happened. Lori, kissing him? Granted, it wasn't as if this hadn't happened before. Lincoln remembered, though hazily, how back when he was younger (in a time where Lori called him her little baby brother instead of a twerp) she would give him the occasional affectionate hug or kiss on the forehead. But the later was something she hadn't done since he was 6.

And then there was the fact that all things considered, Lori was surprisingly friendly towards him. Oh sure, she was still snarky a bit the few times they talked today, but the chocolate incident? It should be noted, Lincoln had no illussions about Lori. Just because she could be bossy and mean sometimes, didn't mean he oversaw her good sides. After all, this was the girl who would still come to her siblings defense in time of need and was grateful enough for him getting her a job, that she got herself in some serious trouble just for a bit of free stuff at the arcade. Still, there were rules regarding Lori, you should never try to break, otherwise she was going to break you.

First, don't enter her room without her permission or good reason.

Second, don't make fun of her relationship with Bobby Santiago.

Third: Don't touch her phone.

And last, don't eat the last bit of chocolate without having bought some replacement.  
He just broke one of these rules this afternoon and yet he was still fine. Something didn't quite add up here.  
Lincoln thought hard about those things and tried to find a justification for it that didn't in any way make him want to think of another, at this point rather unwanted possibility. That Leni's behavior may rub off on her. But then he sighed.

 _Yeah, right. She was probably just in a good mood and did it unintentionally._

Though it didn't really sound like the best explanation (or one at all), Lincoln decided to no longer focus on it, partly to avoid finding any obvious holes in it. So instead he did what he planned for this night anyway and went on to sort his Ace Savvy comics based on story arcs. By the time he had put all issues of the Royal Flush arc in chronological order, the thought of Lori kissing him was pushed back in the dark corners of his mind.

A little bit later it was bedtime for the Loud children and they all got into their rooms after they managed to get Lola and Lana from the little car. They had WAY too much fun with their little mob war this evening.

Lori laid in her bed. Leni was already asleep and mumbled something about her "beloved brother", which made the older sibling just roll with her eyes again. She loved him to, but she wasn't that open about her feelings for any of her siblings at this point in her life. And how could she? She was the second-in-command in this family and as such she couldn't afford, nor had time to be super friendly to anyone like Leni or Luna were. She was, generally speaking, the responsible one. And while she often times found herself enjoying said position…

The problem was, she was afraid of people thinking bad about her. That in their eyes being bossy was all there is to her and that they could care less for her if she had no authority. It was in moments like that she wished for someone to just love her for who she was. To tell her that she was not a control freak but the most amazing girl in the world. Someone she could immediately embrace, cuddle and love in return. Like Lincoln.

Lincoln? No, Lori had Bobby. Her Bo-Bo Bear was the special someone she could always get that kind of emotional support from. He was the boy of her dreams. Not Lincoln!

 _Lincoln is my brother for crying out loud! Sure, he is the best brother in the world, his white hair is one of a kind and he knows me in ways Bobby doesn't while I know him in a way only a sister ca-_

Catching herself before she could finish the thought, she came to the conclusion that she was thinking nonsense.

 _I love Lincoln. But not like this! I never could_

She laid silent for a moment, staring at the ceiling. Her head empty, aside of one lingering thought emerging from the depths of her mind: _i/Right?/i_

She shook her head in hopes of clearing her mind. Next to her Leni continued to mumble about Lincoln.  
"Get back to your fashion dreams sis", the oldest grumbled. "Besides: Age before beauty, Leni."  
Then she finally fell asleep, still thinking about her brother.

* * *

In the darkness somebody typed on a laptop. The story was in progress and nothing could stop **it** now.

* * *

 **Will Lori get some chocolate? Will Lincoln burn his new suit to save the world form a crime against fashion? Will we ever see Lucy's face under that hair? This and more will not be answered in the next chapter.**

 **Still, we would enjoy some comments and constructive criticism.**


	2. Chapter 2:This is the life, Lincoln Loud

****Author's Notes:  
Mama Aniki: We like to thank all the people so far who bothered to read our little story and gave us comments and favorites. We are also trying to take the advice regarding our grammar problems into account and hope that with the help of our new beta, we did a better job this time around. Chapter 1 will be fixed up soon.  
In the meantime, let's see how things are going down in the Loud House for this weekend.****

 **Hatoralo: I thank anyone who has shown interest in the story. I and my Partner will do our best not to disappoint now and in the future.**

* * *

 **Chapter 2: This is the life, Lincoln Loud  
**

* * *

Saturday morning came and with it the peace of the previous night slowly began to disperse. By 6:30 a.m. the first children in the Loud House were awake, prepared to get themselves cleaned up and ready for Saturday morning breakfast with the parents downstairs.

One of these kids was Luna Loud, who found herself in a very joyful mood this early in the morning. Which came as a sort of surprise to her, seeing how the previous night she went to bed annoyed about the fact, that YouTube had banned one of her videos after some troll flagged it. Now though she couldn't stop herself from cheerfully whistling some of her favorite tunes while taking a shower, thinking about how much she would enjoy this weekend spending time with her family. And especially her little brother.  
Her cute little brother, who the more she thought about it, deserved some sort of reward for all the nice things he did in general for her and the others.

As Lincoln woke up he already had forgotten about the slightly strange events of the previous day. He didn't get any time to remember them either, because the sound of someone singing and entering his room demanded his attention.

 _"Ooh you make me live_

 _Whatever this world can give to me_

 _It's you you're all I see…_

"Morning Bro!" Luna greeted him fast between the lyrics. "Made you breakfast."

"What?" Lincoln asked, still half asleep. Only slowly did his brain put together, that his music enthusiastic sibling had entered his room, whistling a famous Queen song before she proudly put a tray with a plate of delicious flapjacks, topped with whipped cream and fresh strawberries, in front of him.

Thankfully his brain managed to catch up to the situation by the time Luna started to put a napkin around his neck, while still humming the remaining lyrics of the song.  
"Luna, what are you doing?"  
"Make sure my best bro gets the most important meal of the day", she simply said, before ruffling his hair teasingly and jumping on his bed, so that she sat right next to him.

Lincoln was slightly confused, but at the same time too hungry to think about this strange act of generosity. Besides, he loved flapjacks!  
"Thanks, sis!" he said, putting the fork in the pile of sweet delight and took a big bite out of it. While Lincoln was eating Luna continued sitting next to him, humming song about friendship.

 _Ooh you're the best friend that I ever had_

 _I've been with you such a long time_

 _You're my sunshine and I want you to know_

 _That my feelings are true_

 _I really love you…_

Attracted by the sound, a certain household genius peaked through the door after knocking. "I'm used to many calamities, chimes and catastrophes in this house," Lisa Loud declared, her gaze fixed on her two older siblings. "But a song by the Princes of the Universe recited in vocal is something new. May I ask what events occur here at this moment?"

„Just making sure our bro has a good start in the day", Luna said, petting her brother's hair while he was eating away at the sweet delight she brought him.

„I see…", Lisa commented diplomatically. „Nice to see you caring that much for our brother's wellbeing, seeing how he had actually slept through breakfast."

At this Lincoln stopped for a moment. Confused he looked at his alarm clock. Only now did he learn that it was actually past 8:30. Family breakfast at this point was finished half an hour ago.

„Why did no one wake me?"

„I actually suggested it, but none of our siblings seemed to have the nerve to actually call you.", Lisa replied. by now she had taken the liberty to reach for one of the leftover strawberries. „In fact, Leni and Lori were vehement towards our parents that you deserved the extra time of sleep for your own good."

 _/What?/_

„Hey"

Lisa, who was just going to put the strawberry she swiped from under Lincoln's nose in her mouth, found herself suddenly being the center of Luna's attention. „This one belongs to Lincoln."

"I think he can live if I subtract…"

Luna's not so friendly gaze let the little girl in the green turtleneck reconsider. "On the other hand, I already have enough magnesium in my body."

She gave Lincoln the strawberry back before leaving the room in a slightly hurried manner.

Lincoln looked after her. "Luna, I wouldn't have minded if Lisa had eaten that strawberry."

"But it was not hers," Luna corrected. "She should have asked for the berry, not taking it without your permission."

The usually so laidback Luna was telling this in such a serious tone, it made Lincoln worry. Would she have assaulted Lisa over this?

As if she was sensing the uncomfortable tension in the room, Luna's expression softened.

"Don't worry about it, kay?" she told him with a reassuring smile. "Come on. Eat up."

As he didn't want to make her sad, Lincoln did as she told him and finished his breakfast. All the while she just watched him happily devour the last of the pancakes.

"You liked it?", she asked when he took the last bite of his plate.

"Delicious", he stated between bites and gulped the last bits down. "Thanks Luna, those were great."

Then she did something he hadn't seen her do ever since she won tickets for a live concert of Mick Swagger. She squeed. Only to go over into giving him an affectionate hug. Lincoln felt instantly reminded of yesterday. But unlike Leni, who would only let go of him on behalf of Lori, Luna actually let go of him almost instantly.

But unlike Leni, she did it with an obvious blush on her face.

"Sorry bro, I…"

"It's okay." he interrupted her. While he was a bit confused about his sister's sudden display of shyness, he did not want to make the situation any more embarrassing for her. As such he decided to just move on from the situation and stood up. "I am going to the bath."  
"Do you want me to get some new clothes for you ready?"

He raised an eyebrow in confusion. Bringing him breakfast? Sure, that was great. But acting as his personal maid?

"Actually, I think my clothes from yesterday will still do. Don't you have something else to do?"

Luna shrugged with her shoulders. "Not really"

She took a look over her brother's room. "Gesh, this place is a dump. Want me to clean it up for you?"

Again, Lincoln asked himself what was going on. Since when did any of his siblings want to do a chore for him? Then again, he really didn't want to waste his Saturday morning on cleaning up his messy room. And Luna looked so eager…

"If it is no problem for you…"

"I insist!" Luna said and immediately went on going through the clothes on the ground.  
"Okay… have fun", Lincoln said and left the room. While he went down the corridor, he could still hear his sister, singing the last lines of the song.

 _"Ooh I've been wandering round_

 _But I still come back to you_

 _In rain or shine_

 _You've stood by me girl_

 _I'm happy at home_

 _You're my best friend"_

He liked the music of his sister a lot and admired that she was always ready to provide background music. **However,** at the same time she did not **sung** pure vocals that often. That said, the song had a nice ring to it. Even if it was sounding softer to what he considered Luna's normal cup of tea.

/Perhaps she is trying to broaden her horizon/ he thought, grabbing for the doorknob of the bathroom. /Anyway, time to take care of important busi-/  
"HI LINCOLN!", greeted a high pitched girly voice from behind.

Slightly annoyed he turned around. "What is it, Lola? I want to…"

The six year old didn't even give Lincoln the chance to finish his sentence, before she hugged his legs in the adorable way only a little kid can do.

 _/Okay,/_ Lincoln thought now slightly alarmed. So far he had been either hugged or kissed by four of his ten fellow siblings within the last 17 hours. Siblings who normally would only do so, after he screwed up big time and had made up with them by some embarrassing act of compensation. _/Are my siblings going crazy or did I finally snap and am just imagining all of that?/_  
Lola was squeezing his leg harder. Painfully hard. _/Nope, certainly not a dream./_

"Lola I have to use the bathroom." Lincoln said while trying to get his sister off his leg.

"Oh, sorry Linc," she apologized, letting go of him. Before she could say or do anything Lincoln was in the bathroom and washed his face.

"Is this the real life or is this just fantasy?"

He shook his head and did his bathroom business, thinking also about his strange acting sisters. Doing so he concluded, that of three sisters he met so far today, Lisa seemed to still act normal. At the same time though, he didn't know what to make of it. He thought about talking to her to see how accurate the impression he had on her was, but then decided against it. Lisa had a way to trick her siblings into "accidentally" ending up as guinea pigs for her experiments. The last time he fell for her tricks, his sister somehow managed to turn him in a bunny for a few hours and he had to spend half of the day as Luan's unwitting assistant in her magic act.

He also realized, that if Leni, Lori, Lola and Luna were acting as strange as they did, even if it was harmless so far, there was a certain chance that the same applied to the others.  
Not knowing what to make out of that possibility, he eventually concluded that spending some time with Clyde today was perhaps an option he should seize.

As such, a little bit later, Lincoln, cleaned up and dressed in his average attire, was laying on his bed, fiddling with his walkie talkie. While trying to set up a line with Clyde, he couldn't help but admire the good job Luna did, cleaning his room. She even found somehow the time to stitch a missing button back on Bun-Bun's shirt.

"Clyde, Lincoln here." he spoke into his radio, after finally getting through. "Can I come over to you?"

"Negative." Clyde's voice answered him. "Me and my dads are out for brunch and a movie today."

"Can't I come with you?" Lincoln asked in desperation. "I pay my seat!"

"The show is sold out." Clyde explained. "Is something wrong Lincoln?"

"Yes! My sisters are… Nice to me!"

There was a long moment of silence on the other end.  
"Clyde?"

"I fail to understand the problem." Clyde responded in the most deadpan tone he had ever produced.

"You don't get it, they aren't acting normal while being nice. I can't really explain it, but… something is off."

"Can we continue this later?" Clyde's voice asked. "I have to go now."

"Okay. Have fun with the movie."

After finishing the conversation, he decided to sneak out of the house and go on a walk to escape his strange siblings. Of course, he had to inform his parents first. He managed to get down without being seen by one of his sisters. Heck, he was glad that none of them had waited in front of the bathroom for him before.

In the living room, one of the usual battles were raging. This time it was Lynn Jr., Jock vs Luan, Comedian.

"Give me the remote!" Lynn grumbled in annoyance and pushed against Luan's face. "I was the first one on the couch!"

"But I will _coach_ you on it" Luan responded giggling and kept the remote away. "Get it?"

Lynn rolled her eyes at the bad furniture/sports pun.

Not wanting to risk a potential fifth display of sisterly affection he couldn't explain, Lincoln, who was halfway down the staircase at this point, came to a halt.

Carefully listening to his sisters arguing, he slowly descended the last stairs, hoping they would not notice him.

"Come on Lynn. You know I love the Animaniacs."

Lynn, who was holding her sister down in the couch right now, did not want to hear it. "So what?", she asked, trying her hardest to rip the remote out of Luan's hand. "Right now the sports channel brings the best championship fights of Bruce Lee."  
"But you have watched them already!"

"And you have Animaniacs on Blue Ray!"  
/Just a little further…/

In a fortunate world, Lincoln would have managed to actually get down the stairs and turn around to enter the house's big dining room, where Lincoln's mom was busy ironing clothes. In such a world, he would have then instantly asked her if it was okay if he went out in the city and be away from his sisters for a bit. Unfortunately, he instead lived in a world, where Rita Loud decided that it was just now the perfect moment to tell her two children to keep it down a bit, or else they could go outside doing something else.

Of course, such a threat resulted in the reflexive action of the girls to stop for a second what they were doing and look in their mother's direction to say they were sorry. Which in turn meant they now came into eye contact with Lincoln.  
"Oh, hi Lincoln!" Luan said.

 _/Dang it!/_

Lynn immediately took the chance of Luan being distracted, to roll her down the couch and in doing so claim the remote finally for her alone.

"Hey bro." she said. Ignoring Luan, who was annoyed about the fact she would now not get to watch her cartoons, Lynn leaned in, lazily hanging on the edge of the couch now. "What'cha up to?"  
"Oh you know. Just wanting to take a walk," Lincoln explained with a nervous grin on his face. He wasn't quite sure yet, if Lynn was going to act all affectionate or not.

"Don't you want to spend some time with us instead?" she asked, throwing the remote up and down in the air, snapping it away from Luan's attempts to catch it always just in the nick of time. "We could watch some cartoons."

"What?", Luan asked at this statement, stopping in her attempts to regain the remote. "But I thought you wanted to watch your Kung Fu?"  
Lynn just shrugged. "It's up to Lincoln." She held the remote towards him. "What do you say, bro?"

Okay, now it was more obvious. "Ehh… you know, too much TV is not good for you," he said, while slowly moving towards the door. "I think I rather take a nice and relaxing walk down the block. Enjoy the wind and the sun on my…"

The first thing that hit Lincoln's face when he opened the door was indeed wind. At a speed of 20 miles per hour and followed by some heavy rain drops.

"…Face"

"The weather is just blowing you away!" Luan joked and laughed her trademarked laughter.

"At least somebody still acts normal," the only boy mumbled to himself, shutting the door.

"Okay, I stay."

He got between his sisters on the sofa and asked: "Can we watch Ace Savvy: The Animated Series?"

"Got'cha Bro!"

His sister switched to the new episode of the Ace Savvy series. His mood started to improve while watching the series, also because after the "Man of Savvy" he needed a reminder of a more competent version of his favorite superhero.

"Ace Savvy really can fight with break neck speed," joked Luan. "Get it?"

"Luan…" Lincoln sighed. A reminder was not needed.

"Let Lincoln alone, Luan" Lynn rebuked her older sister. "You know he didn't like the movie."

"What?" Luan was flabbergasted by Lynn's statement. The joke wasn't even that dark or inappropriate.

"It's fine Lynn," Lincoln said. "I'm old enough to ignore such bad jokes."

"Hey, my jokes are not bad!", Luan protested.

"Yeah. They are just not all that fresh", Lynn countered.

Lincoln felt kinda bad for Luan. Sure, her jokes weren't all that great, especially when you were bombarded with them on a daily basis, but the way Lynn acted was a bit nasty.  
"Lynn…", he began in an exhausted tone, which immediately caught his sister's attention

"Yes?"

Lincoln took a close look at his sister's face and had to sigh internally. Based on the expression he saw, which resembled a mixture of undivided attention and a slight fear of disapproval from him, he concluded that whatever was going on, it had gotten to her too.

/And that makes half of them/, he thought in resignation, before he continued.

"Just let Luan make her puns if she wants to."  
"Okay", the sports fan meekly said.  
"And would you please apologize to her?"  
And then, much to Luan's confusion, she did as Lincoln asked her.  
A bit dumbfounded about Lynn just doing as Lincoln told her, all Luan could say was "Apology ace-cepted", which earned the obligatory groan from her younger siblings.

With peace restored to the living room, the three siblings spend the next 20 minutes watching the latest episode of Ace Savvy, when suddenly Rita called her son.

"Don't forget to bring the trash out."

Lincoln shrugged. At least one female in this household was still normal.

"I do it!" Lynn yelled and got from the couch.

"You mean you want to switch our housework?" Lincoln asked.

The sporty one shook her head. "No, I do both. Just stay here and enjoy your weekend."

Before the brother could respond Lynn ran away with the speed of a tornado.

"If you really want to Lynn, then do it", allowed their mother. "But next time you two do at least the switch."

"Yes, Mom", Lincoln answered and wondered what the next sister would do for him.

Luan was confused too. Lynn and Lincoln were good buds, but the former was a little bit too friendly in general right now.

On the upper end of the steps Lisa had seen what just happened. She knew a lot about physics, chemistry, medicine, genetics and more fields than she had the time to count. But Lynn voluntarily taking out the trash? That was confusing.

"Something isn't right here," she said into a recorder, before turning around to go back in her room. "I will figure out what is happening with my sisters."

* * *

Over the next two and a half hours, Lincoln Loud experienced what he would consider the most peaceful, yet also weirdest Saturday morning he had for years at his home.

The peaceful aspect of this morning came from the fact, that unlike most other Saturdays in a household with close to a dozen kids, Lincoln was actually allowed to enjoy a bit of quiet and peace time just for himself this day, by watching all his favorite Saturday morning shows without any interruption. The weird aspect though came from the fact that he managed to do so, while still having to share the same house with all his siblings present, who acted in what could only be considered a weirdly civilized manner around him.

Granted, most people would not call that necessarily weird on its own, but then they didn't know what was defined as "normal" living in the Loud House. For example: It was "normal" that at Saturday 11 a.m., Lola and Lana would take over the couch to watch the late morning rerun of Blarney the Dinosaur, as for some reason they didn't get enough of it already at 7 a.m. It was normal, that if Lori saw her siblings waste their time watching cartoons, she was going to call at least Lincoln out as childish. It was considered normal, that if you left the sweet spot on the couch just to get something from the kitchen, someone was going to take it from you. And above all, it was normal that when two or more siblings were fighting over something, the chance of them becoming quiet without some intervention was close to zero.

And yet all those things did not apply today.

Instead of whining about Lincoln moving or else they would tell mom about him reading comics in his underwear on the roof again, the twins rather fought about who was going to sit next to him. Which didn't even take long, as Lincoln just decided to move in the middle, allowing both to take a side each. The only one who was upset about that was Lynn, who was at a bathroom break, and now had to sit on the floor.

When Lori came down and saw them watch the latest episode of "Juvenile Youngsters GO!", she was just rolling her eyes and congratulated Lincoln to actually be able to sit through that sort of garbage, thinking he watched it for the sake of their younger sibling's entertainment, before she went out, telling her mom she was going to the mall for some gift she wanted to buy for someone.

And when Lincoln was going to the kitchen to get himself something to drink during a commercial break, Lana decided to go into feral mode to prevent Luan from sneaking up to the sweet spot. Which was officially weird enough for her that she decided to instead go upstairs and read up on her biography of Groucho Marx.

In short, this day was getting better and better.

Of course there was the possibility that they were playing a joke on him, with Luan as the mastermind. However, an act like that would need a lot of willpower, time, concentration, patience and good timing, something not all of his sisters were able or willing to do.

Maybe he could test his luck, but not now. He wasn't willing to watch so much of "Juvenile Youngsters GO!" at once.

/Reminder to myself: Show your Siblings the first series at some point./

"I get a snack, do you two want something?"

"No, but thank you Lincoln!" the twins said in unison.

Another strange thing. Lana and Lola usually didn't do the "Twin-Talk" cliché, especially not for something that trivial. Maybe it would turn out to be a joke after all?

In the kitchen he walked to the refrigerator and wanted to open it.

"Lincoln?"

He jumped away from the voice and turned around. Like the Spanish inquisition, nobody expected Lucy Loud. Even if they all had fallen prey several times to her unusual jump scare abilities. It was a wonder none of them had received a heart attack already

"Lucy, you scared me!"

"Sorry Lincoln," she apologized. "I wanted to ask if I may lay out the Major and Minor Arcana for you."

"Mayor Arca- what?"

"The Tarot cards", she explained.

"Oh, no!" Lincoln rejected immediately. "Last time you read my future, you ruined my day at the national park."

"I have the feeling the cards will be kinder to you this time," she promised. She took him by the hand and led him to the kitchen table, where she took a seat before pulling her tarot cards out of her left dress pocket. "If not, I will perform a ritual which will transfer your bad fate onto Me.", she promised.

Lincoln wasn't much a fan of Lucy's occult mumbo jumbo, but then again, he had nothing better to do right now. And if it kept him a couple of minutes away from an episode of ``Juvenile Youngsters GO!´´ even he considered unbearable…  
"If it makes you happy…", he said and pulled himself a chair up. "Go on."

Immediately Lucy began to spread all the cards on the table, before shifting them face down around for a bit. She ordered Lincoln to stack them up again, without turning them over.

"Why me?"

"The cards must know whose faith they are supposed to tell, by being in contact with your life force."  
Lincoln didn't buy any of that, but still did as his little sister asked him. When he was finished, she took the cards and told him that she was going to lay him a formation referred to as the "Celtic Cross".  
"This formation allows me to get insight in how things develop for you in a certain way", she explained. "But for it to work, I have to ask you to think of a topic you want to know more about."  
Lincoln only listened.

"Can you think of anything specific you would like to have an answer for?"  
From the living room the other sisters could be heard and immediately he had the right question his sister should answer in mind. But instead of giving her a straight answer, he simply nodded. Which seemed to work well enough for Lucy, as she immediately put the first ten on top of the deck one after another in the previously mentioned formation.  
She took a deep breath and began to turn eight of the cards over, which she then examined carefully.  
"Hm…"  
"So?", Lincoln asked. "What does my future say?"

"It doesn't tell you anything about your future yet…", Lucy said in a chastising, surprisingly dark tone.

"But I always thought…"

"Your opinion on tarot is poisoned by a mockery of it in the media", she retorted rather emotionlessly, yet still in a way that Lincoln would identify as "insulted" in comparison to her normal demeanor.

She looked at Lincoln and sighed when she saw him being puzzled at her "outburst".

"Apologies", she said. "But tarot isn't simply telling someone they will win a car or tickets for the next blockbuster movie the following week. Tarot can make you come to terms with a situation you face and give you a glimpse in the direction you are headed to. That is where the myth about "foreseeing the future" comes from. But each card's own meaning as such, needs to be understood in connection to the issue and "problem" at hand. You must be self-aware of what it is that makes you ask the cards for help, be open to the advice they may give and accept the parts of your own being reflected in them. Otherwise a card that is supposed to stand for a great opportunity, can be misinterpreted as a warning of a great danger."

She looked her brother in the eyes, though he couldn't much do the same thanks to her black hair covering them. "I am trying to make you understand whatever you are facing, by explaining to you what is going on and advice you how to act upon it for the future. Not a summary of what exactly happens."  
"Sorry", Lincoln said. And he meant it. While he didn't consider it to be real, he was quite aware that it meant something to his sister. He did not want to make her feel bad for something she cared about. And based on the explanation she gave him just now…

He didn't know that laying a bunch of colorful illustrated cards was that much of a big deal. Perhaps he had to look up on the subject himself someday in more detail.

If anything, it would perhaps inspire him in the creation of an interesting Ace Savvy villain for a fanfic Clyde was writing.

"Nevermind", Lucy said, moving her fingers over the cards.  
Finally, after a couple of seconds, she began to talk, putting her finger on two crossed over cards.

* * *

"The Page of Cups and the six rods represent both emotional support and praise, with the later also indicating success and good luck in the future. Are you getting this right now?"

Lincoln tried to think. He wouldn't say that his sisters praised him, if he ignored what Leni said to Lori about him, but some of them had now within hours decided to treat him more special than usual and he was enjoying it.

"I would say yes", Lincoln replied, not knowing what else to say.  
"Does it bother you?"  
Lincoln blinked in confusion. "Why do you ask?"  
She pointed at another card. "This card here, the Moon… in this position, combined with the other two, it would indicate that you are… Afraid?"  
Lincoln thought about it. "I would rather say… Irritated? Confused?"

Lucy looked at him. "Why?"  
Lincoln thought how to formulate it as diplomatic as possible.  
"Because I am not used to it?" he said, only to add in a more somber tone the words "Especially from you guys" to it.  
He broke up in hope that Lucy would figure out what he was meaning herself, but the young goth just continued to look at him in a way indicating that she wanted to hear it from his own mouth.  
"Come on, Lucy. You know who is giving me the praise and affection right now. And as often as we fight and with the sort of luck I tend to have… I love you guys, but it is not as if you shower me in affection without there being some catch to it."

"True", Lucy admitted. She pointed at one of the cards, on which five young men were fighting against each other with sticks. "Our past is painted by a lot of brawls and the measuring of what we can." Lincoln bizarrely enough remembered, that this one was the fifth card she had laid down. "But I don't think it justifies your expectations" she said, pointing at what he remembered was the ninth card. It showed a knight on a horse with a drawn sword, supposedly heading for battle.  
Lincoln raised an eyebrow. "What expectations?" he asked confused.  
Lucy's voice became as cold as snow, as she explained the meaning of the Knight of Swords. "Destruction, battle, wrath. The looming end of a relationship."  
Lincoln was shocked. He considered the situation weird, but he did not think of his sisters being nice to be the start of something far more sinister. Did he? After all, they were still his siblings and he loved them. Even if they were getting on each others nerves, they could never…

* * *

 _You are literally the worst right now!  
"AND YOU ARE THE WORST, PERIOD! WHY DO I HAVE TO BE RELATED TO YOU OF ALL PEOPLE!"  
Shocked gasps could be heard from multiple people._

 _"Take that back, or…"  
"Or what? Are you going to turn me into a human pretzel? Get on with it. Perhaps I get some quiet in the hospital!"_

* * *

"Lincoln?"  
The white haired boy blinked his eyes as he left the distinct memory of a not so long ago family feud behind him.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah" Lincoln replied. "I just remembered something."  
He nervously drummed his fingers on the table.  
"Want to talk to me about your expectations?"  
Lincoln shook his head.  
"… Are you ashamed of talking?"  
She sighed when she saw her brother answer with a shameful nod.  
"If it is any consolation, your subconscious expectations don't have to indicate what is actually to come."

Lincoln stopped drumming.

"Your future is indicated by the cards I haven't turned over yet", she explained. She also pointed to another card on the table. "Furthermore, you have the "Nine coins" in the third position and these two in the fourth and eight."

Lincoln looked at the second card she mentioned. "A family under a rainbow made of cups?"  
"The ten cups", Lucy explained. "It represents joy and familial harmony."  
She suddenly put her hand over his.

"But the card's position puts its meaning into a place where it represents something that is of a constant", Lucy elaborated in a tone that managed to be dry, yet also surprisingly comforting. "Something we realize subconsciously as always being part of destiny's plan for us. In your case, this card would mean, that your family is something you can always count on. Something that will stand by your side even in your darkest hour."  
She squeezed his hand.

„It means that you are loved, Lincoln", Lucy explained. „Even if we fight. We would never truly hate you."  
Lincoln knew in a part of his mind, that Lucy acted strange. That the real Lucy would have used far more foreboding words to describe his situation. But at the same time, he welcomed those surprisingly warm words.  
"Furthermore, you have "Justice" on your side" she said, pointing at the eight card. "So if anything, others would see the current situation as just being something you deserve. And with the "Nine Coins" in the third position, you can at least in the present situation still expect a few more good things.

Lincoln didn't know how to feel about that. On one hand, he was relieved that the behavior of his sisters, as weird as it was, would probably not result in any negative consequences for them. On the other hand, Lucy's cards haven't given either of them an explanation for WHY the sisters were as nice.

 _/But do you really want to know?/_ He heard a small voice in his head ask selfishly.

 _/Do you really want to dig deeper into this? Risk accidentally insulting them, because they really just want to be nice to you? And when has Lucy ever lied to you?/_

Well, she once lied knowing about Pretty Princess Po-

 _/That was just one incident. But many other times? She cares about you. So do the others. They just want for you to be happier as usual for once./_

Lincoln still wasn't sure.

 _/Who knows? Perhaps it is their way to make up extra for what happened two weeks ago?/_

Lincoln shuddered mentally. He and his older siblings had gone on each other's throats a couple of times. But the argument they had half a month ago… He still felt sometimes uncertain, that they had accepted his apology. And he considered their contribution to reestablish the peace rather weak, the more he thought about it.

 _/Just see where this is going. If they want to be nice to you, why not accept it for a change?/_

But what if…

 _/…There is something bad coming from that? Well, Lucy has still two more cards to uncover, doesn't she?/_

Lincoln looked at the table. Indeed, the sixth and tenth card were still uncovered. And what had Lucy said again?  
"I am sorry, Lucy" pointed at the remaining cards. "But what will those two represent again?"

"Your long time future in regard of the situation"

For a second Lincoln could swear that the voice in his head exclaimed a little "huzzah!"

 _/Don't you see? If there is truly something bad coming from it, you can still do something to prevent it. And if not? You can enjoy it. Have fun. Even do your best for them to have something out of it./_

Lincoln had to admit, that the voice of his subconscious made a compelling argument. Turning his attention back to Lucy, he was just about to ask her to turn them over, when Lana entered the kitchen.  
„What takes you so long, bro?" she asked Lincoln, ignoring Lucy completely.  
When she saw her brother sit in front of a bunch of cards, she got confused.  
"Are you guys playing a card game? Who is winning?"  
Lana took one of the face down cards, looked it up and showed it to Lucy. "How many points is that one worth?"

The goth didn't answer. But Lincoln could feel the silence emitting from her being of the dramatic kind that in any movie would soon be followed by a huge explosion.  
"Actually Lana, Lucy is trying to predict my fortune", Lincoln explained, trying to defuse the situation. He carefully took the card out of her hand and laid it back on the table.  
"Oh, that old mumbo jumbo", Lana stated, earning a resigned sigh from Lucy, which the little tomboy seemed to ignore. Instead she turned her attention back to her brother.  
"Are you guys finished soon? "Lightning Felines" starts in five minutes"  
Lightning Felines was Lana's most recent favorite show and based on her behavior it seemed she wanted to make him a devoted fan of it too.

Lincoln looked at the two remaining cards. "I will be there in three minutes", he reassured the tomboy and watched her stroll back in the living room.  
Only when he heard her and Lola argue about free couch space, did he turn his attention back to Lucy  
"You okay?"  
"Yeah, I am fine," came the monotone answer.  
"If you want, I will talk to her later and tell her to show some more respect," he offered.  
"It's okay," she reassured him and got back to the cards. "Let us just finish this okay?"  
Lincoln gave her a reassuring nod. He felt nervous, yet also excited about what Lucy was about to tell him.  
He watched Lucy turn first one card in the middle of the formation over, then the one Lana picked up.

The first showed what seemed to be a person in different stages of its life walking along a wheel, while multiple occult symbols filled out the background. The final one on the other hand seemed to be again of the minor arcana, this time showing a person happily standing under a stream of coins pouring over them.  
"The Wheel of Fate and the Ten Coins," Lucy stated. A smile formed on her face, indicating that it meant something good.  
"What do they mean?"  
"One symbolizes destiny and a new beginning, while also indicating great fortune, success and the gaining of a reward", Lucy explained, pointing at the Wheel. "And because it is the second to last card, it means you will experience it within the near future."  
Lincoln took a deep breath. A new beginning? He tried to imagine how things could get even better and had a hard time doing so without going into power fantasies that involved him getting a new room.  
"The really interesting one is the last one though," Lucy told him. "It tells you how this step into the near future will affect you in the long run."

She looked him in the eyes, giving Lincoln a very rare but adorable affectionate smile: "You will experience a period of stability, success beyond all expectations and support by those who love you."  
She moved her hand over the cards and put them back on the deck. "Congratulations, Lincoln" she stated with a smile. "The spirits are rewarding you for all you have done."

Lincoln didn't know what to say. He was expecting to get the short end of the stick with these two cards. But instead he got a hand that made his subconscious dance a mental conga to the tune of "We are the Champions".

"So… what does that mean?" he asked Lucy while standing up. "That it is okay for me to accept what is about to come?"  
She held in for a moment before standing up too. "Pretty much" she replied. "That is unless you don't think you are deserving a good time."

Before Lincoln had a chance to express any deep-seated doubt about getting rewarded for just being him, Lucy put a hand on his shoulder. "But if you ask me, you are the one who deserves something good more than any of us for once. So, enjoy your fortune. Cause life is a harsh mistress that will take it away from you if she gets the chance."

She pulled her hand off, gave him a soft smile and left the kitchen, probably to spend the rest of the morning summoning the spirits. Lincoln looked after her and after weighing up her behavior and the degree of affection in her gestures, crossed her off his mental checklists of siblings that were still acting normal.

Later, as he sat again in the sweet spot and enjoyed the latest episode of "Lightning Felines", with the twins trying to cuddle up against him, he thought about what Lucy told him. He concluded, that if her words were true, a great opportunity was at the horizon.

* * *

Half an hour later, with the cartoon block being over, Lincoln returned to his chamber to look at his coin-collection.

Taking his coin book out of its shelf, he opened it and looked at the currency from many countries and even different centuries. The history of coins fascinated him since he was little and it helped him to clear his head, in order to think about the way his siblings acted and the fate Lucy and her cards had foretold him. Was he really on a big lucky streak, supposedly brought upon him by those he cared for?

It was true, misfortune befall him on a kind of regular basis: Nothing overdramatic and It didn't end with him losing all the time, but it was annoying. He sometimes hated his lot as mediator/handyman/normal guy of the family, who had also the misfortune of being stuck in the role of the middle child. He knew his sisters had their own problems to deal with but it sometimes felt as if he always had to solve the biggest conflicts or take the fall. Why? Yes, sometimes he had to clean up his own mistake. And he was always willing to own up to them. But the other times? If karma really was a thing, wouldn't it make sense if he gets a row of fortunate events?

 _/A good time, provided by my sisters/_ , he thought. _They are in my debt in a way…_

He was still deep in thought when he suddenly got interrupted by Lori calling everyone down. Seconds later all the siblings and the family pets were in the living room. Lori was already waiting with her parents.

"Mom and Dad have something to say. So, ladies and Lincoln, you better listen up."

"Thanks honey", her mother said. She held baby Lily in her arms while addressing her children "You guys remember my colleague Susanne?"  
As none of the Loud children really paid much attention to their mother's work (not because they didn't love her or anything like that. But what was exciting for a kid about being a dental assistant?) none of them could. Except Lincoln, who if he thought hard enough, could vaguely associate Susanne with the face of a brunette he met during the improvised "Bring your son to work day" his mom did with him a couple of weeks ago.  
"She was going to visit a symposium on dental hygiene on Dr. Feinstein's behalf. But she just called, telling me she got the flu."

"Poor Susanne" Leni said. She didn't know the woman, but she wished no one to be sick.  
"Thanks hon", Miss Loud injected. "Anyway, because everything was paid up by Dr. Feinstein and he can't get a refund, I was asked if I would be interested in going to the seminar."

The kids remained silent.  
"Ehm… Are you?" asked Luna eventually, not sure why this was any big news to call everyone.

"Well, yes I actually am," replied her mother. "The thing is, the seminar starts tomorrow and goes on for a couple of days in Danville, Colorado."

At this, the kids started to pay attention. The only way to reach Colorado within a day they knew off was the airplane. And several days?  
"And seeing how your dad has taken off the next couple of work days thanks to extra hours, he is thinking of joining me."

Lori was the first to speak up. "Are you saying, you and dad want to leave the house to us for the next couple of days?"  
"Only till Wednesday night", Rita said and added: "Of course, you would be in charge, Lori. You think you are ready to take that responsibility?"

The oldest child of the household had overseen her siblings ever since she was too old for a babysitter. But then this was only for a couple of hours. But five days in a row?

Simultaneously, while Lori was contemplating the idea, Lincoln himself was thinking. Was this part of his fortune the cards were talking about? His parent's leaving the house for the weekend and three school days, at a time it seemed his siblings couldn't stop agreeing with him at all and were uncharacteristically nice to him?

He knew deep down that taking a chance like this was in some way also wrong. He knew he was trying to take advantage of a situation he didn't even fully understand. And yet…

"Well, Lori?" her dad injected for the first time something in the conversation.

"I…"

"I am sure Lori is able to do so!" Lincoln shouted.

…He decided to take it.

"Lincoln", his mother scolded him. "You know it is impolite to interrupt others."

"Sorry", he apologized. "But come on, mom. Have we ever screwed up big times, while being alone?"

Rita Loud needed to keep herself from reminding her son about the paint job incident the house once received by her kids. Among other things.  
"And it is only for what, five days? We won't burn the house down."  
"Yeah", Luna suddenly added, "we are old enough"

Lincoln smiled internally. Luna was taking his side on the subject. If it was because of whatever had gotten into her, or because she wanted to have the weekend also for her own he didn't know. But if she was going to join him, maybe the others would too.  
"Like, we can totally take care of ourselves for that time. I mean, it isn't as if it was half a week." Leni said.

"Actually…", Lisa tried to reply, but then got interrupted by the twins.  
"We swear to play nice with everyone."

"Since when do you speak in unison you peaky twins?", Luan asked in a suspecting tone but laughed afterwards. "Get it?"

The twins just stared at her quizzically.

"Luan, the two are too young to remember a series by David Lynch", said Lori while rolling her eyes. "Try more modern references. "

"You got the joke, didn't you?", challenged Luan.

"Whatever" Lori responded in annoyance. "I accept this responsibility. But you all have to act according to the plan."

"But the plan is only for single evenings," Lynn interjected.

"We will draw up a plan for those five days," Lori explained. "You will all receive your freedoms, but we also have to take over the tasks of mom and dad in this time."

Luan swallowed down a joke about `like producing more siblings´ because the audience was partly too young and her parents would have grounded her in that case.

The other siblings were okay with the situation too. As long as Lori didn't decide to become drill sergeant dictator again like she did in the past (until a certain rebellion ago), it should go over well. They remembered how Lisa had explained to them the concept of the balance of order and chaos. How neither complete order nor total chaos should have predominance over any form of organization or society. They understood this, except Leni, who just said that she would be social in any society.

"Great," their mother said and handed Lily over to Lori, before giving the older one a kiss on the forehead. "I am sure you can do this."  
She then turned to her other children.

"And you will behave."

"We will!" they all promised.

"I help you packing your cases", Lincoln offered his assistance.

"No need for that," his father assured and pulled two already packed suitcases from under the stairs. The children gave their father a bewildered look in response.

"What?", he said in a tone which sounded somewhat innocent. "I swear it is not as if we keep them prepared in case such a day would ever come."

The children still looked bewildered and kind of doubtful about his explanation.

"I swear we are not desperate to get some our time once in a while…" Lynn Sr. desperately tried to assure his daughters and son about the situation.

"Sweetie, let's just go," Rita interjected, took his hand and lead him out through the door. The children followed them, watching as they hastily put the suitcases in the back of a taxi that had parked right in front of their house. Lincoln didn't even want to imagine how his dad was going to explain that. Seconds later, after their parents waved them a quick good bye and reassuring them, that they loved all eleven of them, the Loud children watched the car speeding away.

Lucy looked after them before shutting the door, sighing. "They are gone, like all the hope I once had."

"Very uplifting Lucy," Lori remarked with some snark. "Everybody into mine and Leni's room. We have to create a daily schedule."

While everybody was going up the stairs, Lori stopped from going with them and turned to Lincoln.

"Lincoln, I have something for you," she said. "I want to give it to you before we go up."

She went to the couch, where a bunch of bags were standing. The logo printed on them made Lincoln realize, that they must have been from the mall Lori was visiting earlier the day. He watched Lori pull something out of one bag, before she turned over and hold it out to him. The object turned out to be a surprisingly thick book. On its cover, Ace Savvy was facing off **several** members of his rogues' gallery.

"Holy Moly!", Lincoln exclaimed. He grabbed the book with shaking hands, not believing what he held in them. "Ace Savvy: The Pre-Crisis Omnibus Collection."

"You like it?"

"Liking it? This book contains five years' worth of Ace Savvy, before they rebooted the entire Savvy Universe in the "Gambit of two World Saga.", he explained, geeking out hard.

This thing was pretty much a required read for every Ace Savvy fan out there. He himself would have gotten his hands on it months ago, if it wouldn't…

He turned to Lori. "This thing costs 120 dollars!"

"I know," she said, ruffling his hair affectionately. "But I think it is totally worth it, if it makes you happy."

Lincoln decided that the time to just roll with it was over.

"Lori, can I ask you something?"

She looked at him and saw that his eyes had become rather serious.

"Sure Lincoln. What is it?"

He took a deep breath, before stating his question. "Why are you so nice to me?"

She blinked in confusion. "I beg your pardon?"

"Well, yesterday you kissed me on the head, today you are not teasing me for watching cartoons and now you buy me this?"

"Don't you like it?", she asked. "I have the recipe, so we can return it at any time."

"No, that is not…"

He sighed.

"I love it. I think it is the best gift you have given me in years."

Lori suddenly hugged her brother. "I am so glad to hear that", she exclaimed. Lincoln managed to free himself and looked up to her again.

"But why are you doing this? Heck, why are all of you suddenly so nice to me?"

Lori just stood there, to let him calm down a bit. Then she got on her knees, to ruffle his hair again. "Because you are our little brother. And we love you."

And then, she slowly lifted his chin, to look him deep into the eyes. "I love you."

Lincoln blinked.

"I love you too, but…"

He didn't even manage to finish his line, as she hugged him again.

"You are my very special little brother. You are cute, smart and I want to make you happy for always being there for us."

"Okay, okay", Lincoln said, surrendering to the hug. There was no way to resist now. If this was what his sister wanted, who was he to deny it?

"Is there at least something I can do for you in return?", Lincoln asked.

She leant in closer to his right ear. "How about a kiss?", she whispered.

Lincoln froze and let his comic drop.

"Ex-Excuse me?"

"You know, on the cheek", Lori elaborated, showing him her face. "Just to show me you appreciate me too."

 _/Thank god/_ , Lincoln thought. _/And I thought she meant…/_

"Well?"

Lincoln leant in closer. Thinking that there was no harm in it, he gave his older sister a small kiss on her right cheek.

Weirdly enough, she seemed to almost melt under it, seeing how her hug got weaker and her entire face seemed to relax in a serene manner.

When she remained like that for a couple of seconds, Lincoln coughed a bit, hoping it would bring her back to normal.

"Oh, sorry", she said, snapping back and letting go of him.

"No problem."

Both siblings remained silent for a bit, looking at each other awkwardly.

"So…"

"Yeah…"

Lincoln scratched the back of his head.

"I think I am going to the others and organize the schedule", Lori stated, her face blushing.

"Is it okay if I come in a bit later?"

"Yeah, of course," Lori said with a smile. "Take all the time you want, Lincoln."

While halfway up the stairs, she turned back to him again. "But don't let me wait too long."

"Won't do so, Lori", he reassured her and watched as she went up to her room, heavily sighing and with a dreamy look on her face.

While upstairs the sound of Lori's room door opening and closing could be heard, Lincoln just stood there. He thought exactly about what happened right now.

How uncharacteristically affectionate Lori was and just how much his own approval and affection seemed to bear meaning for her in return. It just confirmed for him, that something weird was going on here. He was even thinking to call his parents and ask them to come back under the pretense of a made-up crisis. But then, on second thought, he was asking himself one thing: What was so bad about the situation now?

After all, perhaps he was just paranoid. Perhaps his sisters truly had realized, just how much he meant to them and that he could deserve a good time. Perhaps this was the start of a new age in the relationship he had with his family, as Lucy's cards foretold. And hey, he already contributed in getting his parent's out of the house to further his little sister's forecast.

So if anything, he was just going along with what was yet to come for better or worse. Right? His eyes glanced over to the floor and to the omnibus he had dropped. When he picked it up and looked over the cover again, another, more sinister thought came up.

 _/And if they want to show me their love by making me small gifts…who am I to deny it?/  
_

* * *

"I don't quite get it."

Everyone groaned.

"Come on Lisa", Lynn said. "What is not to get here?"

For the last minutes, the sisters were organizing the schedule for what was essentially a five day vacation in Loud House-vania for them. Which surprisingly did not take up much time. There was a bit of groaning going on regarding certain duties, but everyone seemed to understand what would have to be done. In fact, a raw schedule had already been worked out.

There was just one little thing off about it. And Lisa seemed to have been the only one actively aware of it, as well as willing to point it out, much to the annoyance of the others.

"Why is…", but before she could finish her question, it knocked on the door and Lincoln came in.

"Hey guys…"

"Hi, Lincoln!", they greeted him in unison, like he was a physician with dubious qualifications.

"How much did you plan already?", he asked. "I will continue with my garbage run and I think I'm qualified to buy our groceries."

"I do the garbage for the next few days already," Lynn informed her brother.

"And I do the groceries," Leni exulted. "Though I don't know why we need Groschen, Lincoln already got one from Germany."

"Leni," Lisa started in an exerted tone. "A grocery store is not for- how the heck do you know what the nickname for the outdated 10-Pfennig coin is?!"

"I know the name of all the little coins!" Leni answered cheerfully. "I find them cute and adorable!"

Lisa tried to wrap her head around this absurd explanation, while Lincoln finally had an answer as for why Leni liked to look at his coin collection from time to time.

"Okay, you can do the groceries, Leni." allowed Lori. "But you take Lisa with you, just in case you need help with carrying the bags."

/Translation: I have to make sure Leni buys the correct victuals/, Lisa thought and gave an understanding nod towards Lori, who nodded back to her.

"I will collect you with the car when you two are finished with the purchases."

The rest of the assignments, jobs and tasks were quickly distributed around the family.

In the end, Lincoln had nothing to do at all. He now had all the free time in the world, well at least for five days.  
And all of his siblings seemed to be happy about that.

Except one.

"Okay, why doesn't Lincoln have to do any work?", asked Lisa in a more than annoyed tone. "He is not sick, none of his bones are broken and he will not spend the next days with Clyde at his house."

"Because he is simply the best!" Luna answered, smiling calmly.

"We don't want him become addicted to work," Luan explained. "It would be very sad if he became a work-aholic. Get it?"

Lynn did a facepalm in response. "Luan, the word already exists. It isn't even a pun!"

"Really?" Luan' surprise was genuine. "I didn't know."

Lincoln realized that Luan now too seemed ready to pamper him. Whatever was happening he decided to take a risk and asked: "Can I choose our dinner?"

He got 8 yes-votes, one abstention by Lily and only one no-vote from Lisa.

"This is an effrontery!" Lisa called out and got on the bed she had been sitting on so far, looking very angry. "What is wrong with you?"

"Lisa, sit down", Lori ordered. "The vote is final."

Lisa grumbled something unfriendly and headed to the door.

"Where are you going, missy?" Lori wanted to know in a sharp tone.

"I have to finish a paper for the university," the little genius answered. "If you need me, I'm working on decrypting the secrets on the universe!"

"I know the secret", Lucy said with confidence in her voice: "Everything is meaningless, except Lincoln."

Lisa slammed the door behind her and made her way to her room before she could express her frustration with over a hundred swearwords from over a hundred different languages and dialects.

Lincoln, considered to go after her, when he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Let her go, bro", Luna said.

"Yeah", chimed Lynn in from the other corner of the room. "If she wants to throw a temper tantrum, it is her problem."

"Lynn, please." Lori added with a sigh.  
"Come on guys," Lincoln threw in. He didn't want the mood to get sour, just because Lisa was not following the lead right now. "I bet she is going to calm down soon."

"I just hope she also realizes that we are doing all this for you, because you are so awesome," Lana said cheerfully.

"They say hope dies last," Lucy stated. But instead of letting it by that, she continued by adding in a more sinister tone: "But when it does…"

"And if she doesn't come to her senses, so what?", Lola wanted to know while she walked to her brother and hugged one of his legs. "More for us to love."  
"Yeah", added all the others in different states of sisterly affection, before giving Lincoln a good old fashioned group hug.

Lincoln, in the center of attention, could only smile.

 _/I think this is going to be the start of something wonderful/_ , he thought.

* * *

"Stupid hairless apes", Lisa grumbled under her breath, while working on some of her equations in hope of distracting herself. Though it didn't take long for her to discover, that she had forgotten to integrate a certain value down the line. "Dang it!", she murmured and threw the paper in the can. But instead of taking some new one out, she just sat at her desk in frustration, her gaze directed at the ceiling.

 _/What is going on here?/_ , she thought, not for the first time this day.

She was considered a genius and child protégé in pretty much all fields scientifically. Heck, she once came pretty close to create her own time machine out of the dry cleaner at home. The only reason she never finished it was because their parents realized at the last minute, that when she had asked them if it was okay to get yellow cake for its energy source, she was not referring to sponge cake. And an ordinary set of A4 batteries was unfortunately not even powerful enough for a 30 second time jump.

Yet if she was that intelligent, why couldn't she figure out what was going on right now with her sisters? Why were they so uncharacteristically nice to her brother Lincoln, bordering in parts on a devotion she only saw in relationships between a pet and its owner? Of all the things in the world she despised, not having an answers to a certain question was her greatest pet peeve. And this question was at the back of her mind ever since breakfast.

 _/Maybe they know something about his state of health I am unaware off./  
_ She remained silent for a bit, her face becoming more somber.

 _/Great, now I made myself sad with the potential scenario of my brother ceasing of a severe disease./_

She shook her head to discard her thoughts. Still, something was afoul in the Loud House. And she was determined to find out what it was, before things turned even weirder.

Lincoln stepped out of Lori's room, flanked by his sisters, ready to do everything to make his life from now on better than ever. He jumped onto the banister and slid it down.

"The grind into a better life is over and I didn't even have to do that much!", he said overjoyed to no one in particular.

"This is the life!"

-  
 _I eat filet mignon seven times a day  
My bathtub's filled with Perrier  
What can I say?  
This is the life  
_-

Lincoln sat in the armchair. Leni gave him a manicure for his fingers while Lola gave him one for his toes. All the while he watched "2001: A Space Odysee" on TV. He wanted to see what was so great about the movie that everyone parodied it.

Lisa meanwhile was in a hiding spot under the couch and observed the behavior of her elders, writing notes.

 _-  
I buy a dozen cars when I'm in the mood  
I hire somebody to chew my food  
I'm an upwardly mobile dude  
This is the life  
_-  
 _  
_Lori and Lincoln made selfies together and she helped him into a Go-Kart which they drove a few rounds through the road. Somebody was following the two in a second Go-Kart, disguised in a blue overall, a green shirt, white gloves and a green cap with an L on the front. It was Lisa, eating a cookie in form of a mushroom and observing.

-  
 _They say that money corrupts you  
But I can't really tell  
I got the whole world at my feet  
And I think it's pretty swell"_

Lana was installing a diving board under the window of Lincoln's room. As she was finished, Lincoln came from the window onto the board in his bathing trunks and did a dive into the self-made pool that Lana had also **dug** in the backyard. It was filled with chocolate milk, thanks to Lucy, who winked towards Lincoln while he made some backstrokes and spit the chocolate milk out of his mouth, fountain style.

Lisa was underwater in scuba gear and wrote notes on a water-proof tablet.

-  
 _I got my sisters lined up outside the door  
They've been waitin' there since the week before  
Who could ask for more?  
This is the life!  
_ _-_

Luan did a comedy routine on a stage for her brother while he sat in a royal throne with a drink and Lynn massaging his shoulders. The routine consisted of her doing a sketch about how she tried to adjust a picture, but via Domino effect the entire set on the stage got destroyed.

Lisa was in the catwalk dressed in cape and a white mask covering half her face, observing and writing down notes.

 _-  
You're dead for a real long time  
You just can't prevent it.  
So if money can't buy happiness  
I guess I'll have to rent it!  
_-

Lola drove Lincoln in her little car through the neighborhood like he was the boss, clothed in a white suit, eating raw sugar out of a bag. Lisa followed them on a scooter, still writing notes, but she was also sweating a lot. Lisa had to learn that keeping up with a motorized vehicle and writing notes at the same time can be more than exhausting, especially if the co-driver was on a sugar-rush and started to shoot at people with a water gun, all the time shouting that they should say hello to his little friend.

 _-_  
 _Yeah, every day I make the front page news_  
 _No time to pay my dues_  
 _I got a million pairs of shoes_  
 _This is the life!_  
 _-_

Late that afternoon at Gus Games and Grubs, Lincoln enjoyed playing Guitar Hero against Luna. He wasn't doing good compared to the family's master musician, but still enjoying himself. Cause even if he was losing that round, he could challenge Luna again with no problem over and over. Lori had used her working privileges to the max and secured an endless supply of coins to play for her siblings, as well as all the root beer and pizza they could digest. By the time they left the place, their stomachs were full and the price rack was emptied, thanks to Lynn using her coins to break all ball games and winning everything the arcade had to offer, before handing it over to her brother.  
Lisa was still following them in the shadows making notes, but she was rather grumpy. She had tried herself to win something, but after Lynn had ransacked the shelf, all she got was a pet rock.

-  
 _I got a solid gold Cadillac_  
 _I make a fortune while I sleep_  
 _You can tell I'm a living legend_  
 _Not some ordinary creep_  
 _-  
_

Van-Zilla, painted in gold colors, as Lola said someone as Lincoln deserved to be driven in a golden chariot, was headed towards Royal Wood's music hall.  
Within the family vehicle, Lincoln, surrounded by his prices, got spoon-fed with ice cream by Leni and had the entire midsection of the car all for himself. Most of his sisters were cramped within the backseats, shouting "Weird Al, Weird Al" all the time, excited over the fact that, after a suggestion by Luan, they were going to a concert of the famous parody song writer Weird Al Yankovic, who was playing today at Music Hall.

None of them was aware of Lisa in the car boot. And seeing how focused everyone was at Lincoln, Lisa was slowly asking herself, if they would notice her even if she was standing right next to them

The answer to that question was an insulting "no, they don't", as none of them even bothered to ask what she thought of Weird Al's performance later during the concert, when she stood right in-between the twins. All her siblings attention was still spend on their brother. A brother, who, thanks to Luna throwing him at stage, was right now performing next to Weird Al on stage, singing the last lines of "This is the life", a rather obscure song by the accordion playing comedian.

 _"No way, I'm the boss, the big cheese"_ Lincoln sang. Obvious to Lisa's presence, he looked down to his sisters, smiling.  
 _"Yeah, I got Royal Woods on its knobby little knees  
And I can do just what I please…_

 _This is the life!"_

His sisters chanted his name like 13 year old groupies. Lisa on the other hand held in with making notes to give her brother a look of genuine concern.

It was now close to 10 p.m. and the Loud siblings were driving home.

Lincoln, leaning back against his seat and enjoying the praise his siblings gave him for his performance at the concert, was humming his favorite Weird Al songs in a joyful mood, though one song in particular seemed to have caught his interest, as he was singing it over and over again.

If his sisters wouldn't have been blind by unconditional sibling love, they may have heard the surprisingly condescending tone in his voice, as he was singing the final verses of "This is the Life".

 _„That's right, I'm the king, number one..."_

„Actually, Lori is number one. You are number six", Leni said, thinking he was referring to the chain of command regarding the age of the children.

 _„I buy monographed Kleenex by the ton…"_

„Why?" Lana asked, before adding more concerned: „Do you have a cold?"

Lincoln ignored the question and just looked at his sisters with a smug smile on his face.

 _„They pay the bills, I call the shots  
I grease the palms, I buy the model yachts!"_

„We are home", Lori suddenly said.

The moment Van-zilla came to a stop in front of the garage, everyone stormed out, holding Lincoln over their heads as if he just singlehandedly won the Super Bowl.

 _„One thing I can guarantee,  
The best things in life, I get now for free"_, the white haired boy continued, while his sisters stomped the door open.

In a swift move, the enchanted sisters threw their brother in the air towards the staircase, where he made an impressive 8 point landing on his feet.

 _„It's such a thrill just to be me, this is the life!"_ , he declared to his sisters and the world, feeling like the greatest in the universe.

Normally, his sisters would have given him the mother of all wedgies for this display of arrogance. But instead they cheered him on as he went for the big finale.

 _„This is the life!"_

No one was aware of Lisa disapprovingly shaking her head and moving towards the kitchen.

* * *

Unbeknown to Lincoln, he didn't just have his sisters paying close attention towards him. In a place where only the light of a worn-out laptop enlightened the darkness, one person watched through video feed how Lincoln Loud just turned a Weird Al number into a watered-down villain song.  
"Yes Lincoln, this is the life", the person stated affectionately. "And soon it will get even better."

* * *

 **Authors' Notes:  
Hatoralo: And there you have it folks. Chapter two of our story.**

 **Mama Aniki: You know, whatever the reaction, I will always be proud of the fact we just turned Weird Al Yankovic music into the basis for a villain song.**

 **Hatoralo: You think we overdid it with the references?**

 **Mama Aniki: Please. If Doug Walker can make an entire movie based on references…**

 **Hatoralo: Anyway, hope you guys had fun reading it.**

 **Mama Aniki: And "spoilers": Lisa is not behind any of the things going on.**

 **Hatoralo: Have fun guessing who is.**

 **Mama Aniki: But spoilers: Any answer you give is probably wrong.**


	3. Chapter 3: Brawl in the Family

**Author's note:**  
 **Hatoralo: 22 comments. This is slowly getting better.**  
 **Mama Aniki: I wouldn't call the last one a comment. All we got there was a "j" as an answer.**  
 **Hatoralo: True. But at least someone seems to like the story.**

 **Mama Aniki: All I know is that I take the one advice to heart and put from now on at least a disclaimer in every chapter that is going to feature songs. You know, making clear that we are only using the songs or bits of them for the sake of parody instead of claiming them as our own and that they are owned by others.**

 **Hatoralo: Let's hope that this is good enough.**  
 **Mama Aniki: I hope so. Otherwise chapter 6 and 9 are only available on archiveofourown.**

 **Hatoralo: Which would be…**  
 **Mama Aniki: You know, the chapters with Luna and…**

 **SPOILER ALERT, SPOILER ALERT**

 **Mama Aniki: God dang it. You installed a spoiler alarm?**  
 **Hatoralo: Yeah. To prevent situations like that.**

 **Silence**

 **Hatoralo: We better get started.**

 **IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT:**  
 **We are currently in the need of new proof-readers. We two have currently problems with ours because they are in college and don't have much time to proof-read. So we would like to ask one of our readers, preferably one who has an eye for grammatical errors to help us.**  
 **Anyone who is interested may please write us a PM.**  
 **We will be thankful for any help with our grammatical problems.**

 **Thank you and have a good day.**

* * *

 **Chapter 3: Brawl in the Family**

* * *

After a beautiful tasty late night dinner, Lincoln was ready to continue the party. It was weekend after all and there was no other reason to go to bed early. He was sure that he could convince Lori to suspend the sleeping-schedule as long as he wished. He just had the day of his life and now it was time for the night of his life with some "Awesome Wreck Siblings!"

"Sure Linki!" Lori guaranteed with a smile. "We will party like it's 1999."

"I get the console!" yelled Lana.

"I get the sodas" Lola informed.

"I get the chips," Lucy sighed in a happy tone.

"I get my "Awesome Wreck Sisters Gaming Cosplay!" Leni announced.

Lincoln couldn't wait for the game to start, as somebody tugged at his clothing. He looked down to see that it was Lisa, her eyes as calm and collected as always but there was also a undercurrent of stress in them.

"What is up Lisa?"

"Can we talk?" the second youngest asked.

"Sure, what is on your heart?"

Lisa looked around. "I would prefer to talk with you in private. Can we go to my room?"

"Yes, lead the way."

He turned to the others. "I have to speak with Lisa but I doubt it will take long."

"Make fast, bro." Luna responded. "The game cannot start without you."

Up in Lisa's room, the young child had the arms on her desk and her head was prone over her many notes as Lincoln closed the door behind him.

"Lisa? Are you okay?"

Lisa took a stool which was half as big as Lincoln, dragged it in front of him and climbed onto it. She stared Lincoln into his eyes with a neutral expression and Lincoln stared back in confusion.

"Lisa?"

Lisa took a deep breath, raised her hand and gave her only male sibling a slap in the face. The slap of a little girl was not strong enough to shove him back, but it hurt nonetheless. If not physically, it hurt at least emotionally.

"Lisa, what do you think…" he started to yell but Lisa put her hand on his mouth, somewhat calming his anger and surprise.

"What do YOU think you are doing, brother? What do you think YOU are?", she asked and took her hand away.

Lincoln was speechless for a moment. "What do you mean?"

"What in the name of Madame Curie, Albert Einstein and Werner Heisenberg do you think you are doing?!"

"I'm having a good time?" Lincoln tried to explain, slightly intimidated from Lisa's harsh and serious tone. "I do nothing wrong."

"Nothing wrong?" Lisa shook her head in disbelief. "Did you change too? Are you not anymore the Lincoln I know and respect?"

Lincoln was starting to get annoyed with Lisa. "I don't know about the respect, but yes, it's me."

"I doubt it" Lisa countered with a stern look on her face. "The Lincoln I know would never treat his sisters like sla-"

Before she was able to finish her sentence, she remembered the time everyone was trying to determine where to go for vacation.  
As such she decided to refit what she was going to say. "The Lincoln I know would never treat his sisters like servants to the degree you did today."

"Servants?"

"I am inclined to use another word starting with the letter "s", but I have the slight hope, that you would not go that far."

Lincoln was appealed. "Lisa, how can you even hint…"

But Lisa didn't let him finish. "The Lincoln I know would not brag to his other sisters, how much better he is compared to them. The Lincoln I know would question why his sisters are acting like teenagers in front of their favorite boyband. The Lincoln I know wouldn't just take and take without giving. So tell me, who are you?"

Lincoln was furious. "You think I am some sort of monster?"

Lisa sighed. "This is getting us nowhere," she stated. She felt a slight headache approaching and rubbed the back of her nose, before turning her attention back to Lincoln. "Let's make a deal," she proposed. "You are allowed to ask me a question, for which you get an honest answer, when I in return get one for each question I ask you. Deal?"

Lincoln just wanted to get this over with and play videogames, so he took her hand and shook it. "Deal!"

"So to answer your first question:" Lisa began. "No, I don't think you are a monster. But I think something is happening to this family and you are also affected by it to a certain degree."

 _/Please/_ , Lincoln thought unconcerned. He would realize if something was not right with him.

"My turn: Lincoln, can you tell me how our sisters act usually towards you?"

"Do I have to answer that in detail?"

"No, in general should be enough."

He tried to remember how his sisters were to him in the past. He played with them, they got on his nerves, he hugged them, they made fun of him, they helped him, they were his friends, they were his foes, he tricked them, they tricked him, they fought, they had peace and he ate peanut butter with sauerkraut, which even Lana couldn't swallow and she once had eaten a millipede with salsa.

He concluded his explanation with: "They are good to me. I never felt abused or mistreated in the past despite having quarrels with them from time to time. They act good towards me, including you Liz."

"I… appreciate this answer" Lisa said, trying to sound dry. "Your turn."

Lincoln had an question which didn't only just come easy to him but he thought was also fitting in regard of Lisa's: "Now Lisa, how much do you like me?"

Lisa didn't know why he would ask this, but after a second of thinking about it, she knew. "I still like you as much as I always did", she assured him in a dry tone. "Your behavior is questionable at the moment, but otherwise still normal for you."

This eased Lincolns mind. He liked the attention and the niceties, but something was amiss without any negative occurrences of any kind.

"How would you describe the quality of your day?"

"As the best day in my life," Lincoln answered happily. "Better than the day the school had to be closed for a week, after Leni took your container with radioactive elements with her and lost it on the school grounds."

"Homeland security wasn't so happy about it," Lisa grumbled, remembering this irritating day.

* * *

 _"Did anyone of you see Lisa?" asked Leni some students in the school halls. "She forgot her lunchbox at home." She showed the students a small container with a grip and the radioactive symbol on it. "Lisa is so small, has brown hair, wears glasses and… Hey, why are you running away? Come back, I need your help!"_

* * *

She had a giant fallout with Leni over the entire affair and her older sister ran crying to her room after Lisa had called her an ignoramus with a brain the size of a subatomic particle.

She felt terrible about it and it took some time until Lisa was able to make up with her older sister again.

Lincoln noticed Lisa's discomfort and changed the subject with his next question.

"Would you do my homework for me, Lisa?"

"No," came the quick reply. "You are intelligent enough to solve them on your own as long as Ms. DiMartino isn't in your field of vision and I'm not inclined to do all the work for you."

"Not even for a hug?" Lincoln probed.

"That is another question," Lisa reminded him. "But okay: No, not even for a hug or a hundred hugs, regardless of the affection they hold."

The boy knew now, that Lisa was still acting like she always did. No difference here except the slap in the face.

"Now, in regard of my last question," Lisa began. "Don't you think that you are egoistic with your behavior and how you exploit your sisters for a good time?"

"They give it to me," Lincoln defended himself. He felt correct with that statement. "I don't blackmail them, they don't do it because they are in my debt and they are happy with it too."

Lisa couldn't deny that he was saying the truth. Her research had nothing uncovered that could hint at blackmail or debt. Which in itself was kind of worrisome. Though if anything, she worried right now more about the way Lincoln replied to this, than anything else.  
She wanted to dig deeper into this, but for now it was Lincoln's turn.

"How do you feel Lisa?" her brother asked politely. "Different than usual?"

Lisa thought hard. The question in itself was simple, but if she incorporated the circumstances, the answer became very important.

"My commonplace status is normal, I am of course perturbed about the situation of our sisters and…" Lisa stopped. She didn't know if it was worth mentioning it. "I had the feeling from time to time to stop my research and joining the others in pampering you. I didn't acquiesce to this sudden emotion."

This sounded suspicious to Lincoln, but he suddenly had the feeling that he shouldn't listen too much to what Lisa had to say. He shrugged the feeling off, wanting to continue with the ask-and-answer game. But then, much to his surprise she forfeited her turn.

"Ask another question," Lisa offered. "But in return, I can ask you three questions in succession."

Lincoln shrugged with his shoulders. "Okay, then here is my question: Can you create a super-serum for me, which after drinking it, can give me superpowers?"  
Lisa was dumbfounded. So far both parties had asked some level headed questions. But this?

"No," answered Lisa flat out, trying hard to suppress the urge to add the words "you numb nut" to the sentence. "You may think I can do everything but that isn't the case. Giving you superpowers… The very idea in itself is scientifically speaking preposterous."

Lincoln would have liked to dig a bit deeper into why that was the case, but it was now Lisa's turn. Which was perhaps for the best, as a small part of him started to get significantly bored of this little game, now that he had pretty much confirmation for the fact that Lisa was still her old self.

"Your turn, Lis." said Lincoln while he was leaning against the door. "Give me your best shot."  
 _/I will/_ , Lisa thought, though not being really happy about it.

But before she would go for her strongest question, she had a couple of other ones to ask.

"When you and the others went to Gus' Games and Grub's today …"  
"Yes?"

"Did you think at any point about the consequences your little party would have for Lori's job?"

Lincoln suddenly froze and his eyes went wide in horror as he realized. "Oh, no…"

"Lori told me and the others once how you overtook her night-shift voluntarily, after you exploited her for freebies." Lisa told with a hint of proud in her voice. "She said it was one of the most mature and altruistic acts she has ever seen from you or anyone else. But today…"

"Oh my god!" Lincoln breathed in panic. "She will be fired after today!"

"No, she will not," Lisa said. "You see: It was "90%-Discount for all employees-day." according to a message on the blackboard in the backrooms."

"Are you kidding me?" Lincoln asked in disbelief but also relief.

"I'm certainly not one to joke, that is Luan's territory," Lisa remarked. "And do I have to remind you, that it is still my turn with two more questions?"

"Oh yeah. Go ahead," he said. At the same time, he couldn't quite leave the feeling behind, how weird this sounded. This type of generosity by Lori's employer and the oddly good timing just felt off.

"My second question: If it wasn't for the discount night, Lori would have been in massive trouble for what you did today."  
The self-declared King of the Loud House winced inwardly. He was already feeling bad to a certain degree about his behavior today. Lisa didn't need to rub it in further.

"Which in itself begs the question: Are you not afraid of causing your siblings any harm?"

"Oh come on, Lis", Lincoln said, not liking where this was heading. "Okay I admit, I went a bit overboard. I should have thought things through at Gus's…"

Lisa was glad to hear that.  
"But I am not trying to harm anyone."

He pulled out Lori's cell phone, which she had given him when he was making a selfie with Mr. Yankovic and had since then forgotten to give back. Now he was shifting through its different folders to find the pictures he and his fellow siblings had made over the day. A couple of seconds later he showcased a bunch of different pics in which his siblings seemed to have the time of their lives with their brother. Smiling, cheering him on, hugging him or in one case, involving Luna, kissing him on the cheek.

"See? If anything I try to let them have just as much fun as I am having."

"I have to say that they seem to have a substantial good time on the pictorials," Lisa admitted.

"What did I say? Everything is fine."

"Too fine," Lisa found. "Don't you see? They adore you like you are their idol, their master, their god!"

"You overreact, sis," Lincoln stated to reassure Lisa. "They… Just bottled up their love to me for too long?" Lincoln smiled a very unsure smile.

"You aren't so certain that their behavior is natural anymore, correct?"

"…Yes."

"Good."

Lisa walked back to her desk and started to write more notes about the information she just obtained. An awkward silence hung in the air. And unfortunately Lincoln, who was biting on his lips, felt as if he had to fill it.  
"But… but does that mean I am hurting them?"  
Lisa stopped writing for the moment and listened to her brother.

"No. I am just trying to have a good time. And why shouldn't I? Lori always tells me how I should accept that in a family as big as ours, everyone has to make sacrifices. Fine. But why am I quite often the one who ends up on the short end of the stick?"  
Lisa didn't say anything. Instead she let her brother continue on with his ramblings.  
"I always miss my favorite shows because someone else is taking over the couch, three of you are stuck with one chore while I take on more, my suggestions for how to spend the weekends get ignored four out of five times and god forbid I am taken serious once in a while. So if Luna can stay up all night for a concert, you can go on travels for the university and Lori can boss the twins around without getting mud or make up thrown at her, why can't I just take an opportunity like this?"

Lisa was beyond furious at this point. In fact, she was absolutely livid.

If she didn't have as much self-control, she would have chewed her brother out for acting like a spoiled child. She admitted that he had a point. That yes, in a family like theirs, he came a bit short. And if he asked her, she would have admitted to the fact that she herself wished for a bit more me time around the house, as well as the crazy of her sisters to calm down a bit.

But not the way it was right now. Not on the cost of her siblings losing who they were for her own benefit.  
But instead of telling him, she let him calm down for now.

"I don't mean any harm to them, Lisa. Besides, I doubt that one day of pampering their little brother would ruin everything for them in the long or even the short run," Lincoln answered more relaxed. "They will be fine."

But the second youngest Loud child was not impressed by that statement. In fact, it convinced her even more that Lincoln was not himself. In her mind, there was only one more thing she could do so determine for certain, if her old brother or the sister controlling jerk she saw for the better half of the day was left to stay. And she hated to do it.  
"Are we finished?", Lincoln asked. "The others are waiting."  
"Oh yeah. The others." Lisa said. "Our siblings. The ones you do not want to hurt. The ones you want to have a good time with"

Lincoln didn't quite like how even more matter of fact than usual his little sister sounded.

"The ones you think will suffer no consequences for your actions and just be fine."

Lisa turned around on her chair and looked Lincoln straight into the eyes.

"Tell me, dear brother of mine… Does that also include Lily?"

Lincoln's face froze. His smile dropped and he suddenly had the feeling that the temperature in the room had dropped too. Only to realize that the only cold chill he felt came deep from within his stomach.

„What?"  
„I asked, does that also include Lily? You see, with everyone being busy catering to your increasingly decadent needs, no one had time to take care of her."  
Lincoln blinked in disbelief. Truly Lisa was mistaken.  
His sisters would never… Lily was… Lori had…  
Lincoln tried desperately to recall the day and much to his horror realized that Lisa was right. They had forgotten Lily.

Shortly after he had taken his leave out of Lori's room, his adoring sisters following him like the mice the pied piper, they had brought Lily into her room to take a nap. That was at least nine hours ago. Nine hours where they did anything he asked for but nothing else.

The cold he felt in his stomach had by then spread through his entire body and was now encasing his mind. Filling his head with pictures of his crying little baby sister.  
"Oh god!" he exclaimed, his voice trembling in fear.  
Lisa saw how his eyes began to slowly water up. "Lily…"

In that moment, something soft hit Lincoln at the back of his head.  
He gazed at the floor, where a slightly worn out teddy bear laid right to his feet. Raising his head to the direction the not so new plush toy came from, he was rewarded with the sight of Lily in her crib, standing up on her two feet and happily waving her hand at him, while spouting gibberish.  
"Lily!" he cried and in a speed that would have made a marathon runner proud, he was all over her.  
"I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry…" he repeated again and again, holding her up and checking if anything was wrong with her. But thankfully, everything seemed alright with her, as he couldn't find the tiniest scratch or bruise on her body. In fact, the infant was happily giggling at her brother, glad to see one of her other siblings beside Lisa for the day again.

Not that it made Lincoln feel any less ashamed of the fact that he had failed in his duties as an older brother.  
"Are you okay?" Lincoln asked concerned. "Do you want your bottle? Some mashed carrots? Do you need a diaper change?"

"Tata," was all the girl gave as an answer, pointing towards the teddy bear on the ground.

"Relax, Lincoln," he heard his second youngest sibling, now standing next to him, exclaim. She handed Lily her "Tata", who the infant affectionately pressed against her chest.

"As you can see, Lily has been taken good care off"

Lincoln looked at his sister in slight disbelief. He knew she was a genius that could do the taxes for the entire neighborhood in one afternoon. But taking care of Lily all by her own? "How did you manage to take care of Lily alone?"

"Well, I can't arrogate the accolade for Lily's care alone."

"The what now?" Lincoln wasn't stupid but Lisa's words were sometimes to unknown even for him.

"I had help. Let me introduce you to Alfred."

Lisa took a remote from one of her drawers and pushed a button on it. The furnishings besides Lily's crib started to change. They connected, changed their form and transformed into a mechanical being with a big square body, telescope arms and legs with two feet wrapped in caterpillar treads. The head of the being was square too, with red eyes and a mouth shield.

"Holy Terminator!"

"This is Alfred," Lisa introduced the robot to Lincoln. "A robot I build a few days ago."

"I have to enslave humanity", the robot said in a monotone voice.

"What?" was Lincolns horrified reaction.

"Dang it. Not again," Lisa cursed. She clambered up to the robots head and hit it with her screwdriver.

"Ouch!" remarked the robot in a calm voice and its eyes became green. "How can I serve you mistress Lisa?"

 _/Mistress?/_ , Lincoln thought.

"Why was I awakened at this hour? Does mistress Lily need another diaper change or a bedtime story?"

"No, we can do that on our own," explained Lisa. "I just wanted to introduce my brother to you."

The robot turned to Lincoln and said: "You have to be the single male of the Loud siblings. I wish you a good evening, master Lincoln."

"Master?"

"He is programmed to see every family member as his superior," Lisa explained. "But he can't do that much, besides taking care of Lily at the moment. His abilities are finite. He still has a lot to learn."

"May Master Lincoln want to ask me about my credentials?" the rather crudely designed robot asked, leaning his heavy body over the, by comparison rather fragile boy. "Or would he desire a beverage in form of hot chocolate?"  
"I am…fine," Lincoln said with a nervous smile on the face, hoping the thing in front of him would not trip over all of sudden.  
Lily on the other hand shared none of those worries. In fact, she happily giggled at the big mechanical beast in front of her.

"May I?", Alfred asked, carefully moving his hands towards the infant.  
In reflex, Lincoln pulled Lily closer to him.

"Go on, Lincoln," Lisa said, encouraging him to give Lily into her creation's care. "I promise you on all my doctor titles, that Lily will be safe with Alfred."

Looking carefully between his two sisters and the robot, Lincoln, though hesitantly, did as Lisa asked him. Much to his surprise, the robot indeed did not hurt Lily. In fact, despite his hands being rather bulky claws, the robot managed to hold her just fine, slowly rocking and talking to her in baby talk.

While Alfred was busy attending to Lily, Lincoln took his other sister to the side and, after reassuring himself that the robot did not pay attention to them, whispered something into her ear.

"I saw many movies and I know what robots usually do then… You know like in "I, Robot"?"

"Don't mention that squalor around me!" Lisa snarled out in a unusual harsh tone for her, much to Lincoln's surprise. "This movie besmirched the good name of Isaac Asimov and I will not stand for it."

Lisa took a deep breath to calm herself down from that rather unusual outburst. "Alfred is safe and harmless, Asimov's three laws of robotics make it impossible for him to harm any human. I even made sure to avoid the mistakes a colleague of mine made. He helped me to build the robot, but…"

"But what?" Lincoln wanted to know. "Are you sure Alfred is harmless for Lily?"

While they were talking, the aforementioned robot was entertaining Lily by playing pick-a-pooh. Which based on his design was already quite an achievement.  
"He is," Lisa reassured. "But my colleague is… strange. Dr. Busch's robots always go crazy, not in a killing-spree kind of way, but they destroy a lot of things."

Lisa felt like she had to say more about her equally genius, yet rather bizarre colleague.

"He is from Germany and possible a little mad. Or at least he prefers the company of rather eccentric people, as he is living with an hyperactive stuntwoman and a nihilistic German artist, who spends most of his time starring at drying paint on walls."  
Then, to assure Lincoln again that things were alright, she quickly added: "But this robot is safe! I tested all his functions on myself before I let him took care of Lily."

Lincoln needed a second to proceed what Lisa had just said.

"You tested all his functions on your- Does that mean he changed your diapers?"

"Ye… NO! My underpants of course!" Lisa explained and added with a whisper: "With a diaper."

Lincoln pressed his hands on his mouth to suppress a sudden torrent of laughter.

Lisa on the other hand turned her attention back to Alfred, who was carefully tucking Lily in for sleep.  
"Good night, Mistress Lily" the robot stated. This earned him a heartwarmingly cute little yawn by Lily, who closed her eyes, ready to drift off to dream land.  
Turning around, he asked Lisa if there was anything else he could do for her.  
"No, that is all."  
"Asking for permission to enter off modus."  
"Permission granted," the young scientist stated. In a matter of seconds the robot had turned back into what people would assume to just be a diaper changing table and a shelf for clothes.  
"Okay, I admit, that was actually pretty cool to watch," Lincoln said. He walked silently to the crib, to see if Lily was truly okay. And indeed she was, sucking at her thumb in deep sleep. Lincoln couldn't help himself but smile at this sight, his heart filled with love for his little baby sister. At the same time though, he also felt the shame of having forgotten about her this day, arising again in his mind. But instead of letting it drag him down emotionally, he decided that he would try to make it up to her. That from now on, even if everyone was going to treat him like the king of the world, Lily's wellbeing would be of true importance to him.

Careful not to wake her up, he affectionately stroke her head. "Good night Lily", he whispered, giving his little sister a kiss on the forehead.

"If our other siblings were here, they would probably indulge in a collective display of affection to this sight, starting with a collective `Awwwww´."  
Lincoln was startled a bit. For a second he had totally forgotten about Lisa. He turned around and the look on her face made him realize, that she wanted him to start whatever conversation would come up next. But how should he start? What could he say, now that he had finally seen her point of view regarding the current situation in the house?  
Eventually he decided the best thing was to do what he always did when he made a mistake: Own up to it.

"Lisa…"  
"Hold it right there," the resident genius said, interrupting her brother in his apology before he even started. "There is no need for you to apologize, Lincoln."

"There isn't?"

Lisa shook her head. "At least not to me. I admit, when I listened to your ramblings and your questions, I was worried. Worried that you had become a hedonistic little narcissist with delusions of grandeur. Or as people with a less sophisticated vocabulary would call it: A total douchebag."

Lincoln's jaw almost dropped. While "douchebag" was not the worst curse word he had ever heard, the fact it came out of his little sister's mouth was just too bizarre.

"But your reaction towards my last question, your protective instincts towards Lily kicking in at the sight of my creation…"  
The slightest bit of a smile began to form on the corners of her mouth. "Congratulations for passing my little test of character, Lincoln. And let me assure you, I, and probably Lily too, forgive you for your temporal loss of common sense."

The boy in orange and blue sighed in relief. He had remembered how important the family was to him but now he wondered how he could have forgotten Lily in the first place.  
He wasn't the type to forget his siblings, except for Lucy who either had the ability of off-screen-teleportation, could make herself invisible or was simply a very good sneaker.  
"Thank you, Lisa," he finally said and smiled at her. "I will remember to look out for Lily from now on."  
"It is not necessary but I and she will appreciate it. "  
Then something hit Lincoln. "Did we even think about her during the schedule planning?"

Lisa nodded. "Leni was supposed to watch out for Lily today but most of the time she was with you, thinking about you, talking about you or making something nice that you could wear," she explained. "I know that Leni's IQ is farthest away from mine but her cardiac is the biggest in a metaphorical sense."

Lisa had talked to Leni, had tried to remind her of her Lily related duties. She had just said that she would look out for Lily later but she never did. Lincoln always had priority. She never had shown up, but at that point Lisa was already wrapped up in her research about Lincoln and the other siblings.  
"I will confront Leni soon," Lisa stated, explaining her next move to her brother. "You in the meantime don't forget Lily and do whatever you think is the right thing to do."  
"What do you mean?" asked Lincoln.  
"I give you a carte blanche: Do with the situation what you think is the best," Lisa explained. "I trust you to be responsible enough, just remember what happened here."  
Lincoln nodded. "I promise, sister. I will do nothing that could be harmful or dangerous for our family."

* * *

While Lincoln was staying in Lisa's room to look over Lily for the moment, Lisa herself made her way to Leni's room. She found her older sister there, sewing on an orange suit.  
"Leni?"  
"Yes, Lisa?"  
"What are you doing?" Lisa asked.  
"I am sewing a suit for Lincoln," Leni explained in a carefree tone. "He needs one that represents his status as the best!"  
"Is that the reason you forgot about Lily?"  
"I will take care of Lily later," Leni said casually, not saying anything else.  
Lisa had enough. She tugged at Leni's green dress until she looked down into her angry eyes.  
"It was your remit to watch over Lily today, you eejit!"  
"Lisa, I don't have a hermit who can watch over Lily," Leni explained in a friendly sounding tone while patting Lisa's head. "But thank you for saying that I am elite."  
Only a lot of self-control stopped Lisa from biting Leni into her hand.

"By the way, are you going to come downstairs and play videogames with us?", wanted Leni to know.

Lisa opened her mouth to say no. She was going to explain to her simpleton of a sister, that she had better things to do than engage in mindless fun, which was probably just going to accelerate whatever was causing her siblings to behave like that. But then she thought better of it, as she realized something in particular.

* * *

While Lisa was busy talking to her second oldest sibling, Lincoln, still waiting and looking over Lily in her room, decided to distract himself further for a bit, by taking a look over the notes she had written during their little talk earlier. Well, at least he tried to read them. For as smart as she was, Lisa had quite frankly an awful handwriting when it came to anything she couldn't explain in mathematical terms. He didn't know if this was a result of her age or the fact that all scientists tend to write in a very fast manner in order to not waste time on making too many notes, but whatever the reason, it made reading her stuff quite difficult. The fact that it all was written in crayon didn't help much either.

Still, if he tried, he could decipher some of the lines.

 _"_ _Siblings showcase an unnatural high level of affection towards brother…"_

Yeah, that he already knew.

 _"_ _Devotion seems to increase if male subject returns affection by gesture of physical intimacy"_

Wait, what? Physical intimacy?

 _"_ _This includes as of now hugs, kisses or holding of hands…"_

"Oh thank god", Lincoln spoke out in relief. At the same time he began to reminisce about what he just read for a bit. Doing so, he realized that he and his sisters had acted over the course of the day in ways that were almost a bit too affectionate from how they normally showed their love for each other. E.g. Lana, who was even more boyish than Lynn, was quite often asking for her brother to hug her and when at one point he ruffled her hair, she giggled like a little girl instead of telling him to cut it off and throw a frog at his face.

And then there were his older siblings, who, as he realized only now, he had kissed quite often on the cheek today. In fact, counting with the one kiss earlier that day, he had given Lori at least four peeks on the cheek today. Why would he do that? Out of subconscious gratitude for her generosity?

Before he had any more time to think about that, he heard the door behind him open. Lisa had returned and she did not look all too happy.

"And?" Lincoln asked. "How did your talk with Leni go?"

"As bad as I expected," the young genius lisped. "She didn't even acknowledge the fact that she had to look after Lily. In fact, she was too busy making a suit for you while we talked."

Lincoln was shocked. If there was one thing that united them all, it was that they all cared for Lily. Then again, if he already forgot about her…

"What do you think is causing that?" he asked, trying hard to hide his potential fright.

"Well, I at first assumed that some sort of intoxication is at play", Lisa explained. By now she was back at her desk, sorting out her notes. "But I checked the water and the food. Nothing indicating that drugs are into play."

She paused for a bit before she added: "Though I found out something really disturbing about the composition of dad's meatloaf, which makes me consider to tell him he should stop buying his meat at Mr. Dibbler's shop."

Lincoln wisely decided not to ask further what she meant by that.

"I also highly doubt that some sort of radiation is at work here, as THAT would probably rather result of everyone losing their hair, than developing a fixation on you. And as I can only judge the situation based on behavioral observation so far, the most logical conclusion I have come to is as followed:"

Lincoln leaned in closely to hear it.

"Our siblings have been replaced by some sort of shapeshifting alien lifeform, which feeds of affection and has found in you a perfect source of nutrition."

Lincoln took a moment to process what he just heard.

"That sounds like the season 2 finale of "Our friendly equines", Lola watched last week."

"I know," Lisa admitted. "But that should tell you how desperate for an explanation I am right now."

Lincoln groaned. "No other theory at all?"

Lisa shrugged. "I need more data input to formulate another potential hypothesis. But to do so, I would need to perform some invasive experiments."

"No," Lincoln said, the moment he heard the word "invasive".

"But…"

"You know what mom and dad said about performing "experiments on your own siblings"."

"Are you still mad about the fact I accidentally transferred your mind into a rabbit?"

"That is not the point," Lincoln made clear, even if he really was still grumbly about that incident.

"Okay, fine", Lisa stated in an attempt to calm down the situation. "But then I can only rely on observatory data."

"Which means…?", Lincoln wanted to know.

"You will have to indulge a bit more in your sisters pampering you," she said.

A couple of minutes ago, Lincoln would have been thrilled by that idea. But now, with the realization of how weird things were…

"I know the idea of being around them now is less appealing," Lisa said. "But as I stated earlier: I trust you to be more responsible with the power you currently have over our siblings. And maybe, if we create more or less "regular" conditions around the house, their behavior changes to the norm again."

"You think so?"

"It is at least worth a try."

Before they could further discuss what to do, a knock could be heard on the door.

"Hey dude, are you still in there?" Lincoln could hear Luna ask from behind the door. "Everyone is already waiting for you."

"I am coming down in a second," Lincoln stated.

"Sweet", Luna exclaimed joyful. "Can't wait to rock you like a hurricane in the game, bro!"

Lisa and Lincoln stayed quiet for a bit, as they heard Luna slowly go downstairs again.

He turned to Lisa. "Shall I?"

"Well, considering I told Leni you and I were going anyway…"

Lincoln was shocked. "You did what?"

"As I said, I need data. And what better way to observe the behavior of all of you, than a round of…"

* * *

 **…AWESOME WRECK SIBLINGS!**

The only game in the world, that gave the children of the Loud Family the chance to play all together at once, while also engaging in what they could do best: Fight each other.

Awesome Wreck Siblings was a rather recently published game by the well-known television network Nickelodeon that catered towards the one thing you could always make money off these days: Nostalgia.

The game was a more or less regular fighting game. Pick a character and area and fight till only one was standing. What made this game different from others was, that it contained over 50 characters (72 after the latest DLC) from well-known Nickelodeon shows. It was wacky, cartoony, funny… it even had a very therapeutic effect on many, as it was the only game in the world, where you could beat up former internet sensation Fred with a baseball bat, without having to face major legal consequences.

Of course, there was some squabble about who would get to play whom under the Loud siblings. Some got no contest, but Lori and Lola fought like tigers over playing Azula.

"You were Azula the last time!" Lola protested. "Now it's my turn."  
"Fine," Lori stated in frustration. "But then I am not going to play as Zuko"

After some more minutes of sibling squabbling, everyone eventually managed to settle for a character.

Lana took the gross duo combination of Sanjay & Craig as her character (partly because nobody else wanted to play them), while Lola got her will and played as the mistress of fire, Avatar's one and only Azula. Leni, who had dressed up like Toph Beifong for the occasion, played the mishap of nature known as Catdog. Lucy was going to haunt the screen as the ghostly hero Danny Phantom, while Lisa played as the grumpy green sea dweller Squidward Tentacle. Lincoln played the Average Kid/Former President/Superhero Sidekick/Hero of the Fairy World Timmy Turner, Lynn took the mantle of robot XJ9, Lori played as the adorable Chucky Finster, Luan went for the nefarious wannabe-conqueror Zim and Luna played as an adorable bunny eared red little monster known as Ickis.

They choose the north pole of the Avatar world as their battleground, maximum of Items and it was a battle royal.

Everyone was on their controllers.  
"The last one standing is the winner," Lincoln announced.

The battle and the chaos started just seconds later. In a game like this, good reflexes were king but also giants amounts of luck. Lola's Azula attacked XJ9 with flames and punches while Luan's Zim shoot with laser canons at Danny Phantom and Ikiss at the same time.  
Lisa was more defensive and observed the playstyle of the others, noticing how nobody was attacking Timmy, the player character of Lincoln. He attacked them but nobody retaliated against him.

By the time the round ended, half of the sisters playing characters were dead. The other half had taken so much damage, that Lincoln ended up as the winner by default. Which wasn't making him all that happy.

„Guys…"

„Yes, Lincoln?"

„Why weren't you attacking me?"

An uncomfortable silence fell.

„What do you mean?" asked Luna.

„Oh come on!" Lincoln shouted, pointing at the TV screen. „Aside of Lisa, not one of you tried to fight back when I attacked you!"

„That's not true," Lynn protested.

„Lynn, I went to the kitchen to get myself a coke while we were playing."

Everyone aside of Lisa got suddenly nervous.

„You didn't even notice I was gone and still didn't try to fight me."

„I did" Lisa stated. „But then Lori summoned Reptar the Dinosaur as a special move and kicked me into the ice water."

Lincoln pointed at his little sister, while addressing the others with a look of disappointment. „See?"

„But Lincoln…" Leni started in a whinny tone, but he hold up his hand.

„Look guys, I… I like winning, but there is nothing fun by winning without a challenge. So please: Just fight me next round too, okay?

The others exchanged worried looks with one another.

„You really want us to fight you?" Lola asked.

Lincoln nodded.

„And you won't get mad at us if you lose?" Lori wanted to know.

„Nope"

„You will not want me to summon a demon to drag the winner of this game to hell for you?" Lucy asked.

„Can we just play again?" Lincoln asked in return, wondering once more what sort of bizarre stuff aside of the average vampire novel Lucy was into.

„You heard him, girls," Lynn stated and took charge of her controller again.

„Let's get ready to rumble!"

The next round was way more enjoyable for Lincoln, as his sisters characters actually attacked Timmy now and forced him to use Timmy's special attacks like summoning anvils or driving on a motorcycle and trying to ram into his adversaries.

Lisa used Squidwards clarinet while Lori was sweeping with Chucky the two characters of Danny Phantom and Azula from the battlefield. The developers still had to nerf the little toddler.  
"You can't deal with this snake, you alien!" Lana exclaimed, while Sanjay swung Craig like a whip at Zim.  
"The snake called Craig doesn't make me afraid, but his fate is too badly failed", Luan joked and kicked Craig out of the ring. "Get it?"

While everyone was groaning at Luan's wordplay, Lisa took the opportunity to grab for one of the games many items, in that case an Equalist's shock gauntlet, which she was going to use on Lincoln's character. She was already close to give Timmy Turner a shock treatment, when out of sudden Catdog attacked Squidward and took the damage.

„Stay away from my Linki!" Leni shouted, smashing buttons and eventually pushing Squidward down the snow into an icy water grave.

„Dang it, not again!" Lisa grumbled in resignation, letting go of her controller.

„Don't worry, Linki", Leni addressed her brother with a big smile, ignoring her four year old sister. „Your big sister is going to protect you!"

Almost immediately Lincoln could feel the temperature in the room drop. Everyone froze, their characters standing still on the screen. Except for Luan's, who was throwing Double Dare slime all over herself in childish delight.

„Excuse me?" Lori asked her roommate. „You are going to protect him?"

„Well, duh," Leni said. „I mean, I love him the most."

„No way," the twins shouted in unison. „We do!"

„Quiet you two," Luna ordered.

„Girls, this is ridiculous," Lori stated. „Besides, I am literally the one who loves him the most."

She leant in closer to Lincoln, making puppy eyes. „And he does too, don't you, Linci-Link?"

Lincoln felt really awkward now. „Ehhhh…."

„Okay, that's it!" Lynn suddenly shouted. Next thing anyone knew, XJ9 grabbed Zim and threw him out of the screen.

„Hey!" Luan protested, while the announcer just declared the second K.O. of the round. „What are you doing?"

„Making sure that I am the only one left to protect my little brother!" Lynn replied and went after Azula next. Only to get hit by lightning.

Luna via Ickis then attacked her opponents with an item that summoned several bomb-breads she could freely toss at everybody, which she did. But it wasn't helping her for long as Lori's Chucky got the Shredder-Armor. And while he became slower, he got also more deadly in close combat and capable to shred Ickis out of the ring.

The chaos was now erupting with the sisters letting their characters run amok around Lincoln, which wasn't unusual for an AWS game, but the fact that they ignored Timmy bar Lisa was unsettling and the things they said even more so.  
"I'm the strongest!" declared Lynn. "Here and in the game. Only I can protect Lincoln properly if it comes to it!"  
"A brute like you would lose herself in combat and forget Lincoln's safety," Lucy argued. "My refined dark knowledge can protect Lincoln even beyond the grave."  
"Neither of you has the flow and the rhythm to help Lincoln in a case of emergency", Luna claimed and Ickis used a scare attack to scare Danny Phantom away into the ice water. Which didn't make much sense if one thought about it, but why should the Loud siblings do so, if the programmers already didn't.

Because Timmy was not in danger to be attacked directly, Lincoln turned to Lisa.  
"What do you think?"  
"That Squidward's clarinet is bollox in close combat", she explained while she used Squidward's long arms to push Catdog into the icy water. "I have to use it before the enemy is near."  
"I mean about our sisters!"  
"Nothing about their playstyle, but their fixation on you even in a simple convivial game is something new and it is escalating. Make sure the fight doesn't resume in the living room later. HAH! Got you Lori and your potent little baby!"  
„Why you little…" Lori grumbled under her breath, waiting for her character to respawn.

For the next couple of minutes, Lincoln just awkwardly sat there, eating chips and letting the madness around him unfold. Eventually the game reached the point, where every character, aside of him, had just one more life left.

„Well then dudes, this is it!" Luna declared, charging Ickis's horrific scare powers. „You better get ready to die!"

But before she had a chance to fire her attack, Azula burned him into a pile of melted barely recognizable flesh. „No. You better get ready to run, cause here I come!" Lola shouted in a crazy laugh, burning Luna's life points away.

"BAMM" exploded it out of the speakers, combined with a "K.O." and a cool lightshow.  
Lola laughed with Azula about her victory over Luna. Her next targets were Lana's Sanjay and Craig. She fired lighting at the two idiots, but to her surprise the two were suddenly protected by a shield-item which deflected the attacks back to her. While Azula tried to recover, Sanjay took Craig, wrapped him around Azulas neck and started to choke her to death!  
"Sssshhhh…" Sanjay whispered. "It is soon over…"  
But then Craig became a level 9 wizard and just blasted Azula into the icy water with a magic missile.

BAMM!

K.O.!

"That was… disturbing", Lana mentioned, not even knowing how she did that with the snake choking exactly.

Meanwhile, in another corner of the screen, Lucy used Danny Phantom's ability to temporarily take control over his opponents, to overtake Zim and make him jump off the stage.

BAAAAMMM!

KO!

„Not fair," grumbled Luan while Lucy simply smiled over her victory. That was until Luan pointed out, that she had technically just committed suicide on stage.

"This game is getting darker by the second," Lori commented. "Lucy, Lola, Lana, Lisa: Less shows from the network of this game and more from other networks from now on."  
"We watch what we want!", Lana exclaimed stubbornly.  
XJ9 under Lynn's control attacked now Lana's Craig/Sanjay. She used her prolongable arms and forced the duo back before shooting at them with plasma canons that replaced her hands in a seconds notice. Lana tried to dodge, but a few hits hit her character enough time for XJ9 to jump up to her and kicking her to the ground again. She then hovered over Sanjay/Craig.  
"Time to end this," exclaimed Lynn.  
She flew down, grabbed the two, flew up and threw them with so much force, they flew out of the screen and rammed into the moon, who exploded as a result.

BAMM!

K.O.!

"I have to admit, that was pretty awesome" Lana said in a surprised tone.

With the number of participants reduced by half, the battle became way more intense. Lori was now determined on getting the better out of Lynn, constantly making Chuckie throw toy blocks at her. At the same time she had to jump over CatDog again and again, whose special ground move allowed the weird animal hybrid to turn into a furred wheel that damaged anyone it hit.

„Don't you feel the least bit ashamed of hitting on a baby?", Lori asked in between receiving attacks from both of her younger kin.

„Oh my gosh," Leni suddenly shouted and stopped her attack. „I am hitting a baby?"

Before anyone could answer that, Lori managed to grab CatDog and threw him against XJ9. Lynn tried to regain control of her character, but just then the game generated a random Avatar spirit on the stage to attack the players. While Chuckie managed to avoid the attack of the dark beast, XJ9 and CatDog had not as much luck. They ended up in the pranks of the beast, which vanished the next second with the two characters, causing Lynn and Leni to experience a technical K.O.

„Leni!" shouted Lynn in disbelief. „Why did you stop attacking her?"

„I am not going to hit little children," Leni said in her defense. „Like, who do you think I am?"

Luna was confused. „Then why did you do so till then?"

„I always thought that Chuckie was just a very short man!" the local ditz replied.

Everyone in the room could suddenly feel a headache approach. Everyone except Lori.

„Victory!" she gloated to her other siblings, turning her glance away from the screen. „I told you I am the only one strong enough to protect Lincoln!"

Everyone else had a look of annoyance on their face.

„I am Chuckie! Wrecker of your…"

BAMMM!

K.O.!

Lori turned around, to see that her character had just been beaten into the ground by an octopus's now broken clarinet.

„I think you forgot somebody," Lisa calmly stated, not even turning her eyes away from the screen.

„Dang it!" Lori responded.

„Okay, that's it," Lincoln declared and turned the tv off. „No more games."

„But Lincoln…" came a collective moan from everyone except Lisa.

„We didn't even get to beat up…"

„Yes Lana, I know we didn't get to beat up Fred," Lincoln sighed, interrupting her.

„In fact, I really looked forward to beating up Fred. But this is getting ridiculous."

He sternly looked his sisters into the eyes. „If you can't get along while we are beating the tar out of each other, I think it is time for bed."

Luan raised her hand. „But…"

„Now!" Lincoln said and pointed to the stairs.

Everyone except Lisa stood up and made themselves ready to go upstairs.

„But I am still the one who can protect you best, right Lincoln?" Lori asked, but only received a stern look.

Lincoln stood there for a couple more seconds, till he heard the bathroom door upstairs open and close, indicating that everyone was going to brush their teeth now.

Only then did Lincoln start to relax a bit.

„Well, that was an interesting display of authority," Lisa stated, while making some notes in her block.

Lincoln blinked. „Did I just pull a Lori on the others?" he asked more himself than Lisa in total disbelief.

"You did indeed exert authority," Lisa confirmed. "And everyone followed your imperative, even Lori. Either my sad theory of you having leukemia is right or my alien theory is indeed the correct one."  
"Yes, that-"  
Lincoln stopped.  
"Cancer?!" A lump of ice formed in his heart.  
"This in turn is fairly improbable," Lisa quickly added. "I saw no signs of lugubriousness with everyone here."  
"Lugu- What?"  
"Sadness. Nobody here can be such a good thespian, not even Luan, especially not all at once. I saw nobody cry or other hints that they have cried nor any other signs of depression or sadness, so I'm certain that you will subsist. Additionally, I think you would remember some recent visits to the hospital"  
Lincoln sighed in relief, but expressed his displeasure as he said: "Thank you for scaring me so much. I only felt worse the day I thought our parents would throw me out and believing I wasn't dad's actual son."

Lisa walked over to the gaming console and turned it off.  
"I'm sorry Lincoln, it wasn't my intention to frighten you," Lisa exclaimed honestly. "The alien theory is bogus too, except if the alien was really good at hiding its presence."  
Lincoln nodded and started to walk up and down the room. All of this made less and less sense. He himself wasn't discounting a supernatural influence and there was still the possibility that his sisters were playing a joke on him.  
"Could they play a joke on me?" he asked out loud.

Lisa adjusted her glasses and looked through a few of her notes she had in her pockets. "That would be a very well executed joke," Lisa analyzed. "One whose punchline has to be a very astute one. In that case, I hope it is not something too vicious and cruel but I doubt Leni, Luna and Lucy would be part of that. Lori, Lynn, Lana and Lola I see doing a prank but not with an undue cruel punchline. Luan on the other hand…"  
"What about you?" Lincoln asked outright, interrupting Lisa. "If this is a prank you would be the best candidate to dispel my fears."

"Yes, that sounds intrinsic," Lisa confirmed and crossed her arms. "They could have instructed me to watch over Lily, thereby Leni's negligence would look authentic."  
"But…?" Lincoln enunciated slowly.  
"But I don't have the time for such an elaborate prank!" Lisa expressed seriously. "My research is too important. I wouldn't have started to research you at all, if this would have been less odd."

Lisa walked into the kitchen to get something to drink and Lincoln followed her.  
"Whatever is happening here is not a mere frolic prank" she said while taking can of her favorite soft drink out of the fridge. "We have to figure this out in case it escalates. The game made it even more clear to me that something is erroneous here after none of our siblings was willing to attack your player character."  
"You did very well with Squidward sis," Lincoln mentioned. "I didn't know that a clarinet could be so deadly."

"Lots of exercise," Lisa said while opening the soda can. "I have secretly learned all the characters's special moves and their other weaknesses and strengths. I could even turn Henry Danger into a competent playing character"

"Now you are kidding me, aren't you?"

She shrugged with her shoulders. "Got me," she simply stated and took a sip out of the can.

A couple of minutes later, Lincoln and Lis were upstairs again with the others. While Lisa took to her room immediately, confiding to Lincoln that she was going to do a bit more research before laying down, Lincoln made himself ready for bed too. He had just put on his pajama, when it knocked on the door.

"Linki," Leni's voice could be heard on the other end of the door. "Do you have some time?"

"Give me a second"

He opened the door and was immediately greeted by his sisters, all in their sleeping attire, with slightly guilty looks on their faces.

"What is it?" he asked.

"We just…" Leni began, only to get interrupted by Lori.

"We just wanted to apologize for what happened downstairs," Lori explained in a rather crestfallen mood. "We hope you are not angry at us for ruining the game."

"Guys, come on," Lincoln stated with a sigh. "I am not angry."

"Really?"

"Yes"

Almost immediately he found himself once more in the center of a group hug.

Somewhere in the pile of siblings, Lola and Lana asked the following question.

"Hey Lincoln, did you enjoy your time?"

"Yes, I did," Lincoln stated, pushing his sisters gently away. "In fact, I had the time of my life."

Behind the door to Lisa's room, an annoyed grunt was to be heard.

Lincoln meanwhile saw in the faces of his sisters genuine happiness for what he just said. Feeling that, acting out of character or not, they deserved his praise for making this the best Saturday he ever had, he added with a smile the following to his last statement. "And I own it all to you!"

A collective "aww" could be heard from the sisters in view.

The only thing ruining the moment was a very deadpan sounding "oh come on!" out of the youngest children's room. This was followed by Lisa coming out, looking at her siblings with visible disgust. "That entire scene was so corny, I think I got diabetes."

No one paid attention to her and Lincoln did his best not to address her, otherwise ruining the moment.

"I think I need another soda," Lisa simply stated, the moment she realized that there were no consequences to be expected for what she just said.

Meanwhile, the boy of the white hair couldn't deny that he didn't detest the attention, but the surplus of friendly affection was starting to wear on him. He couldn't believe that he would miss the more negative aspects of his big family, but he felt it was more for the sake of his sisters, they needed time for themselves.

"Can you do me a favor?" Lincoln asked. Before anyone could answer, he continued with: "Take some time for yourself tomorrow. Do your own stuff."

"But Lincoln…" Lori started, but Lincoln interrupted her again.  
"No!" he proclaimed with some force in his voice. "Lori, go type some messages to Bobby, Leni make some art or tailor something, Luna go play some songs by Leonard Cohen…"  
"I prefer Black Sabbath" Luna interrupted Lincoln now.  
"Or Black Sabbath. Luan go watch some comedies with Leslie Nielsen."  
"Guys, snap out of it! You're looking at him like he was our mother for Christ's sake!" Luan quoted jokingly and laughed. "Get it?"  
"Is she talking about old people movies again?" Lana asked.  
"I'm talking about one of the classics Lana" Luan explained. "Such fine comedy is rare these days."  
"Whatever," Lincoln responded with an exhausted sigh. "Lynn do some sports, Lucy write a poem or summon Gyngernathotep or any other outer guy."  
"Outer god," Lucy corrected. "Nyarlathotep, the black Pharaoh."  
"At least somebody is willing to make a Pharaoh black," Lincoln commented.  
"And he doesn't play card games," Lucy added. "So don't ask."  
Lincoln continued his speech.  
"Lana, make some time for your animals, play in the mud or repair something and Lola, do whatever beautiful people do."  
"It means she will have a wrestling match with Marilyn Manson," Luan referenced and laughed. "Get it?"  
"Stop with the reference humor!" Lori criticized with a annoyed groan. "Not everybody gets them or something classic."

Luan thought for a moment and then snapped her fingers. "Criminals prefer booty-ful people," Luan joked. "Also beautiful people just have to lay on their backs to make…"  
Before Luan could continue, Lori put her hand over her mouth. "No adult jokes with the younger ones around! You know the rules."  
"Sorry" mumbled Luan, muffled by Lori's hand.

* * *

After everybody promised Lincoln they would to something for themselves tomorrow, they all went to bed. Lincoln was already lying under his blanket to get some rest from his awesome, worrisome and strange day.  
 _/I hope they take my request to heart/_ _/_ , Lincoln thought. _/Not only for my but also for their sake. Maybe they become normal again tomorrow./_ _/_

He was about to fall asleep, as suddenly he heard a voice beside his bed.  
"Lincoln."  
He shrieked up in the darkness and turned around to see Lucy, holding a flashlight in her hands, which illuminated her face.  
"Lucy, don't scare me like that!" Lincoln exclaimed angrily while he tried to calm down his heavy breath. "What do you want?"  
"I'm sorry Lincoln," Lucy apologized in her usual somber vocalization, which was mixed this time with a sad undertone. "I just wanted to ask if I can sleep with you."  
An incredible awkward silence was suddenly filling the room.  
"What?" said Lincoln flat and with very wide eyes.  
"I am scared," Lucy quickly clarified. "So I wanted to ask if I can stay with you this night."  
Lincoln was more than relieved that his initial thought was incorrect. But it sounded strange.  
"Wait, what are you of all people scared off?"  
"I… I don't want to talk about it," Lucy said. "Please Lincoln, I just need somebody close by me."  
"What about Lynn?"  
"She is already asleep and I wasn't able to wake her up."

Lincoln didn't know how to feel about this. With the crazy having taken control of his sisters in the last 24 hours and Lisa's warning in mind that it could get worse, he was genuinely contemplating if it was such a good idea to allow his sister to share his bed with him for tonight. Heck, the fact that Lucy supposedly got "scared" of something and as such was looking out for him, sounded just like an excuse to spend some solo quality time with him. But at the same time, she sounded genuinely worried. And he was still her older brother, so…

"Okay," he sighed. He raised the covers up a bit and directed her to join him under them. "But only for tonight"

"Thanks Lincoln," she said gratefully and went to rest.

"Good night, Lucy," Lincoln wished her a pleasant sleep and turned his back to her, closing his eyes.

"Night Lincoln," Lucy added and just laid there. She did so for the next couple of minutes, worried.

While her brother fell asleep almost immediately, she just stared at the ceiling, thinking about what made her go into Lincoln's room in the first place. Cause it wasn't just a desire to be with her older brother, that drove her here. No. Primarily, it was her friends.

Not the few kids at school she liked, but her friends from the other side.

Normally she trusted the specters from beyond the grave who she had befriended over the years and was in contact with almost on a daily basis very much. But as of yesterday, they sounded… Off.

While she managed to distract herself from them for the better part of the day by spending time with her siblings, especially her wonderful brother, she never could fully make them stop from talking to her. They were a constant whispering in the back of her head, which turned into a heated cacophony of voices the moment she tried to go to sleep. And what they said scared her. They told her that something was not right. That she and the other sisters were not supposed to act the way they did. That something was making them be so unnaturally nice around Lincoln.

How dared they? How dared they tell her, that her feelings for Lincoln were not real?

She called them liars and demanded an explanation. But all they did was claim, that they didn't have one. They mumbled something about a magic box and a presence more powerful than anything from the darkest places of the underworld. As she heard that, she knew that her friends had to be lying. Cause what could be more powerful than the forces of evil? They begged her to listen, but she had enough. Chanting every incantation she knew, she broke her spiritual connection to them, silencing them immediately.

But even if she no longer had to hear their voices, their echoes were still ringing in her head. Filling her mind and heart with uncertainty and fright for what was going on. After all, the spirits never lied to her before. So why would they now? And why was Lincoln, not her brother, but the former US-president and one of her eldest ghost friends, so vehemently asking her to look out for her brother/his namesake?

Next to her, Lincoln mumbled something in his sleep about how much he liked to take the mantle of Ace Savvy's sidekick to defeat the evil Dr. Erebos. She looked at him and shivered at the thought that something bad could happen to him.

Carefully not to wake him up, she moved closer and, in a very uncharacteristic manner even she was aware off, pulled her arms around him in a hug. She wanted to protect him. And in a bizarre way, she was also hoping that he would do the same for her.

* * *

 **Author's notes:**  
 **Mama Aniki: There you have it folks. Chapter 3.**

 **Hatoralo: What? No funny line?**

 **Mama Aniki: What am I supposed to say? We wrote another chapter and we managed to prevent Lincoln from turning into a complete jerkass.**

 **Hatoralo: You mean, Lisa prevented him from turning into a jerkass.**

 **Mama Aniki: Hm… yeah, you are right.**

 **Hatoralo: You think anyone gets the reference regarding Alfred? And I don't mean the obvious one.**

 **Mama Aniki: Depends on how many German readers we get.**

 **Hatoralo: Anyway, we hope you guys enjoyed the story. And by the way, it is to our deepest regret that we have to announce that Awesome Wreck Siblings won't get an official release outside of the Loud House-verse.**

 **Mama Aniki: You can blame Gamergate on that. Or whatever.**

 **Hatoralo: In the meantime, we would be glad for some comments. And if there were some jokes that you really enjoyed, we would be glad to hear.**

 **IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT:**  
 **We are currently in the need of new proof-readers. We two have currently problems with ours because they are in college and don't have much time to proof-read. So we would like to ask one of our readers, preferably one who has an eye for grammatical errors to help us.**  
 **Anyone who is interested may please write us a PM.**  
 **We will be thankful for any help with our grammatical problems.**

 **Thank you and have a good day.**


	4. Of Bath and Naptimes

**Author's note:  
Hatoralo: Hey guys. Thanks for joining us again. Now-**

 **MamaAniki: HOLY SHIT!**

 **Hatoralo: What?**

 **MamaAniki: (reads the comments) Superdimentio77 is reading our stuff!**

 **Hatoralo: (looks confused)**

 **MamaAniki: Mister or Miss Dimentio, I am so honored! "It's not a date" is my favorite Loud House story on . You can't imagine how much it means for me to…**

 **Hatarola: (coughs)**

 **MamaAniki: I mean… thanks. (holds up hand in phone gesture) Call me.**

 **Hatarola: Anyway, from now on, the plot begins to be set really in motion.**

 **MamaAniki: The sibling related apocalypse begins.**

 **Hatoralo: Let's see if Lincoln will soon have enough of his sisters' love, baby.**

 **MamaAniki: Yeah… I don't know why he could get enough of their love.**

 **Hatoralo: But what kind of love is it, that they will be giving him?**

 **Silence**

 **MamaAniki: Okay, let's end the Barry White reference now and get on with it.**

* * *

 **Chapter 4: Of Bath and Naptimes  
**

* * *

Despite it being around 7:30 a.m. at a Sunday morning, most people in the Loud House were already fully awake. Lola and Lana were downstairs watching cartoons, trying their best to ignore Lori working on the breakfast in the kitchen and getting constantly more annoyed at her sister Leni trying to help her, but screwing up some of the most basic orders.

"No Leni. When I say "separate the eggs", you aren't supposed to literally just lay five on the kitchen table and put the rest into the sink!"

Upstairs meanwhile, Luna and Luan were still enjoying their stay in dreamland, while a slowly awakening Lynn was confused as to where her little goth sister was.

"Lucy?" Lynn asked into the room, "Are you here?"  
She didn't get an answer.

"Did the ghosts finally take you into the mystical realms? If so, can you send me magical Baseball equipment?"

Still no answer.

"I better find ya. Good thing that I put my roller skates on before I went to bed."

Lynn jumped out of bed and rolled on her trusty skates out of the room. Skating through the second floor, she didn't find the young goth in the room of Luna and Luan, who got an abrupt awakening after their younger sister skated through their territory, jumped over them in their beds, did some acrobatics on the bedposts of the bunk bed and used one of the bedposts as surrogate for a horizontal bar (more vertical in this case) to generate enough momentum via a swing maneuver to catapult herself into the ventilation shaft opening of the room.

"What in the name of Jimi Hendrix was that?!" Luna wanted to know, slightly shocked.  
"It was the skating Dutch-Kynn," Luan mused, followed by a snicker. "Get it?"

Lynn wasn't able to find Lucy in the room of the oldest sisters, so she slided through the ventilation into the room of Lana and Lola. But she didn't find anything there except a few angry pets she had awoken from their slumber.

Thankfully she managed to escape through the door before El Diablo, the snake of Lana, was able to entwine her.

Deciding to skip Lisa and Lily's room to avoid accidentally waking the baby, she took course for Lincoln's room.

She opened the door mid-roll again and stumbled over the entrance, which woke Lincoln up.

"Wha….?" Lincoln mumbled and rubbed his eyes. He was perplexed with Lynn lying on the ground, Lana's frog Hops on her head. But he was even more perplexed by what Lucy was doing.

He wasn't sure if Lucy was already awake or not, but she was definitively sucking or nibbling at his neck like one of the vampires from those novels she had been reading.

Lincoln was so perplexed, horrified and shocked by the entire situation, he didn't know how to react.

"Morning, dude," Lynn said, rising up and taking her helmet off. "Have you seen…"  
Only now did she become aware of a still sleeping Lucy holding onto Lincoln, sucking on his neck. But unlike her brother, she didn't react in shock.  
"Aww, how cute!"  
That finally managed to snap Lincoln out of it.  
"Cute?" he stated in fright about Lynn's statement. "She is giving me a hickey!"  
"Nah, bro!"  
She carefully leant in closer and removed Lucy's hands around her brother's waist. "She is just sleep sucking."  
Lincoln blinked in confusion.  
"It's something she does from time to time ever since she got her hands on those "Skypechat with a Nosferatu" novels," Lynn elaborated. "She did it to me too quite a few times."  
"And why is she doing it?" Lincoln asked, slightly rising up so that Lynn had easier access to Lucy's arms, while still being bewildered about the situation.  
"Well, she told me that it may be because she subconsciously desires to give those she deeply cares about the gift of eternal life," Lynn replied nonchalantly, gently moving her sister's head in a manner that her mouth let go of Lincoln's jugular.  
Lincoln himself felt a slight trail of saliva flow down his neck and shuddered.  
"Wakey, wakey, Lucy," said Lynn, poking her little sis teasingly on the forehead.

Lucy hissed something about "You must die to live forever," and "I will give you eternal life." Then she finally awoke, not looking as perplexed as anyone else. In fact, she changed automatically into her usual bleak expression.

"Another day on this miserable planet, just to wait for the sweet kiss of death."  
"Does she do that every morning?" Lincoln asked Lynn.  
"Not when you threaten her with a tickle assault."  
"Don't you dare," Lucy grumbled. "I will scale it back for now." She sighed. "I'm sorry Lincoln, I shouldn't start the morning with such a sentence after you watched over me last night."  
"Nightmares about the girl from the well again?" Lynn teased.  
Lucy and Lincoln got into a sitting position. The night had brought them a pleasant sleep and they felt rather fit, especially Lincoln.  
"I just wasn't prepared for Japanese Horror," said Lucy, defending herself.

"LYNN!" somebody shouted from down the hall. "You shocked us half to death with your little skating-gymnastic-stunt!"  
"Gotta go fast!" Lynn stated with slight panic. "See you down for breakfast!"  
Lynn dashed away, down the stairs with Luan and Luna in hot pursuit.  
"Come back!"  
"We will not do much to you!" Luan's voice shouted. "Just a skate-lesson with a little break-lesson."

"They have interesting mornings," Lincoln said nonchalantly. "Like usual…"  
He was secretly happy about this development. This was more normal for the Loud House and it seemed his little speech from yesterday made an impression on his sisters.  
"Lincoln?"  
"Yes, Lucy?"  
Lucy gave Lincoln a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you for watching over me. You are the best of us."  
Lucy left the bedroom and a perplexed Lincoln behind. He started to massage his temples.  
"This was just a normal way of Lucy thanking me for letting her sleep in my bed."

Lincoln stood up and took a look in his mirror to check his neck. Nothing indicated that she had bitten into the soft flesh or that he was going to have a hickey.  
"Wouldn't want to explain that to Ronnie Anne," he muttered.  
He took a glance at his clock and realized it wasn't even eight yet. So he decided to go back to bed, to sleep for at least a couple more minutes. Only to discover Hops on his pillow, so that he had to open the door and let him out first.

Around 40 minutes later, Lincoln decided to get up for real and hit the shower. He assumed that by now, his siblings must have finished their morning routine, meaning he had the bathroom all for himself. He was already halfway through the living hall, when he suddenly got tackled by a ball of blond and pink colors.  
"Morning!" the little thing said.  
It took Lincoln a few seconds to realize, that the "thing" was actually none other than Lola. Only that she barely looked like the beauty pageant obsessed little girl he knew her as. Primarily because she did not only look way chippier than he was accustomed to, her eyes almost sparkling in adoration for him, but also because she did not wear her signature tiara or gown. Instead she wore a cute pink little girl dress with a skirt. Additionally her hair was arranged in a way that she had two barely braided pigtails. As a fan of manga, the often regretted word "moe" came to Lincoln's mind at the sight of it.  
"Did you have a good sleep, BBBFF?"  
"BBBFF?"  
"Duh," Lola said. "Big brother, best friend forever"  
 _Okay,_ Lincoln thought worried _._ _Things got definitively worse for her._

"I had an excellent sleep," he answered her initial question. "Now I want to take a bath, BLSFF."  
"Wait here!"  
His little sister was delighted about him calling her BLSFF (Best little sister, friend forever) but she hadn't registered the sarcastic undertone in his voice. He watched Lola run to the bathroom door, but it was locked.  
"Who's there?!" she demanded to know in an angry and shrill tone.  
She didn't get an answer. The shower was running and whoever was using it couldn't hear her so easily.  
"Lola, I can wait," began Lincoln but Lola just got into Luan's and Luna's room.  
He heard some climbing, some rumbling and the opening of the vent shaft door on the other side.  
"What the?! Lola, what are you doing?! Let me go, what… AH!"

The door swung open and Luna was kicked out, landing on her back, her body only covered by a towel and the door was closed again.  
"Lola, you are in so much- Oh, hi Lincoln!"  
"Sorry, Luna!" the young boy apologized profusely while helping his sister get up. "It was my fault, I…"  
"Wanted to use the bathroom?" Luna finished the sentence. She ruffled Lincoln's hair. "It's okay bro, I was finished anyway." With that said, she walked into her room and closed the door behind her.

Before Lincoln could comprehend the reaction Luna just had to being thrown out of her shower, the bathroom door swung open.  
"Your bath is ready!"  
Lincoln entered the bathroom and his mouth was wide agape. The entire bathroom had never looked so clean, shining and beautiful before. The bathtub was filled with a bubble bath, Lola had placed aromatic candles with his favorite aroma at several strategic places, a vase with beautiful bouquet was placed on the window bench and a radio played relaxing songs.  
"What do you think, Linki?" Lola asked with a very exorbitant but sincere smile "Do you like it?"

He didn't quite know what to say. He experienced an emotional mixture of surprise, genuine gratitude and bewilderment. The latter one not just for the fact that his little sister acted the way she did, but that she somehow managed to pull all the necessary supplies for what she did out of nowhere. "I… like it?" he stated and tried his best to sound as grateful as he could, fearing if he didn't, Lola would most likely turn the room into a turkish bath just to appease him.

Lola's smile brigthened at these words.

"I especially like that one candle on the left," her brother added just to be sure. "Really ties the room together."  
"Oh Linki!" Lola said and hugged him again. "I'm so glad you like it!"  
Lincoln decided to just surrender to the bizarreness of the situation and patted her head benevolently.

"Would you do me a favor later on?" Lola asked suddenly, though with a slight blush on her face. "That is, if you don't have something better to do."  
"Sure," Lincoln sighed. "What is it?"  
"Will you play with me later?"

Lincoln thought about the request and concluded, that it was the least he could do for turning the bath into a wellness oasis. Beside, aside of her acting like every sugar coated little sister stereotype he had ever been exposed to in the media, she didn't seem to act too weird. By comparison.  
"Sure thing, Lola," he said and pushed her away gently. "Is after breakfast okay for you?"  
She nodded happily.  
"Okay. Enjoy the rest of your day till then."  
"Enjoy your bath, BBBFF!" she shouted after him, waving her hand. He didn't even listen, closing the bathroom door behind him.

"Well… that happened," Lincoln stated, leaning against the bathroom door. He tried to comprehend the situation with Lola and how it was possible, that her acting like she did now was somehow more unsettling than the norm. Even if said norm involved an interest in the works of Mario Puzo, normally seen in young movie students who just had the privilege of watching the Godfather Part 1 and 2 for the first time.  
 _I think I will have to talk some of the old Lola back into her,_ he thought. He then glanced over the bathroom and had to admit, that it was quite relaxing in here. And although he knew that his sisters should properly go first… Well, he still had to use the bathroom. And Lola had put so much effort into what she did, it would have been a crime to waste it.

* * *

"Okay, I will admit it," Lincoln said dreamily. He was laying in the tub, the warm water relaxing his muscles. "This is actually pretty dang good."  
He sighed happily closing his eyes and concentrating only on the feeling of soapy bubbles against his neck, the sound of singing wales coming out of the radio and the smell of vanilla filling his nostrils.

In such a relaxing atmosphere, he couldn't do anything else but forget all about his worries.  
"Hi Lincoln."  
"Hi Lori."  
And then they came crashing down on him again.

"Lori!" Lincoln shouted in wide eyed shock, almost leaping out the tub. His sister had just waltzed into the bath, covered partly in what seemed to be syrup, splattered grape and strawberry jam on her top and hair.  
"What are you doing here?"  
"Sorry," she said with a hint of annoyance in her voice and went directly for the sink.  
"Lana and Leni made a mess downstairs and I ended up in the middle of it," she explained, while putting on the water. Then, to make the situation even more embarassing for the boy, she took off her sticky top. Thankfully, unlike Luna sometimes, she always had the decency of wearing a bra.  
"They wanted to make you breakfast, but let's just say that Leni learnt today that you don't put grapes in the microwave. Again."  
She grabbed after a bottle of shampoo and put some in her hands.  
Lincoln couldn't believe it. His sister, who couldn't even stand the sight of him entering her room without permission, was just nonchalantly taking of her sticky top and washing her hair all while he was taking a bath.

Had he forgotten to close the door? Lincoln was sure he had closed the door before he entered the bathtub.  
"Lori, do you remember the rules about…."  
"Relax, I literary just need to get clean."  
"You could use a hose," Lincoln suggested sheepishly.  
"I will NOT clean myself with the hose in the garden where everyone can see me," Lori made it clear and that was it.  
"Okay, but please make it quick."  
"Whatever."

While his oldest sister was rinsing her hair out and trying to get the stains out of her favorite top, Lincoln looked hard at the wall, enjoying the bathroom tiles. While thinking about the tiles he registered that Lori's behavior was, well, Lori. Coming into the bathroom somebody else was using for more private activities was one thing but her behavior, the way she was talking, those were more like her usual demeanor.  
"I will help you clean the mess downstairs later," Lincoln promised.  
"Leni and Lana are already doing that," Lori told him. "I'm happy that Lana wasn't able to microwave what she wanted to make for you."  
"Mud?"  
"No," Lori said and wrung out her top. "It was a dog biscuit spiced with oregano."  
"That was my second guess," Lincoln expressed sarcastically.

As Lori was unable to clean her top, she threw it the laundry basket and looked into the mirror. She examined her hair and face, before frowning.  
"That stuff isn't going out so easily. Microwaved grapes are a pain."  
"Letting Leni make breakfast without supervision was a bad idea," Lincoln commented. "But to be honest, I thought she could manage it now."  
"She can," Lori said in defense of her sister. "But she had funny ideas when it came to make you something special. Now I have to put on new clothes and get myself clean."  
"I'm finished," Lincoln exclaimed and got up a little. "You can have the bath."  
"You don't have to, twerp, I will just join you," Lori sighed. "No reason to stop your bath."  
"But… We both… Naked…" Lincoln stammered, trying to deviate Lori from her plan.  
"I will keep my underwear on, okay?" Lori promised. "Besides, we swam together before."  
"With BOTH of us in swimsuits!"  
"I saw all of you naked as babies," Lori said in a nonchalant manner. "I know what is down there."  
"But…" Lincoln replied weakly.  
"Also, since when are you shy around me?" Lori asked irritated while slipping out of her shorts. "You sit around in your underwear with us all in the living room reading comics on rainy days."

Lincoln gave up. At least Lori had called him "Twerp" again, which wasn't much but it was something, plus there was the fact that Lori sounded more like herself again.  
He made some room so his sister could sit down in the bathtub.  
"It smells here like in that Massage Parlor I visited with Bobby once to get some relaxation," Lori told more to herself than to her brother. "I hope this doesn't end with a police raid too."  
"Why…"  
"Forget what I said!" Lori exclaimed nervously, trying to enjoy the hot water. "Just… Was this Lola was doing?"  
"Yes."  
"She knows how to make something or somebody look good," Lori praised, leaning against the counter of the tub. "Did you thank her for this?"  
"Of course I did. But she threw out Luna to do this."  
Lori was getting very inquisitive, from Lincoln's perspective. Was she becoming normal again? Lincoln thought about getting her to Lisa, so that the resident genius could let Lori in on the situation.

"Lori, I…"

Lori got besides Lincoln, pulled out her Smartphone from who-knows-where, hugged him and took a Selfie of herself and him.  
"Lori, what the…?" Lincoln cried in shock. "This isn't the right moment for a Selfie!"  
"But Lincoln," Lori started to counter. "We need a physical remembrance of our first bath together."  
Before he could say anything about this, she got behind him and started to rub his shoulders. "I come into the bathroom, interrupting your relaxing time. Giving you a massage is the minimum I can do to compensate for this inconvenience."  
She started to hum a melody while massaging him and he thought for a moment that her nose was touching his snow-white hair.  
"You know," she said all of sudden. "That soap really smells good on you."  
 _Awkward…_  
"Lori, I think I forgot something in the Laundry Basket," he said in a sober tone. "Can you look if something is in the basket?"  
"Of course Lincoln."

Lori got out of the bath and went over to the laundry basket, rummaging through it.  
"I can't find anything here- Lincoln?"  
By the time she turned around, Lincoln was gone and only a few drops from the ventilation shaft opening remained.

* * *

The boy was in Lisa's room in no time. Walt, the family's pet bird, was there too, sitting on one of the posts of Lisa's bed and looking at Lincoln with a critical look.  
"Lisa, I… Walt? What is your problem?"  
He then noticed where exactly the bird was starring at.  
Lincoln returned soon, dry and with a new set of clothing on his body. Walt gave an approving nod.

"Okay, now that this is done… Lisa, I need your help," he said. The adressed girl was leaning over her table, seemingly deep in thought over her notes. "Our sisters are acting even weirder than yesterday."  
"Aha," could be heard from the table.  
"Like, on one hand they act more like themselves again, but…"  
Lincoln was now walking around the room, trying to sort his thoughts and find the best way to explain the situation.  
"Lucy acts like I am a knight in shining armor, Lola has dressed up like a super moe and generic loli…"  
Lincoln shuddered as he realized what he had just said, even if it was unfortunately quite fitting.  
"…While still acting bossy around the others and Luna seems to have no problem being thrown half naked out of the shower for my own sake."  
"Yes," Lisa mumbled. "That is quite a situation…"  
"I know, right? And that doesn't even cover Lori, who just…"  
"I think we need to resolve it by cheese."  
Lincoln came to a halt.  
"What?"  
"It's ridiculous that Pluto is no longer a planet, yet we have one named Uranus in our solar system," he heard his little sister stammer.  
He came closer to the table and only now realized, that his sister was actually not deep in thought, but sacked onto the table half asleep. Her head was resting on her notes and a trail of saliva was slowly dripping from the corner of her mouth. Her hair was a mess and she was mumbling nonsense inbetween taking snores.  
He touched her shoulder.  
"Lisa?"  
Like a jack in the box, her head shot up. She was wide awake, staring with red eyes at the window in front of her.

"THERE'S ANTIMONY, ARSENIC, ALUMINUM, SELENIUM,  
AND HYDROGEN AND OXYGEN AND NITROGEN AND RHE-" she shouted. Only when she became aware of her brother's presence did she stop. "Oh, hello Lincoln. How did you sleep?"  
"I…"  
"Say, did you know that the smell of acetic acid has the color purple?"

Lincoln did not know how to answer that and as such decided to rather ask the most obvious question at hand right now.  
"Liz, are you okay?"  
"I have never felt better!" the little girl declared. She grabbed after a crayon pen and started to write something on a piece of paper. "Those biochemists stating that little kids need at least 8 hours of sleep? Hacks! I haven't slept since Saturday morning and my brain is running like a train at the speed of light!"  
"You haven't what now?"  
Lisa either didn't hear her brother or was too caught up in her ramblings to adress him.  
"I can feel the lack of Adenosin expression stimulating my brain in ways I never experienced before," she stated. "The entire universe has opened up to me. I can see time and space in all their beautiful glory. I see the stars dancing before my eyes!"

"I think you have just looked too long at the new mobile over Lily's bed."  
Lisa suddenly stood up on her chair and shoved Lincoln her notes in the face.  
"Just look at it, Lincoln. Gaze upon my latest conclusions regarding the behavior of our fellow siblings."  
Lincoln looked over what she had writen. After a while, he raised an eyebrow.  
"42?"  
"…I will admit, my statement is not quite formulated out in the way I intented it to be."  
She suddenly pulled a can of her favorite soft drink from behind.  
"But one sip of that beautiful, high in glucose drink, enriched with citrus based artificial flavors, will certainly raise my intellect on the levels needed to solve the mystery regarding our family developing quite an obsession for your low pigmented little scalp," she declared, opened the can and took a deep sip. By which we mean, she drank the entire thing in one go.

Then, in a display of awesomeness that was normally reserved for bar fights, Lisa gave a rather uncharacteristic burp, shouted the phrase "FUDGE YEEEAAAAH!" and pushed the empty can against her forehead, not even flinching as the once full soda container was pressed into a tiny disk, which then landed on the floor.

Lincoln was too baffled about that equally awesome and ridiculous display of misplaced "manliness" his sister showcased, as that he could say something immediately.  
Eventually though, he carefully put one of his hands on her shoulder.  
"Lisa," he started, with a stern and worried undertone in his voice. "How many cans did you have since yesterday?"  
The resident genius blinked a couple of times, having to think hard about such a simple question. Which in itself was already alarming for Lincoln.  
Eventually, she opened her mouth and answered "Six…," followed by a rather ashamed second and stretched out syllable, making her answer end on "…teen."  
Lincoln was not amused by that.  
"Okay, Lisa," he said in the same tone he used the previous night on his other sisters. "I think it's time for you to go to bed."  
"Never!" Lisa declared, slapping Lincoln's hand off her shoulder. "Do you really expect me to sleep in a time of crisis involving our fellow filial generational relatives?"  
"What?"  
"It is just a fancy way of saying "siblings"."

Lincoln concluded that it was pointless to come to a compromisse with his little sister. While she was starting to ramble about the importance of her work and how her not getting any sleep was a necessary sacrifice for the greater good, he just went over to her bed and grabbed her blanket. Then, while she was proudly, and quite delussionally, declaring that there was no way on earth she was going to surrender to Hypnos and his army of sandmen, he just threw the blanket over her head.  
"One… two…"  
"Hey, who turned off the lights?"  
"three…four…"  
"Lincoln, I am not a parrot. If you think that I am…"  
"Five…"  
Before he reached six, Lisa suddenly went quiet. Her body turned over, the blanket still over her head. Luckily for her, Lincoln was there for the catch, before she would have hit the floor. Carefully holding the little bundle in his arms, he moved the blanket till it revealed the face of his now sleeping sister.

"Oh Lisa," Lincoln sighed. "You always do that when you have too much soda."  
Ignoring her hearty snoring, he slowly carried her over to her bed. "At least this time you did not believe you were a hummingbird."

The older sibling laid Lisa down on her bed, removed her eyeglasses, shoes and socks before he tucked her in.  
"Sleep well Lisa. And thank you for all your hard work."  
He gave her an affectionate kiss on the forehead. It was sometimes easy to forget that she was the second youngest in this household because of her doctor title and the complicated words she used, making her come across as more mature and adult than even their parents sometimes. Nevertheless, her body was still the one of a 4 year old kid.  
Right now, he felt like a big brother, as somebody to watch over his younger siblings and sometimes even the older ones.  
Simultaneously Lincoln faced a new problem: For the next several hours he would have to rely on himself with no help of the little genius. He knew how to handle certain things, but after he had to flee a massage by Lori in the bathtub, he knew that he couldn't do this alone.

He played with the thought of contacting Clyde as somebody knocked on Lisa's door.  
 _Please don't be Lori, please don't be Lori, please don't be Lori, please don't be Lori!_ he thought in panic, holding his breath and begging.  
"Lisa?" asked Leni's voice.  
Lincoln exhaled, eased by the revelation.  
"Come in," Lincoln said. "But be quiet and close the door behind you."  
Leni entered the room and did as Lincoln said while looking concerned and sad.  
"Lincoln, how is Lily?"  
Before receiving an answer, the ditz went over to Lily's crib and saw that she was sleeping, looking healthy and peaceful. She herself looked relived now too and smiled down towards her baby sister.  
"I'm, like, sorry that I totes forgot to look after you. I hope you can forgive me."  
Leni's remorse sounded genuine and heartfelt to Lincoln, more like the ditzy but lovable sister he knew. But as Leni looked up and around the room he also remembered how Lori had reacted a few minutes ago. He tried to reach for the door as…  
"Lisa?"  
Instead of looking for Lincoln, she walked over to Lisa's bed and got on her knees to have a better look at the girl in the turtleneck.  
"Why is Lisa still sleeping?" Leni asked Lincoln in a worried tone and looked to him. "Like, she doesn't look very good."

Lincoln decided to answer the question with a half-truth. "She was preoccupied with her work and research the entire night," Lincoln told Leni. "She just got to bed a few minutes ago."  
The answer shocked the blonde and she held both hands to her mouth.  
"And she had to take care of Lily too."  
Leni caressed Lisa's face and looked down in shame. "I'm sorry Lisa. Like, I shouldn't have neglected my duties."  
The sorrow, the regret, the sadness, all of this sounded even more genuine than before to Lincoln.

"Leni?"  
"Yes, Linki?"  
"How do you feel?"  
"Like, really bad. I hope Lisa will be okay after her sleep."  
"Don't worry about her," Lincoln tried to cheer her up. "She survived more than one explosion to the face, only to be up after a few seconds. If that doesn't harm her then a case of being overtired shouldn't harm her either."  
"Thank you Lincoln, but I made a mistake," Leni made it clear. "Like, I have to make this up to both of them."  
If it came to caring for others, Leni could be incredible serious.

"Don't worry, Mistress Leni," Alfred's electronic voice suddenly stated. "Her research may have her overtired, but I took care of Lily."  
Alfred transformed into his mobile form, but he looked slightly different. His treads were now able to transform into legs and he looked more polished.  
"Hi, my name is Leni," she greeted the robot in her normal friendly way, like she would greet anyone. "Did Lisa build you?"  
"Yes, I was taking care of Mistress Lily yesterday."  
"Thank you," said Leni in a sincere tone. "Like, you did a great job, she looks very fine."  
"Mistress Leni, I accept your praise."  
"Call me Aunt or Auntie," Leni requested. "You don't have to be so formal to me."  
Lincoln raised an eyebrow. "Aunt? Why Aunt?"  
"Well, like, Lisa created him, so she is his mother and this makes him my nephew," Leni explained like it was the most normal thing in the world. "This totes makes him also your nephew and the nephew of our other sisters."  
"Why do you think so?" Lincoln asked curiously.  
"Duh, I saw it in some TV series and a few movies how the creators saw their robots, droids and androids as their children," Leni explained to Lincoln. "Like, it makes total sense. They created a being that can feel, think and live. They may have been born different and are made out of metal, electronics and the non-edible chips, but that doesn't mean that they can't be your child."

It wasn't the most eloquent explanation and one could not expect one wrapped in complicated words from Leni, but it made sense from her nonetheless. Smiling, Lincoln thought how a simple mind could make the question about human-robot relations so easy and beautiful. Not too much philosophizing, but a clear and understandable answer.  
"Like, I can't wait to tell mom and dad that they are grandparents now!" Leni squealed in joy.  
"Don't do that," Lincoln recommended before adding. "Explain it to them only together with Lisa."  
"I guess you are right, Lincoln. Lisa should tell them the good news."

After making sure Lisa was safe and sound, Leni got up to her feet and turned to Alfred.  
"I will reward you for your good work, nephew," Leni said. "But I have no idea what I can give you."  
"I don't need a reward, Mistress Leni," Alfred explained professionally. "I am doing what I'm programmed to do."  
"Don't be so humble, I will come up with something," Leni promised. "And don't call me Mistress, I am your aunt, remember? But how about a beer? I bet you have to recharge after so much work. Lily can be very exhausting."  
"I don't need beer to recharge," Alfred explained slightly confused.  
"So, you aren't that kind of robot?" Leni figured out. "What about energy in cube form. Do you like them?"  
"I am not that kind of transforming robot either," Alfred explained in a slightly bemused tone. "I get my energy via an adapter I connect to an outlet in the wall."

Leni nodded in understanding. "I see. I will get you something later then. Keep an eye on my sisters and Lincoln until I return."  
"Of course, Mi… Aunt Leni."  
"You are a good robot," Leni said and petted Alfred.

Leni was Leni again. There was no doubt. But before the blonde left the room she gave Lincoln something from her little bag.  
"For you, I hope you like it."  
Before Lincoln could reply, Leni was out through the door while giggling like a young schoolgirl.

In Lincoln's hand was a colorful little bag, bound with a cute ribbon. Lincoln opened the bag slightly and looked inside it. He saw and smelled chocolate, self-made chocolate.  
"Chocolate?"  
"I could be wrong, Master Lincoln," Alfred began his analysis, "But I think she made you a valentine's present."  
"But it isn't Valentine's Day," Lincoln countered. "Also, it doesn't work that way!"  
"It does in Japan," the robot explained. "It is tradition there for girls to give chocolate to somebody they love or really like."  
"Dang it!" Lincoln mumbled under his breath. Still too much affection. "At least Leni wasn't as bad as Lori had been back in the bathroom."

"What happened in the bathroom, Master Lincoln?"  
"You don't want to know," Lincoln replied. Then he began to realize something. "Say, Alfred…"  
"Yes, Master Lincoln?"  
"Weren't you… how do I say it… clunkier last night?"  
As mentioned earlier, the robot looked indeed different than when Lisa first showcased him to her brother. Aside of a distinct pair of feet, he was also, in terms of design, way more humanoid looking than before. He still had a pair of telescopic arms, but they now featured two very human like hands, with fingers for fine motorical work. His torso shimmered in black with several bulks all over the body, probably to hide some distinctive cables. Only his head was still more or less a squared reminder of his previous design.

"Yes Master Lincoln, indeed," Alfred admited in a surprisingly good humored tone. "I thought that, in light of my duties as Mistress Lily's caretaker, in this time of familiar crisis, it would be of advantage to perform an upgrade for improvement of my performance."  
"You upgraded yourself?" Lincoln was simultaneously shocked and impressed.  
"Was that not to your liking?"  
"No, it's okay, I am just…" Lincoln felt kind of awkward. Alfred seemed like a really nice robot so far and he didn't want to say to him, that the idea of a robot upgrading itself behind the backs of his owners sounded like something out of a comic book, where the robot revolution was just one misunderstanding away from happening.

"Nevermind," he eventually said.  
"If you wish, I can easily downgrade mys-"  
Lincoln interrupted him, before he could finish the sentence. "No Alfred, don't. If you want to upgrade yourself to help us, that is fine with me. But talk to Lisa about it too, okay? I get the feeling she would like to know when you are going to do something like that."  
Then another realization hit Lincoln. "When did you actually have the time to upgrade yourself?"  
"Sometime between last night and before I gave Mistress Lily her morning bottle," was the surprisingly snarky, yet still very polite reply from the robot.  
"Is there anything else you would like to ask me, Master Lincoln?"  
"No, not really"

Lincoln looked at the bag of chocolate, sighed and took one bit out. Of course it was heart shaped. "Unless you have an answer for why my sisters are acting the way they are."  
"Have you considered the possibility that they are just trying to cheer you up, because they know something bad in regard of your well being?"  
Lincoln frowned. "Alfred, Lisa already gave me the cancer scare last night."  
"Cancer?" Alfred was shocked. "Oh my, Master Lincoln, I didn't mean that! I was thinking about something more innocent, like you going to spend a month with your Aunt Ruth!"  
 _Well, that is a scary thought too_ , the white haired boy concluded. But then he pondered about the odds and decided that not even something like that would explain things such as Leni ignoring Lily the way she did. Or for that matter, Lori getting more affectionate towards him than to her boyfriend.

"Well, whatever it is, I am sure Mistress Lisa will soon find the answer," Alfred reassured.  
"I hope so too," Lincoln said and put the piece of chocolate into his mouth. He had to admit that it was actually pretty tasty.  
"Is there anything else I can do for you?" Alfred wanted to know.  
"No, not really," he said, fishing for another piece of chocolate. "I will try to handle on my own for the time being."  
He ate the second bit and was already fishing for the third. "But I will ask you for one thing: Take good care of my two sisters,"  
He pointed his chocolate sticky fingers at Alfred. "Whatever is going on in this house right now, I want you to guarantee me their well being."  
"Sir, I promise you I will follow my directive."  
"Good" He ate the third bit. "And while we are at it, Lincoln is also just okay."

Alfred didn't say anything at first. And for a few seconds Lincoln thought that if the robot had been capable of doing so, he would have smiled at him.  
"If you insist, Lincoln," he would eventually say though, before turning to Lisa's side, gently stroking her hair. "Do you think Mistress Lisa would like to eat something when she wakes up?"  
"Well, I think she could do with some mashed potatoes," Lincoln replied, thinking about her favorite food.  
"Now if you excuse me, I think I have overstayed my welcome."  
With all things said, done and elaborated, Lincoln left the room. He carefully closed the door behind him, making sure the noise of the closing door disturb his sisters.

 _At least someone gets a bit of peace in this house,_ Lincoln thought and thanked heavens for Lisa creating the surprisingly helpful robot. At least with Alfred on his side, he wouldn't have to worry about the well being of his youngest siblings as much, meaning his nerves could calm down a bit.  
And if the chocolate was anything to go by, Leni's sweet delight was going to support the calming of his mind even more.  
As such, he took another bit out of the small bag and threw it into his mouth.  
At this very moment, Leni came around the corner and saw him. Her eyes shone in delight about what she saw. "Do you like it?"

Lincoln was surprised, but did not want to make his sister sad, abnormal levels of affection or not. Beside, the chocolate was really that good. "It's delicious."  
"Oh, thanks Linki."  
Leni watched him pick another bit, which he flipped into his mouth.  
"I am going to tell Lana too. You know, she helped me make it."  
Well, that explained why the last bit tasted like a dog biscuit sprinkled with fish pellets.

* * *

 **Author's notes:  
Hatoralo: Can softdrinks really have that effect on kids?**

 **MamaAniki: Aside of diabetes? I think. Heck, I remember when I had to study for an exam and drank only eight cans of coke to stay awake.**

 **Hatoralo: What happened?**

 **MamaAniki: I was so sleep depraved... I passed the exam, but I was also arrested for trying to convince the entire library to join in a spontaneous musical number.**

 **Hatoralo: (pulls a checklist out) That takes care of Lucy, Lisa Lori and Leni. Who is next? Oh. OH! This is going to be fun!**


	5. Twin Creeps

**Authors Notes:  
MamaAniki: Welcome back.**

 **Hatoralo: I can't believe it. We update sooner our fanfic than Nickelodeon airs a new episode.**

 **Mama Aniki: I think hell just froze and I became a monkey's uncle.**

 **Hatoralo: I think the title of this chapter alone tells people who is going to be center stage of this time.**

 **MamaAniki: I am just surprised we are not getting past 5000 Words this time.**

 **Hatoralo: "I want to thank here and now ultrablud2 for his great help with proof-reading this chapter and the former one. Thank you, you did a splendid job."  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 5: Twin Creeps  
**

* * *

Tight, dark and rather stuffy. Those were the perfect words to describe the ventilation shaft system of the Loud House, connecting every room like a metal enhanced system of ant tunnels. For years the kids have used it as an alternate method of reaching each others' rooms in case Mom and Dad grounded them or some secret meeting was to be held. In fact, Luna was one of the first to ever do so, after she had to go in to save little kitten Cliff when he got a bit too enthusiastic about chasing one of the girls' first hamsters. But it didn't take long for the kids to realize that, around the age of 15, size became quite a limiting factor in the usage of this alternate method of traveling the casa de los Louds. Thankfully Lana Loud, age six, didn't have to worry about that for another nine years.  
What she had to worry though was the success of the mission.

"Okay, I am in position," she said to no one in particular. She wasn't as accustomed to being stuck in the ventilation system as e.g. Lucy, but she still had managed to get herself right above Lincoln's room. "Time to get to work."  
Pulling her favorite screwdriver out of her trouser pocket, she carefully removed the grid's screws, trying to make as little noise as possible. At the same time, she had to be fast. After all, she had no idea how long Lincoln was going to stay in Lisa's room. Heck, she had already been close to abort the mission, when right as she was trying to enter the shaft system, Lincoln suddenly passed by in a hurry. The fact that he was naked and leaving a trail of shampoo bubbles on the metal floor was kind of a bonus to watch, but still. She was kind of confused why she suddenly was so avid after seeing the naked form of her brother. She had seen him so often in his underwear, the lack of the last component shouldn't confuse her so much but it did. It was comparable to the time she had laid eyes on Hugh but like that time she didn't know exactly why she was so interested in him like she was in Lincoln's naked body now. She needed a couple of minutes to calm herself down again, as the mission called for a cool head. But now it was on go and so far everything fell into place. In fact, the moment she removed the last screw and was finally able to displace the grid, phase one was complete.  
"Time for phase two," she declared.

She grabbed a rope which was attached to a tool belt she was wearing and wrapped it around herself.  
"You guys ready?"  
The question was directed at Cliff and Charles. The family's dog and its "natural enemy" were holding the other end of the rope in their jaws and gave Lana a nod.  
"Okay, then let's go!"

Slowly she descended down the ceiling into Lincoln's room.  
"Careful up there," she called out to the two pets, who were doing the best to keep her steady. After all Lana had promised them each a bag of their favorite treats if they helped her in the mission. That being said, they felt kinda silly about what they were doing. Then again, they had seen weirder stuff going on in the house, than one of the kids trying to break into another's room.

Meanwhile, a couple of feet below them, Lana had reached the height of the target, in her case the upper drawer of her brother's dresser. She was just going to grab for its knob, when she heard a noise coming from the main door. Drawing on the rope, she signaled the pets to pull her up. Which they did just in the nick of time, as Lincoln entered the room.

"Ugh," the young boy groaned, spitting out bits of dog treat flavored sweets.  
"Why did Lana have to come and ruin chocolate for me?"  
He threw the half eaten bag of chocolate into the trash, oblivious to the intruder. Just two heads above him, Lana was almost in tears. _iStupid brother_ _…_ _/i_

Below her, Lincoln was grabbing his walkie talkie.  
"Clyde? Come in Clyde, I need to talk"  
No answer.  
"Clyde?"  
Lincoln took a closer look at his walkie talkie.  
"Dang it," he exclaimed in annoyance. "Dead battery."  
He turned around and left the room, trying to look for some batteries in the kitchen.  
While he was busy trying to fix his little energy crisis, Lana took the chance and continued the mission, all the while wondering how her brother could not possibly like her chocolate. After all, she put so much love and care in it. Well, that and some of Charles' favorite dog biscuits, which she knew weren't poisonus for humans from first hand experience. But only because she wanted his hair to be shiny!

Trying not to think about how her brother accidentally broke her heart, she reached once more for the drawer and searched its content for the object of her desire. And after a few seconds, there it was in all its glory.  
Crimson red in color, 100% pure cotton, 2000 threat counts, non binding elastic.  
"Yes," she exclaimed. "Mission accomplished!"

"Lana?"  
The six year old froze in shock. Slowly she turned around, only to find herself face to face with her older brother. She smiled nervously, not quite knowing what to say. Something that counted equally for Lincoln. The young boy was used to quite some levels of weird going around in the house, especially within the last few hours. Still, it was a first for him to find one of his siblings with a rope around her waist hanging in the middle of his room like a piñata. Though the expression on her face was something only a piñata would wear, when it would realize that the crazy kid with the giant bat approaching was not going to teach it how to play baseball.

Then Lincoln, who really was just there 'cause he remembered that he still had a pack of batteries under his bed, saw what she held in her hands.  
"What are you doing with my victory undie-"  
"Abort mission, abort mission!" Lana suddenly shouted in a panic. Next, she was pulled up into the ventilation shaft, though not without hitting her head on the ceiling first. Trying to comprehend what just happened, Lincoln went deeper into his room and took a look up the ceiling. But by the time he did, all he could see were Lana's legs, jerkily trying to pull themselves up, which they eventually did after a few seconds.

This was followed by some scrambling noises and what sounded like Charles and Cliff hissing and yelping, before something fell out of the shaft down to his feet.  
"What the heck?" Lincoln stated. He pulled the object up and took a closer look at it.  
It was paper made, the size of a baseball and had a fuse on top of it, which was slowly burning down.  
"Is… is that a bomb…"

Before some false assumption about Lana's actions are made, some things needed to be clarified. No, the object she threw down Lincoln's room was not a bomb.  
At least in the classical sense of the word. See, when she decided to break into Lincoln's room, the inspiration for it coming from some old (which in her case meant "1990s and earlier") secret agent movie, she concluded that in case of her being found, a distraction was necessary. And if age inappropriate videogames taught her one thing, it was that smoke grenades were a perfect distraction.

There was just one problem. Lana did not know how to make smoke grenades…

SPPPPPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLAAAAAAAATTTTTTT!

But ever since the last fourth of July, she knew how to turn a firecracker into a mud spilling bomb.  
"LANA!"  
"My chocolate is not awful!" could be heard from somewhere in the ventilation shaft.

* * *

The only boy of the family laid on his bed. He wasn't in the mood to get his underwear back from a heartbroken sister after he had to go through the trouble of washing himself a second time, while simultaneously keeping Lori at bay before she could drag him in the tub again.

 _Not everybody of us likes dog treats as much as you, Lana_ , he thought. _But why my underwear? I just hope she isn't shredding it in revenge./  
_ But for some reason, he hoped his sister would do just that. It would be a meaner move than usual for Lana, but better than the worship he received so far.

He put the batteries into his walkie talkie and got a signal.  
"Commander Coriander Salamander here," Lincoln spoke.  
"The Red Baron here, Coriander," Clyde's voice answered. "How are you?"  
"I am fine… Okay, not really," he truthfully answered. "But my sisters are…"  
"Still nice to you?" Clyde's voice became very deadpan again. "I still don't see the problem."  
"It is worse!" Lincoln shouted. "They are treating me like a god!"  
Only silence came from the other end for a few seconds.  
"I still don't get the problem."  
 _A god they like to sacrifice their virgins to_ , Lincoln thought and he became very red in the face after realizing the possible double entendre in this sentence.

"It is like… Not normal," Lincoln tried to explain to his friend. "They don't stop being nice. This entire morning was different. Now, they are… Weirder. They act like really weird this morning. For example: I just witnessed Lana stealing my favorite underpants!"  
"Come again?"  
"Lana stole my victory undies!"  
"Why would she do that?"  
"I don't really want to know," Lincoln replied.  
"Maybe she just wants to wear them for a day?"  
The underwear was too big for Lana and imagining her wearing it was strange.  
"She could have asked me in that case," Lincoln replied. "I will get them back later. But for now I need a sister-free place. Your place after breakfast?"  
"That should be possible today," his best friend replied, taking a concern from Lincoln's shoulders. "Come over whenever you want. My dads are making Truffle-Lasagna for Lunch."  
"With Honeycomb cake for dessert?"  
"Of course."  
"Thank you Clyde," Lincoln said, expressing his gratitude. "Commander Coriander Salamander: Over and out."

* * *

Lincoln sat alone on the sofa, eating the large breakfast his sisters had prepared for him. Bread, toast, different types of butter and margarine formed into the stylish roll, cooked eggs, fresh bacon, marmalade of all types, his favorite cheese, his favorite salami, orange juice, milk, tea, salad, tomatoes, cucumbers and many more kinds of food for a healthy breakfast, presented on several folding tables.

Lucy had offered him a bell in the form of a skull which he could use to summon his sisters at any time. But he had rejected such services, partly because he was wary of the situation, partly because it reminded him of a similar situation which ended with him working like a slave on vacation to make his sisters happy.

He just enjoyed his meal and watching new episodes of Danger Mouse, as he suddenly got a message-call on his smartphone. It was from Bobby, which surprised him.

 _Hey Lincoln, is something wrong with Lori?_

Lincoln wrote back while continuing his breakfast, asking him what he was meaning.

 _She didn't reply to any of my messages since yesterday and when I phone her, I get only the mailbox._

Lincoln found it odd that she wouldn't talk with him. They talked almost every 5 minutes with each other any other day while awake. One time they even managed to message each other while sleeping.

Lincoln tried to explain that his sisters were concentrating on making a beautiful weekend for him and that he didn't know the answer as to why exactly.

 _Very strange. But I'm more worried about all the pictures she posted on her Visagebook profile._

Lincoln asked what pictures he meant.

 _All the pictures of you and the texts under them like "Loveliest Brother in the World." But one picture makes me especially worried._

Lincoln wanted to know which picture he meant and decided to look for himself after he'd sent his last message. None of the pictures he saw upset him. He just wished that Lori had asked permission to post this stuff.

Then he found the newest picture.

He screamed out in terror as Bobby's newest message popped up on his window.

 _The one where she is bathing with you. I know siblings bath together from time to time but_ _other_ _people_ _may_ _get the wrong impression if they see something like that.  
_

* * *

"LORI! IN THE NAME OF EVERY DEITY FROM EVERY MYTHOLOGY KNOWN TO MAN, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!"

The young boy was standing on Lori's chest on the second floor while she laid on the ground confused, scared and sad.  
"I-I just wanted to show the people how much I love you."  
"AND RISK BEING ARRESTED?!"  
"But…"  
"NO BUTS!" Lincoln shouted, boiling with rage. "Delete this picture; no delete ALL these pictures with me. NOW!"  
"Yes Lincoln, as you wish Lincoln!" Lori responded in panic and with tears in her eyes while working on her smartphone.

Lincoln felt like a real jerk, talking to his sister like that. He couldn't even believe that Lori let this happen to herself and didn't stomp him flat like a pancake.  
The young boy felt the eyes of his sisters around him peering through the slightly opened doors to observe the drama, except Lisa and Lily.  
"Don't you have anything better to do?! Lincoln screamed, albeit not as loud as before. Next thing he saw were several hastily closed doors.  
Except from Leni, who just continued to look.  
"Didn't you just hear me, Leni?" asked Lincoln in a calm-threatening voice.  
"But I don't have anything better to do," explained the blonde innocently. "I can continue to watch."  
"IN THE ROOM!"  
Leni vanished and closed the door.

Lincoln helped Lori up to her feet after he had calmed down a little and gave her a hug.  
"I'm sorry," he said. "What I did was wrong, even if you made a huge mistake."  
"It is fine Lincoln," Lori said, returning the hug. "You are right; the world is not ready for naked sibling hugs."  
Lincoln swallowed down a comment which could have led into a debate over correct behavior of siblings while naked.

* * *

His appetite in shambles, he got himself ready to visit Clyde next. He prepared a few of his belongings and put them into his duffel bag. He just wanted to leave this place for a while so his sisters could concentrate on something else than him.  
He wrote down a note and left it on his bed for them so they wouldn't freak out when he _suddenly vanished._

 _Hopefully things are more normal at Clyde's place,_ he thought. He genuinely hoped that whatever weird thing was going on, it was only limited to the house and not to be experienced over the entire town. The last thing he needed right now was for some random girl on the street to suddenly pull him into a hug and ask him to go on a date with her or something like that.  
Speaking of hugs and dates, he felt as if he had forgotten something.  
"BBBFF?"  
Lincoln dropped his duffle bag. _iOh no./i_  
"What is it, Lola?" he asked, being thankful that at least right now there was his room's door separating him from the little girl. He also knew that his question was rather pointless, as he already remembered why she had bothered to knock at his door.  
"Well, you said you were okay with playing with me later," Lola replied from the other side. "And now is later, so…"  
"Can that perhaps wait for even later?"  
"But I already made us some cucumber sandwiches to go with the tea," the little girl whined.  
Lincoln really wanted to tell her to suck it up and wait for him till the later afternoon, when he had managed to get his mind off things at Clyde's. But the tone in Lola's voice was just sad enough for his older brother's instincts to immediately set in.  
"Okay, fine," he sighed and earned a cheerful "yay!", which he considered too energetic for Lola's regular behavior.  
"But before I join your little tea party, I have one question."  
"And what would that be?"  
Lincoln had to know. "Did Lana help you make the sandwiches?"

* * *

Lincoln was not a fan of tea parties. At all. For a wide variety of reasons. Two of which were pretty much as followed: First, he could not stand the taste of tea. It didn't matter what people gave him to drink, it all tasted to him like minted water in which someone had thrown one of Aunt Ruth's throat bonbons. Second, it was just too girly for him.  
He knew that in some parts of the world, the serving of tea was considered an art form and a social gathering event, signifying class and tradition. He knew from some of his Manga and Anime that they had entire ceremonies revolving around drinking tea and he wondered if Lola would be into that kind of drinking tea. For him though, tea parties meant sitting in some girl's room, forced to fake interest in some made believe gossip between plush toys. And as the middle child of a family of eleven, he had gone through way too many of those to count.

"And then Lord Ruxington said, "Sir, you are talking about my sister."" Lola stated in a way similar to Luan when she had just given a good punchline.  
"Aha," was Lincoln's half hearted reply. He really tried to fake interest for his sister, seeing how she had actually put some effort into the making of the tea party. A task that was not really all that simple. In fact, the only thing preventing him from falling asleep was the desire to just make Lola happy for a couple of minutes, hoping it would help her snap out of whatever she was going through. Well, that and the mini sandwiches which he devoured almost at minute intervals, in order to compensate for his abruptly finished breakfast earlier.

"You are pretty hungry, Lord Lincoln," Lola noticed in a sweet way. "It reminds me of the one time Admiral Mousey Cheesenut came back from her war with her archenemy, the Duc of Broglie, Monsieur Jaquez Claude de Broglie, also known as the Master-Swordsman of the Bretagne."

Lincoln didn't know if those were regular guests or new guests only there to amuse him with a more action-heavy background. He liked the idea but the name of the French guy sounded like somebody took some names from Wikipedia and cobbled them together.

"Do you like the tea?" Lola asked. "It was directly shipped from Micronesia by the North Australian Company."  
"I guess so," Lincoln sighed. "Say, since when do you use real tea? Didn't mom and dad forbid you to make your own?"  
"Leni made it for me," Lola answered quickly. "She is a real treasure even if she thought that a train was coming as the tea kettle started to whistle."  
Lincoln smiled in response. Leni was a better comedienne than Luan, even if unintentionally.

"After tea, we will listen to Lady Beeline's story of how she met the Danish prince who is always walking around with that skull," Lola announced to Lincoln. Lady Beeline was another stuffed animal, looking like a bee who was dressed in a fine little dress, probably made by Lola.  
"I would love to stay, but I have stuff to do after teatime," Lincoln explained. "I hope you aren't angry."  
"Oh no, I am not angry," Lola assured him but Lincoln could swear that he saw a hint of wrath in her smiling visage. "But please, try this cookie I have saved for you. And a last cup of tea."

Lola refilled his tea and gave him an especially tasty looking chocolate chip cookie with cranberries. This one looked very tasty and he decided to stay for one last cup of tea.  
"Thank you Lola," Lincoln drank the last cup of tea while enjoying the cookie, which tasted even better than it looked.  
"Hey, where did you get this Lola? It tastes really… really… really…" He felt strange while finishing the cookie. His vision became slightly blurry and he could swear the other guests were talking to him.

"Can you believe this, Lady Beeline?" Admiral Mousey Cheesenut said in a British accent. "I've never met somebody who got high on tea."  
"He should have stuck to water," remarked Lady Beeline in a Welsh accent. "Or it is the cookie? Commoners like him aren't able to appreciate the fine tastes of cookies."  
"I am to inform you that I'm Lincoln, troubleshooter par excellence, and I don't let me tell anything from some stuffed animals!"

Lola smirked. The special cookie with the numbing effect she had "borrowed" from her sister Lisa while she was sleeping worked perfectly. She wasn't very interested in the scientific research of her little sister but this time she had use for all the stuff Lisa created and told them regularly about.

"You are right," Lola said. "You shouldn't listen to anyone. Except me."  
Lincoln looked up. The entire room looked hazy, he heard strange noises and behind Lola was a scary light. The little girl herself wore now a green top hat with a paper stuck behind the leather band over the brim, as well as a green opened overcoat with princess-crowns all over it. Under it he could see a white shirt. The outfit was wrapped up by an auburn bowtie around her neck, brown trousers and black boots.  
The stuff she was wearing reminded Lincoln of a diabolical supervillain with sinister intentions.  
"What… What is… What the heck?"  
"Don't worry Lincoln," Lola tried to soothe him. "You don't have to think anymore…"  
"Why are you dressed like the… The… Mad… Hat… Guy?"  
Lola stepped onto the table and walked slowly to Lincoln. She bend slightly down and smiled her most precious but also most sinister smile the white haired boy had ever seen from his sister. He knew he should now run away as fast as he could but whatever was weakening his body and mind, it did its job very well.

"No reason. But I would like to know what you think of my new pocket watch."  
She drew out a large metallic pocket watch on a chain out of her overcoat and dangled it before Lincoln's eyes.  
"Look at it my brother," she ordered him and started to swing the watch on the chain before his eyes. Without any protest, he did as he was ordered, his gaze moving from left to right over and over. It made him feel even dizzier.  
"Just look at it..."  
"I look at it," said Lincoln in a monotone voice. He felt that this wasn't right but at the same time he couldn't find the strength to fight against it. "I look."  
"Good boy," Lola praised her brother and continued to swing the watch before his eyes.  
"Just watch the clock. See how the hands are moving."  
He did as ordered.  
"See the seconds pass by and feel yourself getting lost in the relaxing motion of the clock."  
He had the nagging feeling that something was not right. But at the same, he started to feel really good and relaxed. Perhaps if he listened just a little longer, Lola was going to help him realize what was going on.  
"Just relax. Don't think, don't resist. Let your free will slip away with every second."  
Lola repeated these words, till she saw his body relax in the tiny chair he was sitting in. His arms hang lazily, his mouth was wide agape and his eyes were unfocused and dull. Seeing it as a sign that he was under well enough, she went for the next part of her assault on his mind.  
"Listen to me, yes, listen to me, my beautiful sweet perfect brother."  
"I listen," came the monotonous answer.  
"Good," Lola said. "You love me, don't you Lincoln?"  
"Yes"  
"Yes what?"  
"I love you."  
"Repeat after me. I am your LSBFF."  
"You are my LSBFF."  
"And you are my BBBFF."  
"I am your BBBFF"  
"You will only see me as your favorite sister from now until the dawn of forever."  
The haziness of the room intensified and the light got stronger. His free will was slipping and he was close to surrender to every command.  
"Repeat!"  
"I will…. I will…"  
"Say it," Lola ordered in an incredibly calm and alluring tone.  
"I will only…"

A little stone hit Lincoln on his head and freed him from his hypnotic state while another flung against the pocket watch. Lola let it go in shock.  
"What do you think you are doing?"  
Lana was standing in the door with a slingshot in hand and an angry expression.  
"Dressing like a crazy hat making guy and hypnotizing our brother into only being there for you?"  
"And?" Lola asked smugly. "You don't have the means to care for that idiot like I could."  
"Oh, shut up!" shouted Lana. "I will force that hat down your throat!"  
"Try it!"

The two jumped at each other, colliding midair and one of their usual battles began.  
Lincoln got up, still wobbly on his feet and stumbled through the room.  
He wanted to get away from this insanity. He stumbled into the wardrobe Lana and Lola shared and fell to the ground. He looked around, the haziness of his hypnotized state vanishing more and more. As he could see clearer he found himself face to face with a shrine. A shrine with a few white hairs, a string of lights and several photos arranged around a single piece of underpants.  
Red Underpants.  
His victory undies.

Lana and Lola's fight had brought them besides Lincoln and they stopped with Lana's fist in Lola's mouth and Lola's knee in Lana's belly.  
"Oh… You found my shrine," Lana commented, laughing in an awkward manner.  
"But it is your fault I made it!" she then shouted angrily. "Idiot, idiot, idiot!"  
Lana then swung a slightly oversized mallet at Lincoln but he managed to dodge it, also thanks to Lola who wrestled the thing out of her twin sister's hands.  
"Let him be or I will have to break your little fingers, Lana," Lola threatened in a sweet manner while her face made a psychotic evil expression. "One after another."  
"That was just an expression of my love!" Lana defended herself.  
"What moron would stay with somebody who beats him up regularly?" Lola asked in anger and confusion. "Such a guy would have to either love pain or be really damaged in the head!"  
"Like your head will soon be?"

While the battle between the twins continued, Lincoln was, unbeknownst to the two, already gone.

Still a bit dizzy about what just happened, but certainly more awake thanks to the shock of finding out what happened to his underwear, he stormed into his room. Deciding that playtime was over, he grabbed his bag, ready to storm down the stairs and out of this insane asylum. But just when he was at the stairs, he heard the twins shout his name.  
Slowly he turned his head around.  
"Where are you going?" Lana asked. She laid on top of her sister, a hammer in her hand ready to hit some more teeth out. He was shocked because his sisters usually needed more time or a third party to solve their arguments, but here they were.  
"Don't you want to play with us anymore?"  
Lincoln didn't even bother with an answer. Instead his survival instincts, sharpened by eleven years of living with his family, kicked in and he threw his bag at the twins. The two blondes were so startled by the sudden attack that it gave Lincoln just enough time to jump down the stairs in one swift move and be out of the door before anyone of the two was able to shout his name again.

* * *

 **Authors notes:  
** **Hatoralo: Well, that escalated quickly.**

 **MamaAniki: Lola as the Mad Hatter. Less creepy than Johnny Depp to be honest.**

 **Hatoralo: Let's just move on to the next chapter and… oh. Oh. It's her turn now.**

 **MamaAniki: You mean, my solo chapter is going to come up?**

 **Hatoralo: Yes.**

 **MamaAniki: Wait here. I have to get my equipment.**

 **Hatoralo: …I am so screwed. (puts earmuffs on)**


	6. Sis, Coke and Rock

**Hatoralo: Both me and Aniki want to thank all our readers so far and inform them, that if you thought it went into Yandere territory already, you haven't even seen crud yet.**

 **MamaAniki: (putting up multiple beat boxes and an electric guitar)**

 **Hatoralo: Also, this chapter will feature a lot of lyrics from famous songs, indicating which sister will play center stage today.**

 **MamaAniki: (puts on a wig and looks like a bad eighties rocker)**

 **Hatoralo: (putting earmuffs on) The chapter by the way was written exclusively by my partner, who obviously does not have the rights to any of the lyrics used here.**

 **MamaAniki: (playing a few strings and notes)**

 **Hatoralo: (slightly in panic) We will listen up the songtitles and singers later on, as mentioning them now, would ruin part of the joke. But till then…**

 **MamaAniki: (Sets on to play the first notes)**

 **Hatoralo: DODGE!**

 **(Hatoralo comes back)**

 **Hatoralo: "Before I go: This Chapter as well Chapters 4 and 5 were proof-read by ultrablud2. I and my partner thank him for his good work so far."**

 **(Hatoralo dodges out of the way like Gohan is supposed to do)  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 6:**

 ** **Sis,** Coke and Rock 'N' Roll  
**

* * *

In Luna Loud's mind, there was no greater form of art than music. She could also appreciate movies and paintings, but something about music in general was just so emotional, it resonated with the deepest part of her soul. Though it had to be clarified, that when she talked about music, she didn't mean some artificial pop music garbage on the radio or some mindless jingle worthy Christmas song. She was talking about the kind of songs people put effort into. Songs that truly meant to carry some sort of feeling or invoke an emotional reaction out of their audience. And in her eyes, no genre did it better than Rock and Roll!

Luna was pretty much obsessed with the genre that spread by now more than half a century of music history. There was just something in a really good rock song, which managed to ignite a joy for life in her like nothing else. The faithful night in seventh grade, when she first saw her idol Mick Swagger on stage made her realize who she really was and that she had every right to express her emotions the way she wanted.

 _On this sinners' night  
Lost are the lambs with no guiding light  
The walls come down like thunder  
The rock's about to roll_

 _It's the Arockalypse_  
 _Now bare your soul_

Unfortunately for the rest of her family, she sometimes forgot that others had also the good right for some quiet. As such, soon after she got her first guitar, it was established that if she wanted to rock out HARD, she was only allowed to do so in the garage, which Lynn Sr. had personally made sound proof. The fact that he did a good job was proven by the fact that even now, a couple of years down the line, barely any noise got past the garage door, as she was rocking and singing her soul out.

 _All we need is lightning  
With power and might  
Striking down the prophets of false  
As the moon is rising  
Give us the sign_

She was just getting to the best part of "Hard Rock Hallelujah", a song she considered so metal, she felt ashamed she didn't know of it up until two weeks ago. As such, she had decided to put at least 20% more energy in her singing, just to make up for it.

 _Now let us rise up in awe  
Rock 'n Roll angels bring that Hard Rock Hallelujah  
Demons and angels all in one have arrived_

She was so into the song, she didn't even hear the door being opened and Lincoln storming in.

 _Rock 'n Roll angels bring that Hard Rock Hallelujah_  
 _In God's creation supernatural..._ ,

She was ready to finish the main refrain, when she turned around and became aware of her brother trying to hide behind some boxes.

"Hey dude," she said and interrupted her jam. "How are you doing?"  
"May I ask for sanctuary?"  
Luna blinked in confusion.  
"Lola and Lana have lost it. And I think they are after me," Lincoln explained. He could had sworn that from somewhere in the house, he heard two small but very energetic siblings crash down the living hall. Luna's only reaction to that was a tired sigh.  
"What did you do this time, bro?"  
"Nothing, I swear!"  
He took a quick glance out of the garage gate's window to see if the twins were outside.  
"I was just having a tea party with Lola," he said. "And then… well, things escalated. Quickly. Somehow it really got out of hand fast."  
Normally Luna would have dug a little bit deeper into what he meant by that. But as this weekend was characterized by his sisters acting affectionate towards him on different, slowly uncomfortable level reaching ways, she just stood there.  
"So… you just want to sit some time here out?" she asked in a slightly disappointed manner.

Lincoln didn't like the undertone in her voice much, but still turned around.  
"Well, I…"  
"Lincoln!" someone screamed in a rather boyish voice from outside.  
"Where are you, BBBFF?"  
"Dude, I am really sorry. You can have your victory undies back. But please don't hate me!"  
Lincoln contemplated his options. Out there with two mad little sisters, or in here with one that just sounded as if her boyfriend had ditched her for another date. He concluded the later was the better option.  
"Yeah, kinda," he said. But to make her cheer up a bit, he further added, "I would like to listen to some of your music."  
"Really?"  
Lincoln nodded. "Of course. I mean, you know I really like your music."  
"Thanks bro," Luna said and pulled him into a tight hug. He already expected something bad, but then she just dropped him and started adjusting the strings on her guitar. "Why don't you take a seat next to the ice box over there? I brought me some coke in case I got thirsty."  
He took his place. "Can I take one?"  
"Of course," she said and jammed the strings once. A very loud bass came out of the nearby boxes. "Now hold on tight Lincoln. 'Cause I am going to sing about the Hard Rock Hallelujah just for you!"

* * *

For the next 20 minutes, while Lola and Lana were both busy turning the house upside down in search of Lincoln and accusing each other of being a brother stealer, Luna decided to take the young boy on a quick acoustic history of rock n roll with her guitar. So far, after witnessing the rest of the Arockalypse, they took, among other things, a ride on the yellow submarine towards the city of Rock n Roll, while listening to Radio Ga Ga and avoiding the traffic on the highway to hell, taking a hitchhiker called Lucy with them. Not the one who was obsessed with vampires, but someone who believed to see diamonds in the sky.

And Lincoln had to admit, unlike the tea party, he really enjoyed this form of quality time.  
Partly because Luna just expected nothing else from him but to listen, while she went through different interpreters and genres. And if she was affected too, the music and excitement in itself seemed to cancel out any desire from her to act awkward around him. Heck, Lincoln couldn't stop himself from getting excited and joining her in the one and other recognizable verse. So far he made it abundantly clear that it wasn't him who started the fire; before he and his sister went on to tell the world that whatever higher entity was up there in the universe, he/she/it has put the rock n roll in the souls of everyone.

"Dude, you really know your SMOOCH!" Luna said, after the two wrapped the last one up.  
Her voice was getting a bit dry and so she grabbed herself a coke, offering her little brother also a bottle.  
"What can I say? I just enjoy good rock," he stated nonchalantly and took the bottle.  
Luna affectionately ruffled his hair. "Man, it's great spending some alone time with you."  
"Yeah…" Lincoln said, not quite knowing how to feel about it, despite having a good time.  
He opened his bottle, waiting for Luna to do the same.  
"Cheers," he said, clinking his bottle on hers.  
"Here is to us," she toasted and emptied the bottle in one go. "Ahh…. Just what I needed."  
She grabbed her guitar.  
"Want to join me again?"  
"Nah," Lincoln stated, taking a seat on a box with tools. "My throat is getting sore."  
"Well then, I guess it is up to me to tell you that…" she began, before shredding the first accords of another rock song.  
 _  
You got mud on yo' face  
You big disgrace  
Kickin' your can all over the place  
Singin'..._

"We will, we will rock you!" shouted the little boy in unison with his sister.  
In a weird way, he was thankful for Luna to be the way she was right now.  
While she was a little bit cuddlier than he was used to, insisting once or twice to share the mic with her when she sang and putting him into hugs at certain verses, she was overall acting normal. She certainly did not insist on giving him some presents or make pictures of them rocking it out. Rather she was just getting excited about her hobby in a way she couldn't hide anymore, even if he asked her to do so.

 _I love rock n' roll  
So put another dime in the jukebox, baby  
I love rock n' roll  
So come an' take your time an' dance with me_

And it was pretty obvious, that she just wanted for him to join in the excitement again, seeing how after declaring her love for rock and roll, she started to go back playing SMOOCH! for him. First she declared how she was going to rock n' roll all night, then she was all about how she was giving it all to him tonight…

 _In the darkness  
There's so much I want to do..._

...Wait, what?

 _And tonight, I wanna lay on your feet  
'_ _Cause girl I was made for you  
And girl you were made for me  
I was made for loving you baby  
You were made for loving me  
And I can't get enough of you baby  
Can you get enough of me?_

Lincoln, for a few seconds, believed that his sister's face became suddenly more sultry, as she went on the next verse.

 _Tonight I want to see it in your eyes  
Feel the magic  
There's something that drives me wild_

 _And tonight we're gonna make it all come true  
'Cause girl, you were made for me  
And girl I was made for you_

 _..._

Lincoln almost froze in shock. Did his sister use SMOOCH! to hit on him?  
 _No, I must be hallucinating,_ the little boy thought. True, those were the lyrics of one of their greatest hits, but…  
All of sudden he felt like he should listen closer to the next song. Just to make sure, he was only imagining things. And he should do fast, as Luna was already on the next song's refrain.

 _Here I am! Rock you like a hurricane…_

"Are you ready to rock, Royal Woods?!" Luna asked, which managed to calm Lincoln down a bit.

 _Here I am Rock you like a hurricane_

After all, that did not sound at all…

 _My body is burning, it starts to shout  
Desire is coming, it breaks out loud.  
Lust is in cages till storm breaks loose  
Just have to make it with someone I choose_

Lincoln's jaw dropped at this statement. Something Luna became aware of, but did not complain about. Instead she suddenly switched to another song completely, all the while looking at her brother teasingly.

 _You need coolin', baby, I'm not foolin'  
I'm gonna send ya back to schoolin'  
Way down inside, a-honey, you need it  
I'm gonna give you my love  
I'm gonna give you my love, oh_

Lincoln became suddenly very self-aware of the situation. He would have probably run out of the garage already, if his sister hadn't come very close by now, telling him what she wanted.

 _Wanna whole lotta love  
Wanna whole lotta love  
Wanna whole lotta love  
Wanna whole lotta love_

Their faces almost touching, Lincoln leaned as far back as he could on the box, till his body hit the wall behind him. Luna meanwhile had the biggest, naughtiest grin he had ever seen on another human being. He gulped, thinking that she was going to do something crazy like giving him a kiss. But then, much to his relief she turned around.  
Standing away from her brother, she tuned in another song.

 _You're a cruel device  
Your blood  
Like ice  
One look  
Could kill  
My pain  
Your thrill…l_

She sang in a surprisingly somber tune, which confused Lincoln. Did she realize what she just did? He realized that his mouth had become surprisingly dry within the last seconds and so he decided to take a sip from his bottle.

 _I wanna love you  
But I better not touch!_

The cola didn't even get past his tongue, before he spat it out at the words of the second verse.

 _I wanna hold you  
But my senses tell me to stop  
I wanna kiss you  
But I want it too much_

She had turned back again and, in an uncharacteristically twisted way, somehow took the reaction of her brother as a sign that she was doing something right.

 _I wanna taste you  
But your lips are venomous poison…_

Lincoln, now all out of coke, coughed.  
This got her attention to the point Luna decided to interrupt her little rock show to see if everything was alright with him.  
"Hey dude, are you okay?" she asked, getting close to him.  
Lincoln looked very pale. His sister's not so subtle singing made it unambiguously clear that Luna was just as badly affected as his other sisters. If not even worse!  
"I think I had too much coke," he stated and tried to get up. "I need to go to the bathro-"  
He didn't even manage to make two steps, before he stumbled upon a cable on the floor. While he thankfully did avoid falling face first on the concrete floor, the universe itself was cruel enough to still make him experience a rather clichéd and embarrassing moment. Particularly, that he fell into his sister, making both of them fall on the ground, him on top of her. To make the situation even worse, whatever rest of coke he had in his bottle was now spilled all over his sister's favorite top.

Lincoln got up on his feet, before Luna could say anything.  
"I am sorry Luna, I…"  
"Ehh, no stress dude," she calmly stated and got up. She looked at the damage on her top. Then, to Lincoln's horror, she took two fingers and wiped them over a part of her belly below the top, where some droplets of coke had wandered down, before putting them into her mouth.  
"You know, that reminds me of another song," she suddenly said and grabbed for her guitar again.

 _Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on  
Livin' like a lover with a radar phone  
Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp  
Demolition woman, can I be your man?_

She sang, all the while giving Lincoln a rather sultry look again. The boy in question was just too confused and shocked, that he even bothered to listen to what she was singing. Though the melody alone made it obviously clear to him that it was not the sort of song his younger siblings were supposed to listen to. Heck, he didn't even know if he was supposed to listen. The one thing he knew for certain was that he was not supposed to look at his sister's body and the way she was moving it to the rhythm of the song as he did. And yet he couldn't take his eyes away from her.

 _Razzle 'n' a dazzle 'n' a flash a little light  
Television lover, baby, go all night  
Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet  
Little miss ah innocent sugar me, yeah  
Hey!  
Come on_

She suddenly shouted and grabbed for three bottles of coke out of the ice box. She shook them wildly and before Lincoln had even a chance to react, she had put them into his hands.

 _Take a bottle  
Shake it up  
Break the bubble  
Break it up_

Almost on command, the caps on the bottles exploded and flew off in the air. The coke inside, shaken up good by Luna, shot out of them in three fountains, pouring down on Luna.

 _Pour some sugar on me  
Ooh, in the name of love  
C'mon fire me up  
Oh, I can't get enough_

But instead of getting distracted, the rain of sugared water seemed to only motivate her even more to pull off all her moves and go to the limits of her vocal range.  
Lincoln, on the other hand, let the now empty bottles drop on the ground, mouth wide agape, his eyes stuck on his coke soaked sister. And though he knew he shouldn't think of such things in regard of his own family, the first thing that came to his mind at the sight of Luna covered in soda, her wet top stuck against the curves of her breasts, was how attractive the 15 year old tomboy was.

 _I'm hot, sticky sweet from my head to my feet yeah  
Hey! hey! hey!  
Huh!_

And that was it. Though the song had in reality at least a couple more minutes to it, Luna decided to end it right here, the message she wanted to get across made very, very clear.  
Sticky and wet from head to toe, she put down her guitar and came towards Lincoln. The look on her face she gave him being a weird combination of naughty and affectionate made Lincoln stutter and made him suddenly realize a couple of things about what words such as "sexy" probably mean.  
"Did you like it?" she asked and Lincoln could not sense the slightest hint of the question being meant in a way that could involve a double entendre.  
"Luna… I…"  
He wanted to ask her what the heck was going on. Or at least tell her that he actually did not like her little stunt right now, despite feeling actually quite hot and tingly in places he never felt weird before, which his primal instincts told him actually should count as a "yes".  
But before he could say anything else, she put a finger on his lips, a raspy "shh" escaping hers. Mischievously, she looked at her brother and delightfully discovered that her little act seemed to have quite an effect on the young boy where it counted.

* * *

At this point the narrator considers it necessary to step back from the story, to share some basic biological knowledge and ensure the reader, that this is not going now into the territory he/she/it may think. So if you are reading this d-felipe, put away the tissue box!

The truth about the human body is that it consists of different interacting systems, involving all sorts of nerves, vessels, organs and glands of varying colors and sizes. The hormone or endocrine system in particular, plays an important role as an interface between the neuronal system and the functions of the organs. This comes because an almond sized part of the brain known as the hypothalamus receives sensorial input from different organs such as the eyes, which it then interprets into various commands that tell it, that the body e.g. demands nourishment or is in a dangerous situation it needs to escape.

As a result, the hypothalamus produces a variety of biochemical signal molecules referred to as hormones, which in general order a nearby gland known as the hypophysis (not to be confused with a similar sounding term referring to a scientific yet still to be proven assumption) to produce its own signal molecules, which are released into the blood stream and reach different organs, telling them e.g. to produce certain proteins for a metabolic task, get ready for experiencing a lot of stress etc.

And despite what certain self-help gurus like to preach, it is not possible to consciously control the way your body reacts to a sensorial signal all the time. Yes, you can develop enough self-control or become numb over your fears or little vices, that your body does not produce waste amount of adrenalin when you are facing something scary or tells you to just take a smoke already. But something like that needs a lot of exposure to the stimuli in itself, to ensure that the hypophysis does not interpret the input as important enough. Alternatively, you could of course take a lot of certain pills, but that would open a completely different can of worms.

Anyway, what does all of that now have to do with Lincoln, you may ask? Well, simple. Lincoln, despite acting quite often more mature than other kids his age, was just that: A kid.  
To be more precise, he was a boy on the verge of entering puberty. And so far Lincoln Loud had never been exposed to something another person may consider "sexy".  
True, he had his crush on Ms. DiMartino, whose sight made his brain shut down like the government did the Loud House during the radioactive waste incident.

But at the end of the day, this was a "harmless" crush, making him see Ms. DiMartino with rose colored glasses. It did not stimulate the hypophysis aka pituitary gland to orchestrate the production of larger amounts of testosterone and other hormones that would make Lincoln aware of his gender. But this?

Luna's rather inappropriate stage show, even though Lincoln did not want it, put the little gland that could into a hormone producing overdrive.

And a sizable fraction of those hormones were rather new for Lincoln's body to experience, as they stimulated certain parts of his bodies that made him feel hot in places he knew he was not supposed to feel hot. At least not at the age of 11 and for a sibling of all people.

"So..." Luna said huskily. She leant in closer, her face flushing and one hand rested on Lincoln's chest. "Care for an encore?"

Thankfully another fraction of those hormones produced right now in masse, were also responsible for eventually affecting his blood pressure. And the sheer amount of suddenly overexpressed hormones affected the later just enough for Lincoln, to make the very thin blood vessels in his nose burst. The resulting case of epistaxis, widely known as nosebleed, was so profound, it knocked Lincoln out like Clyde after a hug by Lori, saving him from whatever advances she was going to make next.

And if you thought that was an overly long way to say "Lincoln got an accidental boner and nosebleed" you are right. But if the narrator would have been even more scientifically accurate, it could have been even longer. So, let's move on.

* * *

Somewhere in a dark place with a laptop, a person was looking at what was going on in the garage. And it didn't like what it saw. According to its plan, Lincoln was not supposed to fall on the ground unconscious. If anything, he was supposed to fall on the ground and take a bite out of his sister's sweet cherry pie with a spice of brown sugar.

Instead Luna was now trying to stabilize her brother and went out to get the others to help her.

"Why isn't he following the script?" the person asked no one in particular. Then it touched the screen, stroking it gently. "My poor little Linki," it said in a surprisingly carrying voice, indicating that it felt sorry for the unconscious boy. "I will make sure your sisters take good care of you."

* * *

 **MamaAniki: I did it! I wrote my first solo chapter.**

 **Hatoralo: You also singlehandedly made sure we now have to put a T-Rating on this story!**

 **MamaAniki: As if that wouldn't have happened sooner or later.**

 **Hatoralo: Also, did we need that long of an explanation of accidental boners.**

 **MamaAniki: First, I am studying biology. And I tried to be accurate. Second, that is called sophisticated as F*ck, you know?**

 **Hatoralo: (sighs) Lets just listen up every song you just used.**

 **MamaAniki: Fine.**  
 **So yeah, We had Lordi with "Hard Rock Hallelujah", mentioned stuff by the Beatles, AC/DC and KISS (or their Loud House counterpart, SMOOCH), just to mention a few, used lyrics from "I was made for loving you, baby", "Rock you like a Hurricane" by the Scorpions, paid tribute to Alice Cooper with "Poison", utilized Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love" and finished it up with Def Leppard and his song "Pour some sugar on me".**  
 **Hope you enjoyed it all.**

 **Hatoralo: I don't know if I can listen to KISS ever the same way again. Or drink Coke.**

 **MamaAniki: How about Pepsi?**

 **Hatoralo: … (flips Aniki off)**


	7. What's up Doc?

**MamaAniki: Hey guys. So, before we get started, I want to personally thank everyone who enjoyed chapter six. I wrote that chapter back in December while being sick. And I had to listen to a lot of music, some good and some not so good, just to get the right ideas of what to use. But I guess it was worth it, considering the feedback and new readers we got. So thanks.**

 **Hatoralo: And it seems some have finally learnt, that this story is entering yandere territory.**

 **MamaAniki: Anyway, lets go on. After all, this story arc is slowly reaching its last part. And you read that right. This is just the beginning of something.**

 **Hatoralo: You haven't seen anything yet. (sinister smile) But first, lets see how Lincoln is doing.**

 **P.S.: This chapter was proof-read by ultrablud2.**

* * *

 **Chapter 7:  
What's up Doc?  
**

* * *

The darkness is a merciful mistress. It gives people peace, silence, solace and balance.  
Lincoln couldn't ask for more. In darkness he had forgotten his troubles, his worries, his identity, even what oblivion was.  
Nothing could be so sweet. He didn't even know why he preferred this condition so much and he didn't care. He felt good here.  
Suddenly a bright blinding light like from a nightmare-ish bad outfit was suddenly filling the darkness.  
"Come to the light, Lincoln," a voice boomed into the darkness. "But don't take it lightly. Get it?"  
The thought that the one true lord being as bad with puns as somebody Lincoln knew was frightening.

His vision became clearer and he beheld somebody in a physician's garb shining a bright light into his eyes.  
"Stop that, Luan!" Lincoln shouted, pushing the light away from his face and getting up just to notice that he was still too weak from his blood loss. So he fell back into the bed.  
"Don't strain yourself, Lincoln," Luan advised. "You lost more blood than what would have been bloody good for anyone," Luan explained and giggled. "Get it?"  
"My sense of good humor must be broken too," Lincoln responded dry of any emotion. "Wait, no, it still works."  
Luan just laughed in response. "Oh, our brother. What a comedian. But now get ready for your examination by one of my colleagues."

Luan left the room and Lincoln wondered what she had meant by "colleagues".  
Shortly thereafter, she came back. She looked taller than before, her face looked part always annoyed, part always sarcastic and her hair looked unkempt but stayed on her head and didn't fall around her face.  
"Okay Linka, your test results are in and I think I know what your problem is," she said in a nonchalant tone. "You are stupid, your hairstyle is a mess and you don't have any taste in movies. Fix any, or better yet, all of that, and you should be fully recovered even before the end of the day."  
"What kind of doctor has such terrible bedside manners?" Lincoln asked in disbelief.  
"The best, Liberty," Luan explained in character without any hint of sarcasm. "But for some reason your birdbrains of sisters want more opinions. I don't know why they flip so out about a minor case of blood loss, but I guess they don't have anything better to do with their meaningless existences. I would rather spend time with Carol than with an overdramatizing bunch of overreacting weirdos that your family is made of."  
"Okay, first, you are also part of this family," the white haired boy reminded her. "Second, I want to see your references!"  
"Yes, yes, whatever," the unfriendly doctor said and left the room.

Another "Doctor" came into the room. This time with the mask of a crab on her head, tentacles put under the chin and gloves resembling crab claws over her hands.  
"So, let me see you are a… human?" the thing said with a Jewish accent while looking at a clipboard. "Hmmm…. No, this can't be right. I know my humans and you can't be one."  
Lincoln wanted to tell her to cut it. But a part of him wanted to see where this was going, so he played along.  
"But I am!"  
"Whatever. Now let me see… Oh, you lost four of your kidneys and only have two left. My condolences to your loss."  
"I only have two," Lincoln explained with a groan. "I never had more and I don't need more."  
"Really?" the strange doctor expressed in surprise. "Then please turn around so I can examine your noses on the occipital."  
Lincoln could hardly believe his doctor would know any medical terminology and responded: "I only have one nose, the one on my face."  
"Stop with the nonsense," The alien doc ordered. "Now lay back. I have to open your head to have a look at your brain."  
"Out," Lincoln ordered. "Right now."  
The doctor left, mumbling something about eating his animals and his trash in revenge.  
Lincoln rubbed his eyes. This was so annoyingly Luan, he could at least be certain that she was normal again.

The next doctor wore a grey shirt and grey trousers. He had prominent facial ridges running down either side of the forehead to the cheeks, an enlarged brow ridge under a high receded hairline, a vertical crevice in the center of the forehead, and a ridged chin. This doctor had all the animals of the Loud Household with him, including the ones Lana hat gathered over time.  
"Hello, my dear young human," he greeted the boy in white. "Your results look good but I have to put these animals on your body."  
"I don't need animal therapy, I feel fine," Lincoln assured.  
"No, not therapy," the Doctor corrected him. "They will heal your body. The bird on the head, the cat on the belly, the frogs into your ears, the snake around your legs, and I will shove this hamster right up your-"  
"Out, out, OUT!" Lincoln shouted.  
"But I washed the hamster beforehand."

"Do I look like Richard Gere? OUT!"  
After this doctor left, Luan came finally back as herself. Only that she now wore a nurse outfit. He didn't know if that was supposed to be sexy or not, but he didn't really care anymore.

"Anything else I can do for you?" she asked him in a good mood.  
"An opinion of a doctor who isn't so insane!"  
"Of course!"  
Luan pulled her puppet Mr. Coconuts who was dressed like a doctor too out of her back.  
"Oh, please no…"  
"I diagnose a broken funny bone," Mr. Coconuts said. "I prescribe a five hour session with the best comedian in the house."  
"I don't know if Leni has that much free time today," Lincoln countered smugly.  
The ventriloquist dummy looked evil and angrily in response at Lincoln which made him cringe and a little ice run down his spine.

"Wait, where are the others?" Lincoln asked, finally noticing the lack of other Louds in the room. They were normally all over him when he was hurt or sick and if he was taking their clingy behavior into account, they should outright fight over taking care of him after his little nose-incident.  
"I may have told them that we needed something from the cellar to help against your bleeding nose," Luan explained. "Then the basement door suddenly slammed shut and only I could take care of you."  
Lincoln just gave her a stern stare in response and sighed. Maybe his sister wasn't acting so normal after all.  
"Don't give me that look, mister, or I will have to lock it up," Luan laughed out loudly over her own bad pun. "Get it?"

Or at least what you called normal in her case.

* * *

Down in the cellar, Lori, Luna and Lynn tried to break open the door with everything they had. The three looked pretty pissed while the other Loud children searched for other possible ways to escape.  
"Well, this is just great," Lori said rather overdramatically while watching Lynn run against the door again and again like a very stubborn battering ram in the hopes of breaking it open. "I am stuck in the basement with all of you guys, and meanwhile my dear Linki is up there in need of my care."  
"Oh, shut it, Lori," Luna said uncharacteristically annoyed, sugarcoated clothes still stuck to her body. "You are not the only one worried about our brother."  
The oldest kid in the house gave her a dirty look. "You shut your pie-hole."  
"Excuse me?"  
"If it wasn't for you, Linki would not be unconscious now!" she explained, leaning in closer. "What the heck even happened in the garage, Luna?"

* * *

While this was going on, Lincoln had a hard time to keep his calm at Luan's attempt to take care of his wellbeing. She may have stopped her bad impersonations of different doctor archetypes she could think of, but at the same time she was now busy actually trying to perform tests on him. Badly.  
"Okay Lincoln, now take a deep breath," she asked him, while holding the other end of a stethoscope on his chest. He did as told.  
"Well, this is weird," Luan suddenly stated.  
"What?"  
"I think you dropped a beat."

* * *

"Well… I promise you that whatever we did in the garage, it was nothing naughty," Luna said nervously to her sister. Lori, who knew her siblings well enough to identify an obvious lie, was not amused.

THUCK!

"Dang it. I almost had it," Lynn stated. She had tried her best to break the door open, but ever since her dad tried to turn the basement into an April Fools' Day secured safe heaven, that thing had been a metal enhanced defense wall.  
Making another attempt, she went further down the basement, before running up the stairs and hitting the door.

THUCK!

Meanwhile within the furnace, Lana was trying to open up a grid, hoping she could crawl through it out of the basement into the ventilation shafts.  
"Are you done there?" Lola asked, sticking her head into the furnace.  
"I think I almost got…"

SPLASH!

Lucy, busy trying to open up one of the basement windows, turned around. Paint was now spread around the furnace's hatch, as well as over Lola, who just stood there in shock rigor. "What just happened?"  
"I think I found a left over April Fools' Prank by Luan," Lana's voice stated from within the furnace.

THUCK!

* * *

"No!" Lincoln declared with crossed arms.  
"Not even if you get a lollypop for it?"  
"Even if you promise me a statue of Ace Savvy made out of Turkish delight, I am not going to give you an urine sample."  
Luan opened her mouth.  
"And don't even ask for number two, I already get enough of that from Lisa."

* * *

"Don't you dare lie to me, Luna!"  
"Okay, fine. Perhaps Lincoln and I had a bit of fun…"  
"What sort of fun involves you getting all sticky in coke and him having a nose bleed that's worse than Clyde's?"

THUCK!

"Perhaps if I use some kind of battering ram…"

"I don't know," Luna said sarcastically. "What kind of fun did you have with him, that he got angry at you and ordered you to delete all of your Visagebook pics?"  
Lori blushed. "That literally has nothing to do with what I am asking you."

* * *

"Now, I want you to relax…," Luan stated professionally, as she hit her brother's knee with a toy rubber hammer. Then, much to her shock, his left arm shot upwards.  
"… Okay Lincoln, no joke, I think you should get someone's professional opinion on that."  
For the first time since that examination started, he agreed with his sister.

* * *

"Oh, it doesn't matter? It doesn't matter that our oldest sister was taking a bath with our little brother?"  
Everyone suddenly froze in what they were doing and looked toward Lori.  
"Ehm… I was just having some quality time with him."  
The stares intensified.  
"I was wearing my underwear!"

* * *

Mr. Coconut (or Professor Dr. Coco from Nuts, as he preferred to be called) held up a stick against a poster full with letters of different sizes. "Okay, Mr. Loud, would you please read what I am tapping on?"  
Lincoln just sighed and put a hand over his left eye.  
"E….T….G….2… B…D….B….Z….4…E….I…M….AN IDIOT IF I DON'T GET THAT MY SIS- LUAN!"  
"Well, congrats Mr. Loud," Professor Dr. Coco from Nuts exclaimed. "Your eyesight is 100% A-Okay."  
Lincoln was getting seriously angry.  
"But your self-awareness seems to be lacking."  
If this continued, he was sure to blow a blood vessel.

* * *

"Girl, that is creepy," Lola, covered in yellow paint, stated towards Lori.  
"Pot, meet kettle," she could hear Lana mutter from within the furnace, which was reason enough for Lola to grab a crowbar and hit it hard against its surface. Before she had a chance to hit a second time, though, Lynn snatched the crowbar and went on to assault the door with it.

HNNNNNNGGGGGGG!

It didn't take long for the crowbar to suddenly break into half, making Lynn wonder how of all the things in this house, the freaking basement door was the one thing that could be certified as Loud-proofed.

* * *

Luan was genuinely worried as she looked at the blood pressure gauge's display.  
"I think you really need to relax more. Your blood pressure is extremely high."  
"Jeez, I wonder what could cause that," Lincoln snarled. At the same time he was biting on a thermometer Luan had shoved in his mouth. At least he hoped it was a thermometer. He still could see the thermometer fluid and the scale, but at the end of the thing was something resembling a party blower that you would find at a little kid's birthday party attached. And every time he sighed in resignation, the little paper part would stretch out.

"Luan, are you sure you really know what you are doing?"  
"Of course, Lincoln," she reassured him. "Considering all the prank falls I have suffered, I had to learn a few first aid tricks out there."  
"I just think that is rather unprofessional, to say the least."  
"Oh relax. Trust me. I am almost as good as a pedophile with that sort of thing."  
Lincoln let the last sentence hang in the air for a couple of seconds, trying his hardest not to accidentally swallow the thermometer-blower hybrid.  
"I think you mean pediatric," he eventually managed to say.

* * *

Leni Loud knew she was not necessarily the smartest in the family, but even she was aware that the situation in the basement had gotten ridiculous. The twins, both covered in paint and soot, were arguing with each other, with Lana shouting as she was trying to overcome a ringing noise in her ear, Lynn tried to karate kick and chop open the door, Lucy said she attempted to separate her soul from her body so that she could open the door from the other side as a specter and Lori and Luna were arguing who embarrassed/harmed Lincoln more over the last hours.  
"Guys…"

THUCK!

"Dang it! I think I broke my hand!"  
"Oh, dear friends from the other side…"  
"I am not a creep, you underwear sniffer!"  
"WHAT? YOU ARE NOT ASLEEP?"  
"Guys?" Leni said again.

THUCK!

"I was just rocking out with my little brother. And based on the standing ovation he gave me while still sitting, I think he enjoyed my little show more than your bath."  
Lori's jaw almost dropped at that statement.  
"What are you meaning by that?"

THUCK!

"GUYS!"  
Everyone turned to Leni. "WHAT?!"  
She took a deep breath. "May I try?"  
She didn't even wait for the others to answer, as she went up the stairs. On her way, she pulled a hairclip out of her hairdo. Pushing Lynn gently aside, she inserted the clip into the lock. Within a matter of seconds a soft click could be heard and the door opened.  
"Ta-da!"  
Leni expected her siblings to be grateful for finding a solution to the problem. As such, she was rather confused about the angry looks on their faces.  
"What?"  
"You could have opened the door the entire time?" Lori said, pinching the back of her nose hard and trying anything she could to contain her anger.  
"Well… Like, yeah."  
"Why didn't you do so in the first place?"  
"No one asked," was the simple answer.  
Before anyone had the chance to give into their tranquil fury and strangle Leni, they heard a commotion from upstairs.

* * *

Around the same time Leni opened the door, Luan finally finished the examination on her little brother.  
"Let's see," she said, looking over a piece of paper with made up results. "Your blood pressure is a bit high, you are a bit paler as a result of the blood loss and whatever is going on with your reflexes needs to be looked over again. But otherwise you are normal."  
"He still needs a funny bone transplant though," Professor Dr. Coco from Nuts argued, only to be silenced by the Jokester.  
Not that Lincoln cared about the joke. He was just glad that this little comedy routine with him as the butt of the joke was finally over.  
"I only suggest that you take some vitamins and iron to compensate for any signs of tiredness."

He had to admit, that sounded like very solid advice. Perhaps he could ask one of the less crazy siblings to fetch him some fruits and a ham sandwich for that.  
"Thankfully I have just what you need for a case like this," Luan then stated and pulled a bottle out of her skirt's pocket. Shaking it slightly, an egg sized pill fell into her hand.  
Lincoln's eyes widened in shock.  
"You expect me to swallow that?"  
"Of course not, silly. That thing would be a jo-king hazard. Get it?"  
"Haha," Lincoln laughed in defeat. He was tired and as such decided to no longer sit up, instead letting his head fall on the cushion.  
 _iOf course she would not want me to swallow that/i_ , Lincoln thought, closing his eyes. _iThat was just another stupid pun of-/i  
_ "It is a suppository!"  
His eyes shot wide open.

At this point, another short lesson in biology. The blood pressure can rise up for different reasons. Like arousal…  
"Lincoln, why are you looking at me like that?"  
…Or blood boiling rage.

* * *

"What are those sounds?" Lucy asked no one in particular.  
"Sounds like one of our arguments," Luna speculated. "Only angrier than usual."  
"Maybe Luan has clogged the toilet?" Lana assumed. "I will get big Bertha!"  
"Whatever," Lori chimed in. "We have to look for Lincoln like literally now!"

They all wanted to go up the stairs at once in best Loud Style, as something came flying down, landing before the entire family. It was Luan, looking like she got into the brawl of her lifetime.

"So, how is Lincoln doing?" asked Lynn with not much sympathy in her voice.  
"Based on the strength of the kick in my tushy he just gave me…" Luan started to explain and moved into a sitting position on one of her whoopy cushions. "I say he is A-Okay again."  
"Serves you right for locking us up in the cellar" Lola snorted.  
"Did you fear to catch a sickness based on cell-ulose?" Luan asked and laughed afterwards.  
"You will get my booth right up your-" Lori tried to threaten but stopped midsentence when she heard something from upstairs. She and the others looked up, only to see Lincoln coming out of the twins' room, his victory undies in one hand.  
"Lincoln?" she asked the boy, who looked at them in surprise.  
"Are you alright, dude?" Luna wanted to know. But instead of answering, he ran back into his room. The last thing the eight girls heard was his lock being turned.

* * *

The mysterious person on the laptop, who from now on shall be referred to as "The Observer", let out a sigh, as it watched the other Loud Siblings storm up the stairs and knock on Lincoln's door, begging him to tell if everything was alright. It had hoped that the others would take the necessary care of him to assure that things went more according to the plan again. Unfortunately, Luan's unexpected move seemed to have jeopardized everything even more.  
"That dumb, unfunny little psycho," it muttered in defeat. Admittedly, the Observer's plans for her were a bit muddier than for the others, but the way things worked so far, she seemed to function just well enough for what was planned in the long run. It couldn't even complain about her actions in the room, as so far they were falling into something it was aiming for. Still, things did not look… "Good", to say the least.

Lincoln was obviously angry and it couldn't think right away of something to change his mood for the better. Even worse, if the interaction between Lori and Luna was any indication, there was a risk of some unwanted conflict.  
The Observer grabbed a phone it had in its pocket.  
"We have to do some… Adjustments, it seems," it said to no one in particular, while activating an app on it. "They will thank me later."

* * *

 **Hatoralo: We hope you guys had fun with our chapter. I know I had fun making jokes of a couple of fictional doctors.**

 **MamaAniki: I am just surprised if anyone gets the third, really.**

 **Hatoralo: We also decided to insert our mysterious watcher a bit more prominently within the next chapters.**

 **MamaAniki: But who it is, you will not learn at least until chapter… (looks over the first drafts for the next 12 ones) Well, if we insert the dates all in one chapter and separate that draft into five… well, dang it. I would say at least chapter 20.**

 **Hatoralo: …well, a lot of time to guess who it is then.**

 **MamaAniki: Lets at least try to update a bit more till then.**

 **Hatoralo: Is that even possible with your job interfering with our writing time?**

 **MamaAniki … We will see.**


	8. The Naked Truth

**MamaAniki: Sorry it took so long for the next chapter. Stuff came up.**

 **Hatoralo: And from now on things get really weird.**

 **MamaAniki: "It is time for the great drama bomb this fandom loves so much. In the style of two snarky meta-loving doofuses this time."**

 **Hatoralo: "We thank ultrablud2 for his continuing proof-reading assistance."  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 8:  
The Naked Truth  
**

* * *

Since Luan's examination, some time had passed for Lincoln. Now lying in his victory undies on his bed, he was reading one of his favorite comic book issues in order to calm himself down. He really, REALLY needed some private time for himself. He wasn't in the mood to go to Clyde anymore, nor was he in the mood for humanity in general. The last thing he needed was Clyde being incredible friendly and helpful to him as well. Well, more than usual that was.

In addition of locking the door, he had also blocked it with his chair, to stop anyone from coming in. When his sisters tried to do just that, worried about the state of their brother, Lincoln shouted that he was fine, pleading them to leave him alone.  
"No, I just need some rest from my appointment with Doc Dunce," he explained when they asked if he was angry with them, even though that was not quite true.

Considering all the things that had happened, he was quite frustrated with his sisters. Not because they were worried for him, which he interpreted still as a sign of their affection for him, but because he could no longer say how far their affection would go now. The thought of something similar to the garage incident happening again, just because he asked Leni for bringing him something to eat, was scaring him. At the same time, it angered him that he did not know why any of that was happening and that, in order to avoid any more incidents, he had to limit his own personal freedom to the little room he had ever since he turned eight.

Still, he did his best not to latch out on his sisters, knowing that they were not themselves. Or at least he hoped so.

Bottom line, at the end, when Lori asked if there was anything they could do to make him feel better, all he did was ask for a sandwich, some apples and juice to drink. Partly to appease them, but also because Luan had still a point of him needing to regain some strength by nutrition. But he still insisted of Lucy just leaving it back at the door and go away. Thankfully she and the others listened with Lori reassuring him that they would let him have some peace and that he could come out whenever he felt like it.

Relieved about the current peace and with something in his stomach, he was reading up on his Ace Savvy comics. Unaware that it was only the calm before the next storm.

* * *

Lori Loud was angry. And not in the "teenager getting annoyed at her younger siblings" way, but the way a parent would feel when they discovered that their child just stole money from them to buy some new toy behind their back. Only that her anger was not targeted at an offspring of hers, but her sister Luna.

Ignoring the occasional feud because of the rocker's music being too loud while she was on the phone, Lori and Luna went along just fine in general. In fact, up until Luna embraced her "wilder" side, it was Lori who came to her aid if someone thought it was a good idea to bully the more introverted and almost "bland" sister of the family back in the older days.  
But right now all she wanted to do was slap some sense in her younger sister.  
"I am asking you just one more time, Luna," she stated in her most threatening growl she could muster, "what happened in the garage?"  
Both sisters were in Lori and Leni's room, the rocker sitting on her older sister's bed, while Lori was standing in front of her, giving the girl the best intimidating glare she could muster. A glare so intense and worked on in seventeen years of life, it could intimidate even Lola.  
As such Lori was taken back quite a bit when instead of getting nervous, Luna just looked back at her defiantly.  
"What happens in the garage, stays in the garage."  
Lori was having enough of it. "I swear Luna, if you don't spill the beans in the next seconds-"  
"Wait. I thought you wanted to know what she did with Linki in the garage, now you want her to waste food?"  
The oldest child of the clan glanced over to Leni, who was laying on her bed and reading up one of her fashion magazines.

Lori was face palming in response and Luna smiled, being amused by Leni's accidental joke.  
"Leni, you are…. You are…!"  
"I am what Lori?" asked Leni innocently.  
The oldest sibling swallowed down the bile of an insulting answer.  
"It is a proverb Leni, a saying," Lori explained finally. "When you say 'Spilling the beans', it means that somebody should answer you truthfully."  
"Ah, like, I get it totes now! Leni rejoiced with a big smile.  
"But what happened in the garage?" Leni suddenly wanted to know. "Did you do the same thing with Lincoln we two did?"  
Lori turned to Leni in shock. "What did you two do?!"  
"She played my favorite composition from the movie 'The Crow' for me. I loved it."  
"Yes, I played music for her," Luna confirmed. "Like I did with Lincoln."  
 _And if I would have had the time, maybe I would have also played with his flute…  
_ "Did you play something by Erich Zahn?" Lucy suggested, shocking everyone with her appearance in the room. "I heard his music drives people mad, so it could have made Lincoln unconscious."  
Lori shoved her gothic sister back into the ventilation shaft from which she came. "And don't eavesdrop again!"  
After that Lori turned back to Luna to continue her interrogation. "Your clothes are wet with coke and I know that it is either the result of an accident, Lincoln wanted to spite you (which I doubt), or you did it yourself."  
 _And for some reason, I can only think of one reason for you to do the latter_ she thought with a shudder. Granted, she knew it was kind of hypocritical to think that after she bathed with her brother a little earlier but she hadn't had anything dirty in mind as she did that. But Luna…

 _The standing ovation he gave me while still sitting…  
_ She couldn't possibly mean…  
"Come on, Lori," the rocker protested. "So I accidentally spilled coke over me…"  
Lori had a hard time to believe the "accidental" part. Accidental would be a wet top with clear stains. Not being covered as if she took a shower with it.  
"I did nothing he didn't enjoy."  
It was Leni who raised an eyebrow at those words. "Then why did he run in his room the moment you asked him?"  
Luna blinked. "Come again, sweetie?"  
"I mean, when you asked him if he was fine, he just… You know, he, like, didn't answer and just ran in his room. Like he was afraid of you," the young fashion fan stated, not even aware of the indication in her words. Luna's eyes on the other hand opened up in shock. She wanted to protest, but Leni, not even focusing much on what was going on and turning a page in her magazine, continued:  
"Also, you are, like, acting a bit weird around him, if you ask me. Like, I could have sworn you were looking at his butt yesterday, while he was rocking at Dance Battle."  
Lori, who didn't even know about that, was shocked. She turned her head, ready to give Luna a mouthful. But she stopped immediate when she saw the rather pale look on the brown haired girl's face.  
"I…I was just admiring…"  
"His butt looks okay," Leni interrupted her sister. "Nothing wrong with that but you stared at it like Lori stares at the butts of "Boyz will be Boyz".

The rocker wanted to protest that she didn't. That while she admittedly had stared at his booty, she did not do so in that manner. And even if she did, what was so wrong about it? It was a cute, sexy butt. So what if it belonged to her…only…brother?  
"Luna? Are you okay?"  
The young rocker didn't even hear Lori's words as in her mind she began to realize, for the first time, what she had done in the garage. She had hit on her only brother. No, scratch that. She had aroused him. And she liked doing it!  
"Like, you know how mom always warned us about stranger danger? You kinda starred at him like that."  
The memory of what she had said to Lincoln as well as the scared look he gave her when she asked him later on if he was okay filled Luna's mind. It scared her. 'Cause the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she may have not stopped just at teasing, if she would have had the chance.

She started to shake, tears forming in her eyes. She couldn't be that sexually perverted, could she?  
"No… I can't… That is… I didn't want to scare him. I never could…"  
The young girl almost choked on her words, not wanting to fully realize the truth of her actions.

Now Lori was worried.

"I only teased him," the young rocker whimpered. "I would never do anything to hurt...why did I do that?"  
 _She didn't realize it,_ Lori thought fearfully. _How couldn't she…_  
Memories of what she had said in the bathtub came to the forefront in Lori's head, making her too realize just how far she herself had gone in her affection for her little brother.  
 _Could I… What is going on here?!  
_ Leni, noticing Luna's change in voice, got up, sat beside her sister and held her hand. "Hey, there is totes no reason to cry," Leni tried to assure her sister.  
"I tried to hit on Lincoln."  
Next to her Lori froze in shock at the confirmation of her assumptions. Not that she was happy about it. On the other hand, Leni was a bit confused at that statement, as she did not even consider that option.  
"But you know what you did was wrong, right?"  
Luna nodded shamefully.  
"See? You know what you did was not okay. And I bet that Lincoln is going to forgive you, if you explain it to him."  
"You think so?" Luna asked hopefully, holding back the tears and calming down. "I don't know what is going on with me."  
"You need a break," Leni advised while stroking over her younger sister's back. "A shower, some sleep and some peace. After that, everything will be clear."

Luna inhaled and exhaled, calming down more and then smiling to Leni. "Thank you sis, I needed that." Still it didn't calm her completely. She had scared Lincoln with her behavior. REALLY scared him. This wasn't a Halloween prank or something equally harmless, this was something more, something that could be damaging. Luna begged that Lincoln could forgive her for what she had done, even if she had to compose an entire Ace Savvy Opera for him just to make up for it!  
Lori, who didn't know how to continue this interrogation now, was ready to send Luna to her room. She needed time to think about her own strange feelings for her white haired sibling and how her own behavior was linked to whatever had possessed her younger sibling. But just then her smartphone made a noise, indicating she got an eMail.  
"What is it Lori?" Leni asked curiously as Lori barely received eMails on her phone.  
Lori took her phone out of her pocket and looked it up. Confused, she read out the message she had gotten. ""You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are gray?""  
"You are welcome, Lori!" Leni thanked her sisters without even a hint of sarcasm, just affability.

Lori was ready to tell her that she was only quoting the message, when she saw that Luna's face had all of sudden gone blank. Her eyes were dull, her mouth closed and her breathing low.  
"Luna?"  
She didn't react.  
"Are you okay?"  
The young rocker turned her head over to Lori and said "You are out of your mind, you are out of control."  
"What are you talking about?" Leni wanted to know. "Lori is pretty much in con-" Next to her, Lori suddenly dropped her phone, her face as dull as Luna's. Leni turned her head. She knew that if Lori let her phone drop, something must be wrong. "Lori?"  
"I am full of feelings I can't define," the eldest Loud child mindlessly mumbled, before turning her attention to Leni.  
"Lori, you are scaring me," her roommate stated. "You look like you have a cold."  
Instead of answering her sister, Lori grabbed her phone and handed it to Luna. Before Leni had a chance to point out how out of character that was, Luna tapped for something online and showed it to Leni.  
"What is that?" she asked. "Did you make it? Wait. I thought Lincoln lost all those pi-"  
And then her eyes became just as dull as her sisters, who joined her in watching whatever was on the phone.

* * *

Lucy was sitting in the ventilation shaft, writing on her poem and looking from time to time through a grit into the room of her brother, admiring the sight of him in his underwear (she didn't really understand why she it liked so much), when she became aware of how quiet it all of sudden became. Only seconds ago she could hear her oldest siblings talking about something regarding Luna. But now there was nothing. Confused and worried, she put her pen down and crawled up to the room of her eldest siblings.

She wouldn't ignore Lori's warning on eavesdropping or spying on them on other days but this day was hardly like any other. Lori had bathed with Lincoln, Luna did something in the garage which unsettled him a lot and she had heard from Lana that Lola had tried to hypnotize Lincoln while dressed as Johnny Depp.  
She was as silent as possible while crawling closer to the grid leading to the oldest sisters' room. She peeked through it and froze in bewilderment and confusion about the things she would behold.

Her three sisters had dull, lifeless eyes, starring into nothingness like they just realized the emptiness of their own existence. This would normally have conjured a smile on Lucy's face but the expression on her sisters looked wrong for her. Their auras seemed different, otherworldly even.

"I will go look for Lily," Leni suddenly said in a calm and dull tone, nothing like her dimwitted sister usually spoke. "I will see you guys later."  
Leni left the room without the other two reacting in any meaningful way. Lucy continued to watch, wondering what the other two would eventually do.  
As Lori finally woke up out of her daze, she took Luna's right hand with her left, stroked with her right hand over Luna's right arm and said: "Don't worry about your feelings Luna, I have the same feelings for him.  
Luna came out of her daze too, her expression more hopeful now. "Really?"  
"Yes," Lori confirmed with a smile, stroking the rocker. "I don't know what it means, but we can figure it out together, sis."

Lucy knew that Lori wasn't a hard-ass jerk all the time. Often annoyed and tired because of her responsibilities, age and position as second-in-command, she could act cold and mean to others. But she also had enough nice moments to balance that out.  
But this was… The body language, the tone of her voice… This wasn't simply being nice to somebody. This was something different, intimidate. Not the kind she had ever encountered with any of her relatives, it was more akin how characters in the "Vampires of Melancholia" series acted.  
Now that she thought about it, how her parents did not take those books away from her, an eight year old, was kind of baffling.  
Below her, Lori was now gently stroking Luna's cheek, looking into her sister's eyes with a level of adoration she had never before. She loved Luna, but now… She didn't know why, but something in her coke soaked state made the rocker so cute, she just wanted to hug her and never let go of her again.  
"I…" began Luna and went silent immediately. She didn't know what to say. All she knew was that she was thankful for Lori no longer being angry at her. That she wanted to make it up to her for how bratty she had acted earlier and show her how much she loved her. So she leant in closer and gave her a hug. "Thank you, gal."  
"No problem," was all Lori had to say. They stayed like that for a couple of seconds, enjoying the presence of the other.  
But then Lori had to say something.  
"Luna?"  
"Yes?"  
"I think it is time for you to finally take a bath. You are also getting my clothes all sticky."  
The young rocker uncharacteristically blushed. "Sorry."  
Lucy, who had watched all of it, calmly crawled back through the shaft 'till she reached her own room. Back in the confinement of her own little kingdom, she took a seat on her own bed, thinking of what she had seen. But it didn't take long 'till she started blinking her eyes and looked around, feeling like if something was amiss.  
It took her a couple of seconds to realize that it wasn't just something, but someone being amiss.

* * *

Lincoln was reading up on the end of the "Supreme Ruler Trickster" arc in which Ace Savvy had to fight off against one of One Eyed Jack's most notorious enemies, who now had gained reality warping abilities, when, much to his surprise, he heard a knock against his room's window.

"Who is this? Getting up here is not easy so… Lynn?"  
"Goal my brother, goal!"  
He looked outside to see Lynn clinging to his window while bracing her legs against the wall. She looked like a very happy monkey hanging there like that.  
He opened the window and let her in. She wasn't even sweating. She just grinned, proud of her achievement.  
"Don't ask me to do anything with you," Lincoln made clear. "I just want my peace."  
He knew that Lynn was very strong and a formidable fighter but he also knew that she wasn't the type to force her wishes on others normally.  
"I just want to relax with you together," Lynn explained, punching him affectionately in the arm. "Your day was thrilling enough already."  
"I want to be _alone_ too," Lincoln reminded her, putting special emphasis on the word 'Alone'.  
"You know that alone time is a rarity in this house, right?" Lynn reminded her brother about one of the facts of the Loud Household. "You can't escape us."  
Lincoln's right eyebrow went up in surprise. "Is that a threat?"  
"Oh, sorry bro," Lynn apologized. "I just mean… You can't expect being alone here for long."  
"I know," Lincoln sighed in defeat. He wondered if Lynn's more normal behavior would be as temporary as it had been with his other sisters. Then again, what could she possible pull off in his room? "You just want to spend time with me in here?"  
"Yep."  
"You don't have any favors you want to ask me?"  
"Nope."  
"You are totally okay with just laying on the bed while I read my stuff?"  
She shrugged her shoulders "I will probably take a nap myself."  
He stayed away from asking for any favors except: "Just be quiet, okay?"  
"Okay, Bro."

Both laid down on Lincoln's bed and the white haired wonder continued to read his comic, his sister opposite to him leaning against the bedframe and enjoying the calm atmosphere.

* * *

Meanwhile, Luna was preoccupied with taking a bath to finally get all that sticky soda off her body. Not that there was any problem with that. But it was kind of odd that Lori was with her in the bathtub, scrubbing her back with a scrubbing brush. She remembered a time when she, Leni and Lori bathed together to spare water expenses or just to get them clean all at once.  
It was fun even though they had to rescue Leni a few times from drowning. But they weren't kids anymore.

They were using fresh water after Lincoln, and up until a few minutes ago, the twins had used the bath before but nobody put out the candles and as a result, they had burned down a bit already and the wax was dripping down the sides of the little light givers.

"Romantic," Luna commented on the decorations. "Lola knows how to make a place pretty. But she overdid it with the air freshener. It smells here like in an orange plantation after a fertilization."  
"I prefer the smell of fresh cherries," Lori told Luna while changing to a washcloth and washing Luna's left arm. "Do you like this?"  
"Oh, yes!" exclaimed Luna in a happy tone. "You are rocking the spot, sis."  
"Right arm up."  
Luna did as she was told and Lori washed clean the right arm. She sighed in relaxing enjoyment and leaned back to be closer to her sister who embraced her, cuddled her and in general gave her the comfort and love one could only get from a member of the family.

"Lori?"  
"Hm?"  
"Don't you think this is a little bit… weird?"  
"Why?" asked Lori while playing with Luna's hair. "I'm just spending quality time with my sister. My cute tomboy of a sister."  
"But we are both naked."  
"Oh, please," Lori responded. "Naked platonic cuddling is harmless. It is like naked platonic dancing."  
"Can we rock together while being naked?"  
"No, that would just be strange," Lori joked, laughed and Luna laughed with her.  
"But you are right," Luna admitted. "There's nothing like a bit of quality time."

The two leaned back together into the bathtub and against the wall.  
"I wish Lincoln could see us like this… He may appreciate this harmony," Luna thought out loud and kissed Lori's hand.  
Lori sighed. "Me too."  
"This feels heavenly," Luna said. "It is just so… So…"  
"Perfect?"  
"You get it, sis. I never felt so close to you."  
"Me neither", Lori admitted, snuggling closer to her younger sister.

The only way this could have been even better for Luna was if Lincoln was with them, while she suddenly developed the idea for a Grammy worthy song while playing the guitar.  
"I have an idea, sis."  
"What is it?" Lori asked in a curious tone. "Do you want me to wash your hair too?"  
"No," Luna denied, even though she liked the idea somewhat. "I want to say that none of us can have our brother for herself. None of us managed to get a piece of him so far. We shouldn't fight each other to spend time with him."

Lori raised an eyebrow and started to think. Luna had a point, this rivalry was pointless. It was time to play nice with her sisters and why not? They are family and they would solve it as a family.  
Luna, as if she felt Lori's train of thoughts, turned around to her sister, smiling.  
"How about of instead going solo, we go together? I mean all of our sisters, not only the two of us."  
"I like where this is going, Luna," Lori spoke out and smiled kind of deviously.

* * *

"Not just you, dear Lori," expressed a merry voice before an active laptop screen, congratulating itself for fixing up a potential plot threat before it could take roots. "Not just you."

* * *

Lincoln couldn't believe how silent Lynn was, laying on the bed besides him. Normally she was a hyperactive, energy filled sports ace who couldn't sit still for a few minutes without doing anything which could resemble a sport. One time she made a sport out of finishing homework first. She won but got a F- from the teacher for the unidentifiable mess she had written down. He didn't mind though and enjoyed how Ace Savvy was fighting a bizarre looking doppelganger of himself.

He looked over from time to time to Lynn who apparently was just still laying there. He looked from the story back to her and was just about to concentrate on the next panel, when he suddenly halted.  
"When did you take your socks off, Lynn?"  
"It is too warm for socks, they bother my relaxing."  
The answer was good enough for the boy and he continued to read. As he looked over to Lynn again after a page, he noticed another change.  
"Where are your shorts?"

* * *

Leni, meanwhile, was feeding Lily in the kitchen and thinking what she could do for Lisa later on.  
"Bring her along to shop for clothes? Make her a self-made dress? Like, maybe I can make her a statue of a scientific thingy like the Subway atom?"  
While she was thinking and feeding Lily her favorite puree via spoon, Lori and Luna came into the kitchen, smelling fresh and looking clean.  
"Leni come, we will team-up now," Luna said. "We will share Lincoln."  
"Oh, neat!" Leni proclaimed as if her sisters telling her they were going to team up on getting Lincoln was not in any way different from telling her that they were heading out for pizza. "I will come when I'm finished with Lily."  
"She can join us," Lori suggested. "It will be fun and beautiful."  
"Gosh, I can't wait!" Leni squealed in joy. "Will we play another round of Awesome Wreck Siblings? Please, don't use Chucky. Violence against babies is wrong."  
"Leni, it is okay to… Whatever," Lori gave up and sighed. "Just come."

* * *

"Where is your shirt?"  
"I never had one," Lynn argued in a relaxed and cool manner. "I came in this way."  
"I'm sure you had one," Lincoln said in a deadpan tone. "Don't play me for a moron."  
"Why would I do that?" asked Lynn in an innocent/not so innocent tone.  
He just ignored her. Granted, his sister in her underwear was certainly not normal and his alarm bells were ringing. But why should he judge his sister for sitting in her underwear like he did, especially if she really did nothing else then just sit there? He wasn't a hypocrite and just decided to ignore it.

* * *

Lori, Leni und Luna were under Lincoln's window, changing the chocolate milk of the pool Lana dug the day before. They had to learn the hard way that chocolate milk exposed to the wrath of nature will start to smell worse than twenty of Lily's used diapers wrapped around horse apples.

"Like, this stinks," Leni commented while pumping the bad chocolate milk into the drain with a pump and a hose. "Like Chernobyl's latest fashion collection."  
Luna and Lori exchanged a glance with one another, feeling that Leni had said something very inappropriate, if not even offensive.  
"That is a city destroyed by a nuclear meltdown," Luna explained who was preparing fresh chocolate milk with Lori. "Not a fashion icon."  
"But, like, there is this one designer from Los Angeles and his name really is Chernobyl," Leni explained.  
"His life must surely be an interesting one," responded Lori in a deadpan tone.

* * *

"What is your problem now, Lincoln?"  
"You are naked!"  
"And? You are in your underpants!"  
"Still not naked!"  
"Come on," Lynn laughed, and snuggled up to Lincoln. "Athletes in ancient Greece were almost always naked during most of the disciplines."  
"We are not in ancient Greece!" Lincoln shouted. He was reaching the end of his tolerance for Lynn's odd behavior.  
"Nothing is wrong about two naked athletes ringing with each other," Lynn told her brother. "Come, take off your underwear and ring with me like the ancient Greeks did!"

* * *

The goth of the family was just minding her business, leaving her room as she heard several shouts and sounds of struggle from Lincoln's room. Curious about these noises, she walked closer as the door suddenly swung open and Lucy got a face full of naked sports ace thrown against her. She tumbled together with her sister to the ground.  
"Lynn."  
"Hi, Lucy."  
"AND STAY OUT!" Lincoln shouted and slammed the door with enough force to let the entire first floor quake under the impact.

* * *

Lucy just laid there on the ground, her naked sister above her. Despite her black hair covering more than half her face, she somehow managed to give Lynn one of the most deadpan expressions in the history of mankind.  
"I think I am too young to ask what you planned," the goth declared. "By the way, where are your clothes?"  
Behind them, Lincoln's door opened up once more. Though only long enough for the young boy to throw out the discarded clothes of his sister, which were now covering her head.  
"I am heading downstairs for a snack. Do you want me to bring you something, while you put your clothes back on?"  
Lynn thought hard. "A bag of chips would be nice."  
"You are aware that I am going to perform voodoo on you for whatever you did in there, right?"  
Lynn gulped. Like Lincoln, she didn't believe much in all that supernatural stuff herself. But something in her sister's voice made her regret the decisions she just made in the last 15 minutes of her life.

* * *

Lincoln was angry. No, scratch that. He was beyond angry. If someone had written the word "livid" on every single Ace Savvy comic page he owned at least 1000 times, they wouldn't have even started to describe one millionth of the anger he felt right now for his family with the exception of Leni, Lisa, Lucy and Lily.

 _A time of great fortune my butt,_ he thought angrily, while putting his comics away and some pants on. While the day before was obviously the greatest day of fun he ever had, today was just awful. It was 4 P.M. now and so far he almost got molested by his oldest sister, mud bombed, drugged, experienced his sexual awakening in a way that would make him not want to drink a coke for the next couple of months, got checked up by NOT Dr. Patch Adams and the one vice he had, reading comics in his undies, got ruined by Lynn turning nudist for some reason.

To make matters worse, he didn't even know what he was angry about in general. The fact they did all that? Or that when he actually tried to be good to them unlike yesterday, the only thing he got out of it was a series of embarrassing moments that Luan could never put online without being accused of distributing child pornography?

And while all the time he just wanted to vent his frustration out on… Well, anything, another suspicion began to raise its ugly head more and more in his mind.

He knew his sisters. He knew that they loved him and would stand up for him in times of need. But at the same time, they could make his day living hell. Pay not enough attention to them? Get convinced you are going to be put in mortal danger by a six year old and do all sorts of slave work-esque chores for your siblings. One of them losing at baseball? Be treated like a jinx to the point you are disowned by your own clan!  
He had seriously been considering to call child services on them for that stunt and only the fact that his Plan-A worked made him not go through with Plan-B.  
And even then, considering the entire squirrel costume thing and what came out of that…

 _"_ _Well, in our family…"  
"_ _Oh cut it. Lori," Lincoln said. "In our family, you always have to accept a little bit of sacrifice." He said in a mocking tone, trying his best to imitate his older sister, not caring if he would anger her. "You always say that, but you know what? At the end of the day, it's surprisingly mostly ME who has to accept a sacrifice. Why? IS it because being born with a penis means I am a designated butt monkey?"_

"By now Lincoln was starting to believe, that all of this was just the most twisted, gruesome prank they ever played on him. That everyone aside of Lisa, was trying to give him what he always asked for (more attention) in the most twisted way they could think of. And if that was true, he didn't know how to feel about them anymore."

After all, he had done and dealt with many things for them. Had always owned up when he did mistakes and tried, for the most part, to be level headed, instead of a trouble maker that used its status as the middle child as an excuse to lash out. He was not without his flaws, but in order to justify the kind of stunts his siblings pulled up now as righteous, he would have needed to do or say something extremely despicable.

For the first time in his life, he started to hate his siblings, a concept he really wasn't fond of,and he was afraid that if they did not stop at once with their behavior, he was going to do or say something that would forever affect the relationship he had with them for the worst. As such he prayed to the gods above that either everyone was just going to tell him soon that he got pranked good, or that they stopped at all and they could forget all of that over the next days.  
 _Alternatively, they shall just let me alone for the next hours to calm down,_ he bitterly thought, laying on his bed.

A wish that the powers of faith decided not to grant, as in that moment, the voices of three girls could be heard from outside.  
"Lincoln!"  
The boy in question grabbed his pillow, screamed into it for the sake of venting and only then decided to pay any attention to the voices that seemed to come from under his window.  
"What?" he barked, still laying down.  
"We just changed the milk in the pool," Lori's voice stated.  
"And we decided to take a quick swim in it," Luna's voice added to Lori's answer. "Care to join us?"

Lincoln emerged at the window in a matter of seconds.  
"Are you kidding me?" he asked in a manner that made it clear he was not looking forward to any sort of sibling activity at all. "After all the bull you guys put me through, you expect me to join you in the pool?"

Below him, Luna and Lori, up to the shoulders in fresh chocolate milk, looked at each other and then back at him.  
"Dude, I am sorry," Luna said remorsefully. "I was just teasing."  
"And I only wanted to spend some quality time with my little Linki," Lori added, while hugging Luna from behind.  
Lincoln already took a deep breath, ready to tell his oldest sister how his definition of "quality time" did not involve almost getting his neck kissed by a girl more than five years older than him, as his cell phone rang.

 _Oh what now?_ , he thought and grabbed it from his dresser. "Yes? Hi mom. How is Danville? Fine? Nice to hear. Listen, can you…"  
Lincoln wanted to ask if his mother and father could come back already. That things had gotten really weird around the Loud House and that he was not okay with it.  
But then he felt very calm out of sudden. Relaxed even. The thought that he really shouldn't try to ruin his parents' chance to spend some alone time together entered his mind and he began to realize that asking them to sacrifice their little "vacation" because of a prank by his sisters was really egoistic.  
"Can I what, sweetie?" a voice on the other end asked.  
"Can you bring me perhaps something from Danville? I heard they have great Platypus toys down there."  
"Sure thing. Are your sisters treating you good?"  
A smile formed on his lips. "They're treating me very well," Lincoln said in a calm voice. He felt even more relaxed.  
"We had a lot of fun yesterday," he continued, remembering how they pampered him, making him feel bad for how he acted now.  
"I am so glad to hear that. I know they can be a handful dear, but you know; deep down they love you. Well, I have to go now. There is a presentation regarding a new laser based drill. Have a good time. And be nice to your sisters."  
"Will be."  
Lincoln hung up. The last words of his mother rang through his head.

 _Be nice to your sisters_

Yeah, she was right. He should be nice to his sisters. After all, they treated him well so far.  
 _But they also drugged me and hit on m-_

 _Be nice to your sisters_

 _Which was probably all part of a joke. But what joke would…_

 _Deep down they love you. Be nice to your sisters_

Certainly an elaborate joke. A joke he did not think was funny.

 _Deep down they love you._

Then again, perhaps they didn't know better? That seeing how he would take Luan's pranks mostly like a man, they did not realize how hard they hit him now?  
Perhaps he just needed to give them a chance.

 _Be nice to your sisters!_

All he needed to do was being nice and talk to them. Make them realize how he felt. Not like he did a couple of weeks ago, but in a calm and kind fashion. They would certainly stop teasing him like that, when he was honest with them about his feelings. Then things would certainly be better, right?  
Lincoln looked down his window again. He couldn't help himself but smile at the sight of Luna and Lori being in the pool, the former splashing the latter with chocolate milk in glee.  
It made him happy.  
"Hey guys," Leni's voice could suddenly be heard. The second oldest Loud child seemed to come out of nowhere, wearing a rather cute bikini and top. In her arms she carried Lily, the young child happily giggling with a pair of floaties on her arms.  
The sight of the most innocent members of his family joining Luna and Lori for a swim made Lincoln decide that perhaps it really was a good idea to join them all for a nice swim in the chocolate milk. After all, what better opportunity to tell them how he felt about their actions? Besides, he was sure Lori and Luna would not get some ideas while Lily was around.

Lincoln changed quickly from his victory undies into his victory… Well, he didn't have really any victory bathing trunks at this point so he changed into a piece of regular ones.  
He opened the window to step onto his springboard. He had to give credit to Lana; she was not only good at repairing, but also at building something.

He also liked the carvings Leni had made into the wood, showing Lincoln and his siblings in their different swimwear. Lana was against them for safety reasons but they found a compromise after they worked something out in the blueprints.

"To the sides, sisters!" Lincoln called down. "I don't want to land on you."  
"Don't worry," Luna called up. "You did your landing already!"  
Lincoln didn't understand what Luna meant but he didn't care. He decided to do a dive bomb because he hasn't tried one so far.

"Lincoln Loud is preparing for his jump," Luna commented, talking like a commenter during the Olympics. "He is not the most experienced jumper this season, but can he make enough points?"  
"I don't know," Lori commented. "This is a difficult jump from the 3 meter board as Europeans would call it."  
"Like, Lincoln chose his best orange trunks for the jump," Leni chimed in. "They look fantastic in combination with his white hair. Hey, can I say hello to mom and dad?"  
"Leni we are not…" Lori started but gave up. "Yes you can!"  
"Hi Mom and Dad!" Leni called into a nonexistent camera and held up Lily. "Lily also says hello to you!"  
Lily just laughed happily and waved her arms and legs.

Lincoln stretched his arms out to his sides, bending his knees a few times before breathing in.  
"DIVE BOMB!" he shouted with all the love he could muster for his current situation while running down the board.  
Why should he complain? It was perfect.

 _Everything is awesome!_

"Everything is awesome!" Lincoln screamed while jumping, rolling into a ball and falling into the milky chocolate to join his beloved sisters.  
He reached the ground of the pool and landed on his feet, noticing a fake dorsal fin of a shark besides him, probably placed there for a prank from Luan later. He imagined how the wave he produced had hit his sisters; moistening them with delicious chocolate milk, which in turn would let their skin and hair glisten in the sun, making his beautiful sisters even more…

 _Why are they naked?_

He didn't notice it immediately. Lori was usually only wearing a simple bikini and Luna was more modest but neither wore anything this time. He could see everything even in the surprisingly translucent chocolate milk.

 _This is a beautiful sight to behold, bodies beautiful as if the Greek gods themselves had formed them. Never has somebody seen such perfect naked forms before._ _You feel how something around your crotch area is beginning to ha…_

"NO!"

Lincoln screamed so loud it broke through the surface and surprised his sisters enough to let them gasp.  
Then he appeared on the surface, screaming like Godzilla and if he would have been able to do so, he would have ignited a few houses with atomic breath.  
"WHY IN THE NINE CIRCLES OF HELL ARE YOU ALL NAKED?!"  
"Like, I'm not," added Leni. "Neither is Lily."  
"Poo Poo!"  
"Japanese people are naked in Japanese hot springs literally all the time," Lori informed her brother. "It is fun."  
"And this is not censored by anyone!" Luna added.  
"But… We are in public!" Lincoln stated horrified. "What if somebody sees you?"  
"They will not see anything," Lori assured her brother. "For your eyes only."

This was it for Lincoln. At that very moment he felt something in his head snap. With any expression of bewilderment and anger on his face being suddenly replaced by serenity, he looked at his sisters with a chilling smile.  
"You did it," he stated in a calm sing song voice. "You finally did it, guys."  
The three sisters looked at each other, then back at Lincoln.  
"You finally made me hate this family!"  
The shock Lincoln's statement caused to show up on their faces was something that would have made many horror directors jealous.  
"Hey Luan!" Lincoln called out to no one in particular. "You have the camera rolling?"  
"D-Dude," Luna stuttered, being the first one to regain her cool. "Keep it down!"  
"ZIP IT!" he shouted back at his sister.

"Don't talk to Luna like that! Leni reminded her brother. "Also, if you continue like that, you will make Lily cry."  
"I! DON'T! CARE!" he screamed. "Your sick joke is over! Over, over, OVER!"  
"Lincoln, calm down," Lori begged. "This is literally not good for your blood pressure."  
"Stop," Lincoln said in his most serious and dire tone. "Just… Stop. I have enough of all of this. This is a joke, I know it! But it is the worst, most tasteless, despicable joke anyone has ever played on me!"  
"Lincoln…" Luna spoke stunned.  
"I rant about how I am underappreciated and… You are being nice to me, okay. You do everything for me, I get it. You spend a lot of money for gifts, presents and services for me so I can have the ultimate good time."  
"Like, I don't know what your point is?" Leni asked confused.  
"Why?" asked Lincoln, ignoring the question. "What is the punchline? What will be the punchline?! Will you tar and feather me? Is this your way to teach me a lesson about to be careful what I wish for? Is your plan to abandon me in the desert? Are you planning to beat me up?! Why are you doing this?!"

Lori looked worriedly at Lincoln: "This isn't a joke."  
Lincoln, in response, laughed a bitter, fake and very sarcastic laugh.  
"Yes, of course. And Lisa is a 50 feet tall hummingbird."  
"She is?" expressed Leni surprised. "I thought she was a little girl."  
Lily made a face palm.  
"I don't deserve this!" Lincoln shouted. "I DON'T DESERVE THIS!"  
"But you deserve the be-"  
"CUT IT!" Lincoln interrupted his sisters. "I doubt I will die because none of you is sad in any meaningful way and NOTHING I have ever done deserves whatever the punchline to this is!"  
The sisters all got silent, even Lily was speechless.  
"What is it? What did I do that you think the best way to get back at me is to pretend to be in romantic love with me?" Lincoln finally asked with his most serious and angry voice. "ANSWER ME!"

Lori, Leni and Luna looked at each other and then to Lincoln.  
"What do you mean ´pretend`?" Lori asked in confusion.

Lincoln froze.

"What?"

"Lincoln, I am not pretending," his oldest sibling stated softly and swam closer to him.  
The young boy's face lost all color as he could feel her hands gently touching his arms, soon followed by him feeling her right foot gently stroking his own leg affectionately, before leaning her head against his shoulder.  
His face continued to lose even more color as he started to realize the ramifications.  
"We love you bro," Luna supported her sister. While he was distracted, she swam opposite to Lori. With a naughty smile on her face, she was kissing him on the cheek and gave him a hug. "With all of our hearts."  
"Like, we really love you," Leni added and grinned like a friendly idiot in front of him. "I love you, they love you. We are a happy family…"  
Leni was once again confused by her sister's behavior. It came across a little too intimidate for her taste right now, but who was she to judge? Luna had made it clear that she wouldn't try anything squicky right now so she never thought much about it, even if it was strange that she and Lori were naked. Leni would have also been naked but it was too risky for her doing that outdoors.

Lincoln's brain didn't really work after receiving the truth from his sisters. He tried to hear a lie out of their words but there was nothing which could hint at deceit.  
Only one response came to his mind, one which was really a lie.  
"FECAL INCIDENT!"

* * *

Mr. Grouse, the Louds cranky neighbor, heard screams from the outside. _The Louds again_ , he thought. _What are they doing now?_  
He got up, opened a window on his second floor and stuck his head out.  
"Hey Loud, what…."  
He beheld five people. Lincoln, running away from three of his sisters, one carrying a baby while the other two were naked, shouting something about "Love with the family."  
"I am too old for this crud," he stated while closing the window.

* * *

 **Hatoralo: Welp. Now things are really escalating.**

 **MamaAniki: We have reached harem anime level, people. Be ready for a lot of bullshit now!**


	9. Escape from your siblings (Part 1)

_Summary of Chapter 9:  
What do a slasher movie protagonist and Lincoln have in common now?  
The only way to survive the situation is to leave the house with their virginity in tact  
_

* * *

 **Hatoralo: So… Felipe is still asking for lemons.  
MamaAniki: (annoyed) Is he?  
Hatoralo: Yeah. Even contacted me in person.  
MamaAniki: …Fine. Lets give him a lemon.  
Hatoralo: There. (throws a citrus fruit at Felipe) Now leave us alone.  
MamaAniki: Guys, we are grateful for every reader we get, but… newsflash: THIS FANFIC WILL NOT CONTAIN LEMON!  
Hatoralo: Does that count as spoiler?  
MamaAniki: Who cares. I want to make clear, that this story will not contain porn. In fact, the most nudity anyone gets in this story is in this chapter, and it is like in Kill la Kill: Meant for laughs. Only we actually manage to be funny with it.  
Hatoralo: … You know, I like Kill la Kill.  
MamaAniki: Lets just thank ultrablud2 for proof reading again (thanks buddy) and get started.  
Hatoralo: I just hope we don't lose too many readers by admitting this is not going to contain porn.**

* * *

 **Chapter 9:  
Escape from your siblings (Part 1): "Incestophobia"**

* * *

The Observer watched the chaos unfolding at the chocolate pool. And it did not like one single thing it saw, which it was made very clear to another person that it talked to on a smartphone.  
"May you care explaining to me why Lincoln is running away from his sisters, instead of running into their arms?" the Observer asked with gritted teeth while watching the boy trying to avoid the aforementioned teenagers by climbing up the slide in the garden and holding them back with a rake. Based on how the Observer started to pinch the back of its nose, it did not like the answer it received one bit. "You took direct control over his subconscious and you still failed!" it angrily exclaimed. "I do not care if you made Lori and Luna make up in a cute way, THIS is the actual core piece. And now I have to fix it up!"  
The clicking of keys could be heard, despite the Observer keeping its hands by itself.  
"If things don't work out in the next days, you will have a problem."  
After that threat, the Observer hung up and put its attention back on the screen and sighed.  
"Why is it so hard finding competent personal?"

* * *

To say Lincoln was in a panic would be an understatement. While his "fecal incident" distraction managed to creep his sisters out just long enough to jump out of the sinkhole, it did not give him enough time to escape back into the house. As such, he was now stuck keeping his siblings at bay with anything he had at his disposal. Which was not very much.  
"Stay away from me!" he shouted while frantically waving the garden rake in front of his sisters. He felt like he was dealing with a bunch of cats.  
"But Lincoln…" Luna moaned.  
A bunch of horny cats.  
"Don't say another word," Lincoln told the third most tomboyish girl of the family, trying to keep her away from him without really hurting her. "You guys must have lost your mind."  
"That's not true," Lori protested, dodging the rake. "I literally haven't seen things ever as clear as now."  
"Me too," Luna threw in, coming to her sister's aid.  
"Like, me three," Leni declared proudly. The only other one being as confused as Lincoln was Lily, who did not understand what sort of fecal incident supposedly happened. At least HER diaper was poo poo free. And why was her brother insisting of waving around that giant fork her mother used to collect leaves?  
"We love you. And we want to give ourselves to you."

"Yeah, sure," Lincoln snarked at Lori's words. A small part of him still wanted to believe that this was just the final part of whatever prank they were playing.  
"I bet Bobby would be totally okay with sharing you."  
"Oh, him? Don't worry," Lori stated, stepping aside before she could get a handful of rake metal in her stomach. "I broke up with him 25 minutes ago."  
Lincoln held in. "What?"

* * *

25 minutes earlier…

 _"_ _Lori. I am so glad to hear from you, babe!" Roberto Santiago Jr. or Bobby as others liked to call him, exclaimed in joy.  
"_ _Aha," was all Lori said in a rather bored tone. She was looking at her fingernails and enjoying the sensation of a hot bubble bath. Opposite_ _of_ _her was Luna; doing the same while also listening to the upcoming conversation she had probed Lori into starting.  
"_ _Listen, I wanted to tell you I got a job at Burping Burgers, so if you and your siblings want to come over_ _next week_ _, I can give you-"  
"_ _Sorry Roberto, but I am already going to get a hunk of tender meat this evening," Lori stated, earning a soft giggle from the younger Loud.  
"_ _Oh," was the rather disappointed and slightly confused reply on the other end. Bobby also wondered how weird it was that his girlfriend did not call him by his nickname.  
"_ _Also, Burping Burgers?" Lori continued, sounding rather disgusted. "So you are going to smell like frying fat now?"  
"_ _What? No, of course not. I am going to take a shower each time after work."  
"_ _You better do, frying pain."  
Luna chuckled. On the other end, though, was just a profound silence.  
"_ _Babe, are you okay?" was Bobby's concerned question.  
"_ _Better than okay," Lori exclaimed. She lifted one of her legs a bit, so that it was now resting on Luna's shoulder. The teenage rocker took the chance to rub it clean with a washing cloth, earning a lovable sigh from her elder.  
"_ _I feel fantastic. Happy. Content."  
"_ _I would say…" Bobby stated, not quite sure how to respond to that. "I mean, you looked very happy in those pictures with Lincoln."  
Lori raised an eyebrow. "You saw them?"  
"_ _Babe, I think many in our class saw them. And... How do I say that… I am glad you had a good time. But did you also need to load up a pic of the two of you in the tub?"  
If you would know, she thought sardonically while looking over to Luna caressing her leg. Then she realized something.  
"_ _Wait a sec. Did you tell Lincoln about the pics?"  
"_ _Ehm… yeah?"_

 _Luna felt her sister suddenly tense up in anger.  
"_ _You idiot!" Lori shouted, earning a wince from Bobby and Luna.  
"_ _Because of you, Lincoln was angry with me!"  
"_ _What? Babe, I…"  
"_ _Don't call me babe, Roberto!"  
Now Bobby knew that something was wrong. His girlfriend never called him Roberto when they were on the phone. Especially not in a tone that made it sound like she actually wanted to call him something very hurtful.  
"_ _How dare you interfere with me and my brother's quality time?"  
"_ _I am sorry ba-"  
A very threatening growl could be heard.  
"_ _Lori. But… I was just worried. What if someone had seen the pics and came to the wrong conclusion? After all, you are not a pervert."  
Lori stayed silent.  
"_ _Look, Lori, I…" Bobby sighed, trying to find a way to defuse the situation. "I think it is great you two spend time together. But what about us?"  
Still no contribution from Lori, whose eyes __had taken a more_ _stern_ _expression_ _.  
"_ _I mean, next Saturday is our 34th week anniversary and I was thinking-"  
"_ _I want to break up with you."_

 _The silence that followed those words weighted heavy on any person either involved or listening to the conversation.  
"_ _What?"  
"_ _I want to break up with you," Lori repeated._ _"_ _Quiero romper con usted. Understood?"  
Bobby's voice was shaking. "Que?"  
"_ _I don't want to be your girlfriend anymore!" Lori shouted in the phone, water splashing.  
Bobby didn't know what to say. He was too shocked.  
"_ _Why?"  
"_ _Well, first, you are not white enough…"  
"_ _Come again?"  
"_ _I mean your hair. Your hair is not white enough…"  
"_ _Well… that sounds better? I think?"  
"_ _Second, you are too much of a simpleton. I feel like I am dating my sister."  
She looked to Luna and gave her a reassuring smile as if to say that there is nothing wrong with that.  
"_ _And lastly, you are way too clingy!"  
"_ _What?"  
"_ _You called me literally more than 100 times over the course of the last two days!"  
"_ _But Babe, you always insist of me talking to you."  
She snorted derogatively. "Well, that is another thing. You are way too much of a push over."_

 _She looked over to Luna, who was giving her the thumbs up while massaging her feet, trying to help her calm down a bit.  
"_ _You are always doing what a girl tells you. I need a man who also can say a word of power."  
There was silence on the other end of the line.  
"_ _Fus Ro dah?"  
"Too scaly," Lori replied.  
"Infama?"  
Lori groaned. "_ _Any other videogame reference?_ _"  
"_ _Lori…"  
"_ _It is over, Roberto," Lori groaned. "Move on. Delete me from your Visagebook friends list. I know I did."  
On the other end of the line, a heart broken sniff could be heard. "You make my heart ache."  
Lori sighed. "Yeah, like whatever," she stated and quit the call. Now that was finished, she laid back in the tub again, closing her eyes.  
"_ _You okay, gal?" Luna wanted to know. She leaned in closer to her sister, making some of the water swash over the brim of the tub.  
"_ _Yeah, I am fine," Lori said and sighed. On the inside, though, she felt kind of bad._

 _On one hand, if she and her sisters (especially Luna) were to spend time with Lincoln the way they intended to, she had to make a sacrifice and remove Bobby from the equation. On the other hand, she couldn't help herself but feel remorseful of telling her Boo-Boo Be- Bobby that it was over. After all, they spend more than eight months together. And while he was sort of a push over, he was still a very sweet and protective guy who she had genuine feelings for. Deep feelings, the more she thought about it again. The expression on her face changed from relaxed to slightly worried.  
Should she have been at least gentler? Perhaps, she thought, Lincoln may understand if she told him that she and Bobby…  
Before she could continue with any ideas about giving herself to two boys she yearned for, Luna leant in close and kissed her on the lips. A gesture that melted away any worries and left her in a very relaxed, almost mushy state.  
"_ _You did the right thing," Luna stated, when she broke lips with Lori. "For Lincoln."  
"_ _Yeah… For Lincoln," Lori repeated mindlessly, a smile forming on her face.  
Luna gave her a naughty grin. "Now how about we get out of the tub and do something for our brother? I think a swim in the chocolate milk pool with his lovely sisters would help him cool down just the right way, don't you think?"_

 _Normally Lori would have argued that this was a stupid idea. That she and Luna had just spent 15 minutes to get the tomboy clean and that as such, a swim in sticky chocolate milk was very counterproductive. But right now her brain wouldn't have even be able to spell the syllables for "counter" without her mind drifting back to how much she wanted to hear Lincoln say that he loved her. "Sounds like an idea," she said and followed Luna's lead.  
_

* * *

"You loved him!" Lincoln stated in shock, still proceeding what Lori just told him. "He was your Boo Boo Bear!"  
"He was," Lori answered and Lincoln swore he could hear out a hint of regret but only for the slightest moment. "But you are my true love! My only love. My love until the last lights in this galaxy will go out."  
Similar to their previous declaration of love, he tried to find any sign of deceit in her statement. But he couldn't. And knowing how much Bobby meant to her, Lincoln could only conclude without a doubt that what was going on was not a joke. His sisters had lost it and have unconditionally fallen in love with him. And it scared him shitless.

"Laying it on thick, don't you?" criticized Leni, who loved romantic gestures herself but even she thought that this was a tad excessive. "It is too early for such romantic gestures. Also, hey, he is running again!"

Lincoln ran into the streets, hoping he could win some time when his sisters were forced to put on some clothes. The problem was that he thought that shame and public appearance were something Lori and Luna still gave a Groschen about.  
But they didn't.  
They showed no concern over being seeing naked in public.  
"Stop Lincoln!" Luna shouted while running past a very surprised female Hindu. "Wait!"  
Like Mr. Grouse before, some people who were nearby got a good view on two very naked, and in the eye of the beholder, also attractive older girls. Those people included a mother putting her hands on the eyes of her child, shouting he shouldn't see this and that the louds should think of the chidlren, young men who either looked in shock or slight approval of what they saw and the most "enlightening" experience had a certain Carol Pingrey, who at the sight of her naked classmate Lori had a severe nosebleed, followed by a heavy blush. Save to say she had quite a bit of soul searching to do this evening at home.

Lincoln, after witnessing these events, decided to run back to their house to minimize public attention. There he jumped into the chocolate milk-pool and submerged.  
His sisters got also back in with no big hurry.  
"We will wait," Lori said. "He can't stay submerged forever."  
"Yes," Leni agreed. "Especially with the shark. I doubt Lincoln wants to bath with a shark."  
"There is no shark," Luna said. "That is impossible."  
"And what is this?"  
Leni calmly pointed at a dorsal fin sticking out of the water and swimming circles around the four sisters.  
"A SHARK!" Lori shouted, her eyes widening in terror. "OUT EVERYONE AND GET ME A HARPOON!"  
"Don't you need a scuba tank and a riffle to kill a shark?" asked Leni who helped Lily and then her sisters out of the chocolate milk before they searched for something to kill a shark.  
Lincoln meanwhile emerged. The shark dorsal fin on his back had done its job.  
"Thank god for Luan leaving her probes from yesterday behind," he stated gratefully, before throwing the fake fin away. "Time to get to Clyde before Leni tries to shove a scuba tank down my throat," he said to himself while getting out of the tasty pool.

Back in the house, Lincoln tried his best to be as stealthy as possible, seeing how Luna and Lori had gone back in search of a weapon. Leaning against the kitchen wall and slipping along it in direction of the living room, he came to an instant halt when he heard a ruckus from above.  
"Are you sure this will do?"  
"It is the closest to a weapon we have."  
"Why would Luan even have a flare gun?"  
"It's actually a modified party rocket launcher," Lincoln could hear Luan shout from upstairs. After a moment of silence, this was followed by the following question of the brunette Loud: "Why do you need my party gun?"  
"No time to explain," said Lori. Lincoln could hear her jump down the stairs. He had just enough time to hide under the kitchen table in a way that he was out of her sight, before she and Luna came storming in, only to head out.  
"I am on my way, Lincoln my love!"  
"Don't forget me," Luna added, carrying one of Lynn's baseball bats with her.

 _Get my clothes, get dressed and get out of this house and this insanity!  
_ He waited until he couldn't hear anyone anymore and ran up the stairs as quietly as he could.  
He had almost reached his room as Leni came out of the one Lisa and Lily shared.  
Lincoln suspected that she had just brought back Lily to her crib because the baby was not with her anymore.  
"Oh, Linki!"  
He had to think fast.  
"What? No, it is me, Lynn!" Lincoln tried to explain, suppressing tension. "I just have disguised myself as Lincoln."  
"Why would you do that?" Leni asked in confusion.  
"To… So, that I can feel like Lincoln!" Lincoln lied. "To understand our bro better."  
"Oh, of course!" Leni said, having bought the bluff. "Do you know where Lincoln could be?"  
"He is surely disguised as me!"  
"Why would he disguise as you Lynn?"  
"To balance out that I am disguised as him!" explained Lincoln. "Quick, get her, eh I mean him! I bet he is in my room!"  
Leni nodded and responded friendly: "Thank you Lynn."  
Without another word, Leni ran past Lincoln and into Lynn's and Lucy's room, from where, seconds later, sounds of a fight and a heated argument came from. While Leni was distracted with Lynn and vice versa, Lincoln ran into his room and got himself ready.

While trying to get his pants on, ignoring the stickiness of the chocolate milk on his skin, he could hear his two naked sisters from down outside argue with one another.  
"Lincoln my little Thumper…"  
Thumper?  
"I am going to save you!"  
"Little Thumper?" Luna could be heard asking.  
"He makes my heart beat like crazy," Lori tried to justify.  
The sound of splashing chocolate milk could be heard. "I think the word "thump" also means a few not so cute things."  
"You try to come up with a better nickname for our little sweetheart," Lori barked back like an annoyed dog.  
More splashing noises could be heard.  
"Dang it!" Luna cursed. "I hit and hit and I still haven't got him!"  
"Try to stay still down there, Lincoln," Lori shouted in the sinkhole. "If you don't move, the shark is not going to see you."  
The splashing stopped for a moment.  
"I think you mistake sharks with dinosaurs."  
Lincoln knew of the old saying that love could make you blind. But he wondered if love also made you stupid, considering how utterly ridiculous Luna and Lori acted outside.

Ignoring them for the time being, he finished getting his shirt on and put his duffle bag over his shoulder. But just when he opened his door, Leni came out of his younger sister's room, dragging a very reluctant Lynn behind her.  
"Leni, let me go!"  
"No chance, Lincoln," the second oldest Loud child said, holding her 13 year old sister by her collar. "Not before we have reassured the others that you are okay. Oh hey Lynn!"  
Lincoln smiled nervously.  
"Lincoln, would you please tell our sister that I am not you?!"  
The smile grew a bit wider. "I don't know what you are talking about, bro."  
"Lincoln, if that is a joke, I am going to-"  
"Please don't talk in such a tone with your sister, Linki!" Leni said sternly, putting her hands on the younger girl's shoulders. "After all, she loves you just as much as I do."  
"Oh hell no!"  
Leni turned around to her brother.  
Lincoln coughed. "I mean, "Oh hell no… Dude?" he said, his voice sounding a bit scratchier in a vague attempt to imitate his sister.

"Nice combining," Leni lauded.  
"Bad imitation, dude!" Lynn shouted but Leni dragged her down the stairs.  
Lincoln wiped his sweat from the forehead. This was way too close, not to mention that it would have never worked with any other sister than Leni. He calmly stayed on the floor, deciding it was best to wait until Leni and Lynn had left the house, before he would go down the stairs himself.

"Got you Lincoln!"  
With ten sisters you were never alone and that was, despite his distraction maneuvers, still true with the twins standing in the door of their room, holding hands and looking sinister.  
"Come play with us Brother," they said in Unison "Play with us. Forever and ever…"  
"…in the mud."  
Lola's face turned to her twin, snarling. "You ruined it!"  
"What?"  
"The twin thing from the scary movie that is referenced everywhere. You ruined it!"  
"Why should we scare him?" Lana asked in confusion.  
"With me it would have been charming!" Lola shouted in anger. "We start over. One, Two-"  
"He is getting away!"  
Lincoln was running and the twins followed him. He knew that the usual tactics wouldn't work so he took a little sack full of marbles from his bag and dispersed them on the ground. The twins ran over the marbles and started to wave their arms, trying to keep their balance and regain the control of their legs  
"AH!"  
"Keep your balance, Lola!"  
"I was on worse catwalks before, so worry about your own." Lola shouted in an arrogant tone as Lana stumbled against her, resulting in both falling down the stairs.

"Two down, but not for long," Lincoln commented.

* * *

While this was going on, Lori and Luna still tried to find and kill the carnivorous sea creature down in the cocoa depths of the pool-sinkhole. Leni joined them with a struggling Lynn she was holding in a chest hug with the face away from her because she had tried to bite her more than once at this point, trying to explain to them how she had totally found Lincoln.  
"Leni, for the last time, that is not our brother!"  
"But Lynn-"  
"Who was disguised as him as you said."  
"Totally told me it was him."  
Lori pinched the back of her nose. "I know he has the trunk full of costumes under his bed, but do you really believe he has something as good as that?"  
"Whatever, let me go!" Lynn ordered angry. "Or you will regret it!"  
"Yeah, let her go," Luna supported her. "Lincoln is in the house and not in danger of being eaten by a chocolate-shark."

"Chocolate-shark?" Lynn expressed her confusion.  
"That dorsal fin looked a lot like the fake one of Luan," Luna thought loudly.  
"But, like, this has to totally be Lincoln!"  
"I doubt it," said Luna.  
"I can totally prove it!" Leni shouted and grabbed for Lynn's face. Sticking a finger in "Lincoln"'s nose, she pulled on "his" skin.  
"OUCH!"  
"Come on, Linki," Leni pleaded, searching for some plastic under Lynn's neck.  
Luna was just about to ask Lori if she should tell their sister that she could not expect "Lincoln" to pull an Old Man Jenkins on them, when they heard the noises of two kids falling down the stairs from within the house.

* * *

Lincoln's assumption that it would not take long for Lola and Lana to recover from their flight down the stairs was proven right the moment he, attempting to get down the stairs and escape through the front door, found the older of the twins all of sudden grabbing after his leg and trying to wrestle him to the ground.  
"Lana, let me go!" the white haired boy desperately begged, trying to shake his sister off him.  
"Not before you listened to what I have to say."  
Lincoln, assuming the worst, suddenly shoved his sister off him. "If you say that you have feelings for me and want me to be your boyfriend, forget it!"  
Lana looked up at her brother, whose eyes seemed to shimmer in rage and anxiety.  
"You are my little sister for crying out loud. I could never-"  
He held in when he realized that the only look she gave him was one of uncharacteristic fright, while her lip was trembling.  
"Lana?"

Before he had a chance to ask something else, he got suddenly hit in the face by a well thrown pink purse.  
"What is wrong with you?" he heard Lola ask him in a tone that was closer to her normal attitude than what he had seen this day. Perplexed he watched as the beauty pageant went to her twin and tried to calm her down.  
"Are you okay?"  
"Yeah," Lana said. She rubbed her nose with the sleeves of her shirt and looked at him.  
"Dude, seriously. That hurt," she told him, and doing so in the rude manner Lincoln had primarily known her the last few years now. "I only wanted to tell you that I am sorry for stealing your underwear."  
"Yeah. And I wanted to apologize for our little tea incident," Lola added.  
Now Lincoln was really starting to get a headache.

"You wanted to apologize?"  
Both twins just nodded.  
"But you… The entire Shining thi-"  
"It's called a joke, idiot," Lana stated, before turning slightly red.  
"Yeah. We just want to spend some time with our BBBFF. You don't have to scare Lana like that."  
"I was not scared!"  
"Oh please," Lola stated. "I saw your lips tremble."  
"Only because I thought Lincoln hated me," the tomboy sulked.  
Lincoln knew he should probably just take the chance and escape. But something told him that what he just saw could perhaps clue him in more on his siblings' behavior. "Guys…" Lincoln began, "would you please answer me a question? How do you feel about me?"

Lana and Lola looked at each other puzzled, then at him.  
"Well…" Lola began, blushing.  
"You are the best big brother a little girl could have," Lola stated.  
"Nothing more?"  
"What do you mean?"  
Lincoln took a deep breath. "Would you consider being in a relationship with me?"  
Lana blinked. "Huh?"  
"He means if we want to be his girlfriends."  
"What? Ewww, gross."  
She looked at Lincoln as if he had just offered her a fried peanut and sauerkraut sandwich.

"Dude. I like… Like you, but not like that!"  
"Same!" Lola stated. "I mean, I totally want you to always be there for me, but more as my best friend."  
"Is that why you tried to drug him and make him your obedient puppet?" Lincoln could hear Lana say with maximum snark.  
"Isn't that what best friends are there for?" was the confused answer to that by Lola.  
Before they could start an argument, Lincoln came up to them. "Guys, listen," he said. "Something weird is going on here. Your older sisters-"  
At this moment, the backdoor opened.  
"Lincoln!" three girls sang, which made the boy's next word freeze midsentence.  
"I've got to go," he stated, grabbed for his bag and tried to escape through the front door.  
Only to be tackled on the other side by a less than thrilled looking Lynn.  
"You traitor!" she shouted.  
"Lynn!"  
"So me being naked around you is a problem, but Lori is not?"

"I… I…WHAT?!"  
Lincoln was at loss for words. He thought Lynn would chew him out for tricking Leni into capturing her. Now she was pining him to the ground and angry for not wanting to see her naked?  
"What?" Lynn wanted to know. "Are Lori's and Luna's bodies that much better to look at?"  
Before he could give any reply, he became aware of the sound of his older sisters approaching. He already expected to get a good view at things he should only see when he went third base with his girlfriend in a couple of years, but at least in that regard fate seemed to take pity on him. Cause when the triplets of older siblings entered the living hall, all three were back in clothes again. Or at least almost, as Lori was still adjusting the top Leni had brought her, much to Lincoln's relief.  
"Answer me!"  
"I don't like anyone naked around me!" he answered. "Or at least people who get out of all their clothes without asking me if I am okay with that beforehand."

"Oh, of course you say that now!" Lynn countered angry. "But you seemed way more willing to join the two in the pool!"  
"I didn't know they were naked!" was his annoyed response. "I thought they wore their swimwear!"  
"Yes, yes they all say that," was Lynn's reaction. "All brothers say that when they get caught jumping to their older sisters into a chocolate milk pool."  
"Can you give a literally example for that?" Lori, now properly dressed, asked in a skeptical tone. "I never heard of such a thing before."

Lincoln had to think fast again. He would not be able to wrestle himself free from Lynn, especially with his other sisters around to help her.  
"Why were you naked?" Lola asked, confused. Her sisters tended to act strange but getting naked all of the sudden was something new. "Is the heat too much for you?"  
"Can I get naked too?" Lana asked with delight in her voice, jumping up and down like an excited puppy. "It is much more fun to play with Charles while being naked!"  
"No, you DON'T play naked in the mud," Lori forbade. "Again."  
She remembered well the day she did just that. Half of the neighborhood had seen how she and their dad hunted a naked, barking Lana all around the house while she had a race with Charles on all fours.  
It was as hilarious as it was embarrassing.

"Charles!" Lincoln shouted. "Of course. Come here boy! Lynn wants to play with you! Onto her back!"  
On command Charles rushed into the room, onto Lynn's back, barked happily and licked her neck.  
"Stop it Charles!" Lynn laughed and tried to get the dog from her back with her hands.  
This was Lincoln's chance and he got up to run away.

Leni still was still standing in the door so he made a run for the kitchen.  
"Get him!" Luna shouted. "He doesn't know what is good for him anymore!"  
If Lincoln was anything then it was being fast when the time was right and now the time was right. Through the dining room, slipping under the table into the kitchen and through a well-placed sidestep, he landed in in the basement. By also flying down some stairs. Ignoring the pain for the moment though, he tried to think of his next step, before…  
"Hey, Lincoln."  
"AH!"  
Lucy had appeared behind him. Of course she would be here.  
"Lucy, I don't have the time," Lincoln expressed quickly. "I… Want to visit Clyde."  
"Of course," Lucy responded monotonously. "But before you do, I would like to imprint on your person."  
"You want to do what?"  
Lucy just looked for a few intense seconds into Lincoln's face. As she was finished she said: "Now we are connected forever."  
Lincoln sighed, she was infatuated with him too. But how much?  
"Lucy how much do you like me?"

His little sister seemed to ponder about the question for quite a bit.  
"I..."  
"Linki? Are you down there?"  
"Crud," the boy muttered. He turned away from his sister, managing just in the nick of time to hide under the stairs as Leni came down to look for him.  
"Linki? Oh, hi Lucy!"  
"Hello."  
"Say, have you seen Linki? Me and the others want to talk to him."  
Lucy glanced over to her brother, who frantically signaled her to please be quiet.  
"I have not seen our dear brother," she stated.  
"Oww," Leni whined. "And I was sure he-"

Something behind her creaked rather loudly, making her turn around.  
"Linki?"  
The eleven year old cursed at the fact that this house needed some reinforcement when it came to the stairs.  
"I am not Lincoln," he stated in a matter of fact, not even turning around. "I am just a figment of your imagination."  
 _Please let this work, please let this work, please let this-  
_ "Oh, okay," Leni said and grabbed for Lucy. "Come Lucy. Let's leave Mr. Figment alone and look for Lincoln. Perhaps he is in the garage."  
The younger sister let herself be dragged upstairs past Lincoln, though not without exchanging with him an expression that could probably be translated into "Dude, seriously?"

Lincoln just stayed for a little bit longer at the stairs, till he heard the backdoor open and close.  
"I wonder how often I can play this card out till she gets the hang on it," Lincoln wondered and got upstairs. Based on the noises he heard from the backyard, everyone was outside. He headed for the living room for his great escape...  
"Lincoln?"  
...Which of course had to be interrupted again, this time by his sister Luan.  
"Am I ever going to escape this madhouse?" he groaned in resignation and jumped in the empty fireplace for hiding. Becoming one with the darkness, he watched as the prankster of an older sibling came down the stairs, offering a sight to behold. He knew his sister had a taste for bizarre costumes. This though was still the first time in his life he saw her wear nothing but whipped cream, cherries and chocolate sauce hiding her still developing assets.

 _No question about how she is affected,_ Lincoln thought gloomy.  
"Are you there? Come on. I have something sweet for you to make up for the examination."  
 _I rather take a flu shot  
_ "I promise I am not going to split your banana," she laughed. But then, instead of adding her catch phrase of "Get it?" on her sentence, she just sat down on the couch and sighed in resignation.  
"What am I even doing?"

Before anyone could answer her question, the elder siblings as well as Lana came into the room, looking rather gloom.  
"Well, he certainly is not in the garage," Luna muttered. "And probably not in the basement either." She glanced to Leni. "Anymore."  
"I am sorry guys."  
"Next time you think you see Lincoln, just call fo- Luan, why are you covered in whipped cream?"  
"Why were you looking for a weapon in my room all naked, Lori?"  
"Tha- That doesn't matter," the eldest sister tried to divert. "All that matters is the wellbeing of our brother."  
"Yeah," everyone else sighed.  
"If we just knew where he is," Lana stated.  
"You know guys," Leni suddenly exclaimed, "I think I have an idea."  
Everyone was silent.

"What?"

Luna wanted to say something, but Lori, in the most diplomatic way she could muster, put her hand on Luna's shoulder and turned the attention to her roommate. "And what would that idea be?"  
"Simple," the blond said cheerfully and cleared her throat. "Lucy!"  
"Yes?" the little goth asked, giving everyone but Leni a good scare when she seemingly appeared out of nowhere from behind the couch.  
Lincoln, in the safety of the chimney, was confused. _Lucy?  
_ "Now listen, Lucy," Leni began, going down on her knees, gently talking to her sister. "You see, Lincoln is kinda confused. Like, he can't understand that we totes love him. And all me, Lori and Luna want to do is show him how awesome it would be if he just accepted it."  
Luan raised an eyebrow in confusion "What?"  
But no one seemed to hear her. "You want for Lincoln to be happy too, right?"  
Not knowing what else to do, Lucy just gave an affirmative nod to this question.  
"So would you help us find him? I mean, you are, like, really good at that, aren't you?"  
Lincoln, who had witnessed the entire conversation, realized he was in a big pile of poo poo now.  
"He is here!" he heard a voice behind him and knew now things were getting from bad to even worse.

* * *

Meanwhile, in a place that has very little to do with Lincoln's story at all, a pale being dressed in black and bearing rather "unique" facial accessories was taking a somber look at what many would have considered a sight to behold.  
A landscape of giant masses of ice and snow, filled with countless, famished people walking around in confusion at the fact that snow was falling down on him. After all, they were condemned to spend eternity in the fires of hell, not in a Winter Wonderland.  
"Well then," began the pale being, who was referred to by his associates as Pinhead, Lord of the Flesh, Messenger of Leviathan and the most casuistic critic of "50 Shades of Grey" in all of reality. "Anyone willing to explain to me why hell froze THIS time?"  
"We are still fact checking," a lower demon with multiple hooks sticking out of his spine, connecting them through wires with a ring in his nose, stated. "We boiled it down to either America starting World War 3, Seth MacFarlane finally cancelling Family Guy, or a certain Leni Loud having a good idea."  
Pinhead thought about what his minion said and sighed. "Don't. Knowing the mortals, I can tell you, it must be that idea thing."  
Below him, a group of war criminals suffered a serious PTSD attack, as they all died at the front.  
"How long will it take this time for it to melt?"  
"Two days most, Sir."  
"Good." Last time something utterly impossible happened on Earth and his Domain froze, the Cenobites needed two weeks just to reignite the fire pits. Then again, who would have guessed a reality TV show host could become the US president?

* * *

 **MamaAniki: And that is chapter 9.  
Hatoralo: Obligatory Trump joke in 2017. Check.  
MamaAniki: This way we at least avoid having to make more. We want to write fanfic, not stupid excuses for political dispute initiated by hacks who don't know the slightest bit about comedy.  
Hatoralo: Yeah. Cause then we would be Seth McFarlane.  
MamaAniki: And just to confirm once more: We are not going into the porn business with this story. The nakedness of Lori and Luna? That was all you get from us in that regard. (to Hatoralo) BTW, where did you get the lemon from?**  
 **Hatoralo: I know this farmer by the name of Cave Johnson and he…**

 **Somewhere an explosion is heard.**

 **Hatoralo: … Are we in trouble?  
MamaAniki: … Get the car ready, we go to Mexico for the time being.  
Hatoralo: (slightly nervous to the readers) Just to visit the countryside. Nothing more.  
MamaAniki: And btw, while we are gone… care for a comment? Just a small question, if you still like what we write. Also, I kinda did the Bobby and Lori scene and would really like to know, if you guys liked it. As in „did it hit the emotional points."  
**


	10. Escape from your siblings (Part 2)

**Hatoralo: (sings) "What is new MamaAniki?"  
MamaAniki: "I will not sing this song with you."  
Hatoralo: "But you like Scooby-Doo."  
MamaAniki: "Yes, but not the band who is singing the intro for "What's new Scooby-Doo". "  
Hatoralo: "In that case let us sing the intro of the 2003 T.M.N.T. Series."  
MamaAniki: "What has this to do with this story?"  
Hatoralo: "Nothing but it is a nice song."  
MamaAniki: "This is getting us nowhere. We thank ultrablud2 for his continuing good work."  
Hatoralo: "And for the people who want to know about Mexico: Very nice place, nothing to complain."  
MamaAniki: "But the prices for lemons were an affront!"**

* * *

 **Chapter 10:  
Escape from your siblings (Part 2) "Lincoln Loud where are thou?"**

* * *

Lincoln jumped out of the shadows and threw Luna some cinder into her eyes before she could really process that Lincoln just appeared from the chimney.  
"My eyes!" Luna shouted in shock and rubbed them. "You blinded me with cinder!"

Lincoln started to run, slid under Lori's legs on his knees, jumped over Lola, dodged a tackle by Lynn and ran away from them.  
"Spread out and get him!" Lori ordered in her most militaristic tone, sounding even more like a nasty drill sergeant than in the past. "Don't let him escape! Luna, give us some chase music!"  
Luna, who had wiped the cinder out of her eyes, got her guitar ready. "You got it sis." She started to play a song she thought would suit this situation best.

 _Another day is going by  
I'm thinking about you all the time  
But you're out there  
And I'm here waiting_

He ran into the kitchen, trying to hide in the cupboard under the sink.  
"Got you!" exclaimed Lynn who had somehow managed to get there before Lincoln, donning a pair of boxing gloves now.  
"I will knock you out with my unending love!" she announced and threw her right hand at Lincoln's head. He dodged it and stuffed a bucket on the tomboyish sportster's head before escaping from the cupboard.  
"I will not kick this bucket, but your ass!" Lynn shouted angry with a voice muffled by metal. "I will kick yours with love!"

 _And I wrote this letter in my head  
Cuz so many things were left unsaid  
But now you're gone  
And I can't think straight_

Lincoln got back into the dining room where he was confronted by Leni who was armed with a fishing net in her hands. As she spotted him she smiled happily and swung the net in Lincoln's direction to capture him.  
"Be nice and come into the net, Lincoln Lungfish," Leni requested friendly. "I have a nice large aquarium for you."  
"I can't, I am a free flounder!"  
He ducked under the net and sidestepped Leni's next swing. To get rid of her, Lincoln jumped on her head.  
"Got you!"  
As Leni swung again, Lincoln was gone and the net was over half of her body.  
"Sorry, Leni Lungfish, you got inter the net!"

Before shoving the rest of that net down to her feet and softly nudging Leni to the ground, Lincoln criticized himself for the bad pun Luan would have made in such a situation.

 _This could be the one last chance  
To make you understand_

It was insane. He had fought with his sisters and fled from them before, but this time was scarier than all times before.

 _I'd do anything  
Just to hold you in my arms  
To try to make you laugh  
Cuz somehow I can't put you in the past  
I'd do anything  
Just to fall asleep with you  
Will you remember me?  
Cuz I know  
I won't forget you_

The twins were hanging from the ceiling over the large bed of their parents with plungers, preparing a trap for Lincoln. Lola looked like always but Lana was wearing an ascot because Leni had told her once that all great trap makers wore ascots. She didn't want to argue with Leni and she liked the ascot she had given her anyway.  
"Will this trap work?" asked Lola. "Do we even know if he will come in here?"  
"I doubt he will suspect a trap here," explained Lana. "Good thing that I started this trap some days ago."  
"Why did you put a trap over the bed of mom and dad?"  
"In case a wild animal breaks into our house and sleeps on their bed while they are away," explained Lana her slightly younger sister.  
"Only you could have an idea like this."

 _Together we broke all the rules  
Dreaming of dropping out of school_

The door was thrown open and Lincoln came in.  
"Now watch, the trap is ready," Lana said. "When he steps onto the bed-"  
Lincoln jumped onto the bed and nothing happened.  
The two stared in amazement while Lincoln looked around for any signs of danger.  
"Why didn't he trigger the trap?" Lana whispered. "It is foolproof!"  
"Not foolproof enough for your brain!"  
The two twins climbed into the upper-half of the trap and looked at the different invisible cords of the construction as Lori came rushing into the room.

 _And leave this place  
To never come back_

"Stop Lincoln!"  
Lincoln jumped from the bed as Lori was jumping on it. Lori was heavier as Lincoln. A fact she had no problem with, but the trap on the bed had. Lana had made the trigger not sensitive enough for Lincoln's weight, but it was enough for Lori.  
She triggered the trap and the bedsheet's four corners were quickly pulled up by the invisible cords. The sudden movement of the cords brought also an imbalance to the twins and they got yanked from their plunger's cords and onto Lori.  
Seconds later, all three hang from the ceiling, the blanket wrapped to a bag around them and closed by invisible cords. Muffled angry sounds and fighting noises were heard and the blanket bag also bulged and moved a lot as if it was filled with angry animals.

"If one creates a bedsheet trap for you, they may hang in it itself with their twin sister and older sister later," Lincoln quoted something he had just invented and said for the first time.

 _So now maybe after all these years  
If you miss me have no fear  
I'll be here  
I'll be waiting_

On the stair he encountered Luna. She was too distracted by performing this love song, he easily skipped her.

 _This could be the one last chance to make you understand  
And I just can't let you leave me once again_

On the second floor he saw Luan, in her normal clothing again, spotting him and walking towards his direction.  
"Hey Lincoln, I-" she started but suddenly she had Lincoln's fist in her face, punching her to the ground. "What the...? Hey, wai- AH!"  
Next she had Lincoln's foot in her belly and got down onto her knees, holding it.  
"Away pervert, away!"

 _I'd do anything  
Just to hold you in my arms  
To try to make you laugh  
Cuz somehow I can't put you in the past  
I'd do anything  
Just to fall asleep with you  
Will you remember me?  
Cuz I know  
I won't forget you_

He ran into Lucy's and Lynn's room where Lynn was waiting with her ball machine.  
"Multi-Ball!" she shouted and fired at Lincoln with several baseballs. He dodged quickly and jumped out of the room.

 _I close my eyes  
And all I see is you  
I close my eyes  
I try to sleep  
I can't forget you  
Nanana  
And I'd do anything for you  
Nanana _

The bedsheet-bag came up the stairs and jumped into Lincoln's direction. Three voices screamed "Lincoln!" He could only flee as the bedsheet-bag continued to hunt him down by jumping after him.  
 _  
I'd do anything  
Just to hold you in my arms  
To try to make you laugh  
Cuz somehow I can't put you in the past  
I'd do anything  
Just to fall asleep with you  
Will you remember me?  
Cuz I know  
I won't forget you_

Leni appeared also, armed with a vacuum this time. "I will suck you up," she announced. "Like the most adorable little lint!"  
"You can't suck me up with that!" Lincoln shouted in surprised confusion.  
"Oh yeah?"  
Leni turned the vacuum on and directed it in Lincoln's direction but nothing happened.  
"Is this thing broken?" Leni looked into the suction. "What- AH!"  
Suddenly her head was in the suction.  
"Sucker!" Lincoln expressed not thinking this would have happened but now he was in trouble. The rest of the sisters had reached the second floor too.

 _I'd do anything  
To fall asleep with you  
I'd do anything  
There's nothing I won't do  
I'd do anything  
To fall asleep with you  
I'd do anything  
Cuz I know  
I won't forget you_

They hunted Lincoln through all the rooms on the second floor. One room in, out another. They even hunted each other. Through the rooms and the air ducts. Leni ran a few times against the walls and tripped over a few things before she got her head out of the suction. Lori, Lana and Lola jumped on and over a few of their sisters and Lincoln before they finally got out of the bag. It looked almost surreal as 8 sisters hunted down their brother, sometimes they lost him, sometimes he suddenly hunted them and other times the sisters hunted each other.

They finally collided into a big pile up in the middle of the second floor.  
"Turn down that music Luna!" Lori screamed, fed up with this wacky chase. "It is driving me nuts."

"Hey!" Luan shouted somewhere within the wreckage that was the siblings intertwined. "Has anyone seen Lucy?"

* * *

Lincoln knew that even with his sisters being busy detangling themselves, he did not have much of the luxury of taking a break to calm down. Not only would they probably manage to free themselves soon enough, but if what he heard through the vent shaft was any indication, the one girl he had to look out for the most was not involved in the hallway crash. And with him being currently stuck in said vent shaft, he needed to at least navigate himself to the rooms downstairs before…  
"Hey Lincoln."  
He didn't turn around, nor did he jump up and hit his head on the metal. Instead he suddenly found himself able to crawl through the vent shaft with an ease and speed, normally only reserved for your average rodent.  
Not that it helped him much, as Lucy somehow managed to always turn up just around the next corner.

Either she appeared in front of him…  
"Hey Lincoln."  
…Behind him…  
"Hey Lincoln."  
…Outside of the next grit he was going for…  
"Hey Lincoln."  
…Or, when he thought he had finally found a room to come out of, right in front of the door.  
"Hey Linc- you did not need to shut the door."

"Dear Lord," Lincoln panted heavily, back in the vent shaft once again. "Where the heck did she learn instant teleportation?"  
"I am just very swift, brother of mine."

After a couple more minutes of that, Lincoln's great escape came to an abrupt end when he crashed through one of the grits into the next room under him. His eyes widened in shock as he realized, he was in Lynn and Lucy's room now.  
 _Welcome to my lair, said the spider to the fly,_ he thought fearfully. He looked around, expecting Lucy to show up any second, as he felt something poke his back.

Lincoln was aware enough to clap his hand over the mouth, before the others could hear his scream. A scream that died out rather quickly when he realized, that there was no sound coming. He turned around.  
"Oh thank god," he sighed in relief as he saw, that it was not Lucy that poked him. "It's just that weird statue Lucy got herself." He looked at the rather small of a statue of a winged human being, whose face was covered by its own hands. "Wait. Wasn't that angel always in the other corner of the room?"  
"Actually, it is a cherub," Lucy stated from behind, making Lincoln jump up the air and squeak.

"Did you hear that?" a voice from the hallway asked.  
"Lucy, is that you?"  
Before his sister had a chance to answer, Lincoln hastily put his hand over her mouth and dragged her under her bed with himself. Which was a rather fortunate move, as seconds later; Lana opened the door and glanced in the room. "Lucy? You in there?"  
The Goth in question tried to say something, but Lincoln held her firm in his grip.  
"Hey Lana, come downstairs," Lola could be heard. "Luan accidentally walked into one of your Lincoln traps!"  
"Dang it!" Lincoln heard his tomboy sister exhale before closing the door.  
He had avoided his sisters once more. But now, he still had to deal with a struggling Goth.

"Lucy, stop…"  
But the little girl did not listen. Instead she did everything she could to turn around, so that they were now face to face with each other.  
Lincoln didn't quite know what to do. He had fought with his siblings before, but so far, Lucy was always more or less an exception from the rule. The idea of hitting her unconscious for his own sake passed his mind, but frankly, it disgusted him.  
From outside, the elder siblings could be heard.  
"Linki?"  
"Dude, come out wherever you are!"

The little girl under him tried to free her mouth, but Lincoln held her firm.  
With no other option he could think of, he did what he could best: Appeal to his sibling's common sense.

"Lucy, please!" he begged. "I understand that you just want to help the others, but…"  
He bit his lips, trying to find the right words. "They are not themselves right now. You are not yourself."  
Lucy looked at her brother in concern, wondering what he meant by that.  
"I am sorry for not saying anything sooner, but you guys are- Something has changed you."  
 _What is he talking about?_ Lucy thought, feeling rather confused.  
"It has made you all go crazy for me. And especially Lori and Luna."

More noise could be heard from outside.  
"He is not in his room."  
"And also not under my bed. Though I found that really cute top under it."  
"Hey, that is mine!"

"I am scared, Lucy," he explained. "I think Lori and Luna are going to do something with me we will all regret if they find me."

"Come on, bro! I am not going to bite you. That is, if you are not into it."  
"I am just going to give you some really good dating advice," Lori could be heard. "With hands on practical experience!"

Lincoln gulped, turning his glance to Lucy again.  
"I am begging you, as your brother, as your sibling… Help me."

"She is good at that," confirmed Leni her older sister's claims. "I saw her doing it with Bobby once."  
Silence filled the entire house before Leni continued: "They drank from the same milkshake, it looked very romantic."

She wanted to tell him that he was silly. That Lori and Luna would never do something to hurt their brother. That they just wanted to give him a good time he deserved so much.  
But something in the pleading look of his eyes resonated with her. Reminded her of the warning her supernatural friends gave her the night before and made her question if perhaps she wasn't the one who had it all wrong and if she really understood what Lori and Luna had planned for Lincoln.

While she was still thinking about the possibilities, Lori entered the room.  
"Lincoln?"  
The white haired boy had a hard time suppressing the urge to just run out of the room again, as he heard his oldest sister enter the room and looking all over the place for him.  
"Are you there, my little Thumper? Please come out. We didn't want to scare you!"  
"We just wanted to like give ourselves to you in mind, soul and especially body!" Leni declared, entering the room also.  
"Gal, keep it down," Lincoln heard Luna protest. "We don't want the others to know. Yet."  
"That we want to cuddle him a lot?"  
Lori suppressed the urge to put her palm onto her own face.

The rustling of some clothes being thrown out of a wardrobe could be heard.  
"Why not? I mean, shouldn't they know we are going to be his girlfriends?"  
"I doubt they would have a problem with us being his girls," Luna stated, looking under Lynn's bed. "But I think they shouldn't know yet that we want to do it like they do on the discovery channel."  
Leni, who for some reason thought that Lincoln may perhaps hide in a drawer, looked up. "You want to talk with Linki about aliens and how they affected our history?"

While Lori just hit her head against the next wall and Luna had a hard time to explain Leni what she meant by her last comment, Lucy, who was still a bit too young to understand what they meant in general, looked in her brother's eyes and saw how the colors escaped his face at his sisters' words.  
 _Oh god!_ , the boy thought. _They really want to_ …  
Too distracted by his own emotional turmoil, he didn't realize when Lucy slipped out of his grip and pushed him against the wall. Before he had any chance to do something, the little girl crawled from under the bed in a manner that would have made most Japanese horror icons proud and startled her older sisters.

"Lucy, what were you doing down there?"  
Mentally, Lincoln had already made peace with himself, when he heard Lucy answer.  
"I was looking for our brother…"  
He wondered if Lori would at least be gentle.  
"… But he isn't here."  
He blinked. _What?  
_ "Dang it!" Lori shouted.  
"Isn't your Lincoln Sense tingling?" Leni asked.  
The little girl tilted her head in Leni's direction. "It doesn't work like that," she answered her elder in a deadpan tone.  
"Whatever," Lori sighed and grabbed Leni and Luna. "Let's look in the basement."  
"Again?" the two asked.  
"You have a better place to look?"  
And then they were out.  
Slowly Lincoln moved out from under the bed. Lucy was still in the room, her back turned to him.  
He didn't really know what to say. Lucy just saved his behind from the others. Did that mean she was back to normal?  
"You are a ray of sunshine in the darkness that is my life, Lincoln."  
Nope, didn't sound like it.  
"I am not sure what is going on. But if you say something is not right, I am going to trust you, big brother."  
She turned around. "I want to protect you."  
"Lucy, I-"

He didn't get a chance to finish his sentence, as she hugged him.  
"I am going to distract them. Don't waste time and run," she whispered in his ear before letting go of him. He watched her leave the room, a soft and slightly uncharacteristic smile on her lips, as she looked back before shutting the door.  
Seconds later he heard her shout "Girls, I think he is in Lisa's room" down the stairs. This was immediately followed by the noise of 14 feet and multiple voices declaring their love and concern for Lincoln, as well as the breaking of a door.  
Lincoln listened as eight sisters cried out his name at first in excitement, then in confusion, only for a ninth voice to join the cacophony.  
"What in the name of Watson and Crick is going on here?!"  
Followed by the crying of a baby…  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH"  
…The remorseful pleads of eight girls for the baby to calm down…  
"Mistress Lily, is everything alright?"  
…And the concerned question of an almost seven feet tall robot, which went under in a sea of new screams.  
"What the heck is that?"  
"Cool. Is that a Cylon?"  
"I assure you Mistress Lana, I am not-"  
"Get away from my baby sister!"

WHACK!

"Die, Terminator scum!"  
"Lynn, stop hitting on your nephew!"  
"Her what now?"

Realizing that the only better opportunity for him to run would be now, if all of the sudden the roof exploded (which wouldn't be the first time), Lincoln opened the door and slid down the stairs, before anyone saw him. Using the momentum, he grabbed after his bag, opened the door in a swift move and ran out.  
 _Free. Free at last,_ he thought in joy, as he felt the touch of sunlight on his face. The birds seemed to sing and he felt invincible. He wished for this moment to never end, as it was so beautiful.  
"Lincoln?"  
A wish he did not get fulfilled. Looking sideways, he saw Luan hanging upside down from one of the front tree's branches, her left foot stuck in a rope.  
"Could you please help me down?" the jokster asked in a hurt voice. "Lana just left me hanging."  
"Forget it," Lincoln snarled in return. "I am out."  
"But Lincoln-"  
"If anyone of you is looking for me, I am at Clyde's," the boy declared. "Don't even think of coming over, or I am going to disown you as my family."  
That made Luan hold in and look in shock at her little brother.  
"Whatever is wrong with you guys, I hope you have calmed down by tomorrow!"  
With that said he just went down the street.  
"Lincoln, come back. Please. I am not feeling well," she pleaded and looked after him as he ran towards the horizon. But he ignored her. And based on the noises in the house, Luan concluded that it would take quite some time till someone found her.

Mel Brooks once said that tragedy is when you cut your finger, while comedy is the result of you falling down a sewer opening and breaking your neck. Luan, over the course of this day, got her ass severely kicked by her brother twice, had been ignored by her other siblings, wasted some really good whipped cream for nothing and was now left hanging in the air like a sex joke at a feminist convention.  
In theory that would mean, that she had hit comedy gold. But why did she then think that this situation was not funny at all?

* * *

 **MamaAniki: "Who came up with that crap?"**

 **Hatoralo: "We?"**

 **MamaAniki: "Anyway: This is almost the end of the "Incest Begins-Arc"… Seriously?"**

 **Hatoralo: "Sorry, this is the best I came up so far."**

 **MamaAniki: "Let's just call it "Weekend at Lincoln's" instead or "The Loudest Change-Arc".**

 **Hatoralo: "We let the Readers Decide which Arc-title they prefer."**

 **MamaAniki: Why not. Also, I can't believe we used a Simple Plan song as reference.**

 **Hatoralo: Oh come on. It's a good song.**

 **MamaAniki: It is… passable. But considering the band in general... I swear, if we ever put "How could this happen to me" in this story, I am going to stab you with a fork.**

 **Hatoralo: Nah. That song will be used when we do our own "No such Luck" fix-fanfiction.**

 **SILENCE**

 **MamaAniki: Hatoralo…**

 **Hatoralo: Yes?**

 **MamaAniki: (pulls out a fork) RUN!**


	11. Loud's rest in Bride's arms

**MamaAniki: And now ladies and gentlemen, the last chapter of our first story arc.**

 **Hatoralo: And with it we will have introduced all the main characters from the show within our story!**

 **MamaAniki: We like to thank ultrablud 2 for supporting us by proff reading our story as well as all our readers who have supported us till this point.**

 **Hatoralo: We hope you will join us in our second story arc when we get around to publish it.  
MamaAniki: Yeah… look, I am sorry to say it, but there are private things I have to do personally for the next couple of months and weeks. Hatoralo and I are still writing whenever we get the chance, but we like to have one story arc in its raw form as good as finished before we go to another chapter/publish something. Primarily to avoid rewrites if we get other ideas down the line.**

 **Hatoralo: And the second arc really is taking some time. On one hand because of MamaAniki's private issues, on the other because of how complicated it gets from now on.**

 **MamaAniki: But in the meantime: enjoy this chapter. And leave perhaps a nice comment?**

* * *

 **Chapter 11:  
Loud's rest in Bride's arms.**

* * *

A young African-American boy was taking a break from writing on his latest fanfiction by reading up in the school newspaper how current student body president Dumas was congratulating a couple of hall monitors from an exchange school program for putting a group of hall pass forgers out of commission, when he heard the doorbell ringing and came out of his room to open the door. He was greeted by his best friend.  
"Hi Lincoln, you took-" He jumped in surprise as he took a closer look at his friend. "Boy, you look terrible!"  
Lincoln wasn't injured, but his face told Clyde more than an in-depth analysis by Doctor Lopez.  
Lincoln's expression was haggard, the eyes tired, the cheeks hung down and he looked like he ran a lot.

"Are you alright?" he asked. "You look like you got hunted by a gang of supervillains."  
"I wish," Lincoln responded with a sigh. "Hi, Clyde. Is lunch ready?"  
"No, but dinner is," explained Clyde with a worried undertone. "You took hours since our last call and I wasn't able to reach you. What happened?"  
"Problems with my sisters," Lincoln told part of the truth. "We had a very strange day today."

He came into the house and put the stuff of his bag he had been able to get out of the house in all that chaos into Clyde's room who followed him.  
"Are you having an argument?"  
"Please, not now Clyde," Lincoln requested with the last rest of his patience. "I need some rest now."

"Okay then." Clyde stated, trying to think of something else he could say to potentially support his friend. "By the way, nice gig."  
Lincoln blinked in confusion. "What gig?"  
"Your performance at the Weird Al concert," Clyde stated. He went to his computer and typed some words in Thouduct. Next thing Lincoln knew he was watching a video of how he made a fool of himself at the Music Hall the previous night.  
"You were rocking that stage. Or polkaing it? I don't know, but you…"  
Lincoln just sighed and shut the video down, a crestfallen look on his face. "I am such an idiot."  
"Lincoln?"  
"I mean, I knew something was up and I still-"  
"Dude, calm down," Clyde said, putting his hands on his best friend's shoulders. "What happened?"  
Lincoln wanted to say something, when Howard McBride opened the door.  
"Clyde, Harold is almost done," he announced. "Would you please come down and help me set up the tab- Oh, hi Lincoln."  
"Hi Mr. McBride."  
The more emotional part of Clyde's parental unit looked a bit worried. "Are you alright? You look a bit pale."  
"Never been better," Lincoln said in such an overexcited manner, that everyone with a few brain cells could tell it was a lie. "I just… didn't get much sleep last night. I was at a concert with my sisters and we had a little party yesterday."  
"Oh, that is nice to hear. Wait. Your parents allowed you to party?"  
"They are at a seminar for a couple of days. We have the house all for ourselves."  
At hearing that, Mr. McBride didn't quite know what to think. He knew Rita and Lynn for years. Them leaving the kids alone for a couple of days, especially considering how… "energetic" they were, sounded a bit out of character.

"Is the house all right?" asked Howard. "You really don't look good."  
"Just a long day," he explained. "I also think I got lost on the way here."

He let out the part where he hid behind several bushes, trees, cars, people, buildings and in one case a really large dog. He also spent some time in the sewers just to be sure his sisters weren't able to follow him. Later he was forced to flee from the sewer mutants. It was either them or rats of unusual size. He didn't know anymore because everything became so hazy due to the stress of the situation.

"Well, you can talk about it when you are ready come down," Howard said. "But I have one question."  
"Yes Mr. McBride?" gulped Lincoln. He really didn't want to explain the sudden incestuous cravings of his older sisters.  
"The others will not follow suit, will they?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean will they…" Howard shook. His eyes stared into nothingness as he remembered how Lana had flooded the bathroom and Luna had played so loudly on the beatboxes, they exploded.  
"If you mean my sisters, they will stay home," Lincoln promised.  
Howard came back out of his flashback. "Good. Very… good."  
The slimmer parent left the room.

"Lincoln, I know you for too long to believe that your haggard look comes from a minor problem," Clyde put it as it was. "What happened?"  
"You remember how I said my sisters were so incredibly nice to me?"  
"Yes."  
"They are nicer than I would have ever wished for or ever wanted."  
"Lincoln-"  
"They don't harm me!" he made it clear. "They don't intent to harm me."

He at least hoped so. The nudity and the aggressive hunt some hours earlier let him think they would have their way with him, regardless of his consent. He hoped, no he prayed that they were just hunting him to keep him from leaving and not to do something he could never forget and probably never forgive.

"Okay, look," Clyde began, trying to sound as comforting as he could be. "I get it. Something has happened. But you are obviously not in the right set of mind to tell me now."  
Lincoln just looked at his friend, slightly ashamed of himself.  
"Here is what we are going to do. You are going to have dinner with me and my dads. And if you want, I will ask them if you can stay overnight. Would that be okay with you?"  
Lincoln just nodded. He felt like such a little kid, it was embarrassing. And yet at the same time, he was grateful for his friend's understanding and support.  
"We will just tell them you want to watch the season finale of Savvy Girl with me here tonight, as Lisa turned the satellite dish into something to talk to aliens, okay?"  
Lincoln couldn't help himself but chuckle. After all, that was the kind of thing Lisa did when she was only two.  
"And after dinner, you can tell me all about what happened."  
"Just promise me you will not think that I am being ridiculous," Lincoln asked.  
"Come on, Lincoln. I am your best friend. And I know your sisters. There is nothing you can tell me about them that I would consider too ridiculous."

* * *

"Okay, this is freaking ridiculous."  
Lincoln sighed. Of course Clyde would say that. Thirty minutes ago, the two had finished a delicious meal consisting of Turkish trout, with pasta and a pepper garlic sauce that made Lincoln rectify his opinion that fish was only delicious in form of fish sticks. Since then he explained his friend what had exactly transpired in his home, while at the same time trying to keep details regarding a certain sister as vague as possible in order to avoid Clyde suffering a sudden yet fatal nose bleed.

"Your siblings have fallen in love with you?"  
"Not all of them, but… I know how this sounds, but I can't explain it otherwise."  
"Are you sure it is not just a pra-"  
"Yes, Clyde!" Lincoln shouted suddenly, "I am sure it is not a prank, bro!"  
Clyde stayed silent.  
"Sorry."  
"No problem," Clyde said, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder.  
"It's just- I don't get what is going on. Friday morning Lori was calling me a twerp and demanding I get out of the bath while I was still showering. And today she breaks up with Bobby to be with me."  
"She did what?"  
Lincoln regarded his friend with a stern look that made it very clear, that the white haired boy was not in the mood for any Lori related romance delusions right now.  
"I mean… She broke up with him?"  
"And I wish that was the least crazy thing she did today."  
Clyde looked at him confused. But Lincoln did not intend to pay more attention to one sibling alone.  
"And as for the others… I mean, you think Luna and Lynn would do something as go bare for me, just for the sake of a prank?"  
"Actually-"  
Lincoln was dumbfounded.  
"What? Sorry Lincoln, but I can totally believe they would do something that risky."  
One of Lincoln's eyebrows began to twitch.

"I mean," Clyde began nervously and tried to defuse his friend before he may burst out in anger. "Luna did some crazy over-the-top stuff before. Like firing fireworks in the house or when she tried to stage dive on little children."  
"And Lynn?"  
"I saw her once playing basketball while ice skating."  
Lincoln shrugged. "Fair enough. But nudity is something different. Our family isn't one where we get suddenly naked in the presence of each other."  
"That is true," agreed Clyde. "Mine isn't either. Maybe Doctor Lopez can help you."  
"I am really considering this," Lincoln responded. "I really do. But first, I have to try to salvage the situation on my own. If my parents learn about this situation, it would look bad for my sisters."  
"You want to solve it in private?"  
"I don't believe their behavior is natural," Lincoln exclaimed. "It is too… Sudden. It came out of nowhere."

Lincoln took his shoes off and laid down on Clyde's bed. It was something Lincoln was in need for some time now; being allowed to lie down in peace and feel safe from horny sisters.  
"Do you want to play something?"  
Lincoln thought about it for a bit. "We could play Lector Wars Zero. I heard it was worth playing after they finally released an update for classic controls."  
"It is," confirmed Clyde. "I will get the console."

As Clyde was gone, Lincoln took a few deep breaths and tried to relax. The entire situation still looked so unreal to him and he hoped it could still be solved, at best without parental involvement and at worst with therapy. This couldn't be the true feelings of his sisters for him.  
There was never even a hint of it in the past that they could be romantically and sexually interested in him and as hard as he thought, there was no instance of even the slightest hint. This entire situation made no sense, especially because all of them (minus Lisa and Lily and Lola and Lana) suddenly turned incestuous.

Laying on the desk, Clyde's walkie talkie came to life. Lincoln got up again, as he heard the familiar sound of static and a voice he easily recognized.  
"Lincoln?"  
"Lisa!"  
He grabbed the little radio, leaned back again and responded in a curious tone.  
"Lisa, here is Lincoln. Are you okay?"  
"Well, I dreamed peacefully about getting another Nobel prize when I got awoken by the screams of Lily and 7 over charged agitated sisters," Lisa's voice explained in an annoyed tone. "Of course, Lily's screams summoned Alfred, surprising the others. Lynn attacked Alfred but Leni stopped her and scolded her for attacking their new "nephew". Alfred is all right, and after that insane posse was finished with making a goop out of themselves and calming down my roommate, I threw them out. Afterwards I continued to sleep for a few hours. Now I am not only awake but also free of unimpaired mental faculties."  
"Can you remember how you acted this morning?"  
"Alfred showed me the recordings he made with his visual sensors."  
"His eyes are cameras?"  
"Certainly."  
"About the soda can-"  
"We have other matters to attend to," said Lisa bringing the conversation away from this point.

Knowing that Lisa was still normal gave Lincoln a glimmer of hope. If the behavior of his sisters was indeed unnatural, Lisa would find the cause and maybe she had already found it.  
"Are you okay as well Lincoln?" asked the voice his second-youngest sibling. "Alfred mentioned that they gave you a hard day and I don't have all the intelligence about today's occurrences. The others are too sad to recount anything to me."  
"How sad are they?"  
"Watching Titanic-sad. With deleted scenes."  
Lincoln wasn't sure how sad that exactly was, but it sounded very sad.  
"I am not well," Lincoln reported. "I… What happened… I don't want to talk about it."  
"I believe and understand you," Lisa's voice responded calmly. "But I need all the tidbits of information I can get. Every single one. They could be the key to figure out what is going on with our sisters."  
Lincoln sighed in defeat. He didn't want to recount it a second time now, but he had no other choice.  
"After I put you to bed-"  
"Hold it!" Lisa's voice interrupted him. "Leni is bringing me pureed Solanum tuberosum and as dessert, chocolate formed as shells of unborn birds."

After a short pause Lisa returned.  
"Our dear second-oldest sibling made me and Lily a beautiful dinner with the assistance of Alfred," Lisa told him with a slight touch of affection in her otherwise calm tone. "I saw how guilt ridden she was over me and Lily in person and via eye-cam-recording. Whatever it is that is influencing them, it looks like it doesn't affect their personalities so strong anymore."  
"I noticed that myself," supported Lincoln her theory. "I just wish it would have left other aspects of them alone."

"What would those be?"  
Lincoln sighed heavily. He really didn't want to say it, but if she really needed the information…  
"Their sex drives."  
There was a rather uncomfortable silence on the other end of the line that lasted for a couple of seconds, till the sound of a spoon hitting a plate was heard.  
"Come again?"  
"Their sex drives, Lisa," Lincoln explained. "At least Lori, Luna and Leni tried to seduce me today. And Lynn, she-"  
"Alfred?"  
"Yes, Mistress Lisa?"  
"Would you please pinch my elbow? I think I am still dreaming."  
"But my directive-"  
"Just do it."  
Lincoln just listened uncomfortably, as on the other end of the line Lisa went through her own little phase of denial.  
"Well, I am not dreaming. And my arm is now sore."  
"Would you like me to bring you a bag of ice, Mistress?"  
"Not necessary."  
"Lisa," Lincoln stated, feeling left out of whatever was going on.  
"I am sorry Lincoln, but… are you telling me their affections have turned incestuous?"  
"Pretty much," Lincoln confirmed when he raised his eyebrow in a sudden realization. "At least the older ones."  
"Come again?"  
"Lucy and the twins… They seem to be more normal," he explained. "Heck, Lucy helped me to escape."  
From the other side, Lincoln could hear his sister ponder about what he just said. "So the younger ones are acting normal? That would correlate with the behavior I have seen in the living room."  
"What do you mean by that?" **  
**

* * *

"BORING!"  
"Lana!" shouted Lori at her younger sister. The oldest Loud child looked like a disaster. Mascara was running down her eyes, indicating that she had cried quite a bit earlier that day. Her hair was a mess and she wore some old cuddly sweater. "How can you say something like that?!"  
"Yeah!" interjected Luna. The resident rocker was in a similar state to her sister. Only that she was hugging Lincoln's plush rabbit Bun-Bun while watching Leonardo DiCaprio dancing with Kate Winslet in the third class and stuffing chocolate ice cream into her mouth. "Can't you see how they care for each other?"  
"Forget about that," Lana whined. "I just want to see the ship sink!"  
"I am only here for the clothes. They are marvelous!" Lola sighed, eating ice cream herself.

"I just hope this movie does not feature a rapping dog this time," Lucy stated in a mixture of deadpan and disgust, hugging a little pillow with a spider web muster.  
"It doesn't," Leni stated. While she too looked a bit crestfallen and melancholic, she was still a much happier sight to behold than most of the other old kids. In fact, she was right now snuggling with Lynn under a blanket, who had uncharacteristically acted rather pouty ever since Luan told the others, that Lincoln did not want to see or hear from them for the rest of the day. "But it features a scene of him drawing her naked and then they-"  
"Okay guys!" Lori suddenly shouted, interrupting her roommate and turning her gaze to the younger kids in the room. "You guys are up for bed in half an hour."  
"Oh come on!" the twins shouted, while Lucy only sighed.  
"Whatever," the goth said. "I know what happens anyway. He dies in the water and the ship breaks in half."  
At that statement, the elders froze, only to start bawling their eyes out in a display of perfect synchronization, sobbing how Jack and Rose deserved better.  
"Seriously Lucy?" Lola protested. "Did you have to trigger them?"  
Lucy smiled in return. "My suffering can only be eased when others suffer through me."  
"What did they do to you?" asked Lola surprised.  
"Nothing. To me at least."  
Lana, on the other hand, had other priorities on her mind. "Wait? I am going to miss how the ship breaks apart on screen?"

* * *

"Let's just say Lori and the others are more emotionally attached towards that outdated movie than anyone younger than you."  
Lincoln tried to imagine what that meant. He didn't know if what he pictured for himself was either funny or uncannily creepy. The only thing he was sure of was that by the time Celine Dion sang, the Loud house would probably sink in a flood of teenaged tears itself.

"Lisa, listen, we-"  
"Sorry for taking so long," interrupted Clyde as he came back. "The console was hidden in…" He beheld Lincoln on his radio. "Lincoln, are you talking with Lincoln?"  
"Very funny," the white haired boy retorted. "Lisa is on the other end."  
"Is she crazy for you too?"  
"No, she is still normal, in fact, she is helping me."  
"Is Clyde there?" asked Lisa. "How much does he know?"  
"He is my best friend, so I told him everything," admitted Lincoln. "I trust him."  
"Of course," Lisa responded and Lincoln had problems to read her reaction. Does she think that Clyde was also under this strange influence?

 _I hope not_ , he thought. _iI_ _really hope.  
_ Losing his best friend because he suddenly fell in love with him was the last thing he needed, but on the other hand it would be miles better than the romantic love his sister had now for him. He may not be into men either (as far as he knew at the moment) but between them was no blood relation.

"Would you like to finish the conversation in peace?" Clyde asked.  
"No, you can stay."  
"Lincoln, did you check your phone?" Lisa's voice suddenly asked. "Maybe the others sent you messages."  
"Do you really need that info too?"  
"I didn't make the rules on research," Lisa explained. "I just follow them."  
Lincoln shrugged and took out his smartphone.  
"Only one message," he said. "And it is- YOU DAUGHTER OF A WITCH!"  
"She is also your mother, Lincoln," Lisa reminded him dryly. "Be careful with your insults."  
"I didn't mean you, I meant Lori she… SHE…! Okay, that still insults me and mom too but… Lori sent me…. I… Bun Bun…"  
"Could you speak more lucid, my brother?"

Clyde took a look at the screen of Lincoln's smartphone. Lincoln didn't really notice him so he continued to scroll up and down the pictures his sister had made and sent him.  
She was once again naked but this time she sat on his bed with his trusty plushy Bun Bun covering her lower private bits while she covered her upper bits with Lincoln's pillow.  
"This supports your claims a lot more," Clyde stated in a sober tone, handing him back the phone. "The Lori I know wouldn't do that. Now excuse me while I die in peace."  
Clyde laid down on his bed besides Lincoln with nothing but bliss on his face.

"Clyde?"  
The black boy didn't react to Lincoln calling him, instead sighing happily.  
"Clyde, speak to me."  
Clyde didn't follow the request. Instead he started to bleed out of his nose.  
"Lincoln, is everything alright?"  
"Yeah," the older brother told his sister over the radio. "Lisa, may I tell you about what happened tomorrow? I think I need some time to slap a bit of common sense into my best friend."  
He held in for a minute and looked at the ever-growing amount of blood dripping down Clyde's nostrils. "That and I have to prevent him from bleeding out."

* * *

On the other end of the line, which was in Lisa and Lily's room, the smartest member of the family sat on her bed and listened in confusion as Lincoln shouted at Clyde to snap out of it, which was followed by a slapping noise. Though as that was soon followed in return by Clyde and her brother arguing and some heartfelt apologies, she assumed that it was not a reaction to Clyde becoming as equally attached to her brother as her own siblings. So she turned the radio off and hoped that whatever was happening for the rest of the evening, Lincoln could take care of the situation. At least till they met the next day.  
"Is Lincoln alright?" she heard Alfred behind her ask slightly worried, while putting baby Lily in her crib for the night.

Lisa, who had still to adjust a bit to the fact her robot creation had modified its design sometime between her fifth can of soda and the moment she awoke, sighed.  
"I think he will do fine," she stated. Taking her glasses off, she pinched the back of her nose, thinking about the few pieces of information she had gotten. Some of her sisters had become deeply emotional, if not even sexually attracted to the only male human in the house next to her dad and yet at the same time the siblings sometimes acted closer to their actual selves than the day before, when they fulfilled every single wish/request/order Lincoln came up with.  
And all of that happened in only a couple of hours while she was out.  
The concept of the basic exponential curve from math came to her mind. She did not want to imagine how its concept could apply to the situation at hand.

"Are you alright, Mistress Lisa?"  
She put her glasses back on. "Not really. I want to help the others, but the lack of information needed to form even the most basic theory on how things are progressing in regarding of the AI is utterly frustrating."  
"AI?"  
"Affection Infection," Lisa explained to her artificial creation.

"Misstr- Aunt Leni seems to be less affected," Alfred explained. "As I was down to feed Mistress Lily, she looked less distressed. In fact she helped me with feeding Mistress Lily. She is remarkable when it comes to handling her."

Aunt.  
She insisted of being his aunt now. It made sense to Lisa and she applauded Leni's acceptance and approval of Alfred as not only a robot but as a member of the family in contrast to Lynn who had loudly protested of this machine being one of Lily's typical caretakers. Lori also showed askance towards her newest creation, but less so than Lynn. Letting any new person coming close to her youngest baby sister was a risk in Lori's eyes and she personally observed how competent he was before leaving with the others. Lynn on the other hand had to be convinced by Leni and she still continued to be distrustful of her robot.  
Still, the thought of seeing Alfred as her son was something the little academic could not fathom right now. She was four years old and no four year old was expected to be a mother at this age. On the other hand no fourth year old girl had earned a doctorate either, so what did she know?  
A lot, not everything but a lot but this question she wasn't answering right now and there were more important matters to attend to.

 _Lucy, Lola and Lana act normal, Leni has, for the most part, no idea what is exactly going on, or she does, I am not sure and Lori and Luna want_ _to get_ _into_ _our_ _brother's pants._  
She shivered at that last thought.  
 _What the heck is causing all_ _of_ _this? A brainwashing videogame? Internet videos? A virus? Incest anime that treat the subject too lightly?_

She contemplated the situation and came to the following conclusion:  
"There is nothing I can do now, at least till I get to talk to Lincoln."  
With that realization hitting home, the look on her face became suddenly way more matter of fact. Climbing off her bed, she headed for the door, when Alfred asked her where she was going to.  
"Downstairs are eight emotionally distressed girls with at least eight gallons of chocolate ice cream to drown their sorrow in," she stated. "And I am a candy loving four-year-old. Why shall I let such an opportunity go to waste, if I can't prevent it anyway?"

* * *

A couple of hours later, the situation in the Loud household, as well as the one of the McBrides had become more serene so to speak. While the Loud sisters were heading for the beds, with Luna, much to Luan's disdain, deciding to spend the night rather with her older siblings than with her, Lisa was trying to formulate a new theory and a series of behavioral tests she may perform on her siblings.

In the McBride household meanwhile, after a rather awkward argument between Lincoln and Clyde, with the former chewing his best friend out for engaging in his crush on Lori in a time of crisis, the two boys spent the rest of the evening watching and then discussing the season finale of Savvy Girl.  
" I can't believe that Savvy Girl defeating the Trickster is actually a set up for them adapting the "Final Gambit" story arc," Clyde said, laying in his bed. "Do you think they will really put the Game Master up as the season 3 villain?"  
"That would be awesome," agreed Lincoln, laying in a sleeping bag on the floor. "But I will not be surprised if they just go for one of his lower allies. You know, budget restrictions."  
Clyde sighed. "Dang it."  
"Hey, you can still write fanfiction about it, if the season sucks," Lincoln chuckled.

The bespectacled boy rolled his eyes in a mixture of annoyance and good humor. Ever since he told Lincoln that he liked writing Ace Savvy-verse fanfics, Clyde's friend spent a couple of times equally supporting, as well as making fun of his work. Not because of any ill intend. It was just that ever since both had read some really bad Ace Savvy stories online, the likes of which would make even Lucy's vampire novels look like Ernest Hemmingway by comparison, they were kind of wary about their own fandom. As such, when Clyde suddenly started contributing his own stories, the white-haired boy was rather quick to make a few pot shots and point their own slight hypocrisy about criticizing the fandom out, when they contributed to the "problem" just as much.

An infamous subcategory of such Stories in which they didn't contribute were stories in which Savvy Girl suddenly became a brutal murderer and neck snapper of innocent people just to make Ace Savvy look better. Which in itself was just there so the author could have the moral high ground in a situation they themselves had created.

Though in all fairness, Clyde's stories had become quite good over time and Lincoln found himself helping his friend occasionally by throwing out some random ideas he could work with. But after the one hundredth pot shot, even the most self-aware fanfic writer could become tired of the joke.

Still, Clyde felt good about hearing Lincoln make jokes about something for a change instead of talking about how crazy his sisters had gotten. He knew his friend needed a distraction from the insanity that was going on right now and he was glad he could provide it.  
Clyde himself was in need of it too. The thought of Lori, his first great and current love leaving Roberto Santiago would have been great news for him if the reason wasn't that she had found a new love that wasn't him but somebody else, especially because it was her own brother, his best friend. He didn't envy Lincoln either, especially because he was worried and shocked by the idea itself.

Unfortunately, the moment of merriment was rather short lived, as indicated by the sigh that escaped Lincoln's lips now.  
"I don't want to go home, Clyde."  
The young boy did not know what to say to that.  
"I mean, I want to," Lincoln began. "But… with my family acting like that… I don't know if I am save there."  
Saying Clyde was shocked about the implications he heard in Lincoln's words would be an understatement. "Dude, are you telling me you think Lori would-"  
"I hope not," Lincoln said. "I really, really hope not. For her own sake. But the picture she sent me…"  
Clyde tried his best not to think about the greatest picture he had ever seen in his young life, reminding himself that his friend had a higher priority than some fan service.  
"…And her behavior? She changed from calling me a twerp to wanting to be my girlfriend in two days."  
Lincoln turned around in his bag. "I don't want to imagine what she and the others may be like tomorrow."  
Clyde didn't know what to say to this. The only thing he knew was that Lincoln had a point. Eventually though, he spoke up.  
"Lincoln, I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. But I want you to know that I am going to help you and Lisa figure out what is going on."  
Lincoln couldn't help but smile. "Thanks Clyde. You are a good friend."  
"Just don't start falling for me now," the black boy said, putting his glasses down.  
Lincoln couldn't help himself but chuckle at least a bit. "At least I am not your relative."

* * *

It was past 11 pm and Lynn Loud still couldn't sleep, the reason for it being that she had too much on her mind. Primarily thoughts about her brother, who she had rather mixed feelings for right now.

The thing about Lincoln for her was that, in a bizarre way, she didn't see him just as her little brother. For the laid back sports ace who would never step down from a challenge and engaged in all sort of "boy" activities, Lincoln was her best friend. At least of the opposite gender. True, she could always rely on her family as a whole but Lincoln, just by the fact he was a boy and as such more inclined to share certain interests with her than, let's say Lori, Lucy or any other girl she knew in general (outside of her sport teams), held a special place in her heart.

There was also Lana when it came to more boyish activities. She could play a lot of things with her often but she didn't share her deeper interest for handyman work, plumbing or animals. Not to mention that Lana also spend most of her time with Lola despite the stark contrast in personality and interests.  
But Lincoln on the other hand was kind of a "jack-of-all-trades" guy when it came to spend time with his sister. He could do everything with all of them.

Yes, she would dismiss some of his interests as geeky and joke about him being a wimp when it came to actual sports, but she also knew she could always rely on him being a voice of reason to rely on. She could count on him being a good enough sport to forgive the one and other Dutch Oven involving prank, to engage with her in some sort of free time activity.

He was there when she needed him and she tried most of the time her best as a friend and older sister to help him in return, even hoping that some of her challenging attitude may rub off on him in some way, to make him become more of a fighter.

But right now, way more than when he chewed her out for the squirrel costume incident, she also wanted to punch Lincoln hard, for once standing up for himself by throwing her out of his room earlier the day.  
 _Stupid brother,_ she thought in frustration, turning around in her bed. _I was just goofing around._

Despite what Lincoln may have thought, Lynn, unlike Lori and the other older siblings, had not that much of a "sexual" motive for stripping out of her clothes earlier this afternoon, when she sneaked in his room. The truth was that, at that moment, she did it just because it sounded like a good idea in her head. She didn't know where the idea came from, but it sounded like an awesome prank. And considering the look on Lincoln's face as she took her clothes off piece by piece, with him only realizing when he looked up from his comic, it was sort of worth it.

But then the pool incident happened and since then… She felt weird. In fact, she felt kind of jealous. Why was it that Lincoln would jump willingly in a pool with a naked Lori and Luna inside, while her advances were met with a kick up her butt? She knew she was not always the nicest, but how could her brother be that much of a jerk to her, when she did everything since yesterday to make his weekend awesome?

Which itself was another thing she was starting to question: Why was she being so nice to Lincoln? Did she try to make up for something she did? She thought he deserved peace as much as everyone else, but now that she thought about it, she really went her way out to make him have a good time. Not that she minded it that much. In fact, she enjoyed it. But why did it fill her with so much joy to see Lincoln happy, to hear him praise her and to just spend time with him? Why did it make her sad to hear second hand from Luan, that he is pissed with her?

As she tried to figure out her emotions, she couldn't help herself but reminisce about the afternoon. As she did, she found herself slipping into a fantasy, whose nature was, more or less, normal for a girl entering puberty at her age, but shouldn't involve another relative. In said fantasy, she imagined Lincoln, much to her surprise, taking her up on the challenge regarding both wrestling like the old Greeks. Obviously, he would do so, because he saw through her ruse and wanted to prank her back. But she would go through with it. Soon, as their bodies were intertwined with each other in battle, both would start to become aware of their opponents' physics. She would realize how cute and tender, yet also surprisingly strong his form was, as he was holding her down. And he would realize how, despite her still just being in the early stages of puberty and barely more than two years older than him, her excessive workouts had made her body slim and attractive. They would look in each other's eyes and without a word realize just how much they care for each other and…

"Lynn?"  
The girl in question opened her eyes in shock, as she heard her little sister's voice, snapping her out of her fantasy. "Yes?"  
"Are you alright? I heard you moaning."  
"I-I think I just had too much ice cream," Lynn replied, almost a little too fast. She only now realized that she was close to having a wet dream about her own brother. And considering that one of her hands was resting comfortably under her shirt, just above her belly button, made her feel even more uncomfortable and embarrassed.

"You could ask Lisa's robot to make you some tea," Lucy suggested.  
"No thanks," was the short answer to that suggestion. "I am not trusting that tin can."  
"He seemed surprisingly supportive. Especially with you hitting him over the head with your bat."  
"Do you remember the last time Lisa built an artificial intelligence?" Lynn asked.  
How could Lucy forget? The thing tried to take over the world and was only stopped because Lisa disconnected the internet while Leni distracted the AI with enough stupid questions, it committed suicide.  
Well, it was still alive but its circuits burned up so badly it was now dumber than a starfish.  
In any case Lynn had to apologize to her new "nephew" Alfred on Leni's insistence, which annoyed her because she hadn't even hurt him with her attack.

"I feel better anyway," Lynn stated, wanting to end the conversation before her little sister realized why she was really moaning. "Good night."  
As she turned around, Lynn listened closely to her sister. She felt relieved when after a few minutes; Lucy's own soft snoring could be heard, leaving her alone with her thoughts again.  
 _What is wrong with you, Lynn?_ she thought, trying to push the memory of her fantasy out of her head. But the more she tried, the more she also realized that as "sick" as it was, she kind of liked it.

* * *

While all over Royal Woods people were going to sleep, somewhere in the darkness of a stuffy room, the slim frame of the Observer was sitting in an armchair. Its gaze was focused on the laptop, on which it observed Luna, Leni and Lori sleep cuddling together in Lori's bed. A surprisingly cute, if not even touchy sight to behold, as the three girls were drifting off to dream land, their minds focused on their little brother and the wish for him to join them in the peacefulness of the situation at hand.  
Not that the Observer cared for that idea currently. It wanted something else. After all, based on its original plan, their minds were not supposed to be the only thing filled by Lincoln this night.

 _Everything was outlined_ _just fine_ _…_ the Observer thought with a hint of aggravation. Behind it a lightbulb suddenly switched on, shined brighter than it ever did in its existence and then exploded.

The Observer closed its eyes and sighed. It hated it when it had to abandon an idea it was fond of. Then again, it also liked a challenge. And so far, the current situation was nothing a little bit of doctoring could not do with.  
 _Incestshipping is so much more difficult to create and write. Also underappreciated, except when you write about two sexy bishounen. A homosexual relationship is a piece of cake in comparison._

The Observer closed the video feed into Lori and Leni's room. A couple of clicks later, a word file by the title "We are family" opened. Scrolling through its content, the Observer marked several dozen pages and deleted them. Then it took a deep breath to get "into the zone" as people call it, before beginning to type. At first slowly, but less than five minutes later, the Observer typed away at a speed that would have made even the most prolific writers in entertainment jealous. Not that the Observer would have cared about its talent in that regard now. The story needed to be fixed. And time was running out.

* * *

Lisa was just reading up on different behavioral traits someone could define as "social interaction" within lab animals, trying to find traits she could easily transfer on humans to create a working ethogram for her sisters, when she heard a knock on her door.  
"Lisa, are you asleep yet?" a familiar voice asked. "I need to talk to you." **  
**

* * *

 **MamaAniki: And here we are again  
Hatoralo: Ready for a new storyarc to show you, that this fic is more than just Lori and the others getting the hots for Lincoln.  
MamaAniki: And lets hope that this time we finally breach the 100 review number.  
Hatoralo: That or that we get our own tvtropes entry.  
MamaAniki: Once more we thank ultrablud2 for proof reading our little insane story.  
** **Hatarlo: We like to thank all readers so far and…**

 **Alfred: (storms in) Sirs!**

 **MamaAniki: What is it?**

 **Alfred: Pardon me breaking the fourth wall, but your story got recommended on tvtropes.**

 **Silence**

 **Hataralo: Well, this calls for a celebration.**

 **The authors as well as many characters of the story so far are celebrating.**

 **Alfred: (turns to the readers) my apologies. It seems the authors are too drunk to actually thank the person who recommended them. So on all our behalf: Thanks to Segundo Vargas. Have a nice day and we hope you will enjoy the story in the future too.**


	12. Elementary School Blues

**MamaAniki: And here we are again.  
Hatoralo: Not so loud. I am still having a hangover from celebrating our tvtropes recommendation. What the heck did Luan put in the fruit punch?  
MamaAniki: I have no idea. Why is there a video of us online singing the opening to Digimon Adventure while being drink.  
Hatoralo: What? (looks up the video) … well, at least we are fully clothed.  
MamaAniki: I am wearing a chicken costume.  
Hatoralo: I think that was Luan's late revenge for us turning her into the last arc's buttmonkey.  
MamaAniki: Whatever. Let's get the new arc started, just to show everyone that this fic is more than just Lori and the others getting the hots for Lincoln.  
Hatoralo: Lets hope that this time we finally breach the 100 review number.  
MamaAniki: Thanks again to ultrablud 2 for proof reading the story and- where is the guy btw?**

 **Meanwhile, in Canada**

 **Ultrablud2: (with a sombrero on his head, chained to Luan Loud in a prison cell) What happened at the party?/b  
**

* * *

 **-  
** **Begin of the 2nd Story Arc:  
Schoolhouse of Cards  
** **-  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 12: Elementary School Blues**

* * *

School. Not the worst place for Lincoln to be because his grades were good and his social standing was solid despite some embarrassing hiccups in the past, like his "chesthair" video. Still, school felt like a chore, especially on days like these when half of his siblings had the hots for him. Which, the more he thought about it, was probably something that didn't happen every day to anyone.  
He was envying those people right now.

He was crossing the halls, hopping not to run into any of his sisters. Most of them visited the same school as him and he ran into them more than once in the past but he didn't mind being seen with them. But considering that they seemed unable to hold back their affection, he really wanted to avoid them like the plague right now.  
Cause as liberal and open his school and town might be, he doubted that there was a high tolerance for the concept of an incestuous, polygamist relationship in the form of a group of underage children.

The breakfast he had at the McBrides' place still heavy in his stomach (partly because of his worries of what his sisters may have been up to in the last hours), he walked to his locker, opened it and rummaged for the books and materials he needed for class.

He had everything and closed his door, revealing Ronnie Anne behind it. A very angry looking Ronnie Anne.  
"LAME-O!" shouted the young Hispanic girl in the purple hoodie.  
Lincoln was understandably surprised and shocked by Ronnie's sudden appearance but not to the same amount when Lucy did it. He was only wondering why she was so angry.  
"Is something wrong?"  
"MY BROTHER!"  
"Your brother?"  
"My Brother!"  
"Your brother?"  
"My brother!"  
"What is the problem?" Lincoln stopped this stupid circle. Then he remembered. "Oh, right, Lori broke up with him."  
"Yes, and he is a wreck!" the young girl shouted, furiously. "I had to comfort him for hours until he cried himself to sleep!"  
Her voice was filled with rage and sadness. She looked like she would cry any moment herself. "How could she do this to him?!"  
Lincoln felt a stung in his heart. He liked Bobby a lot and saw in him the brother he never had. Knowing he was suffering made him suffer too.  
"I don't know," the young boy lied. Here and now wasn't the place or the time to tell her the truth. "I am surprised myself! I didn't see this coming! You have to believe me!"

Ronnie may believe the young Loud but his words weren't able to calm her down.  
"If Lori leaves my brother then I will leave you!" she swore.  
Lincoln gulped. "Now come on Ronnie Anne, you shouldn't-"  
"DON'T TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD AND SHOULDN'T DO!"  
Lincoln shut his mouth. He had never seen her this angry.  
"Who do you think you are?!"  
 _i/I am not Lincoln, I am his evil twin, planning to ruin your relationship!/i  
_ He swallowed down the sarcastic answer, guessing only Leni would fall for such a lie.  
"Listen Ronnie: I can't explain it right now but I want to assure you that leaving me will not solve this problem. I know the reason but now isn't the time."  
"What is it?" Ronnie still wanted to know. "Is your sister dying or something and wants to spare my brother the agony of being with her while she is dying?"  
"Well… No. But… But…" he started to stutter as a reaction of Ronnie's sarcastic suggestion. "But like I said, I can't tell you now. Maybe after I cleared up the situation she may come back to Bobby."  
He hopped this explanation would soothe her but a look into her eyes told him that wasn't the case.

"I am serious, Lincoln," Ronnie growled with eyes like daggers. "My brother is everything to me. I will leave you if she doesn't have a good reason to break his heart."  
Lincoln said nothing.  
"Don't you understand? I will leave you."  
Lincoln again said nothing but after a few seconds, he started to laugh. The laugh started out slow, gentle even, but became louder very quickly. In the end, he outright shouted his laughter but it didn't sound happy or sinister. It only sounded hollow and sad.  
"I really wish that this was my only problem," Lincoln coughed as he came down from his sudden fit. "I really do."

Ronnie Anne was so flabbergasted and confused by Lincoln's laughing that she had nothing to counter it, only a very shocked expression adorned her face. He took the opportunity to leave where she was standing, making his way to class.  
Some of the other students who came early also looked after him with a confused stare, not knowing what to make of it.

A few minutes later, a still confused Ronnie Anne was on the way to her own class. She didn't know what just happened. Her kind-of-sorta-not-really-but-something-like-that-but-not-really-maybe-boyfriend just laughed in her face, like he had become a sad mad angry scientist or an empty supervillain. She knew something was rotten in the Loud House and she would figure out what it was. Maybe one of his sisters could tell her more about the reason Lori left her brother. She didn't know what to make out of Lincoln's behavior but she would get her answers one way or another.

* * *

Something was off. Lincoln didn't know why, but the moment he took his seat, he started to feel genuinely out of place. When he didn't let the increasing paranoia regarding his siblings or Ronnie Anne's earlier threat take center stage of his mind, he felt his thoughts wander off to how comfortable it would be to just lay in bed right now. Primarily cuddled against something or even someone. Additionally, everyone around him, except Clyde, also acted a bit off this day. Not in the way his sisters did, for which he thanked the heavens for, but they seemed to be surprised, if not even slightly put off about his presence in general.

For example, Mrs. Johnson, when seeing him take his seat, seemed a bit confused. Telling him she is glad he joined the others in a voice that made it sound as if he had been gone for a couple of weeks and come back all of sudden. Other kids, who talked about having seen a video about Lincoln making a fool of himself at a comedian's concert, didn't realize he was there till he joined the conversation, which would then come to an abrupt and rather awkward ending.

Trying to ignore the hunch that his current feelings may be connected to whatever was going on at home, Lincoln did his best to focus on Mrs. Johnson lecturing the class about the meaning of "Lord of the Flies".

As Lincoln listened and took notes, he would look from time to time out of the window at the almost empty playground.

 _Wait. Almost?_

Looking back again, he saw that with classes in full session, there really was another person outside, sitting on a swing and looking in his direction. A person he would recognize any time.

 _Lucy?_

"Pst, hey Loud," one of the boys next to him whispered, making Lincoln turn his gaze to him "Can you give me some White-Out?"  
Lincoln handed the boy over the small bottle of correction fluid. He didn't even listen to the boy's thanks as he turned back to the window. Lucy was no longer sitting on the swing, but instead stood in the middle of the place, gaze still fixed on him.  
"Is she staring at me?"  
"Lincoln!"  
Startled, Lincoln turned to his teacher.  
"Would you please pay attention? Remember, we are going to write a test on this book."  
"Sorry Mrs. Johnson," he apologized and concentrated on his book.  
Still, when the red haired teacher turned back to the blackboard, he would at least glance over to the window. Now Lucy was standing even further away from the swing and closer to his window.

 _I_ _must be imagining_ _things,_ he thought and turned back to the board. _iShe would have classes too after all._

He glanced over again. She was gone.

 _There, see?_  
He turned to the next page in the book, when he suddenly felt watched again. Glancing over to the window, he now saw his sister stand directly in front of him, smiling and holding up a note on which "Hi Lincoln" was written.  
The boy in question felt his left eyelid twitch.

 _Why is no one else seeing this?_

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them, Lucy was gone.  
He exhaled in relief. The next moment, he felt someone breath down his neck  
"You forgot your homework," the dry voice of his sister stated, making him jump off his seat and cower in fear with closed eyes.  
"Please don't kiss me!"  
Only when he did not feel the touch of soft lips on his cheek did Lincoln start to open his eyes again. Instead of a pale face and black hair, all he saw were the faces of his classmates and teacher looking worried at him.

"I mean… Don't diss me!" he explained with a nervous laugh. "Please don't diss me."  
"I don't plan to," Mrs. Johnson explained. "But don't diss my class in return, Lincoln."  
"Yes, of course!"

After the situation had normalized, Lincoln, back on his seat, blinked for a second, realizing something. Remembering what Lucy had said to him, he looked into his backpack, to find a bunch of papers there. His homework. He had completely forgotten about it over the weekend, but glancing over it, it looked like his sisters managed to do it for him over last night.  
 _What is this? Charles Lee died at the hands of an assassin he chocked as a child…  
_ With varying degree of quality.  
Lincoln sighed. Based on the handwriting, he assumed Leni wrote that part of his homework.  
 _She says that videogames rot your brain but she watches the cutscenes of them on_ _ThouDuct_ , he thought while changing Leni's mistakes. _At least this is better than her report_ _about the Russian Revolution_ _, which she based on that Don Bluth movie._

Shortly after he corrected the mistakes of his sisters and changed their handwriting so that it resembled his own closer, the door to his class opened.  
"Mrs. Johnson?" a young Hispanic teacher asked. "I am terrible sorry to interrupt your class but you have forgotten your smartphone in the teachers' lounge."  
The entire class was suddenly filled by "Ba- Ba- Ba-" noises and some fell out of their chairs. It was Miss DiMartino, the most beautiful teacher on this side of the Mississippi.  
"Thank you, Ms. DiMartino" Mrs. Johnson thanked her, not noticing the sudden cases of unconsciousness and idiot-like babbling from her students. For some odd reason many teachers didn't acknowledge her beauty and the problems it brought with her. Well, not all but the half who acknowledged also babbled like morons every time they tried to talk with Ms. DiMartino about the problem.

* * *

Somebody saw what was happening. It saw how DiMartino gave Johnson her Smartphone back. But it also saw how half of the class was turned into babbling love-struck idiots only because they saw her.  
The person's eyes got narrow and angry.

* * *

Ms. DiMartino was on her way back as she suddenly felt like she was observed. She looked behind her, but nobody was there. She walked a few more steps but couldn't shake off the feeling that somebody or something was stalking her. Her hand wandered to the bottle of pepper spray in her pocket and she accelerated her walking speed.  
She shortly looked behind her again while running but nobody was there aside of a lot of lockers.

Something was wrong. The halls were empty, the lights were out for some reason and somebody had left the skeleton from biology on the floor. It would be scary for Ms. DiMartino if she hadn't seen scarier things during the day of the dead.

Her class room was only a few feet away. She ran up to the door as something grabbed her from above and pressed something over her mouth. She kicked and punched in all directions, but she couldn't stop being pulled into the air duct on the ceiling.

* * *

Oliver Linewood considered his job as the secretary of Principal Huggins of the Royal Woods elementary school an overall pretty pleasant affair. 40 hours a week, a decent wage for a person of not even 30 years who lived alone and all he had to do was push and organize some papers, work out some numbers when it came to the school budget and read off the morning announcements over the school intercom.

He didn't know his entire day would change for the worse, when he was reading up some online article about the latest laws soon to be discussed in the Senate the next days.  
"I am really wondering what hillbilly came up with that idea," he mumbled while reading about a certain proposition referred to as "Article 83A". He was so absorbed in his reading, that he did not hear the air duct grit above him being pushed aside. Nor did he see the thin stream of powder trickle down from above into his cup of coffee.

Two minutes later he took a big sip of the lukewarm drink, only to wonder why the coffee tasted rather creamy, despite him not adding any milk to it. He was shocked when he saw that his beverage had the distinct color of milk added to it. To understand his reaction, people need to know, that Linewood had the misfortune of being born lactose intolerant. Not in the way that he would suffer a severe allergic, if not even life threatening reaction, but…  
GRRRRUMMMMMMMPPPPLLLLL!  
"Oh dear," the secretary said, feeling his bowels move.  
With a speed Lynn would achieve during a sports race, he left the office and was heading for the next bathroom.

The moment he left a figure dressed like a stereotypical rocker with a dark leatherjacket, blue jeans and with a skull mask to hide its identity jumped out of the air duct.  
"Sorry, dude. But everything is allowed in War and Love," the figure declared and locked the door to the principal's room, as well as to the secretary's office. Then it turned on the school intercom and pulled a music player out of nowhere.

* * *

Lincoln had just recovered from his little crush-attack on Ms. DiMartino, who he would have actually not minded being attracted to him, even if that was a whole new can of worms to unleash, when he heard the school intercom being turned on.  
"Hello Royal Woods!"  
Lincoln's pen scratched over his paper in surprise. _That doesn't sound like Limewood_ _.  
_ Behind him Clyde raised his head in confusion about the strange new voice.  
"Coming from the secretary's office, to entertain you on this wonderful day, is Lu…. Mistress Eddybell Selina."  
 _What the heck?  
_ "And I am here to deliver a very special message to one of you guys out there."  
"She can't mean me, right?" Lincoln whispered under his breath, already feeling his social life going to crumble like the roof of his home.  
"A very special boy, whose girlfriends wants to apologize for scaring him."

In another class, Ronnie Anne Santiago, who also recognized the voice, snapped a pen. _Girlfriends?_ _!  
_ "Just so you know, little Thumber…"  
 _"Little thumber?_ _But- No._ _No, no, no, no, no_ _!_ _For the love of Ace Savvy, this isn't even her school anymore!  
_ Lincoln's head, realizing who this may be, repeated contact with his desk.  
"…we love you just the way you are."  
With that said, a click was heard and all off sudden, pop music filled the air, followed by the following lyrics.

 _You put the boom boom into my heart,  
You send my soul sky high when your lovin' starts.  
Jitterbug into my brain,  
Goes bang bang bang till my feet do the same._

All around him, kids starred in confusion at the loudspeaker, before erupting in laughter.  
"Would somebody just cut off the line, please?!" Lincoln Loud shouted, but he was ignored by the hysteric students. Whatever made everyone ignore his presence earlier this day, he was glad it was right now in effect, or else someone may have asked him about the nature of his outburst.

 _But something's bugging me  
Something ain't right  
My best friend told me  
Where you were last night._

 _Why even that song?_ Lincoln wondered. _She hates pop!_

 _Left me sleeping  
In my bed.  
I was dreaming  
But I should've been with you instead._

Lincoln decided that his head needed to make repeated contact with his desk's surface at those words, just to get the mental image out of it.

It became worse before it became better as he heard the sounds of fireworks through an open window. Lincoln and his other classmates turned their heads to the outside where they saw a colorful display of explosions like you could only see them on the fourth of July or New Year's Eve.  
"Children, please stay on your desks, don't open the windows!"  
But the children did open them to have a better view at the fireworks display. The strange thing was that the explosions were in rhythm to the song which was played.

 _Wake me up before you go go,  
Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo.  
Wake me up before you go go,  
I don't want to miss it when you hit that high  
Wake me up before you go go,  
'Cause I'm not planning on going solo.  
Wake me up before you go go,  
Take me dancing tonight.  
I want to hit that high._

 _How did she manage to organize this in such a short amount of time?  
_ Lincoln knew that the Louds could sometimes accomplish pretty outstanding things, but this was ridiculous.  
"I think this is a violation of the fire regulations," assumed Clyde, adjusting his glasses while listening to the lyrics and watching the display outside. "Not to mention that I doubt the person has a permit to do this."

 _'Cause you're my lady,  
I'm your fool.  
Makes me crazy  
When you act so cruel._

 _C'mon baby,-_

"What the heck is going on here?!"  
"Dang it," the DJ said. The song was suddenly accompanied by the hammering of a door.  
"Open it!"  
"We love you Li-!"  
A bursting noise was heard, following by the song stopping.  
"Who are you?" the voice of Mr. Linewood could be heard. "And why are you dressed like Jack Black?"  
More kids in Lincoln's class laughed.  
"I am the Kung-Fu… I mean the master Roadie of Metal!" shouted the intruder. The sound of something being thrown could be heard, followed by Mr. Linewood exclaiming "Ouch!" and some heavy footsteps storming out of the room.  
"Well, that was something," Clyde stated, looking over to his best friend, who tried his best to hit himself unconscious with the Lord of the Flies in a sea of laughing students and a rather confused teacher.

 _Please, don't let anybody find out that_ _was_ _Luna_ _or that she was talking to me_ , the young boy pleaded to the heavens while hitting himself with the most known work of William Golding.  
"I apologize," Mr. Linewood's voice said over the intercom. "The intruder escaped while she threw a headless bat at me."  
A terrified gasp was heard not only in Lincoln's classroom but in all classrooms.  
"I apologize again," Mr. Linewood stated, sounding ashamed. "I correct my last statement thusly: The intruder threw a little action figure of a bat themed character without a head at me."  
Several sighs of relief could be heard in several classes.

* * *

Time flew by and soon Clyde and Lincoln sat in the refectory and chewed down on the food Clyde's parents made them for lunch.  
They discussed the finale of Savvy Girl with some of their friends.  
Or at least Clyde did. Lincoln, while giving his two cents to the topic once in a while, was mostly preoccupied thinking about his sisters. Them and his "on-off girlfriend" and what he could tell her in regard of Lori and Bobby's break up.  
 _You see my dear Ronnie Anne, Lori fell in love with me all off sudden and therefore broke up with her Boo-Boo-Bear.  
_ He could say this, but only the threatening apocalypse could get him to tell her the truth.  
He was just chewing on a bit of his sandwich, when somebody took a seat between Lincoln and Clyde.  
"Hey," protested Lincoln. "Don't sit… Oh, no!"

The young boy first refused to believe that he was seeing but he couldn't, he seriously couldn't believe that Leni would do this even after everything that had happened.  
"Hi, my cool cats, how is it hanging?"  
Clyde turned to the newcomer and almost choked on his own food, when he recognized the girl beside him. Though he was the only one, partly to the fact that Leni no longer really looked like Leni.  
Her hair was now colored black and greased up and she wore a black leather jacket, blue jeans, sunglasses around her neck and the most charming smile she was capable of on her face. Lincoln suspected that she made those clothes herself because it looked very well made and the same was true for her hairstyle. Either that or she stumbled upon his paternal great-grandfather's old clothes in the attic.

"Who are you?" asked Rusty Spokes, the red haired boy with freckles, dumbfounded.  
"I am Leonzie," Leni introduced herself with a fake smooth voice which also had a slight Italian accent to it. "I am, like, the coolest tiger in all of Royal Woods."  
"Tiger?" Liam expressed in confusion. "Don't you mean cat?"  
"I mean what I mean, little cougar," "Leonzie" replied. "Now don't be a downer crocodile on me little buddy. Get up and rock out!"

"Excuse me, Ms. Leonzie," another redhead with eyeglasses named Zach spoke up. "But I think you are in the wrong school."  
"Totes. Like, this is the right school, little leopard," Leonzie explained and leaned back, resting on the air with her elbows. "Now relax and tell you why I am here."  
"Why are you here?" asked Clyde foolishly before Lincoln managed to stop him.  
"I am here to show you cats, that Lincoln Loud is the coolest lynx in this entire groovy school."  
Lincoln thought about a way to K.O. Leonzie without raising suspicion.

"I want to tell you that nobody is jiggy like Lincoln," Leonzie assured the others with a wink. "He is as smart as an Einstein, strong as a Tyson, swift like an Owens and as funny as a swimming pool."  
"Swimming pool?" Clyde asked in confusion.  
"Oh, sorry," Leonzie apologized. "Like, I meant the dead guy in the swimming pool."  
"That is not his name," Zach tried to correct her. "It is-"  
"Like, not important," Leonzie interrupted him followed by a turn and wink and point at Zach. "Totes. What is important is my cool little leopard to tell you how totally radical spacy funky this Lynx is!"

Lincoln felt embarrassed beyond belief. He never expected his sister to behave like a try hard from the 70s trying to re-experience his or her youth.  
 _This can't get any more embarrassing._  
Out of seemingly nowhere, "Leonzie" suddenly pulled out a beatbox and switched it on.  
 _Why does fate want to prove me wrong?_

Before anyone could say anything, Leonzie started to dance around, winking to the boys and the girls in the audience while radiating an incredible aura of self-assurance.  
"Let me tell you a story!" Leonzie shouted while dancing.

"See this is the story of how in Royal Woods,  
There was this kid whose sisters loved the most…"

Lincoln cringed hard at those words.

"So take a minute and just sit right there,  
while I tell you about the boy with the white hair!"

Lincoln could only watch in shock and horror as Leonzie danced through the hall and told everybody in rap how he supposedly fought back criminals, stole a piece of the sun from the crown of an evil god, tamed dinosaurs, hunted pirates, was a pirate, found Excalibur, punched a spider hating editor in chief in the face, invented a new fast food, kicked an attacking helicopter with a piece of steel from the sky, was a secret agent of a secret government organization that hides the existence of alien life and so forth and so forth.

Lincoln was thinking about escaping this predicament while the others were distracted, as a middle aged man with glasses entered the school cafeteria.  
"What is going on here?" Limewood asked. Some kid had come to him, telling him something about a stranger in the cafeteria singing to the students and making many of them feel uncomfortable. "Do we have another DAZZLING situation?"  
"The man!" Leonzie shouted like it was the most terrible thing. "I have to go! The man can't have me. The man is so uncool!"  
The "man", in question, didn't know if he should feel insulted. After all, in the five years he spent as the school's secretary, he was never called "uncool" by what seemed to be a Grease cosplayer.  
He was also was too dumbfounded to properly react at first. "What the…"  
"You will never get me Imperious pig! You henchman of the system!"

Leonzie ran into the kitchen and seconds later, she came out on a modern Harley Davidson. "You have the power!" she shouted. "Lincoln will show you freedom! Follow him!"  
"Hey, stay here!"  
Mr. Linewood raced after Leonzie who drove through the door.  
"Oops," the others could hear behind the door. "Totes wrong direction."  
They heard sounds of the bike doing a turn and driving into another direction.  
"Like, there is the exit again."  
"Come back here you rowdy troublemaker!" they could hear Mr. Linewood screaming. "Driving through the halls with a motorcycle is forbidden!"

Everyone starred at the cafeteria door as if some sort of encore was going to follow. But as it became obvious that nothing was going to happen, everyone turned their attention to "The Lynx" as that person called Lincoln.  
"I have no idea who this was, I swear," Lincoln lied with a nervous smile.  
"I tell you who this was," Zach stated in a matter of fact tone, chewing on a sandwich.  
 _Oh please no.  
_ "The worst Henry Winkler impersonator I have ever seen."  
Silence fell.  
"Who is Henry Winkler?" some girl in the cafeteria asked.  
"I think he played the dad in Full House."  
"What is Full House?"  
"A show about some guy building stuff that explo-"  
"No, that was Home Improve-"  
"Why do so many of our friends know obscure 90s comedy shows?" Clyde asked in a whisper.  
"Who knows," Lincoln replied in defeat. "I am rather wondering where Leni got that motorcycle. Or where she learnt how to dri-"  
From somewhere outside the school, a loud screeching noise could be heard, followed by a crash.  
"-ve it."  
"MY CAR!"  
Everyone, including Lincoln, went to the nearest window to see what happened. There in the parking lot stood Mr. Limewood, looking at his car, whose left door had been turned into a fine piece of obscure art by a motorbike crashing into it sideways. The driver of the bike was nowhere to be seen, which worried Clyde.  
"Do you think Len- I mean, Leonzie is alright?"  
Lincon sighed and pointed to a nearby shrub, from which a person with a slightly damaged leather jacket emerged, only to wave at Lincoln like a happy idiot and then disappear in the nearby woodwork, before Limewood saw her.  
"Wow," exclaimed Clyde.  
"Let's hope this is the worst thing any of my relatives does today," Lincoln stated. Only for his eyes to narrow seconds later. "Oh who am I even kidding?"

* * *

Luna Loud looked up worriedly to her sister. "Are you okay?"  
"Totally," Leni replied. She pointed at her hair "There is so much hairspray in that thing, it's like having a helmet on,"  
"Still…" Luna began, wanting to ask her if she did not suffer from some sort of head injury, layers of ozone destroying hair product or not. But then a very cynical part of her wondered how much affected her older sister could get by a brain injury, making her shut up. So instead she decided to do the nicest thing she could think of right now and help Leni out of her outdated, though she insisted to use the word "retro", biker outfit. All the while she was also looking for bruises, just in case.  
While this was going on, Lynn Loud sat under a tree, looking at a laptop on her legs. "He is leaving the cafeteria!" she stated, her eyes glued to the screen where a video feed of Lincoln putting his tray in the trash and heading for the door of the lunch room was showcased. While watching, Lynn became quite aware of a sour expression on his face, which made her feel damn crappy. Crappy and reconsider what she was doing with her morning so far.

After they had driven up the younger kids to school, Lori suggested that they should stay for a moment to look if Lincoln was okay, considering the chaos of the previous day. Something the young sports fan had no problem with at first. But then the others had "ideas", so to speak.  
To be more precise, they had suggestions how to make it up to Lincoln, by making him more popular at school. And if she was honest with herself, Lynn was not okay with that. She remembered past schemes to help her little brother become popular, like giving all the girls in the school chocolate for Valentine's Day. This ended with the family owing someone 5000$ in sweets and Lincoln being called a creep for hitting on girls who already were in a relationship. But this? Meddling was something she was okay with to a certain degree, but breaking into school, stalking him and destroying, though by accident, a teacher's car? And then there was the entire thing about Lori going in there two hours ago and still not calling back.

She glanced over to Luna and Leni. She had the feeling that something was seriously wrong with her sisters. And the more she thought about it, the more she suspected that something was also wrong with her. At least "normal" Lynn wouldn't have spent half of the last night thinking about her brother, her mind drifting into territory she was not comfortable with at all. She would have also probably called them out on wanting to do anything else but play "big brother" (or rather big sister in this case) over a webcam one of the others used to spy on her cute little-

Luna had just put a little kitten patch on Leni's forehead, when she heard the noise of something hitting human skin. Turning around she saw Lynn retreating her right hand from her own cheek. "Are you okay?"  
"I am fine." Lynn replied, her voice trembling a bit. "I was just hitting some dirty mosquito."  
"I see…" Luna said with raised eyebrows. She turned back to Leni and fixed her up for good.

Lynn meanwhile felt herself very nervous. Just now she had caught herself drifting off again mentally. She wanted to ask her sisters for help. But considering how they acted…  
 _Perhaps, if I could get a chance to talk to Lincoln directly…_ she thought and watched her brother.

* * *

After "Leonzie"'s little scheme to boast his popularity, Lincoln thought it was best to avoid attention, by spending some time on the schoolyard and get some fresh air. After all, here he had probably a better chance to avoid his sisters than in an enclosed area and…  
"Excuse me, Sir?"  
Lincoln, who had his eyes in a book, now looked to a bespectacled second grader with a writing pad and a smartphone in her hand. "Are you Lincoln Loud?"  
"Yes"  
Before he could ask for her name, the girl made a photo of him with her phone and started to ask him some questions.  
"Mister Loud," she began in a surprisingly polite manner for an eight year old, "how is your position towards the school cafeteria wanting to abolish Taco Tuesday?"  
Lincoln was confused. "Well, that would suck. I mean, who doesn't like tacos? But why are you asking-"  
"And what is your position on the recently discussed gender politics, asking for girls to be allowed to use the boy's room in case your sister somehow manages to demolish the plumbing system of the school again?"  
Lincoln frowned. "The teachers could never prove that Lana- wait, why am I even trying to defend that? Who are you anyway?"  
"I am Gabriella Gumshoe. But you can call me Gabby Gums, Sir. I am reporter for the Royal Elementary Inquire. And our readers want to know more about the boy who challenges student body president Alexandra Dumas to a re-election."  
Lincoln was silent for a couple of seconds. Then he gave the most reasonable answer he could potentially give in that situation and with his current knowledge.

"What the fu-"

* * *

"-udge! Everyone will get one cup of fudge as dessert during lunch break each day, when my brother enters office." Lola Loud shouted. She was standing on top of a soapbox in the middle of the playground, answering questions kids from all over the school asked. In the middle of the increasingly growing group, a bunch of first graders could be seen, handing out in crayon written, glitter and noodles designed pamphlets that supposedly contained the entire election campaign of Lola's older brother, widely known as the "Chest Hair Kid that lost a video contest against a hamster".

"Also, our brother will convince the teachers to build a new playground for all of us to enjoy." Lana Loud proclaimed proudly while standing on top of a slide. "With extra mud pits, mazes and installed water guns for the hot spring days. And he will make the teachers pay for it."

"Is their wage even high enoughfor that?" some kid randomly asked.  
"If not, Lincoln will force the Superintendent," Lola countered. "I heard that she makes way more money than all the teachers and the principal together."  
A boy in the audience, who just happened to be the Superintendent's son, raised his voice telling Lola how that was a load of bull. Unfortunately for him, before he had a chance to elaborate on his family's finances, the snapping of Lola's fingers could be heard and a group of other first graders dragged him away.  
"Any more interruptions?" the beauty pageant asked her audience.  
No reply.  
Not even from Lana who wouldn't usually tolerate such actions from Lola and was even surprised that her twin hadn't even tried to counter his counter-argument in any other way.  
Lola continued her speech with the following: "This school is a mess. The current representative Alexandra Dumas is a half-baked incompetent washout with no actual administrative competence!"  
This was actually a complete lie, but since when was the truth of any relevant in politics?  
"And she doesn't like mud!" Lana told the listeners and a few gasped in shock. "I don't know why she is anti-mud but we will not stand for it, Lincoln will not stand for it!"  
She was greeted with applause and the crowd of kindergarteners shouted, "Lincoln, Lincoln, Lincoln!"

Said person was nearby, hidden behind a garbage can and thinking about his next step.  
 _When I flee to Canada, I_ _will_ _have a better life expectancy, but on the other hand, I always wanted to visit the Vatican._

Unbeknownst to Lincoln, a certain person and its friends were observing rather closely the ruckus caused by the two campaign aides. The person was not necessarily happy about what it saw. But unlike its associates, who asked it if Lola and Lana's action could be considered a breaching of "the agreement", it took it all with a small bit of humor.  
The person just wanted to tell its friends that Lola was probably just trying to stick it to them when its smartphone rang.

"Excuse me," the person said and took the call. "Hello? Who…. Oh…"

The person's expression changed from friendly and serene to serious and somber.  
"Yes, of course."  
The person put its smartphone back and looked at the Loud-twins with dismal.  
"You wanted to tell us something?" one of the person's friends asked.  
"Yes," the person said in a rather aggravated voice, much to the surrounding people's surprise. "Arrange for a "meeting" between me and the whiz-kid Lincoln," it proclaimed in acontrolled tone. Two of its associates looked at each other and then back to their "boss". "Sure. When do you want to meet him?"  
"Now!" their boss exclaimed and went back into the main building. "I want this problem to be dealt with before the end of this day."

* * *

Elsewhere, Mrs. DiMartino was waking up. After being pulled up into the air duct, she had lost her conscious. She tried to move but she couldn't. She tried to speak, but shewas barely able to open her mouth. She opened her eyes and found herself bound to a chairand with tape on her mouth in the cellar of the school.  
She sighed.

 _Great_ _._ _High school all over again._

* * *

"Under Lincoln's command, spring break will last for two weeks, frogs will no longer be dissected for biology and allmobbers, jerkfaces, douchey teachers and that stupid bully Moe will be kicked out! Down with Moe!"  
"Down with Moe!" Lana shouted.  
"Down with Moe!" all the students shouted with them. "Down with the jerks!"

This was enough for Lincoln. He hated bullies too, but he was not going to start a "cleansing" to get kids to behave in school. Besides,the word "jerkface" could indicate everyone, regardless of that. He didn't want to go into politics, period!

While the boy was pondering what to do to stop his sisters from making outrageous promises and dragging his "opponent" through the mud, he didn't notice how somebody came closer to him.  
"Hey Lincoln, what are you doing here?"  
Lincoln turned around to the person with the familiar British accent. "Hugh?"  
Before Lincoln was probably the best looking British man in the entire world. A large, wiry hunk of a man with brown pompadour hair and an incredibly charming smile.

"I am hiding from my sisters," he told the friendly student. "They… You see, they are managing acampaign for me and I don't even run for school representative! Not to mention that the former vote was last month. It is a bit too early for anyone to candidate."  
"Campaign season has become a mess in this country," Hugh commented. "I heard it was bad before but now…"  
"Tell me about it. By the way, why are you here?"  
"I work in the school library to pay for the college," he explained. "Say, is there any way I can help you?"  
Lincoln was pondering about the offer. "Actually, yes. There is."  
Before Hugh could ask how he could be of help, he found himself pushed in front of Lola's crowd.

Hugh felt rather nervous. "Hi children!"  
"Ba… Ba… Ba…" was the only thing coming from at least half of the crowd before him.  
"Blimey, not again," he sighed. He was such in a rush for most of the day he had forgotten abouthis effect on most of the female population.

Lincoln meanwhile, snuck up from behind, snatched his sisters and pulled them into a concealed part of the climbing frame.  
"Girls, what are you-"  
He was interrupted by both of them suddenly hugging him with bright eyes.  
"BBBFF!"  
"Bro!"  
 _Not again._  
"Hope you had a nice time at Clyde's."  
"We missed you," Lana added. "Though not as much as Lori. She was really weird. Like if you were Bob-"  
Instead of letting her finish, Lincoln pushed her and Lola back a bit, giving them a stern look.  
"Bro?"  
"Are you two nuts!?" he screamed quietly, his anger vast but under control. "Announcing me as candidate for the office of school representative?! I don't want to go into politics!"  
"But you are the right person for the job," Lola defended herself. "You are managing the Loud family quite well."  
"Do you remember the time I was stuck in the pipe?" Lana told him. "You found a solution to get me out of it before we had to tell mom and dad!"  
He remembered this incident quite well. Lana had somehow managed to get herself stuck in one of the pipes under the house. After raw strength failed to pull Lana out, Lincoln had the idea of simply mudding her up until she was able to slither out.  
"Being a responsible child and being a school representative are two different things!" Lincoln explained in frustration. This was not the time for him to think about a political career but to find out what was going on with his sisters. He just wanted to have a normal day at school but it seems that he even could forget about that.  
"But I'mtellingyou BBBFF, you would make a great school representative," Lola insisted. "It's in your blood. And your name is the last name of one of our , considering what Alexandra is into-"  
"I don't care!" Lincoln stated once more.  
"Now go there and say those nice children that I don't plan to run for school-repre-"

THUD!

"Ouch," he exclaimed. Something had hit him in the back of his head. Looking down on the ground, he saw that it was a green can, that was now laying in front of the three siblings.  
"What in the-"  
Suddenly gray smoke escaped the can. Second later, the three found themselves in a cloud of smoke.  
"What the heck is that?" Lincoln heard Lana cough up.  
"A smoke grenade."  
Lincoln blinked in confusion, trying to grab for his sisters. "Is that another one of your schemes? I swear, if th- AAAAAAHHHHH!"

"Lincoln?"  
Instead of getting an answer, Lana found herself suddenly pulled at the collar out of the climbing frame by none other than Lola, whose awareness of her surroundings turned at the scream of her brother up to bloodhound levels.

Three kids in black masks, black suits and sunglasses just pulled them into a mini-car, similar to the one that Lola was using and they drove away with him.  
"STOP, YOU BOTHERSOME BROTHER-KIDNAPPERS!" Lola shouted at once. Luckily Lola had her own pink car with her, parked behind the climbing frame. Dragging Lana with her, Lola sat down in it in seconds and started to follow the kidnappers.

In that moment Mr. Linewood, who had heard of the commotion on the playground, arrived. He was filled with a lot of anger by the destruction of his car and ready to unleash his wrath on whoever was making so much noise on the playground.  
Instead, he just found Hugh, who was awkwardly winking to the children, one half gazing in joy, the other half confused about the behavior of their friends.  
"Hello," Hugh greeted Mr. Linewoord. "Are you part of the staff?"  
The only response by Oliver Limewood was a mindless "Ba… Ba… Ba…" which in itself told a couple of kids something new about the school secretary.

Hugh reacted by raising an eyebrow, before giving an amused chuckle. "Well, I may not swing this way… but nice meeting you." He said before extending his hand.  
The secretary shook it while being in the seventh heaven. **  
**

* * *

 **MamaAniki: There. Done.  
Hatoralo: Are you sure? I think we-  
MamaAniki: No. This chapter is done! Done, done, done! We still have over 100 pages of first draft to go through, before we even reach the halfway point of this arc.  
Hatoralo: Okay, gesssh. But can't we really not insert some more obvious Trump jo-  
MamaAniki: No. Look, I don't like Trump either. But if I wanted to be a comedic hack who beats up on a political dead horse, I would write for Last Week Tonight! And no one cares for us soapboxing about politics in this story.  
Hatoralo: But soapboxing about fanfics last chapter was okay?**

 **MamaAniki: … You know WHY we did that.**

 **Hatoralo: "Before we go… Why is an elephant standing in the room?"**  
 **MamaAniki: "It isn't that big."**  
 **Elephant: "You know exactly WHY I am standing here."**  
 **MamaAniki: (sighs) "Yes."**  
 **Hatoralo: "Too address the problem before anyone else does: We know about Cheryl. We know that she should be the secretary of Huggins and not our Mr. Oliver Limewood. The problem is we have already written a TON of material and Limewood is to strongly intertwined in it to remove him."**  
 **MamaAniki: "We also grew to like him."**

 **Hatoralo: "So he will stay. Heck, we probably come up with an explanation for that canon divergence anyway."**


	13. The Loud and the Ludicrous

**Hatoralo: "Welcome back dear viewers."  
MamaAniki: Well then, time to get this arc really started.  
Hatoralo: Yeah. I wonder if we should add the crossover tag though.  
MamaAniki: And risk our story to get under/be ignored because no one bothers to actually click the tag on, thanks to shitty service?  
Hatoralo: Good point.  
MamaAniki: By the way, did we finally get ultrablud2 back?  
Hatoralo: I think he managed to get over the border. He said something when he send me back this chapter.**

 **MamaAniki: "We also have to announce our first Milestone of Platonic: Over 100 Followers!"  
Hatoralo: "We like to thank all our fans for reading this fanfiction and their support of it.  
MamaAniki: "Without your interest we wouldn't had made it so far."  
Hatoralo: "We would like to request the opinion of the readers who didn't shared it so far after reaching this milestone. Don't be shy, any kind of critique, even very negative can help, as long as it is constructive."  
MamaAniki: "With that said: Time for our next chapter, resolving around one of Hollywoods most popular Tropes: Crossovers!"  
Hatoralo: "And a long cool car-chase scene full of incredible tense action, but who is interested in that?"  
MamaAniki: "Good work, Time Warner/DC!"  
Hatoralo: "Wonder Woman was good though."  
MamaAniki: "Don't expect a premature hastened creation of a shared Fanfiction-Universe between different Nickelodeon-Properties."  
Hatoralo: "Anyway, on with the story!"  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 13: The Loud and the Ludicrous**

* * *

While Hugh was making acquaintance with Mr. Limewood, Lori Loud got back from some important business she attended in the faculty, to meet up with her sisters.  
"Sorry that it took so long," she said. "I literally forgot just how freaking complex the vent system of the school- what is going on?"  
"Lincoln has been kidnapped!" Luna shouted. She was handling the laptop and watched in horror at the scene of her brother being abducted.  
"What?!"  
"The Men in Black suddenly showed up and grabbed him," Leni explained.  
"Okay…" Lori began, trying to keep a cool head. "What happened while I was away?"  
"Our bothersome twin sisters started a campaign for our brother, because they want him to become head of student body," Lynn replied. She was leaning against the tree and tried not to show her own worry about the situation, while also being obviously confused about the actions of her siblings. The ones from her elder sisters as well as the ones from the twins. "Then suddenly Hugh showed up, Lincoln grabbed Lola and Lana before being grabbed by two twerps and now Lola and Lana seem to be chasing them."  
Lori tried her best to digest what she'd just heard. "What do you mean with "seem to be chasing them"?"  
"We don't know any details cause our feed is not fast enough to catch up with what is going on," Luna explained.  
Lori sighed. Pulling her smartphone out of her left pocket, she dialed a number. When the person on the other end took the call, she had just one thing to say:  
"Luan… WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?!"

* * *

Luan Loud did not have a good day. At all. Aside from the fact she had a really bad night sleep, she was unfortunate enough to draw the smallest straw when it came to who was going to be the source of the video surveillance feed for Lincoln. Which meant that, unlike her other siblings, who at least got the chance to dress up and have fun in some way or another, she had to walk around the entire day incognito with a webcam strapped to her head, hidden by one of Lana's older caps. All she wanted was to make sure Lincoln was safe. And now she had failed at that.

"I am trying to catch up to them," she winced in her smartphone. She really didn't want to be on Lori's bad side right now. "Not very easy when they have cars and I have only my two feet."  
Lori said something on the other end that made the comedian frown.  
"How was I supposed to foresee that? I- excuse me for a sec- hi Hugh. Where was I? Oh yeah. I can't see the future. In fact, right now I can't even see where they are driving."

* * *

Lori pinched the bridge of her nose. "Just catch up to them!"  
On the laptop, the others could see the camera move from left to right for a moment, before coming to a halt at a cycle rack. The camera would then get closer to the rack and a couple of seconds later, the others watched Luan get up on some random kid's bike, which was conveniently not chained up. Shortly thereafter, the older siblings had a pretty good live feed to the chase scene that was going on over the school's premises.

* * *

Lincoln had been chased by his siblings quite a few times in his life. But never before had he been chased as what was probably part of a rescue mission. He at least assumed that the two kids in ski masks who had grabbed him and were now driving all over the schoolyard in a toy jeep at the speed of 30 miles an hour were not just trying to give him a joy ride.  
He came to that conclusion, because he had no other explanation for why he was handcuffed to a third child, who also pointed a softair gun at him.  
"So, which class are you in?"  
"Don't talk," the little boy ordered, pushing the gun against Lincoln's cheek.  
"Careful Eric," the driver said. "We don't want to have a situation like last week."  
"Oh come on!" the boy exclaimed. "I already apologized to Marvin for shooting him in the fa-"  
"Ouch."  
"Dang it!"

Lincoln rubbed his cheek and was happy that he did not get a shot in the eye. "Perhaps you should lower it?" he suggested to Eric, who eventually did so.  
Turning his attention to the co-driver, he asked where they were taking him.  
"The boss wants to have a talk with you," the co-driver, who had a girl's voice, coldly stated. Her gaze was fixed on the side-view mirror on the left. "Dang it. The twins are still following."  
"At least they don't have any weap-"  
The back of the car got suddenly hit by a ball of mud.  
"-ons."  
"What the heck is that?!" Eric screamed as he watched back and saw Lola holding what seemed to be a bazooka made out of toilet paper rolls and tin foil.  
"The Mud-Zooka," Lincoln stated in resignation. "One of Lana's little inventions. Can hit you even from a distance of 20 yards."  
There was a moment of silence.  
"Richie…"  
"Yes?" the driver asked.  
"FASTER!"  
Richie did as told, but it was no use. Mudballs the size of apples continued to fly left and right, hitting anything in their path but the car.  
"Time for a distraction," the co-driver suddenly stated and pushed a little button. A noise could be heard and the next thing Lincoln knew, smog was steaming from the exhaust pipe and covering the entire area. Somewhere from behind, he could hear his siblings cursing and coughing childish profanities at his kidnappers.  
"Ha! Nice one Julia," Eric stated before turning around and blowing a raspberry at their pursuers. Which turned out to be a mistake, as at least one more mudball was suddenly shot from the fog and hit him straight in the face, making him drop his gun.

Lincoln immediately took the chance and grabbed for it, only for Julia to punch him in the face. Which, much to her surprise, didn't face him. Instead, he just grabbed her by the collar and took her mask off, revealing a young black girl's face under it.  
"You-you wouldn't hit a girl, would you?" she asked scared.  
"I am growing up with ten sisters. Is that a good enough answer?"  
Julia gulped. "Dang it."  
Then, much to Lincoln's surprise and misfortune, the timid look on the girl's face changed. It became sterner, almost professional, and before he knew it, she kicked him in the chin, making him slip up and hit his head on the metal frame of the car just hard enough to lose conscious.  
A moment of silence fell over the car.  
"Should we get him to the nursery?" Eric asked  
"I don't know," Julia stated while putting her mask back on. "I mean, he is not bleeding."  
"You know, I sometimes think our job is not worth the five dollars a day."  
"Guys!" Richie stated as he was just turning around a corner of the main building, leading him and the others back to the playground.  
Julia turned her attention to him. Richie just pointed ahead and when she looked in the appointed direction, she realized something. They may have stopped the Loud twins from following them in one direction. But with so limited space to go for, it was quite easy to for them catch up to the three kidnappers by just turning and driving around the school the other way.  
"Oh, for the love of-"  
"INCOMING!" Richie shouted and made a sharp turn to the right to avoid another mudball. Unfortunately, this brought him right into a collision course with the group of Lincoln's potential voters, still enchanted by the sight of Hugh.

"Out of the way!" Julia shouted and honked the horn as loud as she could, making the adults and kids in front of her jump aside in all directions. Glitter encrusted paper pamphlets and single mudballs flew through the air as she and her friends drove pass the crowd. Behind them, the confused and angry shouts of Mr. Limewood could be heard, as well as Lola Loud cursing at her brother's kidnappers.

"Give me back my BBBFF!" the beauty pageant shouted as she tried to shoot another mudball at the third graders. Only to discover that she had run out of ammo. "Dang it!"  
"Should have brought my heavy mud-filth gun," Lana mused while trying to avoid a load of softair pellets being shot at them. "Who are these guys anyway?"  
Lola suspected something, but she wasn't sure yet.  
"Less talking, more driving," she ordered Lana.  
"I am already trying my best here!" Lana shouted. Five seconds later, she found out that the car was stuck in a sand pit.  
"You call that driving?" Lola asked back, angrily looking first at the kids getting away by heading for the sports field. Before Lana had a chance to defend herself, she was pushed to the co-driver seat. "Let me show you how a professional drives."  
"Just because you are really good at GTA, doesn't mean you-"

Lana shut up the moment Lola stomped on the pedal and shifted gear, managing to get power out of her little toy car her sister did not know existed. Sand was thrown in the air (and on some little kids) as the back tires went overboard, catapulting the pink vehicle out of the sand pit and back on concrete ground. The chase continued. Much to Julia and Richie's discomfort.

"Oh come on! Richie, do we have any more gadgets?"  
"Let's see… smoke screen, oil spill, nails- oh the rockets are still an option!"  
Three seconds later, Lola, much to her confusion, was bombarded with three foam rockets shooting from the back of the car she was chasing.

"Well… that didn't work," Eric stated. He tried shooting another round of pellets at the twins, but his gun was empty. Resignedly, he threw it in the direction of the twins.  
"Foam! Why are the rockets made out of foam?!" Julia wanted to know.  
Richie just glanced at her sideways, trying to avoid a couple of students who were training for the 100 meter race and found the necessary motivation to run faster in the form of a black little toy car. "Do you really expect me to have army arsenal at my disposal?"  
"I thought your dad was a general!"  
"Yeah, but do you really think that means he gives his child high-tech military hardware?"  
"Sorry, Richie," Julia apologized. "I just thought-"  
"Guys!"

"WHAT?!" Both kids shouted at Eric. The boy just pointed to their left.  
"Hi guys," Lana said with a grin on her face. It turned out that, while Richie and Julia were arguing, Lola somehow managed to catch up to them. Furthermore, while the mud-zooka was empty, Lana, grinning like a hyena, still had an arsenal of water balloons at her disposal, which she was now throwing at the three.

And to make a bad situation even worse, Lola had no problem ramming her toy into them, if it meant to stop them and save Lincoln. Or whatever would be left of him.

"Give us back our brother!"  
"Never!" Julia shouted back and tried to push Lola's car away with her foot.

 _That voice…_  
Lola knew this voice and it would have made her heart jump if she hadn't had to concentrate on driving.

Next to her, Eric removed the handcuffs and pushed Lincoln in the back of the car, so that he had all hands free to deal with Lana.  
Unfortunately for him, this left her with enough time to throw a balloon in his face.  
Seconds later, he realized that the water smelled kinda… off. "Uargh. What sort of water is that?"  
"Well…" Lana began, "let's just say it was once water."  
An awkward silence fell over the kids.  
"Ewww!"  
"Lana, please…" Lola threw in, slightly green in the face.  
While Lola was distracted, Julia managed to put enough force in her feet to push Lola's car away. Immediately Richie hit the next gear and started to win some ground again.  
"Dang it!" Lola screamed in frustration and pushed the gas again. In front of her, Julia was starting to lose her patience.  
"Is there no way to escape them?"  
"Not with the amount of fuel we have left" Richie explained. After a swift move around the cheerleading squad, he had managed to get the car back to the school yard. "If we get lighter, I could win some ground."  
"How are we supposed to get lighter?" Eric asked. Julia turned to him, calmly staring through her mask.  
"What?"

* * *

Meanwhile, in the confinement of a well lightened class room on the second floor of the school building, the person who had given the order to get Lincoln looked out of the window to observe how things were going with the kidnapping.  
"Well, that could be going better," the person stated to no one in particular. Next to it a young boy watched the chase with a deadpan stare. "Perhaps you shouldn't have ordered an "immediate" kidnapping," the boy stated. "You know Julia is not very good with handling things "spontaneously"."  
The person sighed. "If Henry wasn't sick today, I would have given the order to him."  
"An order that I still consider dumb," the boy mumbled, making the person stiff up a bit.  
"Care to elaborate?"  
"Kidnapping Lincoln Loud is one thing. But doing it so near her?"  
The person looked confused for a second, only to start smirking maliciously the next. "It will teach her a lesson."  
"Or result in her spilling the beans about us, when she finds out who-"  
"Relax," the person said dismissively. "Lola would rather keep quiet and go after us, then tell her sister or the hall monitors."  
"That is not very reassuring."  
The person chuckled. "Consider it my delayed "dealing" with the Loud clan."

Outside the boss saw something that made it twist its lip in disapproval. "I did not expect her to do THAT!"

* * *

"Okay, I know I can be harsh, but damn that is heartless," Lola Loud stated. Next to her, Lana was trying to get a grip of Eric, who lied on the hood of her twin's car, grabbing to it as if his life depended on it. Right now only two things were running through his mind.

One was the depressing idea that he was going to either die or get seriously injured. The other one was centered around getting back at Julia for that.

Thankfully Lana was not as heartless as Julia and decided to help the dog urine smelling boy to safety, all the while giving Lola driving directions till the distraction in the form of a third grader stopped blocking her field of view.

"Just… hold still!" Lana shouted this suggestion.  
"I am holding still!" Eric screamed. "As still as I can!"  
"Get that idiot in the car and interrogate him!" Lola ordered. "And remember that you can inflict a lot of pain if you bend the pinkie!"  
"I think I will stay on the hood," Eric responded nervously as he heard this.

Meanwhile, Richie could only shake his head in disappointment.  
"Was this your best idea?"  
"Should we have stopped during the chase to let him step out? That isn't how a chase works!" explained Julia. "Now step on the gas!"  
He stepped on the gas like ordered. "I guess you will not be invited to his birthday party this year unless you make it up to him big time."  
"Yes, I guess you are right. How about a few free Pizzas?"  
"That would be a start," informed him Richie. "But I think the boss will be even more upse-"  
"FREEZE!" shouted somebody before them.

Richie and Julia beheld before them two kids who looked a little bit older than the usual students here. A young bald African American with bleached looking glasses and a goth girl with green eyes, less pale skin than Lucy and a black dress. They wore the orange safety patrol sash and had badges in their hands.  
Julia recognized the two immediately, which instantly triggered her survival instincts.  
"Make a turn!"  
The little black car made a sharp turn and avoided the two safety patrol officers, racing back to the twins. They almost collided with Lana and Lola who were surprised by this turn of events and barely managed to dodge the incoming car before both collided. The car of the twins spun a few times around before it stopped.

"Okay, what is going on here?" the young African American demanded to know.  
"Who wants to know that?" asked an angry Lola in return. The car was facing away from the two older kids and Lola was too occupied to get it started again, as that she bothered taking a look at her superiors. "We are in the middle of a chase! Those three have kidnapped our brother!"  
"We already have one," remarked Lana proudly and pointed Eric who was still attached to the hood, paralyzed in fear.  
"Good work, but we will take it over from here," explained the goth. "I am Ingrid Third and this is my Partner, Cornelius Fillmore. Safety Patrol."  
Immediately after hearing those names, Lola froze. Fillmore and Third?  
She slowly turned her head to the two middle schoolers, who were known as living legends in the profession of school hall monitoring.  
It should be known, that when Lola and Lana decided to become hall monitors themselves, they did so mostly after hearing of the exploits of these two fine agents of justice at X-Middle School. So seeing their idols in front of them would have normally resulted in the following reaction:

Both growing huge smiles on their faces, before geeking out like two nerds who just went into Patrick Steward at the grocery store.  
Unfortunately such a scene was not to be made now, in light of their beloved brothers kidnapping. As such, both decided to go for a more professional round.

"We are members of Safety Patrol too!" exclaimed Lana with a smile and her voice a few notes higher than intended.  
Before the two older kids could react, Lana and Lola had their orange sashes and black sunglasses on with batons on their sides. "You are allowed to use batons?" commented Fillmore, raising his eyebrow. "Is the job that dangerous here?"  
"No talking, let's hunt!" Lola, who had enough of the interruption, dragged Fillmore into the car before starting the engine again.  
"I will secure the suspect," explained Ingrid while she arrested Eric who wasn't in the mood or willing to resist. "I will catch up to you later."  
Without another word, Lola stepped on the gas again to get the two kidnappers. **  
**  
The two sisters, with Cornelius Fillmore behind them, looked determined and tried to look professionally while thinking in Unison:  
 _ohmygoshohmygosh!FillmoreandThirdarehelpingusingettingourbrotherback!ThelegendoftheschoolmonitorsisgoingtohelpusdefeatabunchofkidnappersandmakeourbrotherstudentbodypresidentandLincolnwillloveusforeverandwewillgetpromotedandperhapsvisitXMiddleSchoolandIthinkItinkledalittle…BEST DAY EVER!  
_ "Everything okay?" asked Fillmore concerned. "You are trembling."  
"Of course, Officer Fillmore," explained Lola calmly.  
"Just a little nervous because of our brother, but we are in control," added Lana.  
This day just got from worse to better in a way.

* * *

"Great. Now Fillmore and Third are involved in the mess," sighed the boss. Turning around to another one of its subjects, he asked how it was even possible for them to be here. "I thought they were already heading back to X Middle School last weekend."  
"There seemed to have been a problem with the train they were supposed to take," explained a boy slightly intimidated by the tone in his superior's voice.  
"What problem?"  
"A strike."  
The boss' left eye flinched.  
"They won't drive till the end of the week."

"Great," muttered the boss, pinching its nose. "And of course both can't decide to just take the day off and spend time with their guest families."  
The boss turned its attention to the boy who earlier had told him that kidnapping Lincoln may be a stupid idea. "You could have told me, Cardinal!"  
The boy in question was slightly put off by his boss' tone. "How? No one bothered telling me. Everyone who could have either had classes or was out for lunch!"  
"Nevermind that," stated the boss and pulled its smartphone out of its pocket.  
"What are you doing?" the boy referred to as "Cardinal" wanted to know.

"We could have dealt with Lola and Lana on our own, but Third and Fillmore? We need something to distract them and if necessary any other hall monitor," the boss stated. He waited a couple of seconds till someone on the other end of the line picked up.

"Fynn? Listen; remember how I got you your favorite plush at the last fair? It's time for you to repay me."

* * *

Luan had finally found her siblings again, just as they drove away with Fillmore.  
The only reason she continued was the possibility that Lincoln could be in danger. Regardless of what happened between the two yesterday, it was not enough for her to give up on Lincoln, not by a long shot. She would do everything she could to rescue her brother, even if her legs would be sore as hell at the end of the day.

* * *

Richie dodged more sports teams on their way back to the school. He had never thought he would be able to send so many football players running at once in his life. He was tempted to shout "Hut, Hut, Hike!" but he abandoned that idea quickly after he noticed the friendly smile of the princess' car in the driving mirror.  
"They are back!" Richie shouted.  
"I see them too," Julia confirmed grimly. "And… crap! Fillmore is with them!"  
"Who?"  
"Cornelius Fillmore. The boy from the Safety Patrol Exchange."  
"What? I thought he was already on the way back home!"  
"Well, me too," admitted Julia.  
"Safety Patrol Exchange," muttered Richie in disbelief. "That was the dumbest idea the boss ever had."  
"First, it was actually the idea of the principal from the X Middle school," Julia told him. "The boss told me about it, had something to do with an exhibition of crystal glass art at their school. Second, them getting rid of the hall pass forgers benefited us."  
"Yeah. And now we are in danger of being caught," Richie complained and tried to get more power out of his car.

Lola put a blue light on the hood and activated it. Now it was an official safety patrol chase!  
"I waited for the day we could do this," she stated happily. "Like the normal police!"  
"Do you have any mud with you?" Lana asked Fillmore. "We are out of ammo."  
"I don't usually carry ammo with me" explained Fillmore dryly. "I am here to arrest people, not shoot them."  
"It is non-lethal, so don't be a wuss," countered Lana while she thought of other options.  
None of the parties noticed Luan and she herself didn't notice the little drone flying over them…

* * *

The four older sisters were pretty enraged about the state of affairs.  
"Are we really paying taxes for this?" Lori shouted at the laptop. "The authorities are literally too useless to rescue our brother from second-rate kidnappers!"  
"First, none of us pay taxes", Luna corrected her sister. "And second, two of the "useless" authorities are our sisters."  
"And third, I think those are not second raters, but graders," injected Leni.  
Everyone decided to ignore her statement.  
"Whatever! If they are not able to rescue Lincoln, they will get no dessert this evening!" Lori promised.  
Meanwhile, Lynn had a hunch and clicked on a certain ThouDuct channel. She was correct to trust the hunch. "Hey, I think they are showing the chase on the school-news channel with a live-feed!"

* * *

"These are school-news with a special report by Renata Veracruz de la Hoya Cardinal!"  
From the announcement, the camera panned to a young Hispanic tubby girl with black pigtails that had red ribbons in them. She looked young enough to be in the second grade. She sat behind a table with her hands holding some papers.  
"Kidnapping, a crime as heinous as the Boogie Man! But it didn't happen to just anyone. Infamous director of embarrassing ThouDuct videos, former girl Guru, liberator of frogs and self-declared candidate for school representative Lincoln Loud has been abducted! We have a life feed to the chase in progress thanks to our Drone-Reporter Karl-Heinz Mason!"

The screen changed to an overhead view on the playing fields of the school.  
"Karl-Heinz what is going on?"  
"As you can see, the officers who lead the chase from the beginning are Lana & Lola Loud. The two are famous for being so hardass on their patrols, they even gave the school principal a detention for telling a bad joke."  
"Yes, I remember the case," stated Renata dryly. "Lola told his parents about his bad behavior."  
"Very awkward for everyone," Karl-Heinz commented. "Anyway: An African-American boy is with them. He is also a member of safety patrol but he looks too old to be in this school."  
"What about the kidnappers?"  
"They are clothed in black; I am unable to identify them from here. Back to you Renata."  
"Thank you Karl-Heinz."

The screen changed back to Reneta. "We will update whenever something new happens."

* * *

The boss watched the report on a mobile phone. Next to him, Cardinal, the phone's owner, looked as if he was going to state "I told you so" any minute. But instead he just said this: "Now the press is involved in it too."  
"At least the news channel has something interesting to report for once," stated a minor minion in an attempt to lighten the situation.  
"Shut up, Wesley," another kid said and wacked the boy over the head, which almost lead to a little scuffle but the Boss' presence prevented it.  
The phone's owner looked to its boss. "Do you still believe we have the situation under control? Or are you going to change your mind only when Dagmar gets involved in the mess too?"

The boss turned its attention back to the window. From the horizon it saw something coming in the direction of the Loud twins. It made the boss smile.  
"Le Roi?" one underling asked.  
"Send Julia a message," the boss ordered. "Tell her help is coming."  
The boy with the phone took a look himself. "I hope your idea of a "distraction" is going to work. Otherwise I am starting to think we should go for "Plan Watterson" at this point."

* * *

Despite a rather harsh driving style, Richie avoided the destruction of the flower gardens of the gardening club. Partly because Richie himself was one of its members and he didn't want to ruin his own work.  
"Richie, just drive over the flowers."  
"No!"

Meanwhile, Lola tried to find another way around the flower garden. It was placed between a shed for the garden tools and a little wall. She didn't want to drive around the shed because it would cost them time but she wasn't here to destroy beauty either so…  
"Hold on!"  
Without a second warning, she gave full speed and shouted: "Lana, use the hydraulic on the left, fast!"

Lana knew what she meant. She wasn't only a good plumber but she also had experimented with mechanics from time to time. The princess car had its own little surprises like two very fast hydraulic telescope legs, built to get easier under the car but also for moments like this. Lana activated and deactivated the leg for the left and brought the car half onto the air, driving on the two right tires. That way Lola could drive on a very small strip of earth which left the flowers unharmed. After passing this obstacle, Lola brought the car back to its old position.  
Fillmore whistled. "Impressive. Did you install this officer…?"  
"Lana Loud," introduced Lana herself. "The driver is my twin and partner Lola."

"Dang it, she is an excellent driver!" Richie cursed.  
"Don't worry," Julia tried to calm Richie. "Backup will reach us soon."  
"We have backup?"  
"Yes," Julia stated with a hint of surprise about the message she had gotten from the boss. "Le Roi has seen what is happening on TV and will send us help."  
"The Executioner?"  
"No. She was talking about sending mercenaries."  
"Are you fu-"

Another car crashed into the princess' car. Lola hit the brakes and drove to the right to let the other car pass her.  
"Raspy Rats!" Lana shouted as she recognized their enemies. "The Kindergarten kids!"  
From all directions came the kids from the kindergarten in little cars, on rollers and on bicycles with support wheels. They had little toy weapons and soft air pellet guns. Normally they weren't a great danger but if they got too much sugar then they could become hyperactive beasts. Their eyes looked wild in all directions and their mouths watered from the wish of more sugar.  
"What is going on with those kids?" Fillmore wanted to know.  
"Someone must have given them candy!" Lola exclaimed in horror and rage while she rammed against the enemy vehicles to get them out of the chase. "They will do everything for more, they are real sugarheads. And based on their looks, they gave them really potent stuff. I have never seen them this aggressive before!"  
One Kindergarten kid jumped from his bike onto the princess' car and tried to attack Lola but Fillmore grabbed the child and threw him into the kids of another car which forced the driver to hit the brakes.  
"Be careful so that nobody gets hurt," reminded Fillmore his colleagues.  
"I will do my best," promised Lana.  
"I will guarantee nothing," guaranteed Lola. She was pissed and nobody should stand in the way of a pissed of Lola Loud.  
Lola and Lana took their own soft-air guns. Their use may be limited but they couldn't be choosers.

Luan, who was still following them, wondered if she should help them in this battle now or later.

* * *

Dagmar Solberg was writing a report about the "Cheese Cake Counterfeiting" affair Captain Linus van Pelt was investigating. The largest student in Royal Woods was pleased with Van Pelt's progress in the case.  
The entire day was a good one so far and the muscular girl didn't expect much trouble. She had gotten note of a toy-car chase by the twin officers Lana and Lola Loud from her safety patrol PM system. The commissioner with the short black hair didn't think much of it, because if anyone could stop a measly car chase, it was the "Gemini of Justice", the moniker many students called the two out of fear and respect.  
More out of fear for Lola, more out of respect for Lana in their separate cases.

The female with the Japanese features (whose nordish European name was the result of a lot of adoption papers related shenanigans) had given them permission to use Lola's little princess car as a patrol-vehicle as a test to see if they were ready to be "back on the streets". She didn't think that this "car chase" was anything spectacular. There was kind of a ban on "hall monitors chasing suspects", but it was seldom enforced, because nothing had been destroyed on a chase nor did somebody get hurt. Only few people ran and the ones who did had done something rather bad most of the time.

She got another message, this time on the Skype-Channel. It was a message detailing how the chase was going and additional information.  
"Lincoln Loud is the abducted subject, brother of Lana and Lola Loud. We are not able to identify the kidnappers."  
This sounded more concerning. Unidentified kidnappers. Who at this school was good enough to conceal their identities?  
 _I wonder if it has something to do with_ -

Her thoughts got interrupted by a direct call from one of her officers. In this case it was a girl by the name of Sarah Williams.  
"Sarah, what is it?"  
"We… may have a situation here, Commissioner Solberg," the voice on the other end informed her.  
"Do you mean the car chase of the officers Loud & Loud, Officer Williams?" Solberg asked in a honest friendly tone and with an expression on her face. "As long as they endanger nobody or start destroying stuff, we will let it slide."  
"You trust them with that?"  
"Lola and Lana can take care of the situation," Dagmar explained in a trusting tone.  
 _And I doubt a situation like_ _the one from_ _two weeks ago comes up again_ she added in her head.  
"Normally, I would agree," Sarah replied. "But I was informed that they teamed up with the exchange hall monitors."  
Dagmar froze for a second. "You mean to tell me the officers Loud & Loud teamed up with Cornellius Fillmore, the most destructive hall monitor in the history of this nation?"  
"Pretty much, ma'am."

Silence.

"Ma'am?"  
"Defcon 1, red alert, this is not a drill! I repeat, this is not a drill! Everybody, get in position!" ordered the Commissioner over the safety patrol team channel. "We need to stop this before Lieutenant Fillmore goes into action!"  
She had feared that this could happen. She had assigned Fillmore and his partner into a calm corner of the school in the hopes that he wouldn't get involved in anything resembling a chase.  
Their help in solving the Hall-Forger case had been critical but she wasn't grateful enough to risk the school's insurance policy.  
"Also, we got strange reports from the Kindergarten," Sarah continued. "Our informant there-"  
"Send a few undercover officers to the kindergarten," Dagmar interrupted Sarah while preparing her equipment. "I am on my way."  
"Yes, ma'am."

* * *

"They need help!" decided Leni after witnessing the arrival of the Kindergarteners and prepared her motorcycle"). How she even got it fixed up so fast after the accident is anyone's guess. "I will follow our siblings and aid them."  
"Wait Leni!" Lori tried to stop her sister from doing something rash. "It is too dangerous!"  
"Nothing is too dangerous when it comes to rescuing your family," Leni explained while she put on her helmet. "I will return as soon as possible."  
Before anyone could stop her, she was already on her motorcycle and drove away… in the wrong direction.

* * *

Lana hit one of the attackers between the eyes which took the kid out for the moment.  
They came closer to the main building and their enemies tried to surround them.  
"Ignorant Inkling, they are too many!" shouted Lola. "We need to get rid of him."  
"We could lose them in the school halls," suggested Fillmore. "But it is risky."  
Lana smirked as she heard this suggestion. "I am the queen of risks. Lola?"  
"I am on it."  
"What about the kidnappers?"  
"I will force them to take our course too," Lola promised. "With nitro!"  
"Lola, Lisa didn't test the formula before."  
"Then we will test it now!"

Lola revealed a red button on her dashboard hidden behind a little tablet. An advantage of being related to a technician and a genius in chemistry was that they could work together to create especially potent fuel for a little car as well as a fitting nitrous oxide engine. Lola pushed the button and in seconds they were out of the enclosing kindergarteners and besides Richie and Julia. Before the two kidnappers could proceed what just happened, Lola rammed the black car and forced them into the school. The twins followed suit, as well as several kindergarteners who were just catching up.

* * *

"Well, so much for the distraction."  
The boss was getting genuinely annoyed by now.  
"Okay then," it declared to no one in particular, throwing the hands in the air as if to say "the things I have to deal with" before turning around.  
"Cardinal, Portos, follow me." He turned to two other agents. "As for you, inform our agents in the safety patrol to get a hold of Fynn."  
"Yes, sir!"  
"This will be a long day."  
"Don't tell me," mumbled "Cardinal" as he followed his superior. "You started it."

* * *

Back in the studio, Renata was still sitting at her desk and reporting.  
"We got an update: The car chase is now in the school halls. Karl-Heinz, what is happening?"  
"It is chaos, pure chaos!" Karl-Heinz reported. "Students are running for their safety. They rammed into several lockers and it is really difficult to steer a drone in these halls."  
The screen changed to the school halls and showed how Fillmore and Lana were jumping onto the car of the kidnappers while Lola was ramming attacking kindergarteners into the lockers. Fillmore and Lana got into a wrestling fight with Richie, who was stronger than he looked.  
"According to new information we acquired, the third officer is the legendary Cornelius Fillmore. You may remember him from our report about the hallway forgers last week. An ex-delinquent who is now a very successful but also destructive officer of the law. He acquired the nickname "Fillateral-Cornage" because of…"

The screen showed how Fillmore wrestled away from Richie and grabbed Julia, fighting with her over the steering wheel. This action got the black car into the canteen where it drove over several tables and into the kitchen where the car rammed into several ovens and damaged them badly while the personal was jumping out of the way which lead to many dishes getting thrown in the air, bumped off shelves and desks to shatter at walls and the ground.

"…No explanation needed", finished Renata her report.

* * *

Richie and Julia forced the two intruders to the edge of their car with their own soft-air guns while they drove out of the now destroyed kitchen.  
"What will it be, officers?" asked Julia in a dark tone. "Jump or being shot at with several soft projectiles?"  
"Fillmore!"  
Ingrid had reached them now on her own rollers. She jumped over a car of the kindergarten kids and came besides the black car.  
"Do you have room for more?" Fillmore asked astute.  
"Anytime."  
The boy jumped behind Ingrid who got away from the car while ramming an enemy roller out of the chase.

Meanwhile, Lana decided to take a risk. "Jumping time!"  
Lana jumped from the car onto the head of a kindergartener on its tricycle, used her momentum to jump against a locker in the hallway and, with a swift move, landed back in her sister's princess car. Without a word, Lola gave her twin a soft-air Uzi, which Lana used to get rid of the other drivers.  
"Nobody stops the Officers Loud & Loud!" the two howled while Lola rammed again into the black car.

Then the other officers of Safety Patrol appeared on foot and on their own vehicles to stop the kidnappers and the kindergarten kids.  
"STOP THIS!" Limewood shouted and his voice could be heard amongst all the chaos. "Stop this chaotic car chase now, or you will get detention for the next 6 weeks!"

* * *

Back in the studio, Renata was in contact with a very horrified looking Huggins on the right side of a screen. "What do you have to say about these developments, Principal Huggins?!"  
"I… The Safety Patrol and my trusty secretary Mr. Limewood will get this unusual and not at all regular situation under control."  
The screen changed to the now full on battle between kindergarten kids, the Loud twins, the Safety Patrol, as well as Fillmore, Third and Limewood, who everybody ignored.  
"STOP!" the secretary desperately shouted into this total chaos of colliding bodies and vehicles, flying air pellets and wrestling Safety Patrol and kindergarten kids.

"The situation will be back to normal any second now," Huggins stated in a tone which sounded not as confident as he had hoped.

* * *

"The school looks strange," expressed Leni while rubbing her chin.  
"This is a restaurant," the chief waiter explained in a deadpan tone. "Would you and your motorcycle like to have a table?"  
"Later, I have to rescue my brother from two kids who have kidnapped him," Leni explained.  
"Of course you do, Madame," the waiter said, the deadpan tone increasing. "Good luck to you."  
"Thanks!"  
And Leni drove out of the restaurant.

* * *

Despite the Safety Patrol's best efforts, including erecting a roadblock made out of third grade desks, no one was able to stop Richie and Julia in the wild chase through the main building. Thanks to the help of sugar high minions and dumb luck, they always managed to overcome the odds and escape Lola and Lana, as well as the exchange patrol officers who were right now trying their best to keep an entourage of wild kindergarten kids from circling the Loud twins' car. The impressive aspect of the kindergarteners' maneuver came from the fact that many of the kids did so not on little tricycles or bikes, but on more or less rather "unconventional" means of transportations. Like a miniature chariot drawn by three rather confused and highly energetic dogs in body armor, with the people in the chariot itself, three kids with rather wild expressions on their faces, throwing Play-Doh and other stuff at the twins.  
"Hey, watch the hair!" Lola shouted, trying to avoid getting macaroni and glitter in the face.

Meanwhile, Lana couldn't help herself but admire another construction right behind them, a weird combination of tables and chairs on small wagons being pulled by multiple kids on their tricycles, with one kid on top of it all playing drums and other instruments, while fellow kids were aiming for the Louds with spit balls.  
Something about the vehicles looked familiar to her, but she didn't knew why.  
"I have to admit, that is impressive," Lana stated, while shielding herself from a burst of spitballs by grabbing after a random kindergartener from her left and using it as protection.  
"But I bet it is pretty damn impractical to move with that thing through narrow places," Fillmore stated, riding next to her with Ingrid on a scooter they had grabbed from one of the Kindergarteners. Before Lana could question what he meant, Ingrid grabbed a class door and opened it. Two seconds later, one of the tricycles tried to avoid the now open door, only to crash into his fellow drivers, making the entire construction of chairs and desks behind them come to a stop and fall apart

"Huh. Nice job."  
"Thank you," the young goth said.  
"I hope the kids are okay," Fillmore stated.  
"I would worry more about those chariots," Lola insisted. Next to her on the left, one of the dog drawn chariot constructs was getting ground till it was now in front of them.  
Fillmore, who had managed to rob a water gun from one of the kids, tried to shoot the driver down, only for the two other kids in the chariot to protect him with some self-made shields, before throwing a water balloon on the seventh grader that managed to knock him off the scooter.  
"Fillmore!"  
The boy in question luckily managed to roll down in his fall in a manner that resulted in him barely getting any scratches. Nonetheless, by the time he got up again, he was surrounded by other kids, ready to soak him with water guns. But before he got fired at, someone drove through the crowd and past him, grabbing the boy by the collar.

* * *

"This is nuts," Luna Loud proclaimed, watching the school's news feed covering the unfolding events. "Those kids are going to get detention for the rest of their lives."  
"Stuff like that never happened when I was student body president," Lori declared. She observed the chaos unfolding only from the side, while simultaneously trying to reach Leni on her phone, but without much luck. "Where is that girl?"

* * *

"For the last time Miss, you are at the wrong place!" a rather annoyed looking teacher tried to explain to a young girl dressed in surprisingly well styled biker outfit.  
"But this is Royal Woods School, right?"  
"Royal Woods Middle School, and…" the teacher held in for a second. "Wait. Don't I know you?"  
Leni flinched and gave a nervous smile. "I, like, don't know what you mean."  
The teacher's eyes widened when, at the mentioning of the word "like", a floodgate of memories regarding a certain student and the frustration to teach her algebra washed over her again. "Leni Loud?"

* * *

With Fillmore unable to help, the kindergarten kids managed to win more ground on the Louds and Ingrid, who, in a desperate attempt to not be crushed between two tricycles, had jumped on the pink princess' toy car. She hoped desperately that no one at X-Middle School was ever going to see her driving around in a vehicle, whose color scheme alone made her cringe. Though it didn't seem as if she was going to spend much time on the princess' car either, as the kids in the dog chariots left and right were ready to slice the car's tires. Or at least they tried. As they had to find out, child safe scissors on sticks didn't really cause that much damage on tire rubber. Still, it was annoying. And kept the twins from getting any more ground.  
"Dang it!" Ingrid cursed while breaking a stick by kicking it. "Any ideas on how to get rid of them?"  
"I have one," Lola claimed in a sinister tone.  
"We are not going to hit the dogs," Lana said dryly.  
"But-"  
The look in Lana's eyes made Lola decide to just shut up.  
So instead she decided to stay silent, while around her, little kids were annoyingly shouting "Uga Jacka" and tried to make the tires go pop. "So what now?"

Suddenly, something pink and bone-shaped flew through the air. Almost immediately the dogs on the left and right chariot got even more enthusiastic and chased after the weird object, much to the drivers' horror. Seconds later, a crash further away could be heard.  
"Where did the chew toy come from?" Ingrid asked.  
Lola looked to her better half.  
"Don't look at me. I haven't-"  
"Hey guys!"  
The twin's eyes widened in surprise at the familiar voice and got distracted enough to turn all their attention to their left for the moment.  
"I see you are the fury of the road."  
"Luan?"  
"The one and only," the family comedian stated, doing her hardest to keep up with them on the bike she "borrowed" earlier, while avoiding all sorts of projectiles thrown at her by little neckless monsters. Which wasn't quite as easy, seeing how she also had to carry the weight of a seventh grader on the back with her.  
"Nice seeing you again, Fillmore," Ingrid stated.  
Her friend and partner simply nodded and handed her a water gun he snatched prior from some other kid.  
"What are you doing here?" Lana wanted to know, while punching some random kid that tried to jump on the car out of the air. Behind her, the older officers were busy keeping any potential new assailant away by shooting with water guns or throwing probes Luan had with her at them.

"Aside of skipping school and having a BMX experience that Lynn would be more fit for? Trying to save our brother. By the way, do the right thing now and turn left."  
Lola blinked in confusion. "What?"  
Thankfully for her, Lana was aware enough to see that they were aiming for a row of lockers and turned the wheel to the left just in the nick of time. Some kids and hall officers had less luck, though, and crashed into them, books and papers of other students raining down on them.  
"And how are you planning on helping us?" Lola wanted to know, while trying to avoid the unfriendly fire from the chariot in front of her.  
"Oh simple," Luan only said. Next thing her younger siblings knew, she was falling behind them, ending up right between the pursuers and the pink car.  
She cleared her throat. "Now watch and learn, here's the deal…"  
All of a sudden, she pulled a bunch of banana peels from out of nowhere and threw them in the air. Seconds later, there was a pile up of tricycles and little bicycles behind her to be heard.  
"…they slip and slide on the banana peels!"  
Before the twins had a chance to groan at that little rhyme, their sister pedaled faster, till she was next to the chariot in front of her.  
"Hey kids," she greeted the kindergarteners, much to their confusion. "Trick or treat?"  
One of the kids looked to its friend and then to Luan again before three years of Halloween experience made him reflexively say "treat".  
"You've got it," Luan pulled a bunch of dog biscuits out of a pocket and threw them on the ground. Immediately the chariot came to a stop as the dogs were eating away on the doughy treat. The kids had barely a second to realize what she did before Luan would then spin around the chariot, all the while pulling a rope made of colorful cloths out of her pocket. In a matter of seconds, she had the kids roped up in it.  
"And that is a wrap," she proudly stated when finally stopping, making a bow to an imaginative audience while still on the bike.

* * *

"Damn!" Lynn Loud exclaimed in appreciation, "That was actually kinda cool."  
"Yeah, great and all," Lori said dismissively. "But where is Lincoln?"

* * *

"Great maneuver Miss…"  
"Loud," Luan said to Fillmore. "Luan Loud."  
She handed the young officer a business card. "Comedian extraordinaire. If you ever retire from force, call me. I can organize a retirement party."  
She looked Fillmore over and suddenly took a sharp breath in. "Though, based on my experience with cop movies, perhaps I should rather organize a funeral two days before that."  
"Excuse me?"  
"I promise I will try to make it as cheerful and classy as possible."  
Thankfully, before the conversation took a turn for the really ugly and awkward, the others managed to catch up.

"Okay, that is it!" Lola stated and jumped out of the vehicle. Before anyone could do anything, she grabbed one of the tied up kids and looked him straight into the eyes. This in turn had a surprisingly detoxing effect on the kid, who immediately came down from its sugar rush only to realize he was now at the mercy of Lola "The Pink Don" Loud.  
"Hi Fynn," she told the little boy in a tone that managed to be both sweet and dangerous. "Would the "Lord of the Twerps" please be so kind and call off his small army?"  
The little boy tried to protest. Thankfully, his survival instinct kicked in first and so instead of kicking Lola against the kneecap, he pulled a walkie talkie out of one of his friends' back bags and turned it on.  
"Here is Firefly," he spoke into the walkie talkie, his eyes still fixed on Lola. "New order. Everyone, surrender."

Almost immediately, it became a lot quieter in the corridors. The sounds of hall monitors fighting against little kids subsided, till only the protests of the school's secretary could be heard, who demanded for the parents of the kids to be called.  
Fynn, or Firefly as he liked to be called by his friends, gave Lola an appeasing smile, hoping it would calm her down. Unfortunately for him though, the only reaction this got out of her was an even brighter grin, revealing two rows of shiny and very sharp teeth (with one rather large gap), reminding him of that awful shark movie his older brother made him watch on Halloween.  
"Good. Now tell me, where is my brother?!"  
"I don't know!"  
Based on how the smile on Lola's face dropped, this was not the answer she wanted to hear.  
"What do you mean you don't know? Wasn't he in front of you?"  
Before Fynn had a chance to say something, another kid, the driver of the chariot, said, "Actually, they turned right at the lockers."  
Lola blinked. And then turned her gaze to Luan.  
"Oops," the comedian nervously stated, rubbing the back of her head.  
From the princess' car, the annoyed grunt of Lana could be heard, accompanied by the sound of her head hitting the car's horn. "How are we supposed to find them now?" she asked.

As if right on cue, the sound of multiple wheels squealing on the ground could be heard from a room on the left, whose door, as well as a window were open. Storming to the open window, the Louds and the senior officers saw the kidnappers driving out of the main building, heading once more for the playground.  
"Any ideas?" Luan asked. Meanwhile, Lana was pulling a desk near the window, much to Ingrid Third's confusion.  
"What are you-"  
In a swift move involving her trusty hammer, Lana broke two of the desk's legs and turned it into an improvised ramp.  
Things added up in Luan's head and she looked at her younger siblings in shock, while they were already taking seat again in their car. "You are not thinking of-"  
Instead of answering, Lola pulled the gear and stepped on the gas. "Oh yes, we are."

* * *

Richie was just about to feel at ease due to escaping the officers Loud & Loud, when all of the sudden, he heard Julia scream all sorts of profanities while firing a load of soft air-pellets at something behind her.  
Taking a quick glance in the side-view mirror, he saw Lola and Lana flying out of a window of the main building in their car. The toy managed to perform a barrel roll midair because the desk had tilted slightly to the left, while Lana was still shooting at the two with a foam rocket launcher, before landing on the wheels and giving chase again.  
"WOOHOO!" Lana exclaimed. "We need to do that again!"  
From further away, Julia could be heard screaming.  
"What the heck do we need to do to get rid of these pests?"  
"Try forcing Lana to take a bath," a voice suddenly said. Before Julia had a chance to react, she got her soft air gun kicked out of the hand by a white snicker. Only now did she remember their little hostage, who had regained consciousness again.

While Julia got into a fight with a still handcuffed fifth grader, Richie was slowly getting aggravated. He certainly had enough of that overly long chase that probably got him already in more trouble than what the boss could pay him in candy for was worth it.  
So he decided to do something he rarely does at his job. He made a decision for himself. And the first step in doing so was hitting the brakes.  
"Why are you stopping?" Julia wanted to know, her fist being stuck in Lincoln's mouth.

"I have had enough of driving away," Richie stated and turned the car around.  
"I am going to show them that Richard Elisabeth Feinstein is not a chicken!"  
Julia looked at her underling in a mixture of new found respect and confusion. "Your middle name is Elisabeth?"  
He only glared at her and she sat down in the car, buckling up.

"What are they doing?"  
"I think they want to challenge us to a game of chicken," Lana said, looking at the black car powering up. This made Lola smile. "Good."  
She pulled two helmets from under the dashboard and put one of them on her twin's head. Then she pulled into the next gear. "Let's roll."

Next thing anyone knew, the two cars were heading for each other.

* * *

"Well, this will get messy," Ingrid Third stated dryly, looking out of the window. "Shall I call for a cleanup crew?"  
Before Fillmore could reply, the shape of Luan on the bike again passed her and followed her sisters' example by jumping out of the window.  
Fillmore looked after her. "That is one messed up family."  
"At least they stick together," Ingrid expressed and shrugged with the shoulders.  
Behind them, the sound of yelping dogs and moving tires could be heard.  
"Did Fynn just escape?"  
"I think so," Ingrid replied.  
Fillmore sighed. "Dang it. And I thought I could enjoy lunchtime."

* * *

Lincoln, still chained to the car's frame, tried desperately to break the handcuffs. Or at least get the belt on.  
"Guy, I appreciate that you want to challenge my sisters," Lincoln said nervously in admiration to Richie. "But I know them for six years. You are better off just driving away again."  
Richie didn't listen. Instead he stepped on the gas harder.  
"You don't know them as well as I do. They won't budge!"  
The two cars were now pretty close on their collision course.  
"You don't know them!" Lincoln shouted, now in panic, still stomping the car's frame to get the cuffs off. "You don't know them; you don't know th-"

CRASH!

* * *

"LINCOLN!"  
Luna was shaking, her eyes fixed on the screen of the laptop.  
"Is… is he…"  
"No!" Lori shouted, grabbing the laptop and trying her hardest to suppress the tears forming in her eyes. "He can't be. He-my little thumber…"  
Lynn was at a loss for words. She just witnessed three of her siblings being involved in a miniature car crash. But what shocked her more than the possibility of Lincoln being seriously hurt was the fact that Luna and Lori didn't seem to care at all for Lola and Lana. Their only concern was their brother. Not the two six year olds she just saw through drone live feed flying out of the car and half the school ground into the nearby manure pile of the school's gardening club. Granted, they wore helmets and based on personal experience, it was safe to assume they were okay. But still. They would cry their eyes out for Lincoln, but not them?

"What the heck is wrong with you?!" she shouted at the two, making them shut up in their sorrowful crying. Then, just to shock them even more, she slapped the laptop out of Lori's hand. It was a miracle it did not break when it hit the ground.  
"Lynn, what are you-"  
"No, what are you two doing?" she shouted, interrupting Lori before the oldest could even begin chewing her out. "Lincoln is not the only one who could be hurt right now! Why are you guys so fixated on him?"  
"Well, excuse us," Luna replied to her in a surprisingly aggressive tone while trying to calm Lori down by rubbing her shoulders. "God forbid we are worrying about the love of our life."

There was a long moment of awkward silence, in which a couple of things made click in Lynn's head. She was shocked.  
"What did you just say?"

Only now realizing what she said, Luna looked to Lori.  
"You just had to spill the beans," the oldest sighed.  
"Sorry."  
"It's okay," Lori claimed and gave her sister an affectionate kiss on the forehead that seemed to calm her. "Get her!"  
Before Lynn had a chance to properly process what was happening, Luna had pinned her down on the ground.  
"Sorry sis," the young rocker said. Lynn tried desperately to raise her arms, but Luna showed a sudden level of strength Lynn had never seen before.  
"Let me go!" the young sport ace demanded, only to be turned around so that she was now starring at the laptop screen again. Lori came up to her and closed the live feed of the drone. She then clicked open another file, making a video of her brother suddenly pop up.  
"Only after you understand our point of view," Lori stated and clicked on the video.  
Lynn tried to turn her eyes away, but Luna forced her to watch. Seconds later, no amount of force was needed at all.

* * *

Lincoln Loud never considered himself a child kissed by Fortune. But even he had to admit that he had more luck than smarts when, just seconds before the crash, he managed to break his handcuffs free and roll out of the car. Otherwise…  
Well, he doubted he would be dead. But his wrist would more than likely be broken.  
Still dizzy from his escape, he watched as Julia and Richie climbed out of the pile of metal, equally as confused and more struck as him.  
Julia was already pretty close to get to him, when the screeching sound of bicycle tires was heard and Luan appeared next to him.  
The white haired boy, still on his knees and trying to comprehend what just happened, looked up to her.  
"Luan?"  
His sister in question just reached her hand out to him.  
"Come with me if you want to avoid detention."  
Lincoln wanted to ask what she meant by that, when further away the sound of the school doors opening could be heard, followed by a very angry Limewood shouting.

"LOUDS!"

Out of reflex, Lincoln took Luan's hand. His sister helped him on the bike.  
"Hold up, Buckaroo," she told him and threw a prank smoke bomb (the non-mud related kind this time) on the ground. By the time the smoke was gone, so were Luan and Lincoln.  
Much to Limewood's chagrin, who could feel his right eye twitch.  
"Today is one of those days, isn't it?" he asked himself and the world in general.  
"Nothing is going right for me, isn't it?"  
All of the sudden, the screaming of a certain beauty queen could be heard.  
"COMPOST!" Lola Loud shouted, her upper body stuck in a pile of decomposing vegetables. "I HATE COMPOST!"  
"Speak for yourself, sis," was Lana's reply, while she tried to make the best of the current situation.  
Limewood smiled. "Well, perhaps some things go right for me."  
While going over to pick the twins up, he took a quick glance around and realized something. "Where are the other drivers?"

* * *

To say Lincoln was confused would be an understatement. All he remembered was that three second graders had kidnapped him earlier and that he was just about to give one of them a head-butt. Next thing he knew, he almost got seriously injured in a game of chicken and was now hanging on his sister Luan driving a bike around the school, just for her to come to a stop at another entrance door to the main building. Still dazed and trying to overcome a mild concussion, he got dragged into the main building, his sister making sure they avoided all sorts of hall monitor patrol officers and kindergarteners, who, mere minutes ago, were looking for them. Eventually the young boy found himself dragged in the empty chemistry room on the second floor of the school.

"You stay here," Luan told him, leaning him against a teacher's desk before taking off her baseball cap with the ridiculous camera stuck in it.  
After that she went on looking for the lab required first aid kit and some alcohol.  
"Let's see… methanol, acetone… picric acid?!" she shouted in disbelief. "Are these guys going to blow us up?"  
Behind her, Lincoln moaned.  
"Just wait a- ah! Ethanol. 70%. That should do the trick."  
Seconds later, with everything she looked for at her side, she examined Lincoln. The young boy had quite a nasty bruise on his forehead, which was certain to grow into a bump over the next hours.  
"How are you feeling, Lincoln?"  
"Like barely surviving a ridiculous blockbuster chase scene," the young boy said and flinched as his sister put a wet alcohol dipped cloth on his bruise.  
"It should be me lampshade hanging the situation, you know?"  
Luan sighed and gave him a reassuring smile. "Does it hurt anywhere?"  
Lincoln moved his arms and legs. Aside from a sour tug on his arms, he didn't really feel all that…  
"Ouch."  
"What is it?"  
"My leg", he stated, putting a finger on his upper tights. There was a stain of blood on the fabric.

Before he could say anything else, Luan was suddenly grabbing his pants and trying to pull them down.  
"Luan, what the-"  
"Quiet!" she told him in a serious tone he was not used to from her. Thankfully, she did not want to pull them down for god knows what reason. Instead she only pulled them down far enough so that she could take a look at the injury he was pointing at. She didn't like what she saw. It was a bleeding cut on his left tight, though not one of the sort that would need severe medical treatment or stitching. Still, she couldn't let her brother just walk it off.  
With another cloth, this time dipped into water from the sink, she cleaned up the cut as well as she could, before tipping the cloth with alcohol on it. This time it burned quite a bit and Lincoln had to suppress tears from forming in his eyes. But seconds later, the burning sensation stopped and Luan, using some gauze pads and patches, stopped the bleeding.  
"That should do the trick for a while," she said. "Or at least till we get you to the nurse."

She looked at her brother sympathetically. "I would give you a kids aspirin for the headache you probably have, but that would thin your blood. And you can't have that now with your cut."

Lincoln blinked in disbelief. "How do you know?"  
"I told you yesterday, I know SOME things about first aid," she said, rolling her eyes in a mocking manner. "Gosh, don't you listen?"  
He just starred at her. "I thought that was a joke."  
She smiled and sat down next to him. "Not everything I say is a joke, you know? And believe me, when you hit yourself with a bowling pin as often as I did during some juggling acts, you learn to appreciate the first aid kit."  
She took his hand in hers and smiled at him. "You okay?"  
"Yeah," Lincoln replied, not quite knowing what to say. Eventually, he added a little "thanks" for the medical attention.  
"No problem. It's the least I can do for my sweet little brother."  
Sweet. He shuddered at the mentioning of that word. It reminded him of the fact that he was with a potentially love struck sister again. And this time alone. That being said, when she was saying that, she was, unlike certain other sisters, not staring him into the eyes. At least directly. In fact, she was glancing towards her cap and the camera in it.

* * *

Lori looked at the live feed in confusion. "What is she doing?"  
"I think she is trying to tease us," Luna theorized. She and Lori sat under a tree, the laptop on Lori's knees while Lynn was sleeping with her head in the young punk's lap, sighing and muttering Lincoln's name.  
"That little… she wants him for herself now!"  
"Well, to be fair, she got relatively little of him yesterday," Luna said in defense of her roommate. All the while she was petting Lynn's hair, who seemed to enjoy it quite a bit, leaning against her sister's fingers like a cuddle needy pet.  
"Still. If we don't get to spend quality time with him now, why should she-"  
A sudden noise from the feed interrupted her. "What was that?"

* * *

Luan just wanted to tell her brother something important, when the door to the class room opened. Before she could properly react, a small figure had jumped up to her and put a cloth over her mouth. She smelt something really awful, only to lose conscious.  
"Luan!"  
"Got you now, Loud!" Julia, no longer bearing her ski mask, exclaimed with fury in her eyes.  
Lincoln felt something very smelly covering his mouth too, sending him into sweet unconsciousness again.  
"Now, time to get you to the boss!"  
"Okay, Julia," Richie stated, grabbing Lincoln under his arms. "But first, could you please give me back my socks?"  
The young girl blinked and then looked at the "cloths" in her hand. "Sure," she said and threw them back to her friend, who put them back on his feet. "By the way, how often do you change them?"

* * *

 **MamaAniki: Well then, now unfortunately a little downer; This fanfic is put on ice for some time. Not in the way as that we break it up or that we are now getting all whinny because of some random dude not liking or story, but because reality is a bitch. I have to wrap up my current education and studies and simultaneously I have developed health problems that need treatment. And no, it is not cancer or anything else immediately life threatening but… well, I need time and we are also rather close to reaching the point where every draft we have worked on for future chapters is caught up. And we like normally to have six chaters or so still in the works before loading one up.**

 **Long story short: We are on summer break. Sorry  
**


	14. A little breather

**Hatoralo: Welcome to Chapter 14!**  
 **It will be a little less action filled, instead it has more plot.**  
 **It is also a shorter chapter because the last one was pretty long.**

 **My partner meanwhile has still to take a setback because of his medical and academic issues.**  
 **But they will be solved soon enough.**

 **So, sit back relax and enjoy the fourteenth Chapter of "Platonic!"  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 14: A little breather  
**

* * *

The Observer was not able to choose its words properly to describe the situation it was just updated on. It wanted a more "action-heavy" scenario for this day, but this was almost too surreal to look at. This wasn't… exactly what it wanted. It didn't know what it wanted for this in the first place, but this wasn't it.

The Observer took its smartphone and chose a special internet app but talked in the smartphone as if it called somebody.  
"Yo-Bu," the Observer in an annoyed tone greeted its partner in crime. "What in the name of Mark Twain did you think you were doing?"  
It listened to the answer, but its annoyed expression didn't change.  
"Generate action? This looked like a movie-cop chase set in a post-apocalyptic movie, during which a movie agent was taken on the ride, before it crashed with a Michael Bay production!"  
The Observer started to tap with its fingers on the desk it was sitting on, looking at the screen of its laptop.  
"I know I wanted something exciting. But this generates too many questions. How am I supposed to answer them all? Not to mention the authorities, as soon as reality ensues!"  
It nodded in accordance to the next few lines it was hearing.  
"Yes… Yes… Yes. Okay, I know I had to take some serious measures for this case. I hope some more to avoid trouble for the Loud Family will not generate too much strain on everything."

The Observer started to type some stuff on its laptop.  
"I think I know what to do. I can still spin this situation to our benefit. But I need you to assure me that the situation stays under our control."  
The Observer marked some lines on a document file, deleted them and wrote down what it had in mind. "I will give you free hand for the next couple of hours. Don't screw it up. Or I will make you re-imagine the works of Stephenie Meyers for the next year."

The Observer ended the call and continued to type. It had now some great ideas for this chapter.

* * *

"Do you know where Lincoln is?"  
"Get out of my office!"  
Leni was in somebody's office room.  
"Sorry, Mister…" she tried to remember what people in office rooms were called. Then it hit her. "Sorry Mister Pointy Haired Boss. I am on my way!"  
And she drove away fast.

* * *

Once again, he was surrounded by total darkness. But this time it wasn't as liberating and relaxing as last time. Instead, it felt more threatening and, in a way, kind of insane. He tried to remember what had happened. Somebody had kidnapped him. Three wannabe hitmen, then his sisters became cops and tried to rescue him with two more officers, a wild car-battle ensued and something with bananas and a giant monkey being chased by a plumber. He wasn't conscious the entire time, so a few things may be incorrect.

He finally opened his eyes after his memories became more coherent. His vision was still blurry and he saw something colorful before him.  
"Lincoln?"  
He recognized the voice immediately. "Luan?"  
His vision became clear. He was in a room with grey walls, some shelfs with boxes on them and only one door in a darkened white. A single bulb illuminated the room to some degree. He heard a buzzing sound, very faint but it came from somewhere, maybe another room.  
Directly before him was Luan, bound to a chair like in the movies, legs tied to the chair legs, hands bound behind the backrest.  
"What in the- Eh- Why are you tied to the chair with hair ties?"  
"I don't know. Why are you?" she countered.  
Lincoln realized, after trying to move, that she was right. He was bound into the same position as his sister.

"Are you okay, Luan?"  
"I think so," she informed him. "Still dizzy from the chloroform. Are you alright?"  
"I guess so. Except for the fact that somebody kidnapped us."  
"And with that chaos in the school, it will take some time until somebody notices our absence," Luan stated somberly. "Don't worry, your big sister will protect you."  
"I know," Lincoln sighed, remembering that he wasn't really sure about Luan's state of mind. Then he remembered something which really worried him. "Do you know if Lana and Lola are okay?"  
"They had a safe landing in the compost," Luan told him. "I know enough about compost to assure you that they are most likely safe. You on the other hand, were in greater danger."  
"How do you-"  
"Made sketches with compost," Luan told him. "You have to give it back to the owner afterwards, though."

Lincoln sighed. He felt guilty for what happened to Luan and the twins.  
"I am sorry that-"  
"Cut it," Luan interrupted him. "You have nothing to be sorry for."  
"But-"  
"Lana, Lola and I wanted to rescue you out of our own free will," she told him with a stern voice and expression. "You don't have to feel guilty. You would've done the same for us."

Lincoln was speechless. He seldom heard his sister speak so seriously about something.  
"You are right Luan, but I am their older brother after all. I should protect them, not vice versa."  
"You are a martyr for our affection, aren't you?" Luan stated. "But let's get out of here now before our kidnappers come back."  
Lincoln gulped. "What do you think they will do with us?"  
"They managed to kidnap us, but I think those kids will just nap before doing anything interesting," Luan joked seriously and then laughed. "Get it?"

Lincoln could already feel the obligatory groan form in his throat when the door to the room opened. A third grader with spunky red hair wearing a black suit entered. He was accompanied by two other, much older kids with two dollies.  
"Glad you are awake," the kid said. He snapped his fingers and his companions stepped in, putting the chairs with two Louds on the dollies for transportation.  
He turned his attention to Lincoln. "The boss wants to talk to you."

"Wait… Randal?"  
The boy in question suddenly froze.  
"Randal? I thought your name was Reno," one of his helpers said.  
"He must be mistaken."  
"You were at Lucy's birthday party last month," Lincoln asserted. "You were the kid who gave her that figurine collection of "Last Imagination" villains and-"  
"Shut up," the boy said and kicked Lincoln in the leg, which made the white haired boy grunt.  
"HEY!" Luan protested angrily about the kick against her brother, trying to free herself from her elastic shackles. "He is already hurt at his thigh."  
Randal, or Reno as he preferred to be called when being "at business", looked at Lincoln and saw the cut in the jeans under which bits of Luan's improvised bandage could be seen.  
"Oh," he would say, the look on his face becoming more worried and turning to Lincoln with sympathy in his eyes. "Does it hurt?"  
One of the helpers felt the need to clear his throat at the uncalled sight of empathy that didn't quite fit the situation.  
"I mean… Stop talking!" the young boy said, trying to save face. "At least till we reach the boss."  
"What boss?" Luan asked. "Is his name Hugo?"  
The kids blinked in confusion. Lincoln, who actually got it (as a result of having grown up with at least two fashion or perfume obsessed sisters), groaned.  
"No." Randal/Reno replied confused. "In fact, it's not even a he."  
"It is a gender-neutral person?" asked Luan in sarcastic surprise. "Never thought I would see such a person as a boss of something."  
Randal ignored her, but Lincoln smiled.

* * *

Lori and Luna Loud were worried. No, scratch that. Both were at the brink of losing their minds. Just when it looked like Lincoln was finally safe, or at least as safe as they thought he could be with Luan, those troublesome second graders jumped out of nowhere and kidnapped both of their younger siblings in front of the camera. If they hadn't known any better, they would have suspected that Luan's video feed had turned into a bad found footage movie twist ending. So in other words, any found footage horror movie since 2005.  
"Dude, this really isn't fun anymore," Luna said, walking up and down the little path of green she and her other sisters were hiding in. "Lola and Lana are behind detention bars, Leni is god knows where…"

* * *

Leni looked around. All she saw was the skyline of Royal Woods.

"Well, even I know I am wrong," the young teen said, scratching her head. She tried to turn her motorcycle around, wondering how she even managed to get it up the fifteen floor high building in the first place, seeing how the building's elevator was out of order.

* * *

"… and we have no idea where they have taken our brother and Luan."  
She came to a halt when no reaction came from her older sister.

"Lori?"  
"Sit down," the eldest told her. "You being nervous isn't helping anyone. Especially yourself."  
Luna wanted to protest, but even she had to admit that her sister had a point. She grabbed the laptop and sat down. Trying to distract herself, she opened up the feed of the school news, where Renata Veracruz de la Hoya Cardinal interviewed Limewood about the current development of things, learning that Lola and Lana had supposedly been apprehended and were going to face interrogation any minute. Before that, though. they were going to take a long and necessary shower.

"The situation is under control," told a stern Limewood the young reporter. "After we apprehended two of the main suspects, we will now begin to rally the rest of the kindergarteners. They will face a long time in detention."  
"What about the allegation that the Kindergarteners only play riot now because of the rumor that principal Huggins plans to absolve naptime?"  
"Those rumors are incorrect," explained the secretary calmly. "We can't say for sure why Kindergarteners would start a riot but we will figure it out. The situation will be under control soon."  
A crash is heard and the camera swings to a scene of a weird vehicle looking like a hedgehog with many spikes protruding from its back to all sides crashing into one array of lockers.  
"I repeat, it's all under control," guaranteed the secretary. "Now go back to your studio, Renata my dear," he said while a little girl was in his hair and trying to attack him with a plastic spear. "Nothing interesting to see here."

"At least the twins are okay."  
"Yeah, great," Lori said slightly dismissively. Not because she had anything against her younger siblings, but because her mind was preoccupied with other things. Primarily coming up with an idea to save her little Thumber. Which was not easy. As Luna had outlined correctly, anyone who could help was out of commission. Additionally, with the chaos that had gone on within the last twenty minutes, there was no chance that Luna or Lori would get back in the building without a high chance of being spotted, probably resulting in multiple questions on what they were doing here at all.  
There was only one sister left she could think of and she was currently sitting under the tree, deep in thoughts, after Luna and Lori's shocked reaction to their brother's second kidnapping woke her up in a startle. And based on her quiet, almost frozen, look, it was more likely she was out of commissi-

"Who did it?"  
The dark tone in Lynn's voice made her sisters freeze for a second. Being more carefree and casual most of the time, She wasn't the most serious or dangerous sounding in the family. But with just one question, she managed to sound more dangerous than Lori.  
"Lynn?"  
The girl in question slowly arose from the lap of the rocker. "Who kidnapped our brother?"  
"Two goons in black," answered Luna. "They have Luan too. But we lost their trace after they cut Luan's smartphone feed."  
"The kindergarteners," Lynn whispered. "Their leader…"  
Lori tried to stop her. "Lynn, before you-"  
But she was on her legs and running before anyone could do so. In the eyes of her sisters, Lynn could be faster than the Roadrunner and Speedy Gonzales if she wanted. And now she was even faster than that.  
"Should we follow her?" asked Luna.  
"No," Lori commanded. "We are backup. If even she isn't able to rescue Lincoln, the rest of us will prepare a major offense. I guess we need Alfred's help in that case."  
Luna just shrugged with the shoulders. Lynn alone should be enough.  
The situation was not serious enough to have an attack of the eleven L.

* * *

Back in the studio, Renata was reading more news with a header besides her reading "Kidnapping of Lincoln Loud!"  
"The situation is still kind of out of control and the main chase is over. Lincoln Loud has vanished alongside his sister Luan. Lola and Lana Loud, also known as the "Gemini of Justice", are in custody. We now switch to Karl-Heinz Mason on the ground."

The screen changed to a fourth grader with short brown hair and glasses and a drone-controller in his hands. Besides him in the upper left corner was a picture of the drone.  
"Renata, the situation hasn't improved," the boy told Renata. "The chase is over but the Kindergarteners are still hyperactive and destructive. A theory mentioned by an expert I consulted said that the children seem to be on a sugar high. We wait for confirmation from the bureau of the principal on that."

The drone-camera picture then filled out the entire screen. It showed patrol officers fighting several kindergarteners on a crashed monster of a vehicle that looked like a fusion of kaijus on steroids. They shot at each other with water guns and air pellets and toy-weapons clashed with toy-batons. Then a vehicle with a drill crashed into the side of the other vehicle. Its driver fired at the officers with a stationary water-gun.

"It seems the battle will continue for a while," assumed Karl-Heinz dryly. "Back to… What is this?"  
A red-brown-white flash run onto the tower and grabbed the gunner who looked very pale all of the sudden.  
"Somebody unknown came into the fight," Karl-Heinz commented. "Looks like she wants something from the Kindergarteners."  
It looked like the kid didn't have any satisfactory answers for the newcomer so she threw him into a garbage can and ran away, giving the hall monitors a serious advantage.  
"I will try to follow this quick runner," Karl-Heinz promised. "Back to you, Renata."

Back with Renata, she looked seriously in the camera.  
"What happened to this school? Criminals kidnap candidates for school representative in broad daylight and kindergarteners try to install a regime of anarchy in our halls. What has this world become?"  
Renata sighed loudly but then it looked like she got an off-screen signal from the camera. She shook her head a little. Then stronger and stronger, until she sighed again, but this time more frustrated. She held up a milkshake with a fake smile, while the header besides her turned into a commercial for a certain store, saying:  
"Drink Flippies! Available at the only Flip's Food & Fuel in town."  
After she was finished, she mumbled something about product placement in the wrong places. But luckily, the viewer could not hear that.

* * *

Lucy had a hunch. And while normally she was glad having those, as she considered them a manifestation of her dormant psychic abilities she was certain to master one day, as of yesterday, she would have given anything to not experience them. The reason for that was primarily that her hunches seem to manifest primarily when she was thinking of her family now. And they seemed to indicate bad things to be on the horizon for them.  
First she had a hunch yesterday while reading a book. Next thing she knew, the others were chasing Lincoln around the house. Then this morning she had a really bad feeling when she looked at her roommate, who looked like she had something troubling on her mind.

And for the last fifteen minutes or so, she felt really weird. Twitchy. Kinda like Lana when someone told her not to go near an animal at the petting zoo. She didn't know exactly why, though, and assumed that it was related to Lincoln. Unfortunately for her, there was no way for her to currently see if everything was alright with her brother.

It was Monday, and like every Monday, she spent her recess in the school library, returning some of the old books she had rented for the weekend while also looking what had come back from other students, just to see if something of interest could be there for her. Additionally she heard rumors that a certain tutor she had a crush on not a long time ago was going to start working here as of today.  
Unfortunately for her, Hugh never showed up. Then, just when she was about to read up on a collection of vampire short stories, her hunch set in. At first, she tried to ignore it, but it grew stronger. To make matters worse, by the time she couldn't ignore it any longer and she wanted to act upon it, some commotion started in the halls. No one in the library knew what was really going on. Supposedly, kindergarteners ran amuck and other students had problems getting a grip on them. Bottom line, she had no real chance of getting out there without running into some sort of trouble. So she decided to sit the situation out and then go for Lincoln. But the longer she did, the more intense the hunch got.

She desperately tried to focus on the text in her book, ignoring the sound of worried kids around her.  
"Hey, Lucy?"  
At least up until now.  
The young Goth lifted her head up from the book, only to look into the face of a certain girl that somehow managed to be very familiar, but also alien to her.  
"Hello, Ronnie Anne."  
Lucy closed the book, her attention now solely on the young girl she knew her brother was hanging out with (as Lincoln would say, they were not a couple. Even if the rest of the universe insisted on the opposite).  
"Haven't seen you around here often."  
"Yeah. Normally I am at the yard at this time, teaching the third graders why they shouldn't give the first graders wedgies," the young Hispanic girl explained with a shrug of her shoulders.  
"Didn't know you had such a social streak in you," Lucy replied. "Admirable."  
"Thanks."  
There was an awkward moment of silence between the two girls, who had nothing in common, aside from a liking to a certain boy at the age of 11. Come to think of it, this very moment right now was the first time they interacted in general.  
"Look, Lucy," Ronnie Anne eventually began to break the ice, "normally I would leave you alone in whatever misery it is you emos like to bath in-"  
"I am a goth," injected Lucy slightly aggravated at the mentioning of the word emo. "Sorry. Anyway, I have a few questions."  
"Do these questions concern the forces of evil?"  
"Only if this is what you call your family," Ronnie Anne replied, not able to read from Lucy's unmoving face if she was angry about that comment. "Anyway, I want to ask you, what is going on with Lincoln?"

Lucy herself was wondering more about her sisters and less about Lincoln but after yesterday he was probably not at his most normal behavior anymore. But she wondered why he would act unusual towards Ronnie Anne. Maybe he looked worse for wear?  
"A lot of things can happen to my brother," replied Lincoln. "He often gets into all sorts of shenanigans and adventures."  
"How often?"  
"More often than you may think," said Lucy in a deadpan tone. "One or more of my siblings or I can be involved in them."  
Ronnie Anne nodded in understanding. "I really should visit more often."  
"Just be warned," stated Lucy with a sinister undertone. "It can get very loud and some visitors were never seen again."

Ronnie Anne chuckled for a second but became serious again. "What is happening with your brother?"  
"We had… an argument yesterday," Lucy told Ronnie a white lie. "He was so angry with some of my sisters so he went over to Clyde's for a sleepover."  
"What was the argument about?" Ronnie wanted to know.  
"It is a family matter," Lucy stated a little bit too quick and she scolded herself for that. "I am not authorized to reveal this to anyone."  
"Is someone beating him up?" asked Ronnie directly.  
Only Lucy's permanent stoic expression was able to hide her surprise. She couldn't deny that it could be rough in the Loud House, but never enough one could call it abusive in her eyes. Except maybe the time they bound Lori to a chair. That could have really gotten them in trouble.  
"Nobody is abusing anyone," explained Lucy seriously and naturally. "The issue is just private in nature and I won't discuss it with you."

Ronnie calmed down a little. She had thought about getting the answers she wanted with force, but she wasn't willing to beat somebody up. Especially somebody who was younger than her.  
"Let me ask you something else," she finally said after some contemplation. "Is this reason in any way connected to Lori brea-"

Lynn came flying through the main entrance of the library, by using the propulsion of an explosion behind her. She managed a point-10 landing before her sister and Ronnie Anne, who had forgotten all about her question after witnessing this entrance.  
"Lucy, I need your help!"  
From outside, multiple screams could be heard.  
"Have you started a war with somebody?" Lucy asked calmly.  
"The war out there concerns us all!" explained Lynn in an overdramatic manner. "Especially us Louds. It is happening because of us Louds!"  
"What in the name of Santa Muerte are you talking about?" a very confused Ronnie wanted to know. "Also, shouldn't you be in middle school?"  
"Shut it Sl… Santiago!" Lynn snarled at Ronnie, which surprised the later. She hadn't often talked to Lynn in the past but this was out of character for the sport protégé. "This only concerns the Louds."  
"Well, if it concerns Lincoln, it should also concern me as his gir- good friend," replied Ronnie weaker than she planned to do.

"Whatever!" grumbled Lynn loudly and turned to Lucy. "You have to get me to Lincoln. He was kidnapped by some gangster looking twerps."  
"What did you just say?" gasped Lucy in cold words and a shocked expression.  
Ronnie was shocked herself now, any anger over every Loud forgotten. She felt concern, a thirst for action and wrath rising in her heart.  
"Seems that the Lame-O needs help," sighed Ronnie, trying to underplay her concern. "I will help you but only because these kindergarteners are no challenge for me and I yearn for a good fight."  
"The ones in the vehicles are more of a challenge," Lynn informed Ronnie. "But only if they see you coming."  
Suddenly the door swung open and a burning soap box car with too many spikes rolled into the hall, before crashing against a bookshelf, setting it on fire.  
"Like that one."  
The entire library was in panic now as the librarian tried to calm the kids down.  
"Also, if you call my brother a Lame-O again, I will make you eat those words along with your hoodie…" Lynn whispered.  
"What did you say?" Ronnie, who hadn't really listened because of the developing chaos she had just now started to notice more, wanted to know.  
"Nothing. Lucy?"  
The goth turned her attention from the progressing destruction of the physics section of the library back to her sister. "What?"  
"Can you use your creepy teleportation thingy to find him?"  
The stern expression on Lucy's face somehow managed to become even sterner, despite no change in her facial muscles at all. "It is not as easy as you think," Lucy tried to explain without rush while one bookshelf after another behind her started to burn. "I need at least an idea where Lincoln could be and it helps if the area is smaller. The school is too large for my "creepy teleportation thingy" to work."

"So, you can't appear behind Lincoln and slaughter his kidnappers like in a splatter movie and massacre them?"  
Lucy sighed in annoyance. "First: Yes, I can't just appear next to him. Second, I have no intention in becoming a stupid slasher. My goal is eternal life through vampirism. Not to maim a few dozen teenagers every few years because of boredom and/or severe psychological issues."  
"Well, glad someone has their priorities in life already figured out."  
Lucy ignored the quip from her brother's on and off crush.  
"But I can accompany you."  
"So be it," Lynn approved. "Just stay behind me. Santiago, if you hinder us, you will get left behind."  
"Don't worry about me," Ronnie stated self-assured while kindergarteners stormed the library, closely followed by patrol officers. "You could tell me why your ever so lovely Lori left my brother on the way."  
Lucy's face changed her expression from somber apathy to honest surprise over this new bit of information, while Lynn just shrugged. The three left the burning library together, not concerned by the ensuing chaos around them.

* * *

 **Hatoralo: "Well, those Santiago's and Louds are difficult to disturb. Ronnie is too much of a hardass to show worry and the Louds are used to general chaos around them.**  
 **But will it stay that way?**

 **But what will happen next? The school is a warzone and some mysterious force has kidnapped Lincoln. With the twins under detention, Leni driving around somewhere not finding her way back and Luan being a prisoner along with Lincoln the situation looks bad but not unsolvable.**

 **Who is the fiend who dared to attack the Louds?**  
 **Has that fiend something to do with the sisters turning incestuous?**  
 **Will the Louds beat the odds and beat that fiend?**

 **Figure out next time, same Fanfic-Time, Same Fanfic Site.**

 **Until then, see you next time!"  
**

* * *

 **Reference Explanation time (for Chapter 13):**

 **Marvin which was shoot in the face is a reference from Quentin Tarantino's Movie "Pulp Fiction", where another Marvin got shot in the face but lethally.**

 **Cornelius Fillmore and Ingrid Third are from the Disney Animated Series "Fillmore."**

 **Captain Linus van Pelt is from "Peanuts", a little comic-strip you may have heard of.**  
 **It will not be the last mentioning of a "Peanut".**

 **The Kindergarteners act like "Immortan Joe" and his army from the Movie "Mad Max: Fury Road" but are more progressive when it comes to the treatment of females. The entire scene and the cars of the Kindergarteners are inspired by the movie.**  
 **Also the name Fynn is taken from the Cartoon Network Series "Adventure Time."**

 **Renata Veracruz de la Hoya Cardinal is inspired by the field Reporter Miranda Veracruz De La Hoya Cardinal from the classic Sitcom "Married… With Children".**

 **Luan Louds little song was taken from "We are Number One", sung by the famous Robbie Rotten from "Lazy Town".**

 **The Stunt with the rotating ramp-jump Lola pulled to keep up with the kidnappers was based on one in "The Man with the Golden Gun", a James Bond Movie.**

 **Lola's hatred of compost was a reference to Biff from the "Back to the Future" movies and his famous hate for dung.**

 **And last but not least: The title of this chapter is a pun-reference to the "Fast and the Furious" movies. But out plot makes more sense than the stuff that is happening in the newer movies by far and our scenario is no Rip-Off of the Movie "Breaking Point".  
**

* * *

 **Reference Explanation time (for Chapter 14):  
** **  
** **The Pointy Haired Boss is best known from the daily newspaper comic strip "Dilbert".**

 **Plumbers, Donkeys and Bananas? Mario, Donkey Kong and Bananas are from certain Mario Games and the first Donkey Kong Game.**

 **The Name Reno is taken from the Game "Final Fantasy 7".**

 **Santa Muerte is the female Deity or Saint of Death and she is especially famous in Mexico, worshipped as a benevolent being and protector.**

 **And Lucy and Lynn were talking about Slasher villains like Jasoon Vorhees, Michael Meyers and Freddy Krueger as Lynn compared her teleportation ability to them.**


	15. From Bad to Worse

**Hatoralo: "We are back!"  
MamaAniki: "Our wrath will devour you."  
Hatoralo: "We are Authors, not supervillains."  
MamaAniki: "Why can't we both?"  
Hatoralo: "Still angry that nobody asked you about your health?"  
MamaAniki: "A little."  
Hatoralo: "I will always ask you about your health old friend."  
MamaAniki: "Thank you, you are really… I can't say more, or they ship us too."  
Hatoralo: "I wouldn't mind, we aren't related by blood."  
MamaAniki: "Gay Shipping aside: What else have we to tell?"  
Hatoralo: "Too many "No Such Luck" Revenge-Fics."  
MamaAniki: "Fascinating. But the number of Fanfictions about "No such Luck" is insane. At this point I want even the good ones to vanish."  
Hatoralo: "Me too. They could at least try something new like fixing the episode instead of making Lincoln a suffering messiah and let his family get over the top punishments."  
MamaAniki: "We digress. Anyway, enjoy this chapter with no mentioning of "No such Luck" in any way, except this foreword."**

* * *

 **Chapter 15: From bad, to worse**

* * *

The teenager on the motorbike was driving silently on Route 66. Her mind was filled by one goal and one only: To find her brother and rescue him from the clutches of his kidnappers.  
But another thing was bothering her in her thoughts, one that could affect her mission if not the destiny of many people.  
 _This can't be the way to Royal Woods Elementary. Like, I knew I totes should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque!_

* * *

Eric sat in the Detention Room, alone with his thoughts. He heard the sounds of the battle even here. He was split on his feelings on the situation. On one hand, he wanted to know what was happening, on the other hand, he was happy to be safe in this room. The Detention Room was one of the best secured areas in the entire school, to ensure that nobody would escape his/her punishment. He alone, a delinquent, was safer than every teacher's pet. The irony was amusing him. He wondered if the safety patrol would get the non-combatants into this room to keep them safe sooner or later. It didn't sound as if the battle would end anytime soon so he took a more relaxed position while wishing that he could at least listen to the Royal School News to see what was happening outside.

"I hope that Loud boy is worth all that trouble."  
He shuddered at the mentioning of the word Loud. After all, the moment he joined the boss' group two months ago, everyone had told him to stay away from any member of the Loud family when it came to business. At least up until the order to kidnap the middle child of the clan came around half an hour ago. What confused Eric about the entire thing was the kind of uncharacteristic insistency the boss used when giving it. Normally when the boss wanted to propose a "deal" to someone or just act out of generosity, Eric and the others would get time to develop a plan to make said person disappear for a few hours without it becoming suspicious. Furthermore, mediators would be used to inform the "lucky" person of the offer they received. A precaution, utilized to keep the boss' direct involvement as small as possible in the eye of the school justice system.  
But the Loud boy had to be apprehended and brought to the boss immediately.

It was… odd to say the least. Still, Eric was a loyal member and friend of "Le Roi" as his boss was known within the shadowy environment of Royal Woods organized child crime activity and there was no way he would ever betray the "King's" court.  
That said, the hateful tone the boss used when saying the boy's name worried Eric enough to wonder what exactly would happen to the fifth grader who at least did not threaten to torture his fingers like Lola did.

While he was contemplating his fate, the clicking of the door could be heard. Bored with his thoughts, Eric turned around, hoping that something interesting was now going to happen.  
"You can't do this!"  
"We are official school hall monitors and members of the force!"  
Unfortunately, "interesting" can mean a lot of things and take many forms.  
Such as the form of an overworked secretary pulling two blond haired little menaces, one more proper than the other, into detention hall, despite their protests.

"You are just two first graders who are in way too much trouble for their age!" Limewood declared, annoyed with the situation. He had a really bad day so far and Lana and Lola didn't make it much better.  
"Come on, Oliver," Lana begged. "Please, let us go."  
The secretary ignored the little girl's plead, declaring: "It is Mr. Limewood to you," and sat the two on tables next to Eric. "You two have caused some massive damage to this building, attacked other kids and school staff with what witnesses describe as a mud ball shooting bazooka and are involved in what appears to be a kidnapping."  
"Are you nuts?" Lola asked back, "We are not involved in the kidnapping. We tried to stop it."  
"Yeah," Lana stated, trying to support her sister. "If anything, you should go after Eric. He was involved in it."

She pointed at the boy in question, who in turn just smiled nervously and hoped that if he kept quiet and did not move, he would be ignored in the long run. Which was not so easy to do, as he had to suppress the urge to just run away really, REALLY hard.  
"All people saw was that the boy was up on the hood of your car. His lawyer already argues that you just ran him over while hunting someone else."  
Lola was puzzled. "His lawyer?"  
"Some kid from the "Students' Opinion Deserve Attention" club," Limewood elaborated. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "We really need to discuss a better regulation of student activity with Alexandra."  
He looked at the confused faces of the twins and cleared his throat. "The thing is, Eric is primarily here because the teachers haven't decided yet if he is a culprit or a victim of reckless driving. You two, on the other hand, made it into online school news."  
"At least Renata has now something interesting to report," Lola grumbled under her breath, while her twin tried to defuse the situation.  
"But… the kidnapping… someone must have seen Eric take our brother!"

Limewood found himself blushing a bit before he explained that, unfortunately, too many kids were too distracted by the sight of a certain student of British origin.  
"Oh great," Lola snarked. "So because everyone gets distracted by the sexy, this butt trumpet is free to go?"  
"Hey!" shouted the aforementioned butt trumpet in protest, only for Limewood to silence him down.  
"This is not my decision, but one of the teachers'. In fact, I wish that was my task, because then someone else would have to get a hold of the situation out there."  
From outside the room, a lot of screams, followed by the sound of something crashing could be heard. Next thing Limewood knew, white foam, probably of a fire extinguisher, flew through the hallway.

"You know," began Lola in the sweetest tone she could muster, "if you let us out, we could help you get the situation under con-"  
"Oh no!" Limewood interrupted her. "You are off the force for good this time!"  
Lana was shocked. "What? But we… we-"  
"We just got back on it! That is not fair!"  
"Considering the damage you did, I would say otherwise," stated Limewood.  
"You are going to stay in here till we get the situation out there under control."  
That said, Limewood left the room and locked it up behind him.  
Lola was at a loss for words. Normally, if someone talked down to her like that, she would set that person's world on fire. But this was the first time in her life someone unrelated and older than the age of 20 did it to her. She didn't know if she was supposed to respect Limewood's authority, how little he may have, or plan her vengeance.

Eventually she decided to just cross her arms in annoyance and call him a jerk.  
Then, for the first time since she had been dragged into the room, she paid actual attention to where she was and who she was sharing the room with.  
"Well Eric," said Lola with a smile on her face that would have made the devil shiver in fear. "Now that we have all the time in the world, why don't we talk a bit."  
Eric laughed nervously. "Sure. Eh… So, did you guys see the new Blarney movie?"  
"No. Lori refuses to spend her time babysitting us in the theater and-"  
"Lana…"  
"I mean, don't try to trick us, Eric. Tell us where our brother is!"  
Eric gulped. Then he took all his courage and said: "I won't tell you."  
"Oh Eric," began Lola and the smile on her face somehow managed to turn even more sinister. "I was hoping you would say that."

* * *

"Sir, with all due respect," began Commissioner Dagmar of the hall monitor force as she followed Limewood down the floors. "Lana and Lola only did their job. And the video evidence shows that most of the damage was caused by-"  
"Officer Fillmore, I know," answered Limewood with a sigh.

The secretary wasn't happy about the entire situation, as well as suspending the Loud kids from the force. But the damage to school property, using a mud shooting bazooka and attacking other students was something that could not be ignored and needed to be punished. And considering the current chaos, he felt like it was needed that actions had consequences. Whoever "started" the fighting (and all rumors indicated it were the kindergarteners), he, she or they had turned the school into a warzone.

The kindergarteners were in the middle of melee-combat with more patrol officers in one of the rooms of the 3rd grade and in the west hall, there was a gunfight between the security patrol and the kindergarteners in progress. Lockers were used as defense walls. The grounds were scattered with water pistols, air pellets and the remains of exploded water balloons.  
Limewood had not experienced that much chaos, since student president Sanban's "Prism Ape Appreciation Day" celebration a couple of years ago.  
"Please tell me you know anything about where Lincoln Loud is."  
"Sorry Sir," said Dagmar. "So far none of the kindergarteners has said anything."  
 _Dang it!  
_ "But we-"

Her walkie talkie suddenly went off. "Dagmar?"  
"Excuse me sir," Dagmar apologized. "What is it, Linus?"  
"Good news. Fillmore and Third got Fynn. He is right next to me. Want to talk to him?"  
"What have you done to my dog? Where is my lawyer? I want to my chocolate milk!" a second voice whined from the other end of the line.  
"Not now," replied Dagmar. "But I have a lot of questions for him later. Keep him occupied and ask him about the Loud boy."  
"Roger."

"Anything else?"  
Limewood waited curiously for a few seconds, while the commissioner was listening to her Captain's latest updates.  
"Great. Tell Selena I will be there in a second," she said and put the walkie talkie back in her pocket. "Good news. Most of the kids have been taken in. But a small group of kindergarteners has taken refuge in the arts and crafts room on the third floor."  
"That is where they keep all the glitter."  
Dagmar nodded. "I know. But not to worry. Lieutenant Moran has them cornered and is trying to talk them into surrendering."

* * *

The Observer was annoyed to say the least. Using its viral connection to the laptop of Lori and Luna, he had access to the school news report too. And he didn't like what he saw. Somehow having made one bad call has resulted in beloved Lincoln missing, the sisters being broken apart and the school being stuck in a total chaos even he would have trouble making sense of.  
"And this was just meant to be a lazy day to get Lincoln back on track," the Observer muttered in resignation. A Skype channel window opened up. The Observer's partner in crime informed him about the current development regarding the kindergarteners.  
"Well, at least-"

* * *

"-the situation is, overall, getting under control," said a young girl to someone sitting at a huge table on which a laptop, a plate with cookies and a lot of paperwork and comics were lying. The person in question, known to its associates as Le Roi, smiled at these news, stroking a small hamster sitting in its lap. "See? Everything worked out."  
The last line was directed at the boy, which around half an hour ago dared to question Le Roi's authority on the school's second floor.  
"Yes. We only have Eric stuck in detention and one of our allies is being interrogated by Captain Van Pelt." The boy sounded rather tired.  
"By the way Julia, why did you throw one of our Capos literally under, or rather, on the princess' car?"  
Feeling that by kidnapping the Loud boy, she had her work for the day cut out already, Julia didn't even try to sound polite when she gave her answer.  
"I couldn't think of any other way to lighten the car."  
The boy just looked at her with a raised eyebrow, obviously not amused.  
"It was a spontaneous idea."  
"Those, kinda like our men, seem to get thrown around quite a bit as of today," he stated, glancing towards his boss, before turning his gaze back on her.  
"Relax, Lionel," Le Roi stated, watching the school news reporting about Fynn and his dog Jake getting caught on the laptop. "You know as much as I do that Eric will keep his mouth shut."

Lionel sighed. "Look, I am sorry for all the snarking so far. Yes, your plan worked, the situation is getting under control and so on. But all that just to talk to the Loud kid?"  
The boss turned its head to him. "Do you question my authority?"  
"I am your consular…I mean conventionlier…your adviser for a reason. And frankly, I think Richie and Julia share my sentiment."  
Though Lionel was speaking the truth, Julia decided to be quiet in the hopes that this way the entire thing would wrap up soon. Richie meanwhile couldn't say anything, because he was busy getting his face plastered with Hello Kitty bandages in the room next door.

Le Roi took a pellet from a small dish and fed it to his pet.  
"You know me. When it comes to a Loud, I am always taking personal care of business."  
"But not like this," Lionel reminded him. "Also, out of all of them, I doubt "Growing my chest hair" boy is the one worth all the attention."  
Le Roi put the hamster on the table. While the rodent took the chance to jump in the bowl of pellets, Le Roi gave Lionel now its full attention. "You think I don't know that?"  
To Lionel's surprise, Le Roi's voice was uncharacteristically cold.  
"Lincoln Loud's biggest accomplishment regarding this school is managing to get everyone united against him because of bad dating advice. He is not a threat to us at all. The rest of his family on the other hand…"  
Le Roi moved one hand to the laptop and clicked enter. Immediately multiple videos showing Leni rapping in the cafeteria, Lynn and Lucy accompanied by Ronnie Anne walking through the halls and Lori and Luna sitting on a bench on the sporting field showed up.  
Lionel was confused. "When did Lori and Luna Loud-"

"It doesn't matter when they showed up. Only that they did," explained Le Roi, freezing the frames.  
"I have not spent the entire year building up my empire just so now the Loud clan can come back and reclaim this school for themselves."  
Multiple henchmen between the age of 7 and 11 who were listening on their boss' rant felt rather uncomfortable. They never had heard Le Roi that uncharacteristically paranoid and venomous.

"Today we are dealing with a trespassing on our grounds. And I want every member of CDR to stand its ground and be ready to do what needs to be done."  
Lionel looked now sterner than before. "And what do you think needs to be done about the kindergarteners?"  
Le Roi just waved its hand. "Let Dagmar deal with that for the moment. Knowing her, she has the situation under control by the time math starts. I want to talk to the Loud boy and his comedic sister to make my point clear."  
"Not before your unleashed kindergarteners have been dealt with and I have assured that no traces lead back to us," insisted Lionel. All he got as an answer was a grumbled, pouting and rather snarky "Yes "Daddy"." he didn't even bother to react to.

* * *

In another part of the school, someone was sipping on a box of apple juice, while also listening in on the hall monitors' radio on a self-build receiver. What that person heard sounded simply delightful. Fynn was captured and the kindergarteners were in panic. The time had finally come to set Operation "Sugar Rush" into motion.  
No longer feeling thirsty, the person grabbed a walkie talkie.  
"Imperator, do you copy?" the person asked in a strong British accent.  
"No, I am hiding in the teacher's lounge!" a girl's voice replied from the other end of the line. "If you want me to copy something, I-"  
"That was just a figure of speech," the person said and grumbled something about having to work with kids of his age, instead of his intellect.  
"What is going on?"  
"Fynn has been captured. He was just used as a pawn in Le Roi's game."  
"That is mean."  
"You know what that means?"  
Silence. "That I am getting detention?"  
"No, it means our time has come to finally play with the big boys. Inform the others. It's time for them to have some candy. Would you kindly do that, please?"

* * *

A minute later, the Commissioner and the secretary arrived at the arts & crafts room. The only door was surrounded from all sites on the interior and exterior by armed security patrol officers behind animprovised table cover. Lieutenant Moran, a 9-year old girl with brown hair in a T-Shirt and Shorts was talking through a megaphone. "Okay you little delinquents, if you don'tcome out of that room with your hands over your heads or we will beforced to use tear gas."  
Dagmar sighed. "We don't have tear gas," she reminded her Lieutenant.  
"Yes, but they don't know that."  
"We do now!" shouted one of the kindergarteners. Moran had forgot to use the off-switch.

"Dang it. Sorry boss." Without waiting for an order, the Lieutenant gave her Commissioner the Megaphone who in turn looked to Limewood.  
"You try first," suggested the secretary. Dagmar nodded and moved the megaphone over her mouth. "Listen, you are surrounded, outgunned and we have the numbers. We have already captured most of the other children and your leader was captured too."  
"You didn't get Imperator!"  
"But she isn't there to help you," said Dagmar, making the situation clear. "And even on the off chance she was there, do you think that would stop us?" The kindergarteners on the inside didn't answer immediately. They weren't eager to fight against the security patrol with Dagmar on their side. Many of the kindergarteners had once seen how good she was at ringing at an official event. Her grip was like iron and she had the endurance of an ostrich. She was imposing even for the most daring student. "I know the rumors," continued Dagmar. "I am in close contact with the administration, by which I mean president Dumas and Principal Huggins. Neither plans nor thinks about abolishing naptime."

"Really?" asked a kindergartener still slightly unsure and frightened by the prospect of punishment.  
"Yes, now do me a favor and come out," requested the American-Japanese with a empathic tone in her voice. "You are in trouble and you are scared but if you surrender now, I will see what I can do to mitigate your punishment."  
The Kindergarteners in the room started to debate. Their leader was captured, their vice-leader was absent and they were tired. They trusted Dagmar because she often made sure that none of the meaner kids harassed them. Limewood looked angry but the kindergarteners feared him less than Huggins. They were united in the idea that Fynn had a LOT to answer for later. He had mobilized them after all and told them that naptime would be squashed if they didn't do something. Surrender was the best option right now.  
"We surrender!" shouted one of the kindergarteners.  
"Excellent work," Limewood lauded Dagmar. "Your next term is pretty secure right now."  
"Thank you, sir."

She gave orders to her officers. "Arrest them and get the bigger fish into the detention room, the smaller ones back to the kindergarten rooms. There we will hold them until their parents arrive." Victory was in the air, Limewood felt that and needed that. After such a terrible day, he needed a positive development. Then the walkie-talkies of the Kindergarteners rose to live.

"Change of plans!"  
 _Imperator?_ thought Dagmar as she recognized the voice. The voice of another kid could be heard from behind the door, asking its commander what that meant.  
"We have new orders. Go berserk!"  
There was a moment of awkward silence, which a now slightly less confident Dagmar used to signal her men to ram the door open.

"But, Imperator-"  
"What is it?" asked the vice-leader of the twerp patrol over the wave length.  
"We don't want to get detention."  
"They want to take our naptime away."  
"Dagmar says those are fake news."  
"…Someone shut Donald up."  
There was some noise at the other side of the door. Then some more messages were heard.  
"Listen, they want to take away our finger paints, too."  
There was a collective gasp to be heard. Dagmar looked over to Limewood. They both knew how easy most little kids could be manipulated by astounding stories and/or the simplest of words.  
"That's a lie. We would never-"  
"So if you do not want to get your finger paints taken away, shove the chocolate down your throats! Would you kindly do that?"  
At the mention of the word chocolate, Dagmar instinctively dropped the megaphone and rammed the door open herself. What she saw made her shiver. The little children had pulled little chocolate bars out of their pockets. The wrapping was white and red. Black letters spelled the word "Duplo."  
"Duplo… this is German chocolate," whispered the muscular commissioner calmly.  
Limewood didn't need to hear more. High quality German chocolate and little kids? He could already imagine.  
"GET THEM!" he ordered to the other kids in panic, but it was too late.  
The 3-5 year olds had stuffed the chocolate into their mouths and already their eyes started to get dilated.

"Dang it!" mumbled Selena. She pushed a small table to the ground and went behind it for cover. Seconds later, she heard a water balloon and multiple spit balls making contact with the faces of half the hall monitor force.

* * *

In three different locations, three different individuals watched on their respective computer screens as Dagmar and her men were attacked.

Le Roi was genuinely complexed, while Lionel was busy giving orders in a mobile phone and demanding to know where the kids had gotten something from the prohibited stuff.

The second individual laughed maniacally in the knowledge that it had finally taken its turn in a game it was set on to win against Le Roi.

And the Observer…  
"DANG IT! DANG IT ALL TO HECK!"

…was busy deleting multiple written pages because a very bizarre reality ensued.

* * *

 **Hatoralo: "Do you think the readers will buy this?"  
MamaAniki: "I hope they will buy it more than in the story "Singled Out" were Lisa is building mind control chips, selling most of them to a Mexican landlord and trying to take over the world with them or whatever."  
Hatoralo: "At least those parts were entertainingly in their weird badness in regards to plot twists."**

 **MamaAniki: "It is still not "The Room" of Fanfics."  
Hatoralo: "But I will find it one day and if I have to burn down all of !"  
MamaAniki: "HA! What a story Hatoralo."  
Hatoralo: "We hope you enjoyed this chapter."  
MamaAniki: "We try our best to give you the best experience with our stories."**

 **Hatoralo: "Last but not least: Platonic has now a TV Tropes page but it is rather underdeveloped at the Moment."**

 **MamaAniki: "Check it out if you have the time."**

 **MamaAniki: "Well then, this is all for now. Don't forget to fave, review and follow if you didn't do that so far. Any kind of constructive criticism will always be welcome."  
Hatoralo: "See you next time to this Loudcest story, interrupted by a kid-friendly version of a war movie/cop drama."**

 **Reference Explanation time:**

 **Not only Leni has problems with Albuquerque, Bugs Bunny has them too.**


	16. At gangster's mercy

**Hatoralo: Let's keep the introduction short: Thanks for over 100 comments (Tziput13 you wrote comment 100, congratulations) and 50k views. MamaAniki is kinda pissed that no one seemed to care she was in the hospital.**  
 **MamaAniki: I go through surgery and mental issues, but people get pissed at one chapter featuring owncharacters. Perhaps next arc will be only about the sin-children as created by Patanu.  
Hatoralo: Also, our story is now officially one year old, meaning we had our 1st year anniversary!. Let's hope that unlike Chris Savino, this story will still witness the end of the actual show. **

**MamaAniki: "About our inspiration for the current chapters, KND, Kids next Door, we both know and saw that series but that wasn't the main inspiration for Chapter 15. At least for Hatoralo"**  
 **Hatoralo: "I was always more a fan of "Fillmore!", MamaAniki knows more about "Kids Next Door" than me."**

 **Hatoralo: "We want to thank ultrablud2 like always for proofreading."**  
 **MamaAniki: "And with THREE at milestones for Platonic at once we want to say: We hope you enjoy this chapter."**

* * *

 **Chapter 16: At gangster's mercy  
**

* * *

Leni was driving on a rollercoaster while the coaster in question was directly behind her, with the inhabitants screaming. Not because of the thrill, but because of the crazy woman before them driving on the rails through the ups, downs and loops on a motorcycle without problem.  
 _I should bring cotton candy to the others after getting off this thing,_ Leni thought, being carefree about her situation.

* * *

"We interrupt "How NOT to do webcomics with Tom Preston" to bring you this urgent message."

"Here is Renata Veracruz de la Hoya Cardinal! Chaos has broken out at Royal Woods Elementary. Just as it seemed that Commissioner Solberg had the situation under control and the kindergarteners were apprehended, things have taken a turn for the worst. Joining us is Lieutenant Selena Moran."

The screen split to show on the left side Dagmar Solberg's Lieutenant, who looked like she'd been a victim of the Running of the Bulls. The result of trying to defend a corridor for the school secretary and other hall monitors escaping from the wrath of little kids, while barely being able to dodge hand sized globs of finger paint.

"Selena, can you tell us what happened?"

"Duplo."

"Excuse me?"

"The neckless little monsters got their hands on Duplo," explained Selena, cleaning her paint-stained hairwith a towel. "A German chocolate that isn't easy to get a hand on in the states. To put it simple, the kindergarteners are on an extreme sugar rush."

"Extreme sugar rush is an understatement. Eyewitnesses report that the second attack wave started on multiple locations in the entire building simultaneously. Rumors about kids armed in cardboard armors showed up."

Selena sighed. "Which is exactly why the members of the force are trying to get their hands on every super soaker the school has to offer as we speakto destroy their "weaponry".

Renata looked confused. "Isn't that a little extreme?"

Selena was less than amused at this point. "You tell me when a 40 pound little ball of flesh in need of a nap tackles you to the ground, shouting "Sweets for the Candyman, death to vegetables!"

Another hall monitor came into the picture, whispering something into Selena's ear, making the Lieutenant sigh. "Excuse me Renata, I just got a report that we are losing the battle at Second Grade."

The last thing the screen showed of Selena was her pumping up a super soaker and storming off, shouting at her men to fall in line.

Renata turned her attention back to the screen.

"A missing candidate for the office of student body president, massive damage to school property caused by exchange students from X-Middle School and a class war against tribal kindergarteners. One question that arises from such a situation is… what are the leading figures of this school going to do about it? Principal Huggins denied further interviews till the teachers and other students were safe. Dagmar Solberg is missing in action; Secretary Limewood was last seen being brought to the school nurse. President Dumas-"

The sound of an explosion outside the frame interrupted Renata. All of asudden, a group of five kindergarteners, with crazy eyes and mouths smeared in chocolate, were seen, trying to wrestle down the reporter and multiple studio assistants.

* * *

"Wow. Didn't think Renata could pull off such a mean uppercut," Julia said. She was watching the school news on Le Roi's laptop. Next to her, the laptop's owner and Lionel did the same, though Le Roi with more dismay on its face than the others.

"What in Mario Puzo's name happened?" Le Roi wanted to know. "How did they get their hands on the prohibited sweets? I thought we controlled the entire supply since the Kinder Surprise incident."

On screen, Renata was putting a three year old over her knee and spanking the living daylight out of it. But instead of crying, the child just screamed for more sugar.

"Perhaps they got it from the German exchange student," Lionel suggested. "Though I can't remember even Werther's Echte having that kind of effect."

"Whatever," Le Roi began, trying to compose himself. "We need to do something."

"I can send in my and Eric's men to support the hall monitors," Julia stated.  
"If you inform Executioner to meet me, I-"

"No."

Julia and Lionel held in. "No?"

"Agent D'Artagnan and the new one shall take command of them."

Lionel was aghast.  
"Plumber? You want to let the sewer boy take control of a third of our men?"

Le Roi shrugged. "How can he screw itup? He has fifth graders at his disposal."

Julia didn't like the sound of that at all. "Boss, I really would prefer it if I took care of-"

The young girl got interrupted. "No Julia, I need you here."

Le Roi clicked on another window of the laptop screen, showing Lynn, Lucy and Ronnie Anne trying to navigate through the school halls. "I need you and your men to work as my guards, if the Loud affair gets uglier."

 _As if turning the school into a war zone by accident wasn't ugly enough_ , both Julia and Lionel thought to themselves. But instead of saying it out, Julia paused for a second, then asked, "And what about Executioner? If she isn't helping us take back control, what is her job supposed to be?"

Le Roi just glanced over to the laptop, looking at a picture of Lori and Luna Loud, sitting on the benches of the school's sport field. "Oh, I have work for her." **  
**

* * *

"TELL ME WHERE MY BROTHER IS!" shouted Lola into Eric's left ear. "Tell me or you will regret it!"

"You don't have to fear anything about telling us," Lana carefully explained into Eric's right ear. "Can I get you something? A cacao? Some chips? Maybe a good coke?"

"The good cop and bad cop thing will not work on me," promised Eric. "This is just a cliché that works only on dumb people."  
"Do you have any idea how many Kindergarteners we cracked with this technique?!" Lana asked Eric.

"Oh, you successfully interrogated kindergarteners," was Eric's deadpan reaction. "You are so successful at your job. I am quaking in my boots."

Lola sighed. "I was hoping to end this without any drastic measures. But you're forcing my hands, big guy."

"What will you do?" asked Eric bored. "Tell me how bad detention can be?"

"No," Lola promised with a grin so evil and diabolical, it scared Eric even more than the first time. "I will do things so terrible to you, even the most hardened Mafiosi would puke."

"You are just a little girl!" countered Eric in panic. "You can do nothing to me!"

"El Diablo thought the same after he ate Lola's cookies," Lana told Eric with a sad expression. "He became our dinner that day."

Eric trembled. This was a lie, it could only be a lie!  
Right?

* * *

The University of Royal Woods, Michigan.

An old and honorable institution, a place where great minds could research, hold lectures, exchange wisdom on a professional level and drink as much coffee as they wanted.

There, the youngest person who had ever gotten a PhD (to the chagrin of some other doctors) was in the office of the principal. Professor Dr. Gerald Eiermann, a man of a vast intellect and an even vaster moustache.

"Doctor Loud," the old, balding man spoke while looking at the formal request of his younger colleague. "I don't get your sudden request for such a project. You never expressed any interest in psychology as far as I could tell."

"There is an interesting development in my family I want to research," Lisa explained in a dry manner, sitting on the comfortable armchair before the desk of her superior. "It is of utmost importance to me."

The old doctor smiled in Lisa's direction. He wasn't the type to dismiss or look down on a young genius like Lisa Loud, unlike some other people working for him. Considering he had a young grandson who was into electrical engineering and had already built a little robot, that would have been rather hypocritical in his eyes.

"I read it. But I have a hard time believing it."

"There is nothing difficult to understand Dr. Eiermann," Lisa made it clear. "I need a 500.000 dollar budget and a team to research the sudden incestuous interests my 5 oldest sisters have regarding our brother."

"No, you need Doctor Henderson, the best psychologist of this university, way more."

"Okay," stated Lisa as a matter of fact. "If he is on the team, I only need 250.000 dollars."

The old professor chuckled. He stroked his mustache while going through the request again. He was one of the few people Lisa had total trust in. Enough to handle this matter confidentially with her. "It is an interesting case, but it also serves your own interests."

"I don't abnegate that," Lisa answered honestly. "There is also the concern that I could be incapable of staying objective in this case. I can assure you Professor that staying objective is the only way to bestead my sisters."

"Doctor Henderson would probably be on board," the old man theorized. "Such a case would interest him a lot. But we need compliance from your relatives in question and the approval of your parents."

Lisa really dreaded the moment she had to tell her parents about the condition of their children.

"By the way," Doctor Eiermann changed the subject. "Doctor Cooper sent another Email to me, accusing you of misusing research funds for your own private studies."

"Dr. Cooper is a supercilious freak," Lisa stated in annoyance of hearing the name. She often had lengthy arguments about their respective projects and scientific views with him. "My fecal studies are privately fund. I bet he is still angry that I disproved his latest theory so brusque."

Eiermann shrugged. "I believe you Dr. Loud, but I still don't understand the point of your fecal studies."

"This isn't important right now," Lisa said. "I want-"

The intercom beeped.

"Pardon, Dr. Loud," the old man said and pressed the button. "What is the matter, Miss Azzi?"

"I know you and Dr. Loud are having an important appointment," a young friendly voice started to explain over the intercom. "But Dr. Loud's school is in the news and I thought this could interest her."

* * *

Eric couldn't believe the situation he was in right now. He thought there was no way the "Geminis of Justice" could give their threats any weight.

He had been wrong. Lana was stronger than she looked and Lola had surprising expertise on how to bend the pinky. Now he was sitting on a chair, bound with duct tape.

"I usually despise the interrogation techniques of my twin," explained Lana while she checked on her hammer. "But you are part of a plot to kidnap our big brother: That was the biggest mistake you could have ever done."

"You are nuts!" screamed Eric. "You two will be excluded from the school if you torture me!"

"You are the only one talking about torture here," explained Lola calmly. "What we will do to you is way worse… EYELINER!"

Quick like a gunslinger, she pulled something out of the well-hidden pockets of her dress and poked it into Eric's eyes. He shrieked. Not because it hurt, but because he feared it could hurt.

"What? A little pencil?" He laughed and played the hard man in a gamble to dismay the two blondes. He blinked his now fabulous eyes to make the strange feeling of the eyeliner go away. "Is that all you have?"

Lana was next. She produced a little can from one of her pockets, opened it and took a little waxworm out of it. "Do you know what this is?"

"Your lunch?" asked Lola sarcastically.

"No, this one was meant for Walt," explained Lana. "But they also have another function: Put them into the ear of an uncooperative suspect and they will crawl up their ear, into their brain, drill themselves into their cereal cortex and the result is insanity!"

"It is cerebral, not cereal," corrected Eric calmly. "And waxworms can't do that."

"Oh, but people hate it when they are full of little cute worms for some reason," Lana retorted. "I don't know why, most insects are harmless. There's no harm letting them crawl over your body."

"My twin," Lola sighed, looking into the mirror of her compact and refreshing her make-up. "The ultimate proof that twins aren't always alike."

Lana put little waxworms all over Eric's face. He tried to ignore it, but without the option to swat them off his face with his arms bound, he started to sweat. He really hoped that Limewood would return before this escalated even more.

* * *

She wouldn't have admitted it right away, but Ronnie Anne was worried about Lincoln. Worried that, amongst the chaos that has broken out in school, he may get genuinely hurt. Since leaving the library, she and the two Loud sisters had walked into a few worrisome sights. Confused kindergarteners, trying to look as innocent as possible and denying any blame on what was going on. Hall monitors telling them to get out of the building or to the next teacher and the remains of demolished go-karts plastering the grounds.  
But if there was one thing that really worried her, it was how antsy Lynn acted. Ronnie Anne had heard a couple of stories about the sports loving tomboy from her favorite Lame-O. Most of them about how competitive, aggressive and rather unfeminine she can be, to the point Lincoln saw more of a slightly jerk-ish, but fun brother figure in her. That was if she wasn't taking sports too seriously.

But the level of aggressiveness Lynn showed towards some of the kids they encountered in the hallways was beyond anything Lincoln had ever told her. She pulled kindergarteners by their collar (that was if they even wore shirts) and told them that she would give them the spanking of a lifetime if they did not tell her where her brother was. The result was often times just crying five year olds, running away from the trio before Ronnie Anne could say she was sorry.

"You have a very good hand with kids, Loud," Ronnie Anne snarked. "No wonder the younger ones like Lincoln more."

"Very funny, Santiago," Lynn just snarled and looked around. To her dismay, no kids wearing tiny black suits were anywhere to be seen. "How about you come up with an idea onhow to find my brother?"

"Have you tried calling his phone?"

* * *

Clyde McBride didn't know what to think. Less than 15 minutes ago, he left Lincoln during lunch because he needed to use the toilet. Now he was scurrying through the halls, the backpack of his best friend in his hand, hoping to find him amongst all the chaos. He had the feeling that, considering what Lincoln told him, the Loud sisters might, in some way, be involved with what was happening.

Just when he was pondering if he should call his dads at work, he heard a phone ringing. Only it wasn't his. Realizing the sound came out of the backpack, he opened it up and fished out his friend's mobile device. He took the call. "Clyde McBride here."

On the other end, he heard a familiar voice give a very frustrated "Dang it."

"Lynn? Why are you call-"

He did not get an answer, as Lynn cancelled the call. **  
**

* * *

"Who was it?"

"Just Clyde," Lynn replied, putting her phone back in her own pocket.  
"Why would Clyde have Lincoln's phone?" Lucy questioned.

Lynn could think of an answer, but knowing the bespectacled boy, she doubted he had anything to do with her brother's kidnapping.

Eventually she said, "Perhaps Lincoln lost it and Clyde found it. How should I know?"

"No need to be aggressive," Ronnie Anne threw in her two cents.

Lynn's gaze became uncharacteristically cold. Controlled but mockingly she had just the following to say: "I am sorry, Ronnie Anne. It's just that my little brother has been kidnapped by some twerps who genuinely don't seem to have a problem hurting him. I have no idea how much you care about family, but right now, I am worried about them doing something bad to him!"

* * *

"I need to pee."

Randal looked up from the comic he was reading. "What?"

"I need to pee," Lincoln repeated. "Can one of you guys cut me loose and lead me to the bathroom?"

One of the kids commanded to guard the Louds came up. "Oh sure, let me just-"

Randal smacked the kid with the comic over the head. "Idiot. He is just trying to trick us."

"Actually, no," Lincoln corrected him. He had two small bottles of apple juice during lunch and between classes. Now nature was calling and he was unable to even cross his legs. "I really need to go."

"You can go after the boss talked to you."

"Which will be when?" Luan asked. "Today or next week?"

Randal ignored the sarcastic remark of the teenager. Though even he had to admit that he was getting tired of waiting for Julia to let him in.

"Look kid, our situation is already piss poor," Luan elaborated in a more sympathetic voice. "The least you can do is

tohave the courtesy of not torturing my brother with cheap scaled water sporting."

Randal, thankfully a bit too young to get the "joke", rolled with the eyes.

"Fine."

He signaled two other kids to stand at the side, their water guns ready if the eleven year old decided to do something stupid. Carefully he removed the hair tie bounds to avoid Julia and Agent Anna's wrath for destroying their favorite accessories and turned his attention to Lincoln. "You have five minutes." He pulled out his own water pistol and aimed it at Luan's head. "If you are not back by then, I will squirt your sister with cat pee."

"You know, some really weird people would pay to see stuff like that," joked Luan in gallows humor. Lincoln would have chewed his sister out for telling such a dirty line to a nine year old, but his need for a bathroom break was greater.

Afew minutes later, he was relieving his bladder when one of his captors knocked at the door of the bathroom stall, telling him to hurry.

"Give me a second," he said, zipping his pants. Now with an empty bladder, his head was also much clearer. He was now capable to think his situation through. Which still didn't change how absurd it was. Being kidnapped by kids not younger than the twins and Lucy, while also dressing up like secret agents? There was also the fact that the kids around Randal (or Reno as he wanted to be called) seemed to have gotten more nervous in the last minutes. He has seen them constantly looking at their phones and murmuring something about kindergarteners and chaos in the school halls.

 _Kidnapped by third graders. As if my lovesick sisters weren't bad enough,_ he thought in frustration while flushing. Considering how crazy everything had gone, Lincoln pondered if he should take the chance and attempt to run from the other kids. Perhaps he could get back to Clyde's dads and spend the afternoon watching reruns of ARGGH!. But then he remembered Luan. And even on the risk of her jumping his bones and telling him that she wants to be the mother of his children in front of schoolyard Mafiosi, he was not going to let a sister of his suffer the wrath of whoever commanded the twerps.

As such, he followed the command of his captors to wash his hands before going back to Randal. Less than a minute later he was all tied up again.

"Thanks for not bailing on me, Lincoln," Luan said to him with a weak smile on her face. She saw the surprise on her brother's face and chuckled. "What? I would have accepted it if you had just taken the chance and run."

"Not without my sister."

"How sweet," Randal said, onceagain paying attention to his comic. "You know, the boss appreciates loyalty a lot."

"He must also like clowns."

Randal raised an eyebrow. "How did you come to that conclusion?"

Luan shrugged. "Well, seeing how a lot of fools and jokes work for him…"  
Randal threw the comic at Luan. Ticked off, he left the room, supposedly to ask his superiors what wastaking so long. A chance Lincoln took to talk with his sister.

"You know, he could have sprayed you in the face for that," he whispered.

"Don't worry. It would just be pee-pee," Luan said. "I have been hit by it in the face often enough each time I changed diapers."

She remained quiet for a bit, to make sure none of the guards paid close attention to her. Eventually convinced that the situation was safe, she asked her brother if he had any idea where they were. But all Lincoln could do was shake his head.

"Sorry," he began. "I think we are still in school but…"

"But what?"

"You heard the kids talk about chaos in the school halls, right? If we were in the regular halls, shouldn't we hear some of it too? Also, the hallway here is barely lit. I know Huggins can be a bit of a cheapskate, but I think he can still afford a few lightbulbs."

Luan seemed deep in thought about what her brother told her. Something about that sounded familiar to her. "Anything else?" she asked.

"There is another thing, but…"

"But what?"

"I think that is just me. When I walked down to the toilets, I could have sworn I smelled chocolate and strawberries from another room."

Luan remained silent.

"I think I am hallucinating from that car crash I had on the yard."

"No Lincoln," his sister told him. "I smelled it too. Also coconuts."

Both siblings looked at each other in surprise.

"Do you think they are cooking something here?" Lincoln asked.

"If they are, I can only think of one place in the school where they can do it."

"You mean the cafeteria?"

"Correction," Luan said. "I mean another place wherethey can cook something; the abandoned home EC rooms of your school."

"Wait, what?"

"Hey, Chest Hair boy," a girl said. In one hand she waved a water pistol in Lincoln's direction, in the other she held her phone, watching some video on the internet. "Keep quiet. I want to watch this."

Lincoln followed the order. After he was certain that the girl was paying full attention to whatever internet reviewer she waslistening to, he turned back to Luan.  
"Home EC rooms?"

Luan nodded. "This school has two basement levels. The second level is used as storage facility and contains the boiler rooms. But the first one is actually equipped with class rooms and some for home EC. They were used till the late 80s, when Royal Woods Elementary also functioned as a middle school, so kids of Lynn's age could learn how to cook."

Lincoln was baffled. Not at this piece of school trivia, but at the fact Luan knew about it.

"But the ovens were in part removed," Luan continued. "Did Huggins replace them? But if so, why don't you know any of that, Lincoln? Are they not giving you guys cooking lessons?"

He wanted to answer and in turn ask how she knew stuff like that. But in that very moment, Randal came back. And he looked less tense than before. **  
**

* * *

"Maybe we should split up," Lucy suggested. She and the other girls were still stuck on the ground floor, looking for hints of Lincoln's whereabouts. "Would allow us to cover more ground."

"Forget it," argued Lynn. "Whoever is after Lincoln, they may also be after us. Meaning we

'llbecome easier targets if we split up."

"Sweet tapdancing Jesus," cursed Ronnie Anne. "What did Lincoln do to get kidnapped anyway? Steal some kindergartener's plush toy?"

Lynn tensed up. Then she turned around. With fletching teeth, she closed

inat Ronnie Anne's face and growled. "Don't you ever dare to imply he could do something like that."

Once again, Ronnie Anne was surprised by the malice in the 13 year old's voice. "I was only trying to lighten the mood," she said. "Chill, Loud."

"Girls stop it," said a rather tired Lucy. She put her hands on both girls' shoulders, temporarily startling them. "We will never find him if we keep fighting."

"I don't want to fight," Ronnie Anne said in her defense. "Your sister on the other hand…"

"She is just… tense," said Lucy as diplomatic as possible.

Lynn scoffed. "We wouldn't even be in that situation if Luan had done a better job at protecting him."

Lucy was startled. "Luan?"

"Oh yeah. She has been kidnapped too."

If her hair hadn't been in the way, Lynn would have seen her sister's eyes widen in surprise. Lynn could be a jerk, but the casual, dismissive tone she used to describe Luan's situation was so uncharacteristic, it shocked her.

"What?" Lynn wanted to know. Lucy hadn't said anything. But she assumed that the little goth looked at her, based on the disapproving angle her head had taken.

"You did not think it was important to tell me about Luan too?"

"Well Luc, now you know."

Thinking she had all said that was needed to be said, Lynn turned back towards the hallway, trying to decide if she and the others should either turn to the left and up the first floor, or go right and look in the cafeteria for clues. Behind her, Ronnie Anne turned her attention to Lucy. The eight year old was confronted with the thoughtful and worried eyes of her brother's crush. And while Ronnie Anne didn't say one single word, Lucy knew exactly what she was thinking. Because she was thinking the same thing.

Something was wrong with Lynn.

* * *

Lola didn't want to admit it, but Eric kind of impressed her. So far, she and Lana had given him a makeover (he had now more glitter on his face than an average stripper all over her body), let waxworms move all over his face, forced up to four rain worms down his throat and put their wet fingers so often in his ears, his auditory canals must have been cleaner by now than ever before.

Not even Lana's nauseating detailed story about how she unclogged the toilet after Lynn had meatball sandwiches for three days straight seemed to have an effect on him.

"And then what did you do?"

In fact, he was fascinated by it.

"Well, after Big Bertha broke down, I went to Lisa," Lana explained. She never managed to get that far in the story without someone saying they were going to throw up. Not that she minded it. It was nice to meet someone genuinely interested in her plumber tales.

"You see, Lisa has this very corrosive acid that burns through everything. And I thought, "If that does not get rid of the poop-"

"ENOUGH!" shouted Lola, startling both Eric and Lana. Before the juvenile Mafiosi could react, he was grabbed by his collar.

With a tone normally reserved for wild animals, the beauty pageant princess snarled "Tell me where Lincoln is!"

Eric in response stuttered a weak "Ne-never!"

"Eric, come on," Lana said from the side. She was, In contrast to Lola, more sympathetic in tone. "This isn't funny anymore. I know you are not such a bad kid. I don't want to see my sis pull up our secret weapon."

Eric gulped. "Secret weapon?"

"Oh yes," replied Lola with an evil grin on her lips. "Something so terrible, when Dagmar heard of it, she threatened to throw us out of the force forever if we dared to use it on someone during interrogation."

Eric was glad that he had taken a toilet break before he went after the Loud boy, because right now he felt like he needed to pee. Something so bad, not even Commissioner Solberg could stand it? Eric remembered the horror movie collection of his older brother and how he had once watched the uncut version of "The Harvester" by accident. Nightmarish images of body horror showed up on his inner eye. Lola meanwhile had let go of him. With her back turned towards him, she was doing something. Lana stood next to her, worried.

"Lola, please. Don't do this."

"He doesn't leave us another choice."

"If Lincoln knew about it, he would be disappointed in us."

For a second, Lola stopped. Her twin had a point. But then she also remembered that Lincoln might be in danger and her expression somehow managed to turn even colder.

"I don't care," she stated. "BBBFF can be disappointed in me for the rest of my life as long as he is safe."

She turned around. Eric reflexively closed his eyes and tensed up. He did not want to see what she was going to unleash upon him. A rusty knife? Glitter that would give him incurable rashes?

 _Cheer up baby, don't you cry!_

Eric's entire body relaxed all of asudden and he opened an eye.

 _No more tears, it's cheer up time!_

What he saw was Lola holding her phone towards him. On it he saw an uncanny, rather scary looking, toy fox with a lilac vest dance around, singing a silly lullaby.

 _Laugh with me and we will be:  
Happy, happy, happy!_

At a loss for words, Eric looked at the video, where the little toy began to repeat its dance.

 _Cheer up baby, don't you cry!_ _  
_ _No more tears, it's cheer up time!_ _  
_ _Laugh with me and we will be:_ _  
_ _Happy, happy, happy!_

Lola put her phone down on a table, her eyes still focused on Eric. The boy himself just looked dumbfounded at the video, where the fox repeated his song again…

 _Cheer up baby, don't you cry!_

And again…

 _No more tears it's cheer up time_

And again…

 _Laugh with me and we will be…_

And again.

 _Happy, happy, happy!_

"Is that it?" Eric asked the twins. They only stared at him silently. Lola rather coldly, and Lana surprisingly sorrowful.

 _Cheer up baby don't you cry!_

Eric knew it was probably a bad idea, but he couldn't help himself. He laughed. "That is your secret weapon? A Five Nights at Freddy's Toy Fox?"

 _No more tears, it's cheer up time!_

"This is your big threat!?" Eric shouted between chuckles.

 _Laugh with me and we will be:_

"You lost it, Geminis! If you think that'llbreak me, you are nuttier than squirrel poop."

 _Happy, happy, happy!_

The video replayed again.

 _Cheer up baby, don't you cry!_

"So, how long are we playing that?" a less amused Eric wanted to know.  
But again he did not get a straight answer.

 _No more tears, it's cheer up time!_

The twins only pulled two earmuffs out of the depths of Lana's trousers and put them on.

 _Laugh with me and we will be:  
Happy, happy, happy!_ _  
_

* * *

More interferences. Dagmar had tried to contact anyone with her walkie-talkie. But to no avail. During the blitz-berserker charge of the Kindergarteners, the commissioner got separated from the others. The horde had forced her through a window of the arts & crafts room, but luckily for her, she landed on her feet and after a while found another open window back in. Once inside, she immediately tried to find her fellow officers. _This is worse than the riot after President Van Pelt's stunt at the football finale,_ Dagmar remembered somber. _This could end in a total catastrophe. We have to get the control back, fast._ The Japanese-Scandinavian-American found herself in another abandoned hall, she identified an abandoned classroom. Her classroom. _Lucky me,_ she thought, and after she was unable to contact anyone, she made her way to leave the room. Only for a kindergartener to come from behind the teacher's desk, trying to get her in a surprise attack with two oversized boxing gloves.

She reacted before the boy could reach her, grabbing him. "Stop this instant, or I-"

The boy spit foam, growling enraged and tried to bite her. She in turn just hanged him onto a hook with his clothing.

"I despise to use such bullying tricks, but you leave me no choice. You will be taken down after the sugar-rage has ended." She left the little boy behind in her classroom.

Outside, everything was abandoned and quiet in the most uncomfortable way possible. The atmosphere felt dangerous and Dagmar awaited another ambush any second now. She wasn't intimidated enough to be stopped. She wasn't a girl who let herself be pushed around. She was always confident, polite yet still spoke her mind and was always ready to fight injustice in any way. And whatever was happening here, she would stop it and get the people behind it. Nobody would put so many students in danger and get away with it while she was around. Readying her Soft-Pellet-Magnum, she carefully jogged her way towards the club room of the safety patrol, figuring that the place might be safe. On her way there, she tried to digest what had happened so far. Teachers missing, people breaking into the school to hijack the morning announcements, dance numbers in the cafeteria, illegal motorbike driving in the school halls, Lincoln Loud being kidnapped, kindergarteners going crazy… And somehow the Loud Family was involved in all of it. While pondering, she heard somebody scream: "HELP, HELP!" She ran towards the voice, around a corner and stumbled across a bizarre but also kind of scary sight.

Several kindergarteners were holding down an older African-American child with glasses and black hair on the ground, while others danced around them. They sang a song about "giving the boy the power of Ferrero, Kinder and Milka to become one of us" and the ones holding him down tried to force feed him chocolate. Dagmar didn't know if this German chocolate could turn older kids into berserkers too, but she wasn't ready to risk finding it out. She aimed and shot the chocolate out of the hands of the diseased maniacs. They turned to her, but Dagmar reacted fast, grabbing a girl and throwing her against the others, repeating it with a few more of the kids until she could grab the older kid and dragged him to safety, easily outrunning a bunch of confused, surprised and angry Kindergarteners. Hiding in another classroom Dagmar gave the bespectacled boy some time to breath.

"Are you alright?" asked Dagmar worried. "Did they hurt you?"

"No, they just held me down and wanted me to eat the chocolate," he explained still breathless. "But the singing and their insane expressions didn't make me think that they would give me a nice treat."

"You were right to think that," explained Dagmar. "That is German chocolate. High quality, a lot of sugar. Way better than anything you get in the states."

"My dads once got me some," remembered the boy. "They had to hunt me the entire night because I wouldn't get tired."

"Our bodies are not used to so much sugar," Dagmar stated, earning a nod by the boy **.**

"Thanks for rescuing me. I am Clyde McBride."

"Commissioner Dagmar Solberg," introduced the safety patrol leader herself. "And I will get you to safety. Follow me."

Clyde shook his head. "Wait, I have to find Lincoln first."

"Lincoln? Are you referring to Lincoln Loud?"

Clyde nodded. "He is in danger!"

"I know," told Dagmar him. "I will get him out of it."

* * *

The infirmary was pretty crowded. Injured students laid on the beds. Others were nervous, some even cried. Safety patrol officers tried to get everyone to calm down and the nurse had all hands full trying to help everyone as good as she could. Clyde and Dagmar entered the room together, beholding the situation in an instant.

"Do you see Lincoln?" asked Clyde worried.

"No, but I am seeing a situation." Dagmar stepped forward and loudly said: "Attention!" Everyone looked to her and the safety patrol immediately got into stance, hearing her boss talking.

"I need a full briefing on the situation, right now."

A boy, one year younger than Dagmar, came forward. She hadn't seen him immediately but she was happy that her right hand and partner was here. He had very thin hair, a friendly expression and a blanket around his waist. "Captain Linus van Pelt, reporting for duty."

"At ease captain, and the same goes for the rest of you," Dagmar ordered. "Status?"

"We lost several posts, checkpoints and rooms in the northern, southern and eastern parts of the school," Linus started to explain and showed Dagmar and Clyde a map on the wall with several pushpins on them. "The Kindergarteners aren't coordinated but they don't have to: Their sheer number, random attack pattern and berserker behavior forces us more to retreat than to attack. Some odd reports also told that the Kindergarteners captured older kids they found and some other reports told about kids dressed in black, fighting safety patrol and kindergarteners. We also encountered communication difficulties."

"Thank you for the update, Van Pelt."

"Did you see or hear of Lincoln Loud?" A worried Clyde asked Linus. "I wasn't able to find him anywhere."

The Captain shook his head. "No, sorry. We don't know what happened to him."

Dagmar put her hand on Clyde's shoulder. "We will find him, trust me. Just stay here and help the ones who were able to escape the madness."

"But-"

"You can't help me Clyde," Dagmar explained. "Help the others calm down. The safety patrol will it take from here."

Clyde wanted to argue. He really wanted to get out there and search for Lincoln but after the encounter with cuckoo for coco puffs Kindergarten children, he knew he wouldn't survive for long. "Yes, Dagmar. Thank you again for the help."

"Anytime student."

Clyde turned to the next best smaller child and started to calm him down as good as he could, remembering the vast amount of calming techniques Dr. Lopez had taught him over the years. Dagmar turned to her fellow patrol officers and started to make a plan for a pushback with them. Her presence and confident behavior helped calm a few of the students down and even invigorated the nurse who never thought she would encounter a warzone. A school warzone without casualties (so far) but a warzone nonetheless.

 _If Imperator thinks she has won the day, then she doesn't know me well,  
_ Dagmar thought, ready to strike back.

* * *

 _Cheer up, Baby, don't you cry-!_

"ENOUGH!" Eric shouted desperately. He had listened to the song for almost 15 minutes now. 15 minutes that felt like an eternity. He may have been only nine years old, but he was convinced by now that there was a hell. And in it, Fenton the Fox sang about how together they will always be happy, happy, happy.  
"Make it stop!"

"Did he say something?" Lana wanted to know.

"What?"

Lana sighed. She grabbed her sister's earmuffs and removed them. "Did he say something?"

"Please," Eric begged. "I don't want to laugh with Fenton anymore."

Lola turned her gaze back to the boy. "Then tell me where my brother is."

 _Cheer up baby, don't you cry…_

Eric was almost in tears at this point. "I can't."

Lana was getting annoyed herself by now. "Seriously?"

 _No more tears, it's cheer up time…_

"Why?" Lana wanted to know. "What can these kids you hang out with do to you that you won't even talk now? Will they beat you up?"

"No," Eric whimpered. "They are my friends. They would never do that!"

 _Laugh with me and we will be…_ _  
_  
"But if they find out I betrayed Omerta, they will not hang out with me anymore."

Lola froze up, her eyes widened.

"I don't want to lose my friends."

 _Happy, happy, hap-_

Fenton's singing was turned off by Lola.

"Thank you," Eric said. "Thank you, thank-"

All of a sudden, Eric felt two very strong hands grab his collar. He didn't know how, but all of a sudden, Lola Loud seemed to have the strength of a fourth grader.

"What did you say?" she growled in his face, making him gulp.

"What do you mean?"

"Omerta," Lola said. "You said Omerta, didn't you?"

Lana, confused at her sister's sudden outburst, witnessed how Eric suddenly lost all color in his face.

"I-I didn't say any-"

"Don't screw with me!" Lola shouted in his face. Eric went quiet.

"You said Omerta. You made a vow on the law of silence, didn't you?"

Eric remained still quiet.

"SAY IT!"

He didn't say anything. But he gave a weak nod.

Lana had seen her sister get aggravated over all sorts of things in her six years on earth. Seeing Lola as livid as she was now, the tomboy was genuinely worried about Eric's wellbeing. As such it came sort of unexpected for her when instead of beating Eric into a pulp, Lola let go of him.

Her face also was no longer a mask of wrath. Instead she looked rather solemn. Almost sad.

"Lola? Are you okay?"

No answer.

"Lola?"

Lana came closer. Carefully she put her hand on Lola's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"I know who did it," the beauty pageant suddenly stated.

Lana blinked. "What?"

"I know who ordered Lincoln to be kidnapped."

* * *

Over the last 5 minutes, Lucy, Lynn und Ronnie Anne had tried and failed to find Lincoln at the cafeteria. Instead they almost found themselves overwhelmed by a bunch of kids high on sugar, trying to bombard them with water balloons. Thankfully they managed to lock them away in a classroom. They were just about to leave again when suddenly a grid crashed before them on the ground. Lynn and Ronnie Anne got instinctively into a battle stance, expecting the worst to come from the ventilation shaft above. Instead they just encountered Lana and Lola.

"Escape proof, my bottom," Lana commented, jumping out of the vent. In her hand she held her favorite pocket screwdriver. "This was too easy. Just unloosing a few screws and we could leave."

"Girls?" greeted Lynn them in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"We just finished an interrogation and are now on our way to rescue Lincoln," Lola informed them. Then she raised an eyebrow. "Say, what are you doing here?" she asked Lynn. "Shouldn't you be in your school?"

Instead of answering, Lynn put her hands on Lola's shoulders. She looked at the little girl almost crazy. "You know where Lincoln is?"

"No," Lola admitted. "But I know who kidnapped him."

Lana threw a questionable look at her sister. "How?" she asked. "And who, or what, is Omerta?"

"I don't like to interrupt such a beautiful family reunion," began Ronnie Anne. "But I think I hear more kindergarteners coming from down the corridor."

"Great," commented Lucy in dry sarcasm. "Any idea what to do?"

"I have one," said Lola. She pulled something out of a pocket that looked like glitter dust. "We fight."

Everyone gave her a questionable look. She turned towards them and said:  
"Listen. Lincoln was kidnapped by someone very powerful. If we don't start fighting now, we will lose against that person."

Behind her, a group of kindergarteners came around the corner. Spotting the girls, they ran towards them, ready for battle.

"Are you with me?" Lola asked.

As a reply, Ronnie Anne and Lynn cracked their knuckles. Lana grabbed a bunch of unexploded water balloons lying on the ground and Lucy took the removed grit, holding it like a shield. Lola smiled.

"CHARGE!" she commanded. Behind her, the kindergarteners got startled for a second. A grave mistake, as the Loud sisters took that second to crash over them like a tsunami.

* * *

"Louds, Le Roi will now honor you with his presence," Julia announced. A few seconds ago, after Randall had whined about how he was tired of waiting, the Loud siblings were finally let into the commando room of the boss. Or rather transported, as they were still bound to the chairs, their backs turned away from whatever was going on in the room. "Don't be rude, or you may regret it."

"Of course I will not be rude," Luan "promised" with a snobbish tone. "I will be the perfect Prima Donna for the Don… Get it, my dear?"

Julia grunted in annoyance. She activated an IPod connected to some audio equipment. She bet the Louds had awaited something from a famous opera, an old Sicilian composition or in the worst case a gangster rap. Instead they listened to a rather upbeat, Japanese song filling the ominously lighted room.

Luan looked at her brother, expecting that he could make something out of it, considering he was the one in the family interested in manga.

"Makafushigi Adventure!" a voice from the dark introduced the song. "It is from a time the one beaten by Ace Savvy was still just a boy. A boy who only wanted to eat, drink and enjoyed the occasional fight from time to time, till a young woman in search of a wish granting dragon crossed his path."

"I know the original series," explained Lincoln. "I read the manga and listened to the original on ThouDuct later."

"A connoisseur of the classic manga?" the voice from earlier asked curiously. It sounded rather feminine.

"No, a connoisseur of classic margaritas," retorted Luan in a deadpan tone, followed by her trademark laugh. "Get it?"

"I know some manga, yes," explained Lincoln. "Why is it your concern?"

"I always like to meet fans of Asian art," said the mysterious voice. "We should talk face to face."

Julia and Randal turned the chairs. Lincoln and Luan found themselves on the other end of a desk, covered in multiple papers, a small dish full of cookies and a laptop. Across them sat a young girl with green pointy hair like a shounen hero would have. She wore what looked like a plain, but surprisingly good looking black suit for children, with an insignia stitched to the chest that looked like a white fox's head, with a Fleur De Lis adorning its forehead. In her hands was a little hamster she was petting like nothing important was happening.

Lincoln's eyes widened in shock "YOU!"

"Yes," the little girl spoke. "And you probably can imagine why-"

But Lincoln interrupted her. "You little rat ruined my chances of winning the video contest!"

"Shut your trap!" Julia ordered coldly. "Don't you dare talk this way to Le Roi."

"I was talking to the hamster," Lincoln explained.

There was a lot of awkward silence following said statement.

"What?"

"I made an awesome stunt and a laughing stock out of my family and myself," Lincoln elaborated. He pointed an accusing finger at the hamster in the girl's hand. "And I still lost to this stupid hamster."

The hamster in question just looked at Lincoln and smiled stupidly.

"Did you really think I would ever forget your face, HamstaCAM?"

"Don't you dare talk like that to Revy," demanded the girl in anger, putting her hands more protectively around the hamster. "It was my idea to make this video, not hers."

"You are creatively dead," Lincoln claimed, still angry. "I worked hard to make something interesting to look at. How come your video won?"

The girl shrugged. "Beats me. I wasn't even serious with my entry. I was lucky nobody made a cat video for the contest."

"That would have been a "Cat-astrophy" don't you agree?" asked Luan everyone. "Get it?"

Everybody could just groan at this classic but also old pun.

"Stop Luan," Lincoln requested. "You will be the first one shot if this continues."

"Going back to business," began the little girl, wanting to change the subject. "I am Alexandra Dumas. President of the class representatives."

"Who?" asked Lincoln. The hamster looked at Lincoln, confused why she was screamed at.

"You don't know who I am?"

"Not really. You call yourself Leroy… Is your family name coincidentally Jenkins?"

"It is Le Roi, it is French."

Julia kept her no-nonsense expression but Reno had problems not to burst out into laughter.

* * *

Limewood just came back from what Renata had called "The Battle of Royal Woods Elementary".

He didn't look good. His hair was a mess, he was wet, his trousers were slightly torn by attacks from berserker-raged Kindergarteners and he didn't know where Dagmar was, having lost contact with her during the retreat from the arts & crafts room.

Everything was going to Hades at the moment and he was forced to do something drastic. He opened the detention room. "Okay Louds, I need your help. I may think about a reprieve for your misdeeds if you can help me with- WHAT HAPPENED HERE?!"

He hadn't noticed it immediately, but there was nobody in the detention room, just a lot of glitter dust and a brown substance smeared over half of the room.

"The Geminis… The Geminis…"  
Hearing a weak voice he looked up and took a surprised step back. There was Eric, bound to the ceiling with a ton of duct tape, arms and legs spread. His entire body was blotched with more glitter dust and the brown substance.

"Who… Lana and Lola?"

"Yes," gasped the boy weakly.

Limewood was appalled. How could the two do this? This was extreme, even for Lola.

"How was Lana able to smuggle so much mud into the room?"

The boy shook his head. "This is no mud."

"OH MY GOD!"

"It is moist chocolate powder."

"Phew," Limewood sighed relived and started to get the boy down from the ceiling. "Still, the two are in even more trouble now."

* * *

 **Hatoralo: "The Plot thickens, the situation worsens and everybody is in danger now."  
MamaAniki: "The next parent-teacher conference will be REALLY interesting."  
Hatoralo: "Huggins is so fired."  
MamaAniki: "In any case: I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. We increased the number of Loud content as you could read."  
Hatoralo: "Hope you enjoyed this story and like always we request constructive criticism, only that they we can become better."  
MamaAniki: "Until next time, we are two germans, signing off!**


	17. The Loud Dynasty

****Hatoralo: "Greetings dear readers!"  
MamaAniki: "We present another chapter for you, proof-read by Ultrablud2 who we thank for his hard work."  
Hatoralo: "And… That is all."  
MamaAniki: "Have fun reading."****

* * *

 **Chapter 17: The Loud Dynasty** **  
**

* * *

After Alexandra had put Revy back into her cage, she sat down again and studied the two Louds. But especially Lincoln. She wasn't sure what to think of her new "rival", a boy who never stood out much in comparison to his colorful sisters. His grades were good and the most interesting thing he had done was the Girl-Guru business which failed its customers spectacularly and the time he posted embarrassing videos of his sisters and one of himself on ThouDuct. Otherwise… Not much. Maybe there was more about his home life. There was more to Luan. More than a class clown, a beginning comedienne who already had her own business, mostly playing acts on birthdays.

"You really don't know who I am? Or why you are here?" she asked.

"Did my sisters do anything to you?" asked Lincoln. "Let me guess; Lisa tricked you into being her guinea pig."

"No. But I know how she did it to another student once."

 _ _**************************************************************************************************************************************  
_  
"Don't worry about your current state," Lisa tried to calm a boy of her age who was glowing like a Christmas light in different colors, shrieking for help. "This will only be temporary. I am eighty-five percent sure of that."  
_  
 _**************************************************************************************************************************************_

To the Loud's fortune, the boy stopped to glow, avoiding a lawsuit against the family.

"I am not here to discuss the scientific interests of Doctor Loud," Alexandra explained seriously. "I am here to discuss your sudden interest in school politics, Mister Loud."

"That was just the idea of my twin sisters," Lincoln swore in an annoyed tone. "They want me to run for office because they think I am the best at everything."

"Big Brother Worship. How cute," was the amused reaction of Le Roi. "I don't know how it is to have an older brother. I just have an older sister."

"I have five of those," Lincoln told her. "You can have another one from me if you want."

"No, thank you. I have to say you're taking this situation rather calmly."

"Believe me, I wish this was the worst that has happened to me those last days," sighed Lincoln. "But enough of that: Why did you kidnap me?"

Alexandra just got very interested in something her laptop showed. She clicked something and turned her attention back to hm. "Mister Loud, you know how difficult it is to be in charge of things, right? Do you know how difficult it is to become school representative in the first grade? To be taken seriously by voters who are older and more experienced? With this hairstyle of mine?"

Lincoln said nothing.

"I have worked hard to win the position of class representative. And even harder to become president. The youngest this school ever had. Since then I improved this school with my limited power as much as I could."

Le Roi held up a poster with an enlarged photograph of Lincoln in a dramatic pose. Over him, in large letter, there was something written.

 _Yes_ _,_ _we can make this school a better place, remove the bullies, install chocolate fountains everywhere, make the schooldays shorter, ban math out of the curriculum, destroy Florida and come up with a shorter election slogan._

"And now YOU want to take that away from me?"

"You have my vote," promised Luan. "For Vote-ever you want. Get it?"

Lincoln swallowed down a groan.

"You know, aside of how ridiculous that slogan is, I am quite amused by it. But banning math?" asked a young boy entering the room. Based on his height, Lincoln assumed that he was in fourth grade. But if so, he must have been the classiest fourth grader he ever saw. At least not many boys his age wore what seemed to be a black vest with a white shirt, making him look like the youngest accountant in the history of the school. A pair of glasses, hazelnut brown hair combed back and an expression on his face that made him look rather unamused just further cemented the notion that this boy was predestined to either go into politics or become a lawyer.

"Lionel here was last year's math champion, you know?" explained Alexandra. "As weird as it sounds, there are children who like math."

"Doesn't Math-er," was Luan's comment on the situation, followed by a laugh. "Get it?"

Lincoln, ignoring the pun of his sister, tried to explain. "I really don't have any interest in becoming school representative. Heck, I am not even the representative of my class!"

"That is not really an issue," Alexandra explained. "The next vote for your class is before the next potential school representative vote. And the later can be earlier, if the students don't trust their president anymore and ask for a no-confidence vote."

"I don't plan to run for representative of my class either!" Lincoln explained slowly and clearly.

Alexandra was amused. Did this boy really think that she was so easy to trick because she was younger than him?

"Am I really supposed to think that the Louds' time in politics is over?" Alexandra asked Lincoln, while making a friendly gesture with an open hand. "And after all I did to assure your family is out of the race?"

Lincoln was confused by what she meant by that. But before he could ask, she continued.

"Everyone else is too weak to pose a threat to me. But you Louds, you have charisma, intelligence, power and a certain amount of ruthlessness."

"Not any of that at once with most sisters," Luan explained, avoiding commenting on any specific sister.

"That may be true," Lincoln confirmed "but we don't dabble in school politics."

"That… is not really true," Luan told Lincoln in a kind of awkward tone.

Lincoln looked over to his sister. "What do you mean?"

"You can't be serious," Lionel spoke up in a calm manner. "Do you really think we believe this lie?"

"What lie?" asked Lincoln. "What are you guys talking about?"

"The history of the Loud family at this school," Julia started. "It is an interesting one."

"Do you mean the incident where Lori threatened another girl with the Pretzel for making Leni cry?"

"No," stated Lionel. "We are talking about the presidential Loud dynasty."

Lincoln could only stare in confusion. "What?"

"Four of your sisters have one thing in common," said Julia. "They were all school representatives. Presidents of Royal Woods Elementary School's student council."

Lincoln opened his mouth. Then he closed it. He opened his mouth again just to close it yet again. He was having a hard time believing this.

Questions and confusion filled his mind like a stormy cloud. He looked over to his older sister. "You were student body president?!"

Luan shrugged with her shoulders in response and smiled. "I was known as the "President with funny Intent"." I ordered the school cafeteria to service more eggs on Mondays. I called that my "Eggs-ecutive". Get it?"

"Stuff her mouth with a handkerchief, Reno," Alexandra ordered annoyed.

"Hey, don't impede on my first "Talk-endment" rights. Ge-HMPF!"

Reno had stuffed Luan's mouth like ordered with a green handkerchief and Alexandra sighed.

"How do you stand this, Mister Loud?" asked Le Roi

"You get used to it," Lincoln answered, not very bothered about Luan being gagged. "So, was what this about of my sisters being the student body president?"

Alexandra clicked some things on the laptop and then turned the screen so Lincoln could see it. The screen showed a row of pictures with the caption of "Student Body President over the years" and he spotted four of his sisters there. Lori, Leni, Luna and Luan, one following another in direct succession.

"It all started with Lori," Alexandra explained, pointing at the picture which showed a younger Lori. "She was able to convince the students that she was a capable leader, because of her experience at home. She told them how she was able to bring order to five wild siblings worse than the entire Kindergarten. I think that was an exaggeration on her part."

 _Not at all,_ Lincoln thought.

"She used her charisma and knowledge on how kids work to get elected and fought hard against bullying during her term," Alexandra told him about Lori's deeds. "They told me she came across as a bully herself while doing this. That she was too hard and too strict. But it worked. She reformed more than a few problematic students in her time."

"Leni was also a moral pillar for her, so she wouldn't go too far," told Luan who had chewed through the handkerchief. "Leni was a really good advisor for Lori."

The idea of Leni being a political advisor seemed absurd to Lincoln, but, come to think of it, she wasn't the worst choice. "Is this really true?"

"You really didn't know this?" asked Alexandra in surprise while also trying to ignore the fact that Luan had so easily chewed through the handkerchief. "Never mentioned at home?"

"We don't talk about politics much at home," Lincoln explained. "We don't care much about it."

"That is what you think," Alexandra corrected Lincoln and showed him more on the laptop. Pictures of Lori giving speeches, talking to teachers and leading a demonstration. "She even organized a strike," Alexandra told him. "It was against the controversial plan to shorten recess."

"The school had a strike-out about that story," Luan joked and laughed. "Get it?"

"The electrical tape, Reno," Alexandra ordered.

"Sho- HMPF!"

Before Luan could make her next dumb joke, the tape muffled her once again.

"Lori was effective to the point she got reelected," continued Alexandra. "But Leni was popular, REALLY popular. After Lori's terms ended, Leni became her successor, winning with 80% of the votes, a landslide victory."

"Leni was the leader of the student body?" Lincoln was baffled. She was neither very bossy nor very bright. "She trapped herself in Lily's crib once and wasn't able to get out!"

Julia raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Are you serious?"

"I didn't understand it either," Lincoln admitted. "And she was student body president?"

"Yes," confirmed Hagen. "I think her slogan was "We will bring the change, for Realzies", or something like that."

"Yeah, that sounds like her," said Lincoln deadpan.

"She wanted to kill every single spider in the school and ban everything that had spiders or Spiderman on it as part of her first political agenda," mentioned Julia. "She called it "Arachnus Totallus Exterminatus"."

"But she did a lot of good things during her tenure," said Luan who had managed to get the tape off her lips with her tongue. "She reformed the school's "Ellison-Act" and convinced Huggins to allow internet connection for students on the grounds that access to the data stream would help them learn more than they could without it."

Lincoln had to process this. "Leni came up with that?"

"Yeah," confirmed Luan. "She loves to search for new designs online."

"She thought that the computer mouse was alive," Lincoln told Luan. "She wanted to feed it with it cheese once. It took dad hours to clean it properly. The cheese was everywhere."

Luan smiled awkwardly. "Well, Lori was her advisor this time and helped her out once in a while."

Alexandra chuckled, bemused. "A nice way to say that Lori was a grey cardinal, the true power behind the throne."

Lincoln imagined how Leni would comment that Lori wasn't catholic.

"But the protests she organized were all her own idea," Luan suddenly stated.

"Against the Westboro Baptist Church, the Klan and Scientology. Not to mention her efforts to get children out of abusive households."

Lincoln didn't know which one of those things he should react to first. It sounded so unreal to him. "She organized a march against the Westboro Baptist Church?"

Luan nodded. "They tried to protest during Veterans Day and Leni marched against them with her own protest. She generally didn't like them for hating people."

"She didn't know what they were doing?" asked Alexandra in surprise.

"Yes," Luan admitted. "Didn't stop her from talking to them. Lori gave her a crash course on religion and Leni managed to put them in a frenzy by pointing out the loopholes in their faith."

"According to the school newspaper, five members of the Westboro Baptist Church had a crisis of faith and later became Buddhists," Lionel told the Louds. "An impressive accomplishment."

"She also tried to speak to the leaders of those organizations, according to our sources," Julia told the two. "In an interview about the Scientology protest, she said, and I quote: " _Like_ _,_ _nobody wanted to let me speak to Lord Xenu. Totes lame, I think we would have had a great discussion, like_ _,_ _really cool._ "

Lincoln couldn't believe how deadpan Julia was about this.

"Leni wanted a mysterious encounter of the stupid kind," Luan joked. "But she only got her own movie named "Lenifield Earth". Get it?"

"Cord," Alexandra ordered, and Julia bound Luan's mouth with a piece of cord.

"After her, it was Luna's turn," Alexandra continued. "She was, among other things, known as "the boring Loud" and "The One Who Doesn't Stand Out."

"Those are my names now," lampshaded Lincoln with a cynical undertone.

"Your white hair alone makes you stand out, Mister Loud," Le Roi assured him. "Reminds me of a bunny."

"Thank you," the young boy snarked sarcastically. "At least I don't look like a penguin."

"Back to the point," Lionel stopped the bickering between the two. "She was not as assertive, aggressive and direct as Lori or friendly, empathic and kind like Leni, but she was a balance of the two. Calm and collected. Very competent. But also very shy."

"Ridiculous shy," Reno inserted. "My brother told me another nickname of hers was "Shy Loud", which often got shortened to "Shoud"."

"Shoud, Shoud, let it all out…" sang Luan who had chewed through the cord.

Lincoln ignored her. "Luna had told me that she wasn't very extrovert until she came into the seventh grade."

"I know all about her love for Rock n' Roll," Alexandra informed him. "Especially after she hunted Mick Swagger all over the stage. It was all over ThouDuct."

His sister didn't care; it helped her reputation in a way.

"Here in this school, she was more known to be an exemplary student. A great violinist, nice, excellent grades, good relationships with everyone and she organized a firework show for the 4th of July."

 _She always had an interest in fireworks,_ remembered Lincoln with a smile. _Outdoors as well as indoors._

"And…" Alexandra tried to come up with something else to say about Luna. "Well, Leni advised her to do another protest, this time against the National Rifle Association, if I recall correctly."

Luan nodded. "Correct. Everyone had a blast, and Leni drove the people from the NRA mad because she wanted to know how they did bullet time and if Neo was a member of them."

Lincoln chuckled in response. His second oldest sister was one of a kind.

Alexandra's face turned more somber and her tone more intimidating.

"And then, of course, there was Luan Loud's presidency."

She glanced over to Luan. The self-declared comedian flinched slightly at the mentioning of her name.

"Can I tell my own story, please?" Luan requested, surprising everyone. "This is my story and I want Lincoln to hear it from my perspective."

Alexandra pondered the question for a second, looking Luan into the eyes.

"Very well."

"Thank you," said Luan. "I never thought I'd meet a politician who could listen."

"You know that you were a politician too, right?" Alexandra reminded her.

"I know, but I was always more of a polite-call," Luan explained with a smile. "Get it?"

Alexandra pinched the bridge of her nose to keep her control. "Talk or I'll get the iron mask."

"Sheesh, fine," said Luan and coughed slightly before turning her gaze to Lincoln.

"A long time ago," she started in a clear, warm but also serious voice, "my roommate and older sister ended her term as president of the student body. Lori was pleased with her accomplishments. But in contrast to Leni, Luna was more independent, made her own decisions and didn't always listen to Lori's advice."

"I can confirm this," spoke Lionel. "Despite being plain, she wasn't one to be pushed around."

"Where do you get all this information?" asked Lincoln incredulous.

"We have our sources," explained Hagen.

"Their "sources" are called Google, Twitter, Wikipedia and the school's website which posts all the old school's newspaper articles," Luan joked while Hagen's countenance stayed expressionless.

"Anyway: Lori wanted me to run next, which I wasn't very interested in. However, I was interested in political jokes. We don't talk much about politics at home, but a good comedienne dabbles in everything to make jokes."

She sighed. "Though to be fair, I had some experience in politics already. After all, I advised Luna to gather more money and public support for charity by organizing a comedy show of mine."

"Sounds like nepotism to me," mumbled Alexandra.

"None of us got paid," explained Luan, sounding defense. "Also, people prefer advice from other people they know and trust, especially ones in the same field of work."

"Your family, led by Lori, built a monarchy in the school's political ranks," Alexandra accused Luan. "Handing the title from one family member to the next. That is not the way democracy works."

Luan was quicker to answer to this than Alexandra had expected. "We Louds are individuals," she declared proudly and almost insulted. "Lori is our boss, but she doesn't dictate our careers. Leni, Luna and I got into school politics out of our own free will, working _voluntarie_. We do what we like, we do it with pride and we do it with our own passion."

She calmed herself down, turning back to Lincoln.

"I was a beginner back then. My jokes were a lot worse and my puns were so bad, a man died from them."

 _Self-deprecation?_ Lincoln thought. _Not bad_ _._

"But my show attracted people, and with it came money for good causes," the young comedienne continued.

"But aside from that, I really wasn't interested in becoming a serious politician. I thought it would keep me away from improving my comedic talents. Not to mention the fact that I had founded "Funny Business" at the end of Luna's term and wanted to concentrate my efforts on that. Then came voting season."

"AKA, the season of great confusion," Julia told everyone. "We had over twenty candidates and many came across as overconfident idiots, incompetent fools and one girl who only talked in memes."

Luan remembered her. "She shouted "Of course!" every time she only had to give a simple "Yes" answer. I also nominated myself as a joke and rejected the help of my sisters for my campaign. It consisted of making jokes and sketches most of the time or parodying Huggins, some of the staff and my predecessor."

"You parodied Luna?" realized Lincoln.

"Yes, but her self back then didn't give me much material," Luan told him. "I could do so much more out of her now. Anyway: I sometimes also addressed the problems of the school in my routine and presented my ideas. All still in the form of wordplays, jokes and puns."

"How come I never heard any of this?" Lincoln wondered. "In what grade were you at the time?"

"3rd Grade," Luan explained to her astounded brother. "You were in the first grade, but first graders weren't very interested in politics."

Luan looked to Alexandra. "At least, back then."

The current student body president just smiled. "I am kind of a prodigy, second only to Lisa."

"Lisa is about as charismatic as Oppenheimer was happy about being the destroyer of worlds," Luan joked with ease. "I doubt she could manage to charm any audience into following her, especially if she starts a dissertation about the W boson mass measurement. It would be un-measurable."

Everybody groaned once again.

"All I made were bad puns, insane troll-esque accusations even my opponents laughed at in good humor and a few good points," Luan explained. "Who would have thought I could become president by only talking nonsense, stupid jokes and even saying insane things like "Let's build a wall to separate kindergarteners from the others!" Hahahaha…"

Luan continued to laugh. Her laugh started cheerful and energetic but slowly became forced, loud, with a hint of desperation. She laughed like a woman who had realized how insane the world really was until her laugh became piercing and almost horrific.

It sent chills down the spines of everyone in the room.

"SORRY!"

She stopped herself. "I… Politics…. My own campaign reminded me…"

"You are not like that discount Oompa Loompa," Alexandra quickly assured her.

Luan visibly calmed down. "Yes… Thank you."

She took a deep breath. "As they said: If it is politics, or history, the thing you gotta know is that everything is showbiz."

She looked kind of sad. "And unfortunately, I was their best entertainer. So they all voted for me"

"You won by 70%" declared Lionel.

"I tried to tell them I was not the right person for the job, but…" Luan stopped herself to find the right words. "Well, it turned out, of all candidates, I was the smartest choice. So I decided to repay them for their faith in me by taking things more seriously."

"As much as it hurts me to say it, you did a better job as a politician than as a comedienne," stated Alexandra.

"I take offense to that."

"After all, you actually managed to balance the budget for all the school clubs and even helped in founding a stand-up comedy club," the young girl said, ignoring Luan's protest. "Marie was pleasantly surprised by you."

Luan had to think for a bit. "Oh, now I remember. Dumas. Your sister Marie was one of my opponents and later on one of my advisors," Luan declared. "She helped me a lot."

"She told me that you threw a pie at her face to greet her once," Alexandra dryly recounted the story she was told. "Your humor is rather into the face… Oh god, I made a pun."

"Do you want me to gag you, boss?" Reno asked jolly. A cold stare from Alexandra made him shut up.

"How is your sister by the way?" asked Luan. "Still into Death Metal?"

"Yes," was Alexandra's short answer.

"So, how did your career end?" Lincoln wanted to know.

Luan became rather silent all of a sudden.

"Luan?"

"Go on, "Funny Loud"," insisted Alexandra. "Tell him about your April Fools' Day prank."

Lincoln already thought he knew the answer. Probably a joke on Huggins he didn't find funny or something like that.

"Did you fill Huggins' office with molten cheese?" Lincoln asked nonchalantly. "Did you put chili in Limewood's coffee?"

"I blew up the computer lab," Luan told Lincoln like she knew that there was no point in dancing around the bush.

"Oh, and here I thought you- WHAT?!"

"Every single computer."

Lincoln was in shock.

"But- computers are so expensive, for crying out loud!" Lincoln shouted. "Are you insane?!"

Alexandra gave him a look that seemed to say "You ask that only now?"

"I just installed Windows on the Apple computers a rich patron of the school donated," Luan explained with a sigh. "Wanted to see the confusion on their faces. I didn't know that would happen!"

Lincoln thought he remembered something. Something about Luan some years ago. She was crying in her room. He, rather young in contrast to now, tried to comfort her as well as he could. He hadn't really understood what was going on. Only that his parents and Lori were angry beyond belief at Luan for something, making her very sad most of the time. Not wanting an unhappy sister, he did everything he could to make her smile. Hugging her, giving her some sweets and listening to her.

He remembered that Luan explained to him that she blew up some apples and that because of that, she wasn't currently going to school. That she may even leave her family for a long time for that. Lincoln really hadn't been okay with that, especially because of some boring apples. And then he remembered something else.

"The bracelet! You had a bracelet around your ankle for a time! That was an ankle monitor!"

Luan nodded. "I was put under house arrest. The superintendent wanted me to be thrown into juvenile prison. He was angry beyond belief, beyond reasoning. Fortunately for me, the computers were covered by a good insurance and the school got double the worth of them back. Additionally, Huggins and Limewood calmed him down enough to accept a suspension for the rest of the school year as punishment instead of suing us. Obviously, I also had to resign and was forbidden from entering the computer lab ever again."

"At least you went out with a bang," Alexandra joked with a grin on her face. "Get it?"

Luan said nothing, which pleased the young girl a lot.

"Many thought Lynn would be the next in line," Hagen told them and looked at a document. "But she was more interested in joining every sport team of the school."

"If she had known how competitive politics are, she surely would have thrown her hat into the ring," Luan suggested. "Even if this school isn't interested in giving the athletes high positions because they are good at sports."

"Good," commented Julia. "Being good at sports shouldn't give anyone a special treatment."

* * *

"What in the name of Avatar Aang is this nonsense?!" The Observer was furious. It could bite its keyboard in two, it was that angry. "Yo-Bu, at this point he was supposed to be rescued by his sisters already."

On the screen, a text in a chat window appeared.

 _You should just consider it as spicing up the plot._

"This is nothing but a superfluous distraction," was the Observers answer. "They are not even known characters. I mean, if Christina was that "Le Roi" gal, it could be acceptable." The observer pinched its nose and sighed. "If everything had worked out the day before, things would already be perfect. Not... This! What is this? Some guy's House of Cards parody?"

 _Just because she is new doesn't mean that her increased prominence is a bad thing._ , the Observer's partner argued.

"She is no Christina," the Observer just said in a grouchy tone. "Carol would have also been fine. Whatever, I will even the odds with a special encounter later."

* * *

"Afterwards, the office was handed to…" began Lionel, only to be interrupted by Alexandra who described her predecessors as such: "Crazy, corrupted or utterly stupid people, with only a few exceptions in the mess."

"So the average politician?"

The young girl decided to ignore Luan's jab at her profession. Instead, she skipped through the list of Luan's successors with a visible snarl on her lips. Lincoln did not know much about politics, but the fact that there were plenty of faces to show despite the fact that Luan's career only ended three years ago put things into perspective for him.

"First, some teachers who were not all that happy about the student body being as influential as it was got together and used your little stunt as an excuse to dismantle your former cabinet and convince Huggins that a more forceful approach to keep the students under control was needed," Alexandra told. "So they put their sock puppet in the form of Randal Weems into charge."

Luan was shocked. "Randal "the Weasel" Weems? We called the guy "little brown nose" because he was kissing up so much teacher butt!"

"During his time as a replacement for you, he "reformed" the hall monitors by giving them limitless supplies and founding a "security service" that was loyal to him only and monitored any suspicious activity amongst students, even unimportant stuff. This guy put others into detention just for chewing gum during recess."

Luan, who did not know that her successor would be that kind of person, looked slightly horrified.

"Kid was drunk on power," declared Lionel.

"And experienced the worst case of metaphorical hangover ever," Alexandra continued. "When his term officially ended, every fifth grader came together and bombarded the guy with water balloons."

She skipped over a couple of pictures that showed the kid and his "terror regime" that ended with the boy and a bunch of his followers being put against a wall and water bombarded. Following that, a picture of an Asian American girl in a green sweater and a big smile appeared next.

"He was followed by President Kuki Sanban the next year, who, just as an example, came up with Prism Simian appreciation day."

"Which we still assume was just a cover up for her friends to steal the birthday cake from those five snobbish Tetherby grandchildren." Lionel added.

"…And then left office near Christmas because it got, and I quote, too "boooorring" for her taste and she wanted to watch cartoons at home instead of talking about budget for the school clubs. At least she got rid of Weems' Hallmonitor SS and her successor was still competent enough."

"Jon Arbuckle," said Luan in remembrance of a former classmate. "One of the geekiest kids I ever knew. His wardrobe would have given Leni nightmares, but otherwise he was okay. He drew comics about his pets for the school newspaper."

"He was also a better president than any of the people elected the following year, despite doing literally nothing significant in his time," Alexandra stated.

"First a fifth grader by the name of Jack Spicer won the election…"

"Only for it to turn out that he manipulated the election," added Lionel. "He didn't even get the chance to hold his inaugural speech before he was taken off the stage."

"…Then the kid with the second highest vote count became president on the spot, only to insult everyone in his speech as blind sheep of American society and admit he only ran for president as a joke, begging everyone to rise up against the authorities."

Lincoln sighed. "Was that Huey Freeman? 'Cause it sounds like Huey Freeman."

The only answer Lincoln got was a deadpan "yep".

"He then handed the victory over to his vice president and brother Riley, who got detention from Huggins the moment he started his first speech."

"He really shouldn't have used the N-word to address the other students as his people," Luan said in all seriousness.

"So the kid with the third highest count of votes got to be president. And I think we all remember Lucilla Van Pelt."

Everyone in the room shuddered at the mention of this name.

Van Pelt was one of the most unpopular girls that ever attended this school. A loud mouth, highly aggressive, vain and born with almost no brain but an ego the size of the moon. The girl was so abrasive and condescending to everyone, even the kindergarten kids at the time developed a strong dislike for her.

"She surrounded herself with some of the school's worst bullies as advisers and tried to abuse her power to get a boy whose dad gave her a bad haircut out of school by encouraging bullying him. She openly declared herself better than everyone at a pep rally, calling the voters of her opponents at the election "dumb" for not voting for her, tried to ban her brother from school and got your sister Lynn kicked off the school's baseball team," Alexandra elaborated.

"Wait, she really did that?" Luan asked in surprise. "And we always thought that was just Lynn being paranoid."

"The only reason she even got as many votes as she did was because people mistook the "L. Van Pelt" on the voting list for her brother."

"At least she got what she deserved after she pulled the football away from our quarterback at the homecoming game and ruined our school's chance of winning for the first time in five years," Lionel stated. "How she thought she could get away with it and blame it on the quarterback while doing so in front of EVERYBODY and cameras is beyond me."

"Lynn socked her for that," Lincoln said with a hint of pride in his voice.

"Literally," was all that Alexandra could say to that before pushing a button on her laptop.

Immediately a video on the screen started to play, showing president Lucilla in the school hallway, days after the game. She was arguing with members of the football team and trying to put the blame on them. But before she could even finish her line, Lynn suddenly came from out of nowhere and hit her in the face with a bag, sending the little girl flying across the hallway into an open locker.

"Sent you flying further than that ball did!" the tomboy only exclaimed, before spilling the content of the bag over the younger girl's head. It turned out to be a huge pile of worn out and stinking sport socks. Before Lucilla had even time to scream in disgust at what Lynn had done, the Loud sibling closed the locker door behind her and went away, ending the video on multiple kids looking in bewilderment on what just happened before cheering and dancing around the locker.

"At that moment, your sister was the most popular girl in the entire school," Alexandra told Lincoln admirably. "Even I would have voted for her."

"Too bad our parents didn't quite agree with what she did to Lucilla, whether she deserved it or not," the young boy said. "They grounded Lynn for a month and she wasn't allowed to join the hockey team for the winter."

"She still got away with it," Lionel exclaimed. "Astonishing, considering the vast amount of witnesses and video evidence."

"It was almost as if the entire school, plus the staff, worked together to get even with Van Pelt and her mother, who was a pest like her daughter," Alexandra said with a smirk.

"Speaking of which, her mother took the disinterest of anyone not wanting to punish Lynn personally and took her out of school," Lionel continued. "Her vice president and successor Barry "Brainy" Gordon was thankfully more competent than people at first thought."

"He always stuck to and tried to enforce school rules, even the outdated ones, to the point other kids started to grab him and throw him out of a window and into the yard in annoyance," Lincoln remembered. "Thankfully he never got himself too seriously hurt."

"I think it was Lynn who once threw him the furthest," Alexandra said and decided to move on. "Surprisingly enough, after the tenth time this happened, he learnt his lesson, shut up, became more social and did a good job. He may have been reelected last year if his parents hadn't moved to another town."

Alexandra sighed and rubbed her temple. "Instead, we got the election madness of 2016."

Luan wanted to say something, but Alexandra raised her hand. "No, not THAT madness! Though ours was almost not that different."

"We had 30 different candidates from all classes in school," Lionel explained. "And some really managed to stand out."

"Unfortunately, not in a good way," Alexandra stated. "There was that mean spirited Mandy girl who lost because her friend Bill revealed that she was behind a fake fire alarm going off, there was Zach "Gumball Chewer" Watterson…"

"The kid was a walking catastrophe," Lionel added. "For crying out loud, the guy once set a pool on fire. While there was STILL water in it."

"… then there was Stella Batterfer, who honestly believed she was a princess from another dimension and once charged at Huggings with a bunch of horses with pointy ice cream cones attached to their heads that she called "Warnicorns"."

"Oh, come on, where did she even get the horses and cones?!" Lincoln asked, not believing what he was hearing.

"Her father owns a stable and her mother owns an ice cream parlor." Lionel explained.

"… then there was Cartman, who the school expelled permanently when he held his first speech..."

"All because he said he didn't like fruit drinks," stated Richie. He got rewarded by a punch from Julia's shoulder in his side. "Ouch!"

"He was not talking about that kind of juice being burned!" whispered the black girl a bit louder than she intended to her friend, slightly embarrassed that he didn't get the atrocity of Cartman's speech.

"… and last but not least former hall monitor captain Richard Grayson."

"Wait. Old Dicky wanted to be school president?" Luan asked.

"Are you that surprised about it?"

"Well, he was always a control freak who thought he was destined for something great."

"I just remembered him as that jerk who hung out with a bunch of idiots and put bullies into detention, even if they did nothing wrong," Lincoln commented, trying to think why exactly no one liked the kid from last year's fifth grade.

"He was also a lying piece of garbage who made fun of anyone who questioned his "authority", tried to force a restroom time limit on other students and made derogatory comments about the school's anime club, by stating "anime is just eastern silly garbage for little kids who get easily distracted by flashy lights," reminded him Alexandra. "Needless to say, when he tried to promote himself to the first graders, an anime fan as me was not very "keen" on listening to what he had to say."

"Well, good thing that Clark came along."

Luan blinked. "Who is Clark?"

"Clark Olsen," Lincoln replied. "He is a school reporter. He found out that Dicky's friends Victor and Garfield took bribes from other schoolyard bullies, which he in return covered up. When the story was published, he had to resign from his position and got four months' worth of detention."

"He was still running for election, though," Alexandra added. She had a huge smile on her face, which somehow managed to be equally as delightful as creepy. "But he lost. Spectacularly."

"-5% of all possible votes," Lionel stated from the side.

"Wait," Lincoln threw in. "Didn't at least he vote for himself?"

"True," Alexandra stated. "But you know, you should never make your check sign on your ballot with invisible ink."

She chuckled. "He really shouldn't have asked me for a pen."

Luan, who had primarily drifted off during Alexandra's exposition regarding the election, got curious at those words. "Did you just admit of having manipulated the election?"

"I wouldn't call it "manipulation" if the only people who wanted to vote for him were his four friends and him. But I will admit that I MIGHT have distracted Victor and Garfield from getting into a voting booth by inviting them for some pizza, while Julia over there was busy talking with his friends Kori and Raven over some boy band."

"Never again," Julia stated with a shudder.

Alexandra leaned forward, flashing her teeth.

"I just wanted to make sure that whatever happened during the election, this boy did NOT get even one single vote," she stated in a voice filled with a surprising amount of venom. "You don't talk to Alexandra Dumas in the school hallway, telling her how "adorable" she is for pretending to run for first grade representative, pinch her in the cheek and get away with it."

For the first time since he ended up in this room, Lincoln felt genuinely uncomfortable. Not scared, but the way how Alexandra sounded right now reminded him a lot of his sister Lola, after she discovered that someone had messed with her tiaras.

Lionel put a hand on Alexandra's, which seemed to calm her down a bit.

"I am sorry," she apologized, sounding more civil now. "The Grayson boy just really pushed my buttons."

"I assumed so," Lincoln said, trying to fake a smile. "You don't like being treated like a little child?"

Alexandra simply nodded. "Loud, I am less than eight years old, and I can already solve math problems that are too high for a sixth grader. What does that tell you?"

"That you have no internet access at home and dull ways to spend your free time?"

Seconds later, Luan had a metal chain between her teeth as a gag.

 _i_ _Worth it!_ _i_ She thought once again while grinning.

"That you are a very smart kid?"

Alexandra showed her approval in regard of Lincoln's answer by flashing him a genuine smile. "I am aware that I will never be as smart as your second youngest sister, but I am also aware of my intelligence and proud of it. As such, I expect others not to treat me like I am some dumb kindergartener who eats glue on a daily basis."

She sighed, looking over a picture of Grayson crying as the election results were announced. "I tend to treat other kids with respect, even if they don't share my level of intelligence. Grayson had respect for no one. So I decided to teach him a lesson, by hurting him where it counted for him the most. His ego."

She looked proudly back at Lincoln. "I shattered it by making sure he lost his position at the force and then I made him realize just how truly unpopular he really was."

Lincoln thought about what she just said and realized something.

"Wait. His hall monitor position? Did you hand Clark the information?"

"Actually it was the Prince kid from third grade," she replied. "But let's just say that he, in turn, got the information from kids closely associated with me and the bullying victims that suffered from Grayson's cover up."

Her claim made Lincoln feel more uneasy now.

"Who are you?"

She smirked again, as if she was waiting all the time for him to finally ask that question. "I am Alexandra Dumas," she stated. "Former first grade representative and personal advisor of last year's presidential duo Blossom Utonium and Julien King. Current president of the student body board, member of the anime club and head of

CDR."

At the mentioning of the last word, Luan somehow managed to spit out the chain, dropping it on the table, startling some of the guards behind her. She looked at Alexandra as if the little girl had just grown a second head.

"CDR?" Lincoln asked. He remembered to have heard that acronym sometimes whispered around younger kids.

"It is short for Cour des Renards," Alexandra replied. She pointed at Lionel: "I had to shorten it on behalf of my consigliere here, who argued that most younger kids would probably have problems spelling French."

Lincoln wanted to say something else, but Luan interrupted him.

"Lincoln, shut up," she told him in all seriousness.

Lincoln, taken back by her tone, just looked at her in bewilderment.

"I just learnt that we are at the mercy of Royal Woods' most influential brat."

* * *

 **Hatoralo: "And with this, we end this chapter of Platonic."**

 **MamaAniki: "The four oldest Loud sisters are revealed as former politicians and Luan's puns are still awful."  
Hatoralo: "Like politicians."  
MamaAniki: "Or bad comedians, there is no difference these days anymore."**

 **Hatoralo: "And we made so many references to other cartoons in that chapter, we don't bother to explain them. Let's see if the readers know the stuff themselves."  
MamaAniki: "Whoever can name most of them first get's namedropped in the next chapter!"  
Hatoralo: "Not the best prize but we are not made out of money."**

 **MamaAniki: "Stella Batterfer and her craziness was an addition by our Proof-Reader Ultrablud2."  
Ultrablud2: "Hello! Fun fact, aside of the name, that's how SVTFOE (Star vs the Forces of Evil) was originally conceived."**

 **MamaAniki: "Oh, and of course, before we forget it..."**

 **Hatoralo & MamaAniki: "Merry Christmas and a happy new year!"**


	18. Le Roi, c'est moi - Part 1

**MamaAniki: (avoids Hatoralo's eye contact) Okay, fine. Sorry, didn't feel like contributing anything for the story in months. Therefore nothing moved forward and my partner depended on making own stories.  
Hatoralo: …  
MamaAniki: Fuck's sake, I am getting a degree currently. I'm sorry, okay?**

 **Hatoralo: "We want to excuse our longer absence because of what he mentioned."  
MamaAniki: "But now we will continue to write our insane story of incestuous feelings, cop-show, mafia-story and war-drama."  
Hatoralo: "Our writing goes way to weird way to fast."  
MamaAniki: "But we do our best to tell a good and entertaining story."**

 **Hatoralo: "We congratulate Bart Simpson for spotting and naming most references in the last chapter. He will get a cameo in a later chapter. Sorry, that we couldn't find the right place to insert you in this chapter."  
MamaAniki: "We also want to thank ultrablud2 for his continuing good proofreading work.**

* * *

 **Chapter 18: Le Roi, c'est moi - Part 1**

* * *

Lincoln looked between his sister and the second grader with the anime hair in confusion.  
"The most influential brat?" he repeated.

"Oh, so you heard about me?" Alexandra asked, ignoring the boy. "Did Lola spill the beans?"

"What?" asked the comedian, "No. I heard about you from some other kids."

Alexandra raised an eyebrow.

"There are many kids drunk on fruit punch at the parties I organize. And some begin to talk about how they couldn't get me without one the "foxes" asking for some favors," Luan elaborated.

"Guys-"

Alexandra sighed. "It is so hard to find people who can keep a secret."  
With a bit of aggravation in her voice, she added the following line to her previous statement: "Though I doubt anyone of them ever referred to me as a "brat""  
"Hello?"

"Well, I am sorry," answered Luan. "I just never imagined that "The White Fox" was almost as short as my sister Lola."

"I am at least three inches higher."

"WILL YOU TWO JUST SHUT UP?!"

Lincoln's outburst got the attention of the two girls immediately. Well, of them and everyone else in the room, much to his embarrassment.  
"I am sorry," he said, trying to make the situation less awkward. "But could someone please tell me what exactly this is all about?"

Lionel and Julia exchanged perplexed glances with each other.  
"And this time please without getting into overly long explanations as you did with my sister's and their political career?" the white haired boy added. "I mean, it was interesting to learn that, but it was also kind of a fillybust-"

"Okay Loud, let me interrupt you right there," said Alexandra slightly perplexed. "CDR? The Court of the Foxes? Never heard of us?"

Lincoln blinked in confusion. "Is this some kind of roleplaying group?"

Alexandra stared at her "political opponent" in total disbelief.

"For crying out loud, you guys are acting as if this is some sort of criminal conspiracy and she…"He pointed with his head at Alexandra "… is some sort of super villain."

No one said a word. The only thing Alexandra's associates began to do was smirk at the last part of Lincoln's statement. Much to the boy's growing discomfort.  
"Ehehehe… ehm… doesn't anyone want to tell me how silly this whole thing is?"

No reply.  
"Luan? Want to make some bad pun about bad boys?"

The comedian kept silent.

"Luan?"

"Ha…haha…hahaha….HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Lincoln almost fell out of his chair at Alexandra's laugh. Luan, meanwhile, felt insulted that her brother actually got a laugh out of her.

"You really don't know a single thing about me?!" stated Alexandra. Calming down, she gave Lincoln a bright smile.

"I'm starting to find your obliviousness adorable, Loud."

She leant in closer.

"Let me tell you a story about the darker nature of this school's social system and how I, Alexandra Dumas, took it over."

* * *

 _Alexandra Dumas considered herself a privileged child. Not because of any white guilt or some other social media related idiocy. She considered herself privileged becauseof the things she had: loving parents, a good middle class upbringing and,most of all, her brilliant mind. While she could never dream of being as knowledgeable as someone like Lisa Loud, she was certainly way more intelligent than the average second grader. Able to already read at the age of four, Alexandra soon discovered three things: First, there was a whole new, shining and shimmering world to learn about outside of the "old flavored" fairy tales her grandmother read her since they were age appropriate bed time stories. Second, she developed something at the age of five that most people didn't even have at the age of 30: Perspective,and the skill to actually put things into context. Meaning she didn't just read words, but what the text was trying to convey. She may not have all the information on a text to understand it completely, but she could always get the basics. Third, she realized that knowledge was a very powerful tool in order to achieve something in life. And last,but not least, if there was one subject she loved to read about the most, may it be in theform of fiction or factual material, it was the mafia._

 _Now, how come a prepubescent little girl would be interested in something like that? Well, once upon a time, when she was close to turning five, her older sister managed to somehow accidentally put Coppola's masterpiece "The Godfather" on the TV screen instead of a downloaded version of Frozen, which she wanted to distract Alexandra with while being busy listening to the latest album of her favorite band. Watching the movie was an "experience" for little Alexandra. At first she was confused why,instead of a little red haired girl asking her sister if she wanted to build a snowman,a man with an Italian dialect told his life story and how his daughter had ended up in a very bad situation. But then she listened to the man's tale in more detail and she realized that she was moved. And shocked atwhat he and his daughter went through. Then she saw the person he was talking to, the one the man referred to as Don Corleone. She didn't know who the man with the heavy voice was yet, but the way he acted caught her curiosity. So she decided to continue watching._  
 _Three hours later, Alexandra Dumas had a new hobby that should become so much more in the years to come._

* * *

The Kindergartener fell to the ground like a corpse. He had fought bravely. But he was no match for the Louds and Ronnie Anne.

"Tell me where your boss is," Lola demanded, pushing the kid against a wall. "Tell me, or this'll get worse."

"Did you two interrogate all suspects that way?" Ronnie asked Lana with a raised eyebrow. "This looks highly illegal."

"We are not on the force anymore," Lola exclaimed bitterly. "This is something personal anyway."

The kindergartener with frazzled hair and a mouth smeared in chocolate whimpered something that Lola couldn't understand.

"Speak up!" Lola demanded.

"There is no way to stop it now," the child exclaimed in a pitiful but also kind of ominous tone. "We are just tools to her. She has the control, we have to say what she commands."

"What are you blabbering about?" Lynn wanted to know. The child looked at her, a sad smile on his face.

"She has a plan. Nobody will defy her. Le Roi… Le Roi is… She is… She…" Before the kid could say anything else, he lost consciousness.

"Is he okay?" a worried Ronnie Anne wanted to know. Immediately, the kid snored with much fervor.

"I think he simply had too much sugar," Lynn stated. Next thing she knew, her younger sister let go of the boy, who just dropped on the floor to sleep out his hangover.  
Lana looked at her more sinister half with a worried look. "Lola?"  
"That little witch!" Lola snarled wrathfully.

"Who are you talking about?" Ronnie Anne wanted to know.  
"Alexandra Dumas," replied Lola. "Our precious student body president. Or as some had come to know her, Le Roi."  
Ronnie Anne's eyes widened in surprise. "Wait. Alexandra? That second grader with the spiky anime hair is Le Roi?"  
Lynn was confused. "What are you guys talking about?"

* * *

In the history of Royal Woods Elementary, there are many tales to be told. The story of the science fair of 1999 that ended with half of the gym hall being covered in slime, the time Leni Loud brought radioactive material to school because she mistook it for her sister Lisa's lunch, the day an entire class decided to make a massive "The Walking Dead" cosplay event during school time, causing a mass panic in the process, and of course, the epic story of Principal Huggins hunting down the frog-napper of the fifth grade.

But within the social structure of the students, there were the other stories to be told. Stories about the dark underbelly of the school, in which kids and their cliques fought for dominance over the schoolyard or tried to get the upper hand in regard to the latest trends outside the classroom. Even if no one spoke openly about them, most knew about the "Kaizokus", a group of Asian American students who translated popular anime and manga for the otakus in school. Same for the "Lemonade Stand Gang", a group of kids who dominated the business of refreshments in the neighborhood in summer time and smashed anyone who opened up a stand without their permission. But none of these groups had a thing on the newcomer who, within the last one and a half year, managed to rise to such power, they eventually managed to usurp them all: CDR, the Cour de Renards.

Many kids in the first till third grade knew about the group, but what they knew was not much and was only talked about in whispers. Supposedly, some random kid, who was only known to others under the codename "Le Roi", founded the group and by now had its sticky hands stuck in every schoolyard relevant activity. Kids got bullied by some random middle school kid? The middle schooler would soon find itself stripped to its underwear and chained to a locker mere seconds before classes ended.

Someone wanted to get a favorite toy imported from Japan for less than what ePurchase asked for? Just ask Le Roi or one of his associates, and in return for a small favor later on, you would get it gift wrapped days later.

Le Roi controlled the sweet and toy traffic to such an extent, other groups of neighboring towns, by now, began making business with him, just to get a say in how much the latest Ace Savvy Ultra Rare Cards were supposed to be worth when being traded.

But with that influence also came enemies. And some of them worked on the side of justice, wearing the hall monitor sash and trying their best to find ways to not only prove the existence of CDR, but also identify the elusive Le Roi to bring him and his ambiguously "legal" organization to justice.

At the head of this investigation was Commissioner Dagmar Solberg, one of the most law-abiding yet fair security team officers the school had ever seen. Criminal activity and bullying had hit a record-low during her still continuing tenure as head of the security team and she brought several gangs to their knees, including the aforementioned "Lemonade Stand Gang."  
Her gaze was on the "Court de Renard" for some time, but they eluded her time and time again and any suspect either didn't know anything important or didn't talk.

But what those people did not know was the following: Just because Le Roi used a male pseudonym didn't mean he was a boy.

* * *

Lynn knew that things at Royal Woods Elementary could be weird. After all, she had lived through President Van Pelt's legislature. But what Ronnie Anne had told her sounded more out of some Saturday morning cartoon than anything she had ever experienced in life. And she had a sister who was a kid genius capable of creating life out of garbage.

"A second grader managed to build a fully functional crime organization in this school after I went to middle school?"

The sports ace turned her attention to Lola. "You know, what surprises me the most is that you are actually not part of that."

If looks could kill, Lynn would have now played soccer in heaven. "She didn't want me," the beauty pageant simply said.

Next to her, Lana, who had been uncharacteristically silent ever since Lola stated that the student body president was, in fact, the head of Royal Woods Elementary's most influential juvenile crime group, gritted her teeth. "You…"

Lola, surprised by the aggressiveness in Lana's voice, turned her head. "The force tried to confirm the rumors about CDR for months! I spent weeks interrogating hall flitters and schoolyard bullies just to find out what the heck CDR might stand for."

The tomboy with the baseball cap was now face to face with her twin, and if her body language was any indication, she was also ready to pounce on the beauty pageant right here and there. "AND YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT YOU NOT ONLY KNEW ABOUT ITS EXISTENCE, BUT THAT YOUR BEST FRIEND WAS ITS BOSS?!"

Somewhere down the hall, part of the ceiling could be heard crashing down. If it was because of Lana's voice or some kindergartener's firecrackers, no one would ever be able to tell.

"She is not my best friend!" was all Lola gave as an answer and turned around.

"Oh, is she?" Lana asked. "Or were the two of you breaking up last year just part of the act?"

While the twins' argument was slowly starting to devolve into a fight, with Ronnie Anne and Lynn trying to calm them down by reminding them that now was not the time, Lucy took the opportunity to split up from the small group for a bit to get a better look at where they exactly were. All the while, she was thinking about what she had just learnt in regard to this school's supposed dark underbelly.

She knew that the name "Le Roi" was whispered around the school halls but not much else. Something about the black market selling sweets and how they organized great wagers on death battles between fictional characters in some strange web series she had never watched.

But as she and her Goth friends were more interested in the dark machinations of the supernatural rather than illegal operations on the school grounds, she barely paid any attention to it.

While she was looking out for potential danger in the form of other reckless little kids high on sugar, she heard a whimper nearby.

"Are you a ghost?" she asked into the empty air.

"Lucy?" the empty air answered her.

She recognized the voice coming from a locker.

"Rocky?"

She walked over to the locker, trying to look through the slits, but that wasn't possible. "Rocky, why are you in this locker?"

"I am hiding from the kindergarteners," the voice explained in a fearful tone. "Is it safe out there now?"

"Not really," Lucy explained in a dry tone. "But I'll get you to safety. Do you know where your brother is?"

"No," he explained in a worrisome tone. "Do you think something happened to him?"

"I can't say for sure," answered Lucy honestly. "We have to find him to know."

"Are you with somebody? I hear voices."

"My younger twin sisters Lana and Lola are with me, my older sister Lynn as well and Ronnie Anne Santiago too."

"The Gemini of Justice?" asked the young boy more nervous than fearful. "They gave my brother a ticket once for letting a napkin fall to the ground."

"Don't worry, you are safe," Lucy assured her friend.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Lucy quickly answered. "Come out now."

* * *

Lucy (like usual) had appeared behind her sisters and Ronnie Anne with the red haired boy with freckles holding her hand. The boy didn't know how she had done that with him holding her hand and he could swear they were first at one place and then another.

Lucy had explained the situation with Rocky to the others and that she wanted to bring him to safety.

"We DON'T have time for that!"

Lynn, not so much.

"We have to find Lincoln. That is our number one priority."

"I know," acknowledged Lucy. "But I can't just leave my friend behind in a warzone."

"He will be fine," assured Lynn, but her assurance was undermined a second later, as a kindergartener with dual-wielding toy axes tried to attack the group in a berserker rage. Lynn grabbed him and swung him around before throwing him away. He landed on a hidden color landmine which made him, and the nearby surroundings, look like somebody had attacked a rainbow with a large hammer.

"But I could be wrong," Lynn admitted deadpan while Lola was checking on a newly colored kindergartener.

"He is dead, Lynn."

"Very funny Lola. What about the other one?"

"No chance," Lana averred in and held up the babbling kindergartener by one of his arms. "We aren't getting anything out of him."

"I need gears, many gears, and a beautiful ravioli casserole too," demanded the little child. "I need brushes 16…"

"Let's continue searching," Ronnie Anne suggested, getting antsy from standing still. "We can get our information from somebody else."

"I wish Julia was around," mumbled Lola deep in thought. "With her,it would be easy to find Alexandra."

Nearby, Lana needed a few seconds to realize that by Julia,her twin must have meant Julia Evans, President Alexandra's personal bodyguard and friend.

"Let me guess," she said growling. "Julia is part of that "inner circle" some people talk about. Is she D'Artagnan?"

"Don't be silly," countered Lola. "I assume she is My Lady, if anything."

"What are you guys talking about?" a very confused Rocky wanted to know. "Why are you searching for French people?"

Lola just smiled her most charming smile at him and patted Rocky on his check. "Kiddo, I don't want you to lose your innocence so early, don't ask questions you don't want the answers to."

Rocky was so at a loss for words. He could point out that he was older than Lola, but few dared to argue with the more aggressive Gemini.

"Lincoln's classroom is nearby, why not search there for clues?" suggested Ronnie Anne. "It is better than standing still."

"Sure Santiago," Lynn agreed. "Try to keep up."

Lynn started to run with Ronnie Anne beside her, keeping up with her with no problem.

Lucy sighed, dragging Rocky behind her with the Geminis at the back.

The Teachers' Lounge of the university was full of curious onlookers who had heard about the troubles at Royal Wood's Elementary. Normally such an event would not get theinterest froma group of academics, but some details of the news made the entire situation interesting even for them.

 _Don't_ _let it_ _be about my next of kin, don't_ _let it_ _be about my next of kin, don't_ _let it_ _be about my next of kin_ , Lisa repeated in her head again and again when she entered with Professor Eiermann accompanying her. It wouldn't be the first time the Louds managed to appear in the news, but she hoped it was not about one of her sisters getting caught doing something unspeakable with Lincoln.

She was almost relieved as she only saw a Tesla Coil in front of the school's main entrance, zapping everyone who came too close to the gate with non-lethal lighting.

 _A Tesla Coil defense apparatus?_ She thought in surprise. _Only I could construct a mechanism like that_ _in this school_ _._

But she didn't and she wondered if a new genius had been enrolled to the school today.

Meanwhile,the TV screen started to show live recordings of kindergarteners in vehicles battling safety patrol students. All over the place,kids were shooting at each other with water and foam toy guns, throwingwater balloons like grenades, goinginto close-combat shuffles and callingeach other names. It was pure chaos,and she was happy that she wasn't involved init thanks to the agreement she had made with her parents that she could at least work at the university two times a week. An agreement they had to make because they argued about the necessity ofLisa interacting with people her age more often, even if they were way below her, in terms ofintellect.

The camera switched to a news reporter.

"Here is Miranda Veracruz de la Hoya Cardinal," the reporter greeted the viewers. "I am here at Royal Woods Elementary,where incredible,non-depressive events are unfolding. A war between the kindergarteners and the safety patrol, which has resulted in a total lock down of the school grounds. For more information we will switch to the school'sTV news reporter,and my daughter, Miranda."

A screen appeared left to Miranda, showing her daughter Renata still sitting at the desk, looking professional.

"Hi, Mom," she greeted her mom.

"Hello Renata," Miranda said. "How are you?"

"I am fine. They attacked the studio, but we prevailed."

From below, the hand of a small child was slowly rising. An eerie voice was demanding sweets. Renata took a second, stomped the hand in the ground and put her attention back to her mom.

"Good. If everything goes well,there will be stew for dinner and a talk about a change of school afterwards."

"Mom, don't worry,the school isn't like this every day," Renata tried to convince her mother. "Commissioner Dagmar Solberg has everything under control, this situation will be resolved soon. Mason, can we cut to Solberg?"

The screen changed to the Commissioner who had two toy axes on her hands, standing on a pile of rubble and repelling waves of kindergartners.

"Protect the flanks!" she shouted to other patrol officers who couldn't be seen in the shot. "We need to hold this position and take over the air vents!"

With those words,Dagmar ran into the next group of kindergarteners and started to whack them with everything she got.

"COOKIE!" shouted a random kindergartener before he got hit over his head bya plastic toy.

"I was in the resistance movements against Randal Weems, Lucy van Pelt and Dick Grayson!" shouted Dagmar in a controlled but powerful way. "If they couldn't scare me, none of you can!"

The screen changed back to Renata who just was silent for a while.

"Really not that bad, this is the first time something like that is happening," she said after a while. "We will keep you informed. We'llcontinue after these messag- We're cutting to commercialsduring this crisis? Seriously?!"

While the first commercial was playing, Lisa cleaned her glasses. There was no news sayingif her next of kin were involved in this disaster in a meaningful way, which was good so far. But she was also worried. The last thing she needed was a sibling in urgent need of medical attention.

* * *

Lincoln's classroom was not far from the point they started, but reaching there managed to be more of a challenge than Lynn and her little fellowship had possibly expected. Primarily because thanks to Lana and Lola no longer being on the force, it wasn't just sugar high kindergarteners they had to avoid. They were only one quick run down the hall away from Lincoln's class when they stumbled upon a group of hall monitors taking some kids in custody when they saw the "Gemini of justice" come closer. At first, Lana was actually pretty damn happy to see some of her friends from the force going up to them and ready to tell what they had learnt about Alexandra's involvement with CDR. But the moment she got slammed into the lockers and someone put toy handcuffs on her, she knew something was not right.

"Sarah, what the-"

"Sorry Lana," the girl in question said while securing the tomboy. "I have been informed you are supposed to be in detention."

Realizing her mistake, Lana just groaned. "Come on Sarah. I have information regarding CDR!"

The girl in question held in for a second.

"President Dumas-"

Before Lana had a chance to finish her sentence, Sarah pushed her harder against the locker and whispered the following in her ear: "She is busy getting things under control. Le Roi,on the other hand,wants to have a word with you."

Lana's eyes widened in shock at the last words. "You are-"

"For the last three months," the hall monitor admitted. "Sorry Lana. I was asked to keep an eye on you and your sister. Speaking of her, where is-"

Before she finished her question, Sarah found herself suddenly on the receiving end of a lunchbox hitting her in the side of her head.

"Get away from my twin!"

Mere seconds later,the hall monitors found themselves involved in a Loud House style brawl. In the ensuing chaos, Sarah tried to escape…

"Don't let her get away! She works for Alex!"

…Only to be caught by Ronnie Anne at her collar.

"Okay chica, give it to me straight," she demanded. "Where is Lincoln?"

Thankfully for Sarah, before she was forced to spill the beans, support came in

theform of other hall monitors. Misunderstanding the entire situation, they charged at the Louds and their entourage, leaving them with no other option but to run away. In Lana's case,still with handcuffs attached behind her back.

* * *

15 Minutes earlier…

The old saying goes: "Love makes you blind". Now, of course, the saying is not meant to be taken literally. Otherwise, romance novels would only be written in braille. What it means to say is that love can make you overlook certain things. Like obvious if not even serious flaws in the person you are attracted to, or the potentially negative consequences of actions you decide to take in its name.

In the case of Lori and Luna Loud, it made them blind to the fact that if you were doing a spontaneous stakeout to watch over your beloved brother, it would be advantageous to have something to eat and drink prepared for you.

"Anything?"

Luna emerged from the last seat line of Vanzilla, holding multiple objects up, including a lunch bag.  
"Two half melted chocolate bars, one soda from Saturday's concert and Leni's lunch."

Lori frowned in disgust at the mentioning of the later. "Don't bother with the last one. It's a peanut strawberry Smochi with Salsa."

The aspiring rocker put the bag back where she found it and handed her older sister one of the chocolate bars. While unwrapping her own bar and taking a bite out of it, she said: "We really should have packed something to eat."

Lori's response to this rather obvious statement was "dully noted", followed by the crunching noise of her own chocolate bar. The next moment, she spat out the bit of chocolate. "Buargh. White chocolate!"

"You can't be a chooser right now, you know?" Luna stated, taking another bite out of the chocolate.  
A couple of minutes ago, while they were looking for some more news on Lincoln and the situation within the main building on the laptop, both teens fell victim to the urge of eating. Unfortunately neither of them had packed anything to eat when they went out of the house earlier this morning, as they initially thought of getting something at their own school's cafeteria.

With nothing to eat at their disposal, they decided to head back to Vanzilla, the vehicle in question conveniently parked just a few meters away from the school to not attract too much attention (which was already pretty damn impossible, thanks to the golden paint job it received only two days ago) and looked over if there was something to eat. Anything, really. As the last paragraph showed, that wasn't the case.

"You know, I still have some money on me," Luna stated as she saw her sister sitting next to her on the driver's seat, trying to ignore the grumbling noises her stomach made in protest of her wasting the chocolate. "I could order a pizza for us."

At the mention of the word pizza, she saw Lori wince. Which confused her. "Do you prefer Chinese?"

"I am not really hungry for pizza," Lory hastily stated. "Perhaps we can ask some little kid to give us their lunch for money."

 _And probably get ourselves in trouble for coming off as creeps_ , Luna thought but didn't say.

Instead she looked worriedly at her sister. "Is there a problem with pizza?"

"Well, I…" Lori tried to think of an excuse, but couldn't. So she decided to just admit the problem. "I only have one service number on my phone," she said. "And that number belongs-"

"To the one Bobby is working for," Luna suspected, getting a reaffirming nod from Lori.

"Seriously?"

"I just don't want to see him less than a day after I dumped him, you know?"

"So you would rather starve than see your ex?"

Luna sighed and grabbed her sister's phone. Lori wanted to protest, but Luna just held up her hand and did a call. Half a minute later, she ordered a big pizza, one half ham, the other half peppers and mushrooms for her and her sister, which would be delivered in the next 15 minutes. Lori just stood there, baffled at the insolence of her little sister, who just broke one of the major rules of Lori: Don't take away her phone.  
If it wasn't for the fact that she had discovered her deeper affection for her own kind of blood, she would have punched her in the face. Instead, she just looked at her with an expression that spelled "what the heck?"

"Sorry Lori, but I am not going to starve myself to death just because you might be afraid of seeing your ex."

She handed Lori back the phone. "Besides, it is Monday. He is at school."

* * *

Unfortunately for Luna, she was mistaken about her assumption.  
"Blimey" was her only response when she saw the delivery boy turned out to be Bobby, who was equally as shocked as the two girls when he saw who ordered the pizza for lunch.

"Hi Ba- Lori, " he greeted his ex-girlfriend, standing in front of Vanzilla, while Luna was sitting on the driver's seat and looked at him in a way reserved for cops dealing with potential criminals.

"Hello," Lori replied. She tried to sound as cold as possible, but that was easier said than done, considering the sorry state Bobby seemed to be in. While he didn't look like a complete wreck, she saw that his face was in part unevenly shaved. And his eyes looked tired, as if he didn't get much sleep, if at all.

The two stood there in silence, the pizza in Bobby's hand separating the two and dangling right there in front of Luna like a sweet treat.  
Eventually, Lori, seeing the awkward atmosphere was too much to bear, she decided to fill the void.

"Aren't you supposed to be in school?" she asked.

"Aren't you?"

She tried to give a retort, only to admit to herself that he had a point. So instead, she tried to change the subject. "Why are you at work? And aren't you now working for Burpin Burgers?"

"Not till Thursday," her ex said. "Also I…" he fell silent for a moment, not knowing how to formulate what he would say next. "I am not at school 'cause I didn't want to see you after yesterday and needed a distraction."

Lori didn't want to admit it, but she was baffled at that response. After all, she shouldn't feel bad for him, seeing how _ishe didn't care/i_ for that simpleton. And yet she couldn't help but feel guilty about the idea that she was the cause of his current state.

"So I asked Joe if he needed someone during lunch hour and-"

"Cool story, bro," interrupted Luna, all of a sudden leaning out of the window. She grabbed the pizza, then shoved a ten dollar bill into Bobby's hand. "Keep the change," she said, wanting to send him off to work again. "Don't keep the other customers waiting."

"Actually, that was my last delivery for today," Bobby clarified.

Luna could only groan. "Of course it is," she mumbled.

Bobby either ignored Luna on purpose or was oblivious to the insults, as he instead turned his attention back to Lori.

"Lori…"

"What do you want?" the teenager asked in annoyance.

"Just tell me what I did wrong," he replied desperately. "Is this about me giving Carol a ride home when her moped broke?"

"You did what?"

Bobby winced at her outburst.

"Nevermind", Lori stated, trying to focus on what was important. "It is not that. I… I just realized that-"

 _You're utterly disgusting, I loathe your manly stink!_

Both teenagers reacted in awkward shock at the words. Lori turned her gaze sideways, only to see Luna, with the laptop on her lap, sitting in the car while eating a slice of pizza and listening to some music on the computer.

 _I see your lips are moving, and god I need a drink-_

"Luna!"

"What?" was all the younger girl replied as she stopped the song she was just listening to.

"Cut it out," Lori demanded. "You don't have to be a jerk."

"…Sorry," was the halfhearted apology.

Lori murmured under her breath, dumbfounded at how unbelievably petty her sister acted, and turned her attention back to Bobby. The young man was rather confused about the behavior of Lori's sister, who he normally knew as a rather laid back kind of girl.

"Is your sister okay?"

"Yeah. She just… she is crumby, cause the latest single of Mick Swagger kinda sucks."

Bobby didn't really believe this answer, but decided to accept it for the moment.

He glanced over to the sister in the car and shuddered internally at the cold gaze she gave him. "Could we perhaps talk somewhere more private?"

Lori wanted to say no, but the way her sister acted, as well as an uprising desire to at least give her ex a fair chance, made her change her mind.

"I will be back in five minutes tops," she reassured Luna before grabbing Bobby by the hand and leading him to some nearby bushes. The younger girl looked after her and then back to the screen of her laptop. A few seconds later, she raised her eyebrows in confusion. "What the… Why is this thing on?"

Seconds later, her eyes became foggy and she just sat there.

* * *

 **Hatoralo: "Chapter finished! Yahoo!."**  
 **MamaAniki: "We did it!"**  
 **Hatoralo: "Hopefully this is the end of our hiatus old friend."**  
 **MamaAniki: "I already said that I am sorry, okay?"**  
 **Hatoralo: "Anyway: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Hope is was an improvement over the last few ones in the eyes of our dear readers."**

 **Hatoralo: "Until then: Wait for our next chapter which is hopefully out before the release of the fourth season of Rick & Morty."**  
 **MamaAniki: "Don't paint the devil on the wall!"**  
 **Hatoralo: "I was just joking."**  
 **MamaAniki: (sighs) "Have a nice day everyone."**

 **Hatoralo: "We would like to make a shout out too MDStudio1 on DeviantArt who drew a comic about a scene in Platonic, the name of the Comic is "The Loud House - Lincoln And Clyde (Platonic)".**  
 **MamaAniki: "Visit his gallery if you have the time to read that little comic and look at his other fanworks. He has really nice fanarts of the Loud House and other franchises posted there. Give it a try, he is a good artist and deserves support."**


	19. Le Roi, c'est moi - Part 2

**Hatoralo: "Welcome back, dear readers, it is fantastic to be back!"  
MamaAniki: For this chapters introduction, I am going to only say the following things: Sorry, but again we go a bit into Alexandra. Also, two new characters relevant for something we plan witht he sisters will be introduced. All I can say is that if things go well, we soon have proper action with the older siblings involved too. Also, if you don't get any of the references with Alexandra and the mafia, I just have one thing to say: Read the Godfather or watch the movie. Cause it is a good story and better stuff to reference then anything I see come out in the last ten years.**

 **Hatoralo: "There is other good stuff, but we can't reference Marvel movies all the time or Wonder Woman, besides some other movies. The only other cop aside from "Fillmore! "show I myself know in more detail is "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" and that wouldn't do in this situation."  
MamaAniki: "Also I hate that show."  
Hatoralo: "Otherwise, we love the "Naked Gun" movies but that kind of material wouldn't fit either in this story."**

 **MamaAniki: "I also want to mention: We wrote a TON of material beforehand. We could theoretical upload a lot more but we want to improve on what we already have before uploading more."  
Hatoralo: "Quality over Quantity… Yet, we have still both in a way."**

 **Hatoralo: "We want to thank everyone who had commented/reviewed so far."  
MamaAniki: "We also want to answer some Questions you guys had in some reviews and we will answer but only if it doesn't spoil anything."**

 **Hatoralo: "Tziput13: No, the Tesla weapon was not from Command and Conquer, we just thought a Tesla style weapon would look cool."**

 **MamaAniki: "Was this all?"**  
 **Hatoralo: "Seems so. That was short."**  
 **MamaAniki: "We aren't great in answering… Also that is the point? We can't give away all the answers that could spoil the story."**

 **Hatoralo: "We once again, thank ultrablud2 for correcting our horrible grammar and make it more readable.**  
 **MamaAniki: "Enough talk from us: Go and enjoy this chapter."  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 19: Le Roi, c'est moi -Part 2  
**

* * *

This wasn't the first time Lori and Bobby had a serious conversation. They had more than one argument during their relationship about what to do, how to share responsibilities, who would drive and what their couple-name should be.  
In the end, they agreed on the name Lobby.

Several feet away from Vanzilla, behind a few trees, they turned towards each other. Lori, feeling really awkward, stayed quiet. But Bobby had a few things he wanted to ask:  
"What happened between you and Lincoln?" he began. "The pictures on Visagebook confused and worried me."

Lori was taken aback. She didn't count on Bobby asking her about this. But she held her composure and answered: "Siblings bathe together. You told me how you did it with Ronnie Anne."

"When she was a toddler," the Hispanic countered. "But Lincoln isn't one and it looked creepy how happy you were with him."

Lori would have shouted at him that love could never be creepy, but she knew he wouldn't understand so she decided to tell him a variant of the truth.  
"Give me a break. Society says that siblings can walk around half-naked together, but nudity is a taboo at a certain age? I wasn't planning to do something illegal to Lincoln, I just had a good time with him."

"I believe you," explained Bobby. He was serious. But also worried. The fact she had to "justify" herself by saying that she was not trying to do something creepy to Lincoln? It almost sounded like she was in denial. "But you should never upload this stuff anywhere."  
"You are right," sighed Lori. "Society is not ready for this."

He tried to ignore the implications of the last line. "Can we talk now about us?"

Lori nodded, wanting to bluntly send Bobby away, but something in her heart made her say something different instead. "Tell me what you want to tell me Roberto. I'm listening."

"I remember your reasons you wanted to break up with me," Roberto stated. "My hair is not white enough? I will not change that because that is stupid."

Lori wanted to protest this in a harsh way, but she decided to answer in a softer tone.  
"White hair is not stupid, it looks good on people," Lori defended her favorite hair color as of late. "But… Yeah, you are right, I shouldn't have forced you to change your hair color."

"Thank you," Bobby thanked her with a smile. "As for me being a pushover: You never said that before and I want you to remind of the time I refused to wear a suit for the prom."

Lori frowned. She remembered how Lincoln pretended to be Bobby to get her out of her room so they could stay on schedule. She later found out about it, but the only reason she didn't shout at Lincoln was because it had really been her duty to deliver them all to school. Her having a temper tantrum was really no excuse for leaving the others hanging… She was still angry about the impersonation thing, though.

"You have a point," Lori admitted begrudgingly. "But that was the exception. Otherwise, you do everything I say."

"I was just trying to be a good boyfriend," Bobby defended himself. "And you never tried to exploit that in my opinion, which was great of you."

Lori blushed. She didn't expect such a nice compliment right now despite the fact that something in her head made her think he would never say something that nice to her.  
"Th- Thank you Bobby. I… I appreciate that a little bit," she finally said, sounding colder but in an uncertain way. "But you are still clingy."

What he said next made him take a double take.  
"Me, clingy?"

"You always text me and neither of us are really able to stop talking. That is very unhealthy, there should be more to a relationship than chatting via smartphone 24/7."

Unbeknownst to them, Luna was sitting in a tree nearby, holding her phone in front of her while playing a game. But its camera was pointing at her older sister and her ex-boyfriend.

"That is not the only thing that we do and you know it, Lori," Bobby reminded her. "I am also pretty sure that we aren't the only ones chatting over our smartphone this much."

"We do it more often than others," was Lori's steady sounding response, but she herself wasn't really sure about it. "I just think it is an unhealthy way to have a relationship."

Bobby felt like he was in the Twilight Zone. Lori, talking about bad phone habits?  
"But that isn't a deal breaker. Changing that would not be a problem."

Lori nodded at first but then shook her head violently. "There is something else!" Lori almost shouted but kept herself from doing so at the last second. "We are just…"

"What?"

"The spark isn't there anymore," she declared. "The thing that made me fall in love with you."

Bobby had to hold back the tears building up in his eyes. He had a hard time accepting that the girl he loved was dumping him because she really didn't feel love for him anymore. He hadn't had a counterargument for this, this was something they couldn't fix by simply talking about it.

"The time I spent with you was literally great," Lori explained. "But I… don't know if you mean it or if the hormones are literally doing the talking for you."  
Bobby was just standing there and starring at her.

"Luna is waiting for me, so-"

Bobby grabbed her hand and Lori feared for a moment he might do something dumb so readied herself to use her knee.  
"One chance."

Those two words stopped Lori dead in her tracks, torn apart between using her knees or….

"…What?"

"I will show you why we fell in love with each other," Bobby promised in a surprisingly serious tone for him. "I will not give up on our relationship Lori, because I love you. Give me a chance and allow me to show you that the spark isn't gone yet."

Lori opened her mouth to say…

 _I love someone else. Someone I feel close_ _r_ _to_ _than I ever did to you._

"Bobby, you should know I-"

"Please!"

Luna was now watching the entire scene, her eyes glassy and looking at the display on her smartphone. The camera on the phone was pointing at Lori.

 _Stop acting like a child_ _._

"Stop acting childish."

 _Does the little baby needs his toy?._

"I am sorry," Bobby apologized. "But please."

 _No!_

"If you still feel just a little bit of love for me…"

 _Shut it…_

"Give me one chance."

Lori flinched. "I…"  
 _  
NO!  
_  
"Roberto, I think…"

"Let me show you how real our love still is."

 _NO, YOU STUPID A-HOLE! I WOULD RATHER EAT MY OWN ENTRAILS!  
_  
"Yes… Yes! I will give you literally one chance."

 _ONLY TO SEE YOU FAIL!_

Bobby smiled his gentle smile. "Then please come to the sports field in fifteen minutes," he requested, gently squeezing her hand.

 _I WILL NOT EVEN COME CLOSE TO THE SPORTS FIELD!  
_  
"I…" Lori stuttered confused. "Okay."

"Thank you Babe, see you soon!"

Bobby ran up to the sports field with Lori looking after him in confusion and her heart torn between Bobby and Lincoln. She couldn't choose who to love, she just couldn't anymore. Did she love both? Would he be able to accept a bigamist relationship with her and her brother? She held her head, feeling like something was drilling it.

Luna, still with glassy eyes, was still in the tree observing Lori with the zoom-function on her smartphone. But her hands were shaking, her mouth snarling at the scene she just saw and the pressure she forced on the display made it crack after a few seconds.

* * *

To say that the Observer was not very happy would be an understatement. It had counted for Bobby to be out of the equation since yesterday. And now he was trying to reinsert himself into the narrative? Unfortunately, it could not just send Luna out to see what the guy was doing. First, she had cracked her phone. Something that made it now harder to keep a better eye on theothers. Second, Luna should be back in Vanzilla anyway. Thus,the Observer decided to type in a few commands in the keyboard, which, froma long distance away,made Luna climb down the tree and return to the family car. It was abetter way, in the Observer's opinion, to see where this was going. It had other things to worry about,anyway. Things concerning the kids who kidnapped its beloved Linky.

* * *

Lynn was not in a good mood. She'd been in her old school for 20 minutes now and still not a single step closer to finding her brother. The only thing she had managed to accomplish so far was escaping from a bunch of third graders (by conveniently running into a bunch of rebellious first graders who had joined forces with the way too large number of kindergarteners) and dragging her younger sister's crush into the entire mix.

Hiding with the others in the currently empty music room of the school, Lynn sat on the ground, her head leant against the wall, trying to collect her thoughts and come up with a plan. Meanwhile, Lucy was trying her best to uncuff Lana with a hairpin Ronnie Anne gave her. A rather difficult task due to the fact that Lana just couldn't hold still.

"I can't believe that Sarah is working for Le Roi."

"I am not," stated Lola at her twin's random remark. She was looking through a gap in the door, keeping an eye out for people looking after them. As such, she did not see how Lana's face suddenly turned from heartbroken disbelief into tranquil fury.

"Why?" she asked Lola. "Because you knew about it?"

Lola turned around, confused. "Come again?"

Lana would have tackled her sister to the ground if it hadn't been for Lucy nonchalantly grabbing the handcuff chain, holding the blond tomboy down.

"You are friends with Le Roi."

"I told you I'm not. I just said that because I know that Sarah is an opportunist. You think she can afford all those makeup accessories with her allowance?"

Lana snarled. "Yeah, sure. Come on Lola, be honest. When the Captain tried to bust that illegal Pokemon Tournament, you were the snitch who warned CDR about it, weren't you?"

Lola looked shocked at first. But then the surprise turned into blood boiling anger.  
"How dare you," she growled. Before anyone had time to react, she had gone straight for Lana and grabbed her by the collar. "You think I would betray the force like that?"

Lucy and Lynn knew that in a situation like that, it was better to keep a certain distance from the twins. Even Rocky, who was not related to anyone in the room, could feel the tension.

Unfortunately, Ronnie Anne, who had only a limited experience with the Louds as a whole and wanted to keep a little bit of peace till they found Lincoln, decided to do the worst thing anyone could do in such a situation: She stepped in.

"Girls, I don't think this is the time-"

"Oh, it is the time," Lola interrupted the young Hispanic-American. "'Cause I am not going to be called a traitor by a discount shelf detective who has not even the slightest idea what she is up against!"

The snapping of a chain could be heard, as Lana broke her handcuffs and hit Lola in the face.

"I know what I am up against!" she snapped at the dumbfounded beauty pageant. "A sissy, prissy mafia wannabe!"

Next thing anyone knew, both twins were at each other's throat, pulling their hairs and, in general, fighting like two cats in a back alley.

"I am going to break you!"

"Go on. You already broke my trust, sissy!"

"Brute!"

"Jackass!"

"You know, I think I am going to take my chances outside," Rocky whispered to Lucy while watching the fight between the "Geminis of Justice" unfold.

"Okay, that is enough!" declared Lynn, stepping in and breaking the fight up just when Lola was about to shove Lana's cap down her throat. "If you guys don't stop, they will catch us!"

"Fine by her, I bet," Lana growled with an angry gaze fixed on Lola. "I bet Alexandra is going to have a tea party with her while we are getting tortured."

For a brief second, Ronnie Anne could swear that she saw genuine hurt on Lola's face, which was almost immediately replaced by disgust. "Do you really believe I would let her hurt you guys?"

"At this point, I believe you are part of her little group," was Lana's honest reply.

"I am not," Lola protested. But everyone, including Lynn, was giving her rather curious looks. "I told you guys she didn't want me."

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" Ronnie Anne asked, wanting to know.

And she wasn't the only one. Everyone in the room was now staring at her.

"Yeah Lola, come on," Lana injected. "Tell us what a smooth criminal you are."

"Shut up!" Lola shouted. Realizing that she had no other option at this point, she crumbled in defeat, bit her lip and sighed. Lynn knew that was a clear sign of her having given up to a situation she didn't like and surrendering to it.

"Alexandra and I, we… I became friends with her three years ago …"

* * *

 _Lola had always been curious._ _In fact,_ _like her twin, she was very active when it came to discovering the world. But_ _while_ _Lana_ _was_ _interested_ _in practical things_ _, like plumbing, craftsmanship, repairing, animals and everything "icky",_ _Lola_ _was more interested in_ _anything that could make her an equally beautiful and powerful princess/star._

 _By accident_ _,_ _she_ _learnt_ _about_ _the term "mafia princess"_ _at the age of_ _three_ _,_ _leading_ _to_ _her discovering_ _two movies called "Scarface". First the original from 1932, then the remake from 1983. Both versions had their pros and cons in Lola's opinion_ _,_ _but one thing was clear: She loved the character of Antonio Montana. Such power, such iron will, such charisma and such never-ending insanity_ _in the end_ _. She wanted to be like him. Minus the drug dealing and dying at a young age part_ _s_ _,_ _obviously_ _._

 _One day, as she was playing alone in the sandpit (Lana had spotted a squirrel and tried to make friends with it)_ _,_ _she met Alexandra Dumas. She was enjoying herself until a slightly older girl appeared before her._

 _"_ _Get of my sand," she ordered. "This is Dumas territory."_

 _"_ _Are ya nuts?" Asked Lola. "This is now Loud territory, chummy. If you want it_ _,_ _you have to rip it from my cold dead hands_ _,_ _you little scamp!"_

 _"_ _You are smaller_ _than_ _me!"_

 _"_ _And?"_ _Lola asked in an absolutely unimpressed manner._ _"_ _Have at thou!"_

 _Both started to run around each other, using their hands like pistols, making noises and throwing death threats at each other._

 _Lana came by at some point, asking if Alexandra was bothering her twin sister. But at this point_ _,_ _she was enjoying this so much, she sent Lana away, assuring her that she was safe._

 _After ten minutes of this_ _,_ _they came to a an agreement in sharing the sandpit, building a sand-villa together.  
_

* * *

"I remember that day," Lana interrupted her twin's tale. "You spent the rest of the day together, talking about some mafia movie and pretending to traffic my toy cars illegally."

"Yeah," replied Lola with a hint of nostalgia in her voice. "The two of us became friends and started to meet regularly. I called her Don Dumas and she called me Princess of the Loud Clan."

"With Lori as the clan leader?" Lynn asked.

"Yes, a terrifying figure. Whoever crossed her was never heard of again."

"I bet she would love that title and description," Lucy joked.

"We had a lot of fun playing "Mafia", though it was not the only thing we did together," Lola continued. "We watched movies together, played dress-up, old GTA games, held tea parties, the usual stuff."

"Most of the things I usually wasn't willing to do," Lana added. "Every time Alexandra came to us, you two kept it to yourselves."

"The fact that she was able to stomach the chaos of our domicile was an impressive feat on its own," commented Lucy.

"Everything was great," Lola continued. "Then came the day some bully tried to take away our sand molds."

"I remember that," Lana commented. "One of the few times I played with you two."

"That jerk thought he could take away our toys with some threats, like the fact that he was stronger and bigger and that his father was a ninja assassin," Lola recounted. "I doubt the legitimacy of the last part."

"We attacked him instead," Lana explained. "It was a short battle. All I had to do was kick him between the legs. I didn't know what it would do, but the outcome taught us an important lesson."

"The same went for him, I guess," spoke Lynn, with a hint of proudness at her sisters' courage.

"He ran home crying," Lola continued. "But it was Alexandra who learnt something important too on that day."

* * *

 _The day Lana and Lola Loud managed to beat up a bully in the park, securing the girls toys, was the day Alexandra Dumas began to think. To think about why this kid believed he was better than her or Lola. Was itbecause he was stronger? If the events in the park were any indication, strength and height were worthless, if the opponent was either smarter or,in Lana's case, had no problem to also play dirty._

 _Did the boy think he was better, because he was smarter? That couldn't be it either._

 _Alexandra knew the kid. He was a year older than her,but still too dumb to actually spell his own name. Meanwhile,she had improved her own surprisingly advanced reading skills and read a 500 page novel in the span of a week regularly. She had to hide her talent from other kids as she did not want to look like a nerd in the eyes of many, as well as her parents,who she was sure would not have approved of the kind of books she was reading._

 _The reason was that,ever since her dad found out by accident that she had watched the Godfather, both parents had forbidden her from consuming anything mafia related, telling her that it was not "appropriate" for someoneher age._

 _But Alexandra, as much as she loved them, ignored their parental advice. The Godfather was too good of a story_

 _to simply forget. She didn't want to part from it. As such, when she learnt that the movie was actually based on a book, she did everything in her power to find a copy of it for herself, going so far as to impersonate her mother to buy a copy of it at a garage sale._

 _Hiding the copy away in her room, she would read it every night for at least half an hour, when the parents were already in bed. Admittedly, she would stumble upon the occasional part in the book that would disturb her even AFTER she had seen the movie, but in the end, it did not affect the love she had for the story. The story of Michael Corleone's "fall" to the side of devils and the Corleone family as a whole, whose sovereign, Vito Corleone, was a character she admired. Ruthless to those who were his enemies, but also human. A man of old age who spent his entire life building up a criminal empire to provide for his family. An empire that, in the shadows,also seemed to help those who showed respect to him._

 _When Alexandra found out that the writer of the book had also written a couple of other novels, she did everything to get her hands on them too. But it was not enough. Soon after she was through "Omerta"_

 _,she got her hands on other mafia novels and began to read up on online articles regarding the inspirations for the characters she had fallen in love with. And from there on, it was just a small leap to other sophisticated novels and books about basic understandings of strategy and history, primarily centered around organized crime. And,with everything she read, she became smarter. Smart enough to eventually realize just how dumb the average kid of her age or even otherwise older was._

 _And those idiots expected her to just lay back and hand HER toys over to them?_

 _Alexandra didn't need to think long before she concluded that that was not acceptable._

 _If Vito Corleone was not willing to put up with Don Fanucci, why should she put up with those kids?  
_

* * *

 _"_ _Leave me alone!"_

 _"_ _Are you sure about this? Who else wants to hang out with you then?"_

 _She saw it_ _,_ _but she didn't know what to do. Unlike Lana and Lola, she wasn't the most physical type. She also had the feeling that attacking that guy could also get her into trouble. Since that day on the playground_ _,_ _she had also_ _read up on info_ _about bullying. Physical attacks were a thing_ _,_ _but simple and something that could easily get someone in a bigger punishment for because it was more obvious. But this? A 1st grader was mocking another classmate for his short statue, even though he wasn't much taller than the rest. The guy had introduced himself as an advisor of Lucilla van Pelt, the current president of the student body of Royal Woods Elementary. He wasn't even supposed to be here_ _,_ _but here he was_ _,_ _bullying one of her new classmates in a more hidden corner of the kindergarten playground!_

 _He insulted and called him names, and the only thing the boy could do was to make himself smaller and flinch in a subtle manner._

 _"_ _You wimp, you are nothing but a useless little bug. You_ _will_ _never make friends here!"_

 _"_ _I- I-"_

 _"_ _What is it? Speak up_ _,_ _you little-"_

 _"_ _Is there a problem?"_

 _An older, tall and kind of muscular looking girl wearing an orange sash with the words "Hall Monitor" written on it across her chest entered the room. Her eyes were calm_ _,_ _but also hard._

 _"_ _There is no problem, Captain," explained the 1st grader. "I was just talking to my new friend here."_

 _"_ _I listened," the girl replied honestly. "You have a strange idea of friendship_ _._ _"_

 _She got onto a knee and turned to the first grader. "Are you okay?"_

 _"_ _Y-Y-yes,_ _ma'am_ _."_

 _"_ _You can call me Dagmar. Did this guy do anything to you?"_

 _"_ _Don't_ _you dare_ _-"_

 _"_ _I wasn't talking to you,_ _advisor," Dagmar made_ _it_ _clear in a stern tone which became soft as she turned to the kindergartener. "Was he bullying you? I can stop that."_

 _The kid wasn't able to answer. He was torn between hoping that Dagmar was able to do something and_ _fearing_ _the possibility that this hoodlum might strike back with more insulting words._

 _As he didn't answer_ _,_ _Dagmar stood up again. "The safety patrol is here to protect. If you have any trouble_ _,_ _come to us. Advisor,_ _come with me."_

 _"_ _I work for van Pelt," he snarled in an arrogant and self-assured tone_ _,_ _as if that fact alone would protect him. "You can't- Hey!"_

 _Dagmar, as if she did it on a daily basis, put the 1st grader under her arm and transported him out of the room. "I don't want to see you annoy Kindergarteners anymore, advisor."_

 _"_ _Lucilla will hear of this, Solberg!"_

 _Dagmar didn't react to this_ _as she carried him_ _off_ _while the younger kid continued to hurl threats at the safety patrol officer._

 _As both of them were gone_ _,_ _Alexandra came to the following conclusion: This school had good and bad people in it. But a good person couldn't always be there when a bad person was causing trouble. Something had to be done to protect the weaker ones from such a misuse of power. But how to do so without sinking to the level presented in the advisor's case?_

 _A plan was slowly developing in Alexandra's head at that moment. But before she could think harder about what to do, she headed to the little boy who looked like he would start to cry soon._

 _"_ _Hey, are you okay?"_

 _He sniffed and said: "Yes… I think so."_

 _"_ _Don't worry about him. I wouldn't mind to be your friend." It was a rather plumb statement_ _coming_ _from her end_ _,_ _and she didn't even know if they could be friends like she was with Lola. But at that point_ _,_ _pity and the desire to stick it to the words of the advisor took center stage on her mind._

 _"I am Alexandra. You can call me Alex."_

 _"_ _I am Randall."  
_

* * *

 _"_ _Michael Mikulak?"_

 _"_ _He is one of Lucilla's advisers," Alexandra explained to Lola. She was spending the afternoon at the Louds, Lola somehow having managed to get everyone distracted_ _long_ _enough to leave the two preschoolers alone_ _. In front of them_ _was_ _a tea set and, to keep the illusion of class, a board on which the two played chess. Only_ _that_ _the figures were replaced by_ _pieces of_ _candy. "He is the first grade representative and what can only be described as a total bun hole." She moved one of her pieces, took one of Lola's pawns and ate it. "He likes to bully younger kids, especially that one classmate of his_ _who goes_ _by the name of T_ _._ _K."_

 _"_ _Wait. You mean the kid whose parents_ _got_ _recently divorced?"_

 _Alexandra simply nodded._

 _For Lola, who couldn't even imagine what it would be like to lose one of her parents, this was a low_ _blow_ _._

 _"_ _What a jerk" She moved her own piece and_ _,_ _in doing so_ _,_ _took Alexandra's bishop to eat_ _it_ _._

 _"_ _I could think up of a couple_ _of_ _more_ _degrading_ _words to describe him," stated Alexandra._

 _"_ _And you want to get back at this guy?"_

 _Three days had passed since the incident with Randall. In those days_ _,_ _Alexandra had gathered as much information_ _as she could_ _about the first grade representative who thought it was a good idea to waste lunch break bothering the younger kids on the school's playground. She didn't know why, but after she had spent the better half of her day with Randall, she not only felt like she had made a new friend, even if he was a bit older than her, but_ _also_ _that it was her duty to get even with Michael for him. Though_ _,_ _her own increasing wish to stick it to the jerk in general also played a role. But even with the information at hand, which she got from some of his other victims, she was nowhere closer_ _to coming up with_ _an idea of getting even with the guy._

 _"_ _What do you want to do?" Lola asked._

 _"_ _What would you do?" Alexandra asked back._

 _"_ _Don't know_ _,_ _"_ _the ongoing beauty pageant said. "_ _Give him one of Luan's prank cookies?"_

 _Alexandra raised an eyebrow in confusion._

 _"They make you go to the toilet, for number two," Lola explained._

 _"_ _Ewww."_

 _"_ _I was kidding. Still, what do you want to do? Beat him up? You know, my sisters would do that if someone dared to bully our brother_ _._ _"_

 _"_ _And then they make him eat laxative cookies?"_

 _Lola chuckled. "Most likely."_

 _She was silent for a bit._

 _"Still, do you want to beat him up? I can lend you Lana for that if you-"_

 _Alexandra was only listening with_ _one_ _ear. Beating up Michael? Truth be told, she had genuinely considered it. But there was a difference between fantasy and reality. And the reality was that she was at least a head smaller than the boy. And the methods of her idol_ _,_ _Don Corleone, in other words hiring someone to "deal with him", were out of_ _the_ _question. She had nothing to give to anyone, except_ _,_ _perhaps_ _,_ _her granny's patented cookies. And she was not going to waste them on the Mikulak boy. Furthermore, if she knew anything about boys, a good beating would not stop them from going back to their old ways. No. She needed something more permanent._

 _"_ _Alex? Are you listening?"_

 _"_ _I don't think that beating him up would be enough," Lola's friend replied in deep thought._

 _"_ _I would do it," Lola supported Alexandra in a way. "_ _Then again,_ _my parents and Lori are usually too clever to fall for it_ _,_ _and I am not somebody who would just take a beating."_

"But voters are not," explained Alexandra in a serious tone. "

 _Worst_ _case scenario, Van Pelt could spin it to her advantage, creating sympathy for him and, to some extent, her."_

 _Lola, who wasn't as well educated in the art of manipulation_ _as_ _her future self would be just_ _yet, raised an eyebrow. "How?"_

 _"_ _Simple. Van Pelt already runs on a platform stating that little kids are dumb and brutish. If someone she knows gets attacked by one of the younger kids, she could spin it to make it look like a case example of her own theory being right."_

 _"_ _But he start-"_

 _"_ _Yes, I know he started it,_ _what with him liking to bully kindergarteners_ _. But do you think anyone who is NOT in the kindergarten_ _,_ _aside from Dagmar_ _,_ _knows what he is doing?"_

 _Lola remained silent._

 _"_ _And Dagmar is already on the risk of losing her job because she called van Pelt names."_

 _"_ _Dang it. All because that wardrobe of a girl called her_ _too_ _incompetent to_ _be a_ _school representative?"_

 _"_ _You expect a politician to have thick skin?"_ _Alexandra asked_ _,_ _grabbing one of her own pieces and eating it._

 _"_ _Hey!"_

 _"_ _Relax. I_ _will_ _replace it with a gum drop_ _._ _"_

 _Alexandra sighed. "If I want to get back at the guy, I need to do something more than_ _just_ _beat him up. I need to destroy him. I need to make him despicable_ _,_ _even in Van Pelt_ _'_ _s eyes_ _."_

 _Lola would have been lying if she had said she didn't like the tone in her friend's voice._ _And yet_ _, she found it intriguing. "How do you want to do that?"_

 _"_ _Well, this is where I need to ask you for something."_

 _"_ _Do I need to call Lisa to explain to us how you play chess for real?_ _'_ _Cause I don't want to be lectured by a two year old_ _on_ _how we are just prancing around with bonbons."_

 _"_ _No. What I want to ask you is the following: Do you think you can borrow your sister Luan's mini camera?"  
_

* * *

 _Spying_ _turned out_ _to not be_ _as interesting as the James Bond movies made it out to be._ _Alexandra wasn't_ _expect_ _ing_ _a shootout_ _,_ _but just sitting there, tailing and following got boring quickly,_ _even if Randall, who turned out to be rather good at this tailing business, helped her out_ _._

 _But she got what she needed._

 _People_ _don't have perfect opinions about_ _others,_ _even_ _regarding_ _their_ _best friends,_ _allies_ _and family. But there was_ _the_ _unwritten rule that you didn't talk bad_ _ly_ _about_ _them openly_ _. Michael didn't know that rule, talking bad_ _ly_ _about his boss to some of his friends, some of them_ _being_ _also advisors of Lucilla._ _Add_ _a video of Michael bullying another kid_ _in broad daylight and she had everything to make karma bite him in his behind_ _._

 _With the help of ThouDuct_ _,_ _she anonymously posted her material_ _online_ _, ruining his career_ _in the process_ _._

 _He got grounded by his parents for bullying other kids,_ _a detention for a month and_ _van Pelt threw him_ _and his friends_ _out of her inner circle. This also resulted in Lucilla ignor_ _ing_ _the complaint_ _s_ _of Michael_ _regarding Dagmar, securing the latter's position in the force._

 _His career in school politics was ruined, but_ _that was not the end for Alexandra._

 _Rumors quickly spread_ _about the mysterious person_ _who brought down Michael,_ _with_ _Randall mentioning_ _to others_ _that somebody great had helped him deal with_ _with his problem_ _. He didn't use her name, but he was asked by different other students to direct their thanks to_ _"_ _The White Fox"_ _,_ _as the poster of the evidence called itself on its channel_ _. Randall hadn't been the only victim of the ex-advisor._

 _To make things even more interesting, Randall would receive inquiries from other students, asking if "The White Fox" could help them with other bullies._

 _This made Alexandra consider_ _about doing more. It was time to teach the bullies at Royal Woods Elementary a lesson. And_ _she_ _knew who else would be willing to help_ _her_ _with that.  
_

* * *

"She came to me, telling me she wanted to keep doing it," Lola told them. "And she asked me for help."

"I can't deny that your story made me more sympathetic to Alexandra," Lynn told Lola with some hidden grumbling. "If only for striking at Lucilla, of course."

"She wasn't the main target, but Alexandra never liked her," Lola continued. "Anyway, I decided to join her. In fact, I was the best spy as the organization started out. My sweet behavior and young age made me the perfect candidate to find out what other bullies were planning because they didn't see me as a threat."

"Didn't you fear retaliation?" asked Lucy. "Those guys aren't always afraid to beat up little girls."

"That's why I had my little friend with me: Glitter dust. That stuff can burn in your eyes like hell."

Lola walked to the window and looked out, observing some little skirmishes outside of the schoolhouse. She looked melancholic. "It was a great time."

Meanwhile, Rocky was realizing how absurd the entire situation was. The Kindergarten attacked everyone after some kid-Mafiosi kidnapped Lincoln, then the school became a war zone, torn between kindergarteners and the safety patrol, and the little sister of his first crush had been part of that mafia at some point.

For crying out loud, he just wanted to find his brother and get somewhere safe.

"Can we go now?" he asked carefully. "I don't hear anyone out there anymore, so we could go and-"

A mighty stomp shook the music room a little bit at first, but then it shook it more and more as it came closer.

"Hide!" ordered Lynn and everyone vanished behind different musical instruments.

The stomps came closer and closer until the door was swung open. A kindergartener in a robot suit made out of toy blocks and plastic came into the room, scanning everything with a searchlight, but to our heroes' luck, the thing didn't see any of them. After that, the Kindergartener and its unorthodox battle-suit left the room, closing the door.

"On second thought," Rocky mused. "Let's just stay here."

* * *

Clatter, clatter, clatter.

The sound any spray can made. "The Artist of Monte Christo" had taken the chance to run into a battlefield to spray one of his artworks onto the inner side of the gymnasium which hadn't become a part of the war zone yet, but the sounds of war weren't too far.

The kid of an American mother and an Italian father knew the risk, he knew he could be in incredibly big trouble if he was caught doing his art there, but he couldn't let this chance pass.

He climbed up one of the climbing ropes they used in P.E. class and secured himself as he reached the ceiling. Once there, he once again shook the paint spray can.

He would improve the complexion of the sports hall, he didn't have the time to do much with it, but enough to spray paint something memorable.

He wondered if Le Roi would like his newest artwork once it was finished.

* * *

The school was in total chaos.  
And just when she was busy keeping things under control somehow, Le Roi had to call her. Told her that someone had seen two female high schoolers at the sporting field sitting on the benches. Girls Le Roi wanted her to get rid of. She wanted to clarify that she did not have the time to do so and that she would be more useful in other places. But the boss insisted on her doing her job as CDR's "executioner", justifying the order by stating that an example had to be made towards the Louds. So she had no choice but to tell subordinate Bart Simpson (who actually was not a trouble maker and was genuinely pissed at the fact that his parents were fans of Matt Groening's work) to take charge of the attempted assault against the horde of kindergarteners trying to break their leader out of confinement while she had to get her weapon of choice ready.

Bart Simpson sighed, looking towards the marching kindergarteners. "How could it have come so far? Oh, treasure!"

* * *

Lori and Luna were sitting in the rank benches of the elementary school's sporting field. Lori was staring at her watch, wondering where Bobby was, while Luna leaned back and tried to relax by listening to music on an IPod, the earphones stuck deep in her ears.

"Where is he?" Lori wondered, which earned her a snarky: "Perhaps he had to wait for a chicken to cross a road again." from Luna.

Lori rewarded her for that with a genuine angry look. "You know, you don't have to literally act like a brat because of him."

For the first time since Bobby had shown up, Luna looked hurt.  
"Sorry sis," she apologized, hoping that Lori would not hate her. "I just don't understand why you're even bothering with him, when Lincoln is in danger."

Lori had to admit that her sister had a point. She should worry more about the missing boy than her ex. But with Lynn on the chase for clues, a small part of her was certain that her beloved brother would be rescued soon enough. She also thought that she could concentrate better on Lincoln if she got Bobby out of her head first.

"Besides, I thought you were over him," Luna inquired further. "We decided…"

"…To give up everything that could hold us back from loving Lincoln," Lori finished the sentence. "I know. I was literally there when we decided on it."

She sighed, leaning her head back. "It's just… Bobby isn't just like an annoying hobby, you know? We have been together for over eight months. I can't just quit on him like that."

Luna frowned. "That's funny, you said something different yesterday."

"I know," Lori admitted. A shallow chuckle escaped her mouth. "I guess seeing him in person made me question my decision."

Luna didn't like the sound of that at all. Still, she tried to be supportive of her sister. So she grabbed her sister's hand and leant in closer, till their foreheads were touching each other. They stayed like that for a couple of seconds, the only thing disturbing the calm being the sound of Luna's music Lori could hear through her earplugs. "You still love Lincoln, right?"

"Of course I do," Lori reassured serenely. "I love him with all my heart."

Luna quickly glanced over to every side to make sure that no one was looking at them, before she gave her sister a gentle kiss on the nose. "Then you know what you have to do."

The older sister moved her head back up and sighed in defeat. "I know. And I will. I…I just want to let go of him in a gentler way than I did yesterday. Okay?"

Luna wanted to argue against it, but the pleading look in Lori's eyes made her reconsider. Instead, she too sighed and patted her sister's hand. "Alright."

On the playing field, something began to happen. Bobby, being followed by what the two girls identified to be the Elementary School's marching band, were approaching the girls.

"Looks like he is getting started," Luna stated and pulled her earphones out. She turned her gaze to Lori one last time. "Just so you know, I love you, gal."

Lori smiled. "Same."

"Lincoln will be so happy with us."

"Totally."

* * *

"That is, if the two of you finally get your hands inside his pants," mumbled the Observer in slight annoyance. It really did not like dealing with the entire Bobby affair right now and hoped this was going to blow off fast.

* * *

From below, Bobby was getting into position. Somehow, he got himself shaved and access to a mic. Furthermore, he managed to convince the entire school band to help him. It helped that the bandleader was supposedly a big sucker for romance and wanted to help the Santiago boy to save her favorite "ship".

Bobby didn't understand what his relationship with Lori had to do with water transport vehicles, but he was thankful for the help. Granted, he would have to pay them all in pizza later on, but that was the least of his concerns.

"Hey Lori," he greeted his hopefully not former girlfriend nervously.

The girl in question just sat there with arms crossed against her chest.

"So… I know you don't want to be with me anymore, but… Lori, I… how do I put it…"

"In English, please," was the rather sarcastic reply from Lori.

"I love you. And I don't want us to end just like that."

Lori tried to be strong, but for a second, she really felt like she should reconsider her decision.

"You can't imagine how much I want to tell you how I am feeling. But… well, I know I am not so good with words."

He smiled at her, scratching the back of his head nervously.

"So, I thought maybe a song could tell you how I feel."

From behind him, the musicians got ready. Though Luna realized something as she took a closer look at them. Primarily, they didn't seem so sure of what they were going to do.

 _Low confidence in your musical backup?_ she thought, questioning his decision. _That is not a good sign._  
It put a smile on her face.  
Bobby cleared his throat and signaled the band to get ready. Lori leaned in closer, curious about what she would hear.  
Bobby opened his mouth, the notes were playing…

 _Hello my baby, hello my honey  
Hello my ragtime gal…_

And boom went the dynamite.

 _Send me a kiss by wire  
Baby my heart's on fire_

If there was ever a moment in real life when someone's action should be followed by the scratch of a record, this was it.

 _If you refuse me  
Honey, you'll lose me  
Then you'll be left alone…_

Bobby genuinely hoped to get a reaction out of Lori with his choice of song. After all, it was a pretty romantic jingle from the turn of the 19th century, wasn't it?

 _So Baby telephone, and tell me I'm your own!_

Unfortunately for him, 115 years can kind of temper with the effect a song of that caliber should have. Something the rather embarrassed members of the band were aware of. Unlike Bobby, who was not just wrapping up the first verse, but even going for the mostly forgotten second one.

 _You call me on the telephone  
You tell me that you're all alone  
I know that you are lying through your..._

Though, in all fairness, it had the effect Bobby was aiming for. It left Lori speechless. As well as confused and with her mouth wide open.

The same couldn't be said for Luna, though. After the initial shock regarding Bobby's choice of music set in, she found herself laughing so hard at the scene on display, she was now laying on her back, having problems to properly breathe.  
And she wasn't the only one…

* * *

Somewhere, in the dark of its working place, the Observer watched how Roberto Santiago Jr. was making an idiot out of himself and laughed. Hard. In fact, it didn't remember to have ever laughed as hard at something ever as it did right now. If he had the capacity to do so, the Observer would have soiled itself in laughter, it thought scene was that stupid.

"Congratulations boy," it managed to say in between fits of laughter, "I don't even have to fix anything. You are making the job for me!"

* * *

Bobby was only halfway through the second verse when Lori stood up and turned around to go.  
The first one to notice was some random trumpet player, who interrupted himself by playing a wrong tune, which was followed by the rest of the orchestra doing the same thing in a cascade-esque fashion.

Soon thereafter, Bobby mercifully shut his mouth, realizing something didn't go as he planned. He looked up at the seats, where a very tired and annoyed looking Lori Loud stood.  
It was silent for a couple of seconds, till Lori stated the following in the most deadpan manner he ever heard: "I am done."

Bobby was confused. "Babe?"

Lori took a deep breath and spoke her mind. "I am sorry, but that is literally the dumbest thing I have ever seen in my entire life."

The only response her former boyfriend gave to this criticism was a defeated wince. And unfortunately for him, she wasn't even halfway done with it.

"If your intention was to vow me and remind me why I loved you in the first place, you failed spectacularly! The only thing I can think about now is Looney Tunes."

 _What does this song have to do with Looney Tunes?_ asked the Mexican-American to himself, who had never seen the theatrical short starring Michigan J. Frog.

Most musicians in the background felt rather awkward now. Though, at least one of them couldn't resist the urge to ask if the music was at least okay. He got rewarded with a smack on the back of his head courtesy of one of his bandmates while the rest put their instruments in their respective cases. They wanted to get out of there before things turned ugly.

"You know, it is exactly stuff like that I started to think you are dumb."

Too late.

"I am sorry, I wanted to break it to you in a nice way, but… this is just immature and ridiculous. And I can do better than that, you know?"

Bobby didn't say anything. He just stood there, taking every insult fired at him.  
"Do you have anything to say, Bobby?" Lori wanted to know.

But the young man didn't seem to pay any attention to her. He was just standing there, his head hanging down and his right hand nervously squeezing the mic he was holding.

Lori just frowned. "We are done here. Find somebody else to "call you on the telephone"", she mocked in a manner opposite of what she originally intended it to be.

Something Luna didn't really have that much of a problem with, as she came to her sister's side. Putting her hand supportively on Lori's shoulder, she led her to the nearest exit.

Before they got there, though, she wanted to give her own two cents regarding the entire situation.  
"Sorry dude," she said. "Guess you played your cards wrong. Now, if you are done making an even bigger fool of yourself, we have to go find our broth-"

 _You're just too good to be true…_

The Loud sisters, as well the musicians who were about to leave, stopped.

 _Can't take my eyes off of you…_

Luna turned around to see her sister's ex with the mic in front of his lips again, giving her a pleading look and singing some song softly.

 _You'll be like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much…_

The young rocker rolled her eyes. "Yeah, good luck with that. I doubt she wants to be touched by you anytime soo-"

"Bobby?"

Luna stopped midsentence. She glanced to Lori. The young blond had turned around and was looking at the young man down below with surprise in her eyes.

 _You are the love of my life_

 _You make me feel so alive,_

 _You are just too good to be true,_

 _can't take my eyes off of you._

"Sis, let's go," Luna insisted, not liking that things were still going on. But Lori didn't react when she pulled her by the arm.  
"Sis?"

 _Pardon_ _me for_ _the way that I stare  
There's nothing else to compare..._

 _The sound of your voice on the phone...  
your eyes as blue as a gemstone..._

Luna got worried. "Come on gal, you won't fall for that schmaltz, will you?"  
But Lori didn't listen. Instead, she remembered the first time when she had heard the song Bobby was, though with certain changes, singing.

A bit more than ten months ago, a friend of hers invited her to a movie marathon. The "best" of Heath Ledger, a movie tribute night. Normally, Lori would have had better things to do, but the ticket was for free and supposedly some cute boys, including a guy named Jeff she had a crush on, were coming too. The chance of hanging out with the boy was something she didn't want to let go to waste, so she said yes. Furthermore, even if nothing would come out of it, she would still get some good movies, featuring an actor she thought was rather attractive, to see. Which she did. And while she didn't get as much enjoyment out of "The Savvy Gambler" as others, starring the actor in his penultimate role before his tragic death, she had a good time watching the other movies. Including some teen comedy where the character he was playing sang the same song to a girl he was slowly developing a crush on. She thought it was just cute and goofy in all the right ways.  
Jeff didn't think likewise. He was laughing at the ridiculousness of it, and so did many of his friends. Including a young boy who went by the name of Roberto Alejandro Martinez Millan Luis Santiago Jr., or Bobby as his friends called him.

But later, while she decided to sit out of most of the latter half of "The Savvy Gambler" in the theater foyer, the Santiago boy followed her. He asked her if she was okay 'cause she had been gone for the last 15 minutes. She told him that she just didn't want to see a constantly dark and moody movie about a comic character that much, followed by a joke about how this was more something her little brother would probably enjoy. The Santiago boy followed this up by talking about his little sister. And from there on, a conversation started, during which the two teenagers joked, talked about their respective families and each other, discussed how meaningless the upcoming student council election was, and so on. In other words, they had a good time. Something Lori more or less needed as, halfway through the last movie, she was more than aware that Jeff didn't pay as much attention to her as he did to Carol Pingrey.

It was the beginning of a new friendship, which soon turned into something a little more meaningful when he invited her to a date with mini golf and a milkshake.

 _He remembers,_ she thought, deeply touched, holding her hand to her chest. Yes, Bobby had made fun of the song a bit during their first conversation, humming some notes just to tease the girl he didn't know much a little bit. But he never laughed at her for liking it. And now he was sincerely singing it just to her.

The thought of the first time she hanged out with Bobby triggered a chain reaction in her memory. Suddenly, she remembered everything that made her fall in love with that kind hearted simpleton. The time he ordered in a French restaurant for them, only to realize in confusion that what he was eating were snails, the adorable smile on his face when he called her his "Babe", the way he held her in his arms and reassured her that she was the greatest girl in the world before kissing her in that gentle way only he could…

She was shaking and her eyes were watering. She was so caught up in her memories, only halfway through the verse did she realize what Bobby was singing about.

"Lori, for Lincoln's sake, say something!" Luna demanded.

Unfortunately for her, the only reply Lori would give was something the younger sister regretted to hear.  
Three simple, soft spoken words that were said in deep affection:

"Boo-Boo Bear."

* * *

The Observer was no longer laughing.  
"This is not good."  
It watched in worry as the sound of multiple instruments was heard.  
"This is not good at all," it stated and tried to type something on the keyboard.

* * *

Luna didn't know what to do. Her sister had turned into a softie at the sound of what she could make out as early 60s pop rock, though if her memory served correctly, the lyrics were not supposed to include lines in which the singer compared the lady he was singing to as more beautiful than the Mona Lisa, indicating that Bobby was adjusting the lyrics to express his feelings more specifically. On one hand, she thought of it as "creative" in a very spontaneous way. On the other hand, she didn't want the boy to succeed in winning Lori back. And if the way the blonde was now looking at him was any indication, he was halfway there.

To make matters worse, the orchestra was getting into it again. By the time Bobby had finished the often ignored second verse of the song, some of them began to enthusiastically play the musical bridge on their instruments, as they had learnt the song only recently during practice. Soon, they were accompanied by their friends, and the entire field was suffused by the sound of a song most people only knew from either the "Deer Hunter" or "Ten Things I Hate about You".

While the band was reaching the end of their big solo, Bobby just stood there, his eyes fixed on his ex. He saw the look on her face and, for the first time since their break-up, he felt rather confident. He knew that he had only this one chance and he didn't want to blow it.

So when the song reached the point where he was supposed to sing again, he took a deep breath and gave it all he could. He didn't care if she or anybody else thought he was a fool, he was going to tell her how it was.

 _I love you Lori,  
I need you by my side,  
in the dark of life,  
you are the only light,  
I love you Lori,_

 _Trust me when I say…_

Luna could only watch in disbelief as the number reached its peak, with her sister's ex now walking towards them, slowly ascending the seat rows to the girl he loved.

 _I ask you, Baby,  
give me a second chance,  
please don't let this be now,_

 _the end of our romance,_

 _I always loved you Lori,_

 _Let me love you…_

By now he was standing in front of her, looking in her eyes, a sheepish smile on his face.  
Before Lori could say anything, he grabbed her hand and went down on his knees.  
The band continued playing while he took all his courage and said "I love you, Babe. I loved you for the last 34 weeks of my life and I want to love you for a hundred times longer."  
Part of Luna wanted to snarl that the chances of him loving her for 3400 weeks, which equaled around 70 years, were rather slim. But, much to her surprise, even she thought that the scene had become rather… cute?  
"Will you please come back to me?"

Lori could feel the conflicting emotions within her fighting for dominance. One side wanted the boy to drop off the face of the planet, reminding her that only Lincoln truly mattered. The other wanted her to embrace Bobby in a hug and make up with him right then and there. And the longer they fought, the weaker the former got.

* * *

"Dang it!" the Observer cursed. "Dang it, dang it, dang it!" It turned its attention to its mobile phone. "YO-BU!"

"Calm down," a female voice said on the other end of the line. "Someone will deal with it!"

"Who?"

* * *

The third grader Le Roi, only referred to as "The Executioner", was standing at the window of an empty art class room. From the third floor of the main building, she had a perfect view for what she was about to do.

"Sorry Loud," the girl in a gray hoody, said. In her mouth was a half-eaten lollipop she rolled between her teeth as she tried to get a good sight through her scope on the two older Loud siblings standing on the sporting field. "It is just business."

Though even if it was business, she still couldn't understand why the boss demanded her go "full out". In other words, semi-automatic.  
"Well then," the girl said and released the safety catch of her Tippmann A5. Putting the finger on the trigger, she bit on her lollipop and took aim at Lori "Time to get rid of them."

* * *

"Bobby, I…" Lori began, while giving him a hand to help him up.  
But before she could say anything else to explain her situation, Bobby, half on his legs again, suddenly got hit by something in the back of his head. The next thing she knew, he let go of the microphone and stumbled forward, landing face first before her feet.  
Immediately the band stopped playing. Lori just stood there and looked down. All she saw was the back of Bobby's head, all red and wet. She didn't even realize that some droplets of red had also hit her in the face.

Behind her, Luna, who had been previously genuinely worried about Lori's behavior, rushed immediately to her sister's help as she began to rationalize what just happened.

"Lori, what-"

The older sister didn't hear the young rocker. All she cared about was Bobby, who didn't move an inch.

* * *

 **Hatoralo: "Done and… Done!"  
MamaAniki: "It doesn't look good for Bobby."  
Hatoralo: "Is this the end of Roberto Alejandro Martinez-Millan Luis "Bobby" Santiago, Jr.? Is he done for or will he survive?"  
MamaAniki: "Tune in next time for the thrilling conclusion!"  
Hatoralo: "What are your thoughts on Bobby's possible fate and on the chapter in general? Post a review, we are grateful for any kind of feedback and constructive criticism."  
MamaAniki: "Until then, enjoy your lives and stay safe our dear readers."**

 **Reference Explanation time for Chapter 18:**

 **The kindergartener who needs 16 brushes? He should meet Colonel Campbell, needs 61 scissors. (Metal Gear)**

 **Reference Explanation Time for Chapter 19:**

 **None. The only noteworthy thing is explained in the story itself.**


	20. Le Roi, c'est moi - Part 3

**Hatoralo: "LoudAutomata16 has a writing partner now, called Hidden717. Like we two!"**  
 **MamaAniki: "And they do Notes in the same style I do."**  
 **Hatoralo: "We have only one thing to say about this:"**  
 **MamaAniki: "Our lawyers will soon speak with you."**  
 **Hatoralo: "What? No, we want to congratulate them to their partnership and feel honored to be inspired their way of writing notes!"**

 **Mama Aniki: "We want to thank ultrablud2 for proof-reading this chapter as well as almost all the others so far."**

 **Hatoralo & MamaAniki: "Now for the questions of our readers:**

 **LoudAutomata16: Bobby surviving? We will see and we are happy to hear that you liked all the backstory. And Rocky is the straight man here, somebody has to show how insane all of this is.**

 **Tziput13: Hatoralo: "I like C &C too… Well, the cutscenes.^^" " MamaAniki: "We are happy to hear that you like our work and the world building we do."**

 **Keeper of Worlds: You want to know the Observer's endgame? Then you have to continue reading this story, we will not spoil it here but the Louds will eventually confront the Observer."**

 **And without anything further to add:**  
 **Please enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

 **Chapter 20: Le Roi, c'est moi - Part 3**

* * *

Don'tbedeaddon'tbedeaddon'tbedeaddon'tbedead…" Lori repeated in a quick manner while she dragged the lifeless body of the Hispanic boy out of the danger zone. Total chaos had erupted around them as the shot struck Bobby, coloring him red. Luna was besides her, screaming that she should just drop him, but her sister wasn't listening to her. Groaning, she grabbed Bobby by his feet and helped her older sister carry the unconscious teenager to cover.

The cover in question turned out to be a little shack where equipment needed for football was stored. They carried Bobby to the back of it and placed him on the ground.

Not knowing what to do, she started to wipe away the red stuff on Bobby's head with her handkerchief.

She was so snared in her desperate cleaning of Bobby, she didn't really notice that the chaos around her was getting worse. Kindergarteners ran on the football field, screaming, shooting around with toy-weapons, swinging toy-weapons around and attacking everything in sight. One was walking with quaking steps on the football field. Quaking because she was using two large hydraulic-powered fawn brown mechanical legs with several joints connected to her natural feet. There was also a large water-cannon toy pistol connected to the two legs, manned by the little "pilot" of this strange monstrosity.

"What the fit?!" shouted Luna as she behold that monstrosity peeking around the edge. "Where did the little boggers get that thing from?!"

Lori noticed nothing of this while she tried to aid Bobby's wounds. Her head wasn't able to accept that Bobby Santiago could be….

"NO!" she suddenly shouted. "Don't be dead, I lo…. I lo… I lo…"

She tried to say "I love you" out loud, but she wasn't able to do for reasons she didn't understand.

Instead she buried her head in Bobby's chest and sniffed. The memories hit her, all the good times she had with Roberto Alejandro Martinez-Millan Luis Santiago Jr.

The thought that he was gone now, that she wasn't able to make new memories with him, that this beautiful young man was dead now only because he tried to win back her heart was so…

"I wasn't worth it Bobby…" she cried. "Why didn't you search for somebody new? I am not good enough for you, I never was, I…. I smell color."

She took a sniff at the red stuff on Bobby's head.

"This is just red paint."

She searched for his pulse and he still had one, plus his body was going up and down in a rhythmic movement, indicating that he was still breathing.

"You are alive!" she expressed in pure joy while hugging him, before her visage became a lot darker. "But this sniper wannabe will be literally not alive very soon."

"Could we perhaps worry about us first before we make any plans regarding a potential assassin?" she heard Luna ask her from behind. The musician was looking around the corner, watching the girl on steampunk stalks blow a couple of second graders away with her water gun. "I don't plan on dying in an escalating schoolyard fight."

"You are right," Lori confirmed, "we are not safe here." She looked down on Bobby. "He is not safe here."

Luna didn't like the sound of that. "You know, I doubt whoever shot, Bobby was not the intended target."

"What makes you think that?"

"Have you looked at your top?"

Slightly confused about what Luna meant, Lori looked down. Her lightly blue top was soaked in red stains, indicating that whoever had shot Bobby once shot her multiple times too. She brushed two fingers over the spot, getting them soaked in paint.

"I… they hit me too?"

"Not just you," Luna stated and showed her left side. The stains on her top indicated at least three successful hits. "I know this sounds weird, but I think we are being targeted."  
Lori was confused. "Who would literally have it for us?"

* * *

The aforementioned sniper bit its lollipop in annoyance, making it crack. "Dang it," she cursed under her breath, swallowed what remained of her sweet treat and spit the stick out.  
Her orders were clear: Shoot down the two Louds one of Le Roi's people spotted on the sport field till they get so scared, they would leave school grounds. A simple order made complicated by the fact that just when she was about to unleash a round of paintballs on them, whatever was going on in school expanded to the sport field.  
In the ensuing chaos, she didn't get any more good shots and now the Louds were hiding behind a shack.

"What the heck is going on here?" she cursed and pulled out her phone. She was aware of the "distraction" the boss had asked the kindergarteners for to get the Loud Boy, but this was getting ridiculously out of control. Alexandra would have never been okay with this, especially seeing how some of her own agents within the hall monitor force were fighting against some of her allies in kindergarten right now. With one eye focused on the shack, waiting for the Louds to reemerge, she dialed up the number of "The Cardinal". Seconds later, she heard his voice.  
"Hey Lionel, how are you doing? Listen, I know Alex is the one who always has a plan, but does that plan also involve self-made railguns that shoot water at hall monitors? No? Then boy, do I have something to show you!"

* * *

Lionel Hagen, fourth grader, consigliere of Alexandra Dumas and as such second in command of CDR, did not like what he saw. "The Executioner" had just called him, informing him of some ruckus at the sport field she had been sent to in order to deal with two older Loud sisters and, to make her point, sending him a video of what was going on.

Excusing himself from the table while Alexandra was busy explaining to the Loud boy just how much influence she really had at school, he went to a corner of the room to make a call to one of the other field agents. Two minutes after that, he returned to the table and tapped Alexandra on the shoulder.

"What is it?" she asked.

"We need to talk."

"Can't it wait a bit? I am just at the part where I took over the middle school lemonade stand operation."

"Now."

Next to her boss, Julia raised an eyebrow. As Alexandra's personal adviser, Lionel was privileged enough to talk to her in a sterner voice than some other kids in the group. But in the year he spent being a member of the CDR, he never raised his voice against her in a meaningful manner. Now he sounded like an older sibling that was about to ground her.  
"Fine," sighed Alexandra and stood up. "Julia, Richie, keep them entertained."

While she and Lionel moved to another corner of the room to talk a bit more in private, her agents looked at the older hostages. Lincoln was obviously baffled about the things Alexandra had told him over the last minutes. The "funny" Loud, on the other hand…  
"Boy, your boss likes to talk a lot," she stated nonchalantly, slightly bored out of her skull.

"She is pretty proud of her achievements," Julia said dryly. She didn't want to admit that it was slightly out of character for Alexandra to brag about her rise to power the way she did a few moments ago.

"Still, she could use a few funny anecdotes in her story," Luan proposed. "For example, what is the difference between the mafia and the government? One is organized!"

While Luan was trying her best to make fun of the situation she was in, Alexandra was taking a look at the video Lionel had received.  
"I admit, this is…worrisome."

"Worrisome?" Lionel repeated. "This is a catastrophe!"  
He leant in closer and whispered her in the ear a briefing on what was going on.  
"Alex, things are out of control. Even with Fynn in custody, the kindergarteners are still fighting. Wasn't your plan that they would surrender sooner or later, so that our agents in the force could take them in?"

"It was. This… this is not what I had planned at all."

"Obviously," Lionel snared. "If you ask me, it seems that they have gone rogue for real. And frankly, I have no idea where this is going."

Alexandra sighed. "What about the agents in the hall monitor force?"

"They are trying to fight them off, but…"

"But what?"

"Well, you saw that stalk thing on the sport field? It seems the kindergarteners got their hands on actual, functional weapons."

Alexandra froze. "How in…"

* * *

"…the name of Schrödinger's pussy-"

"Dr. Sanchez!"

"-cat can these brats do that?" asked one of the professors in the lounge with a loud burp.  
The man in question, a rather rude but highly intelligent expert on the field of quantum physics, pointed at the TV monitor with one finger, on which a live feed of the news aired, showing the ensuing chaos on Royal Woods Elementary's Sport field. On it, two huge fractions of school kids were fighting each other, with one side being equipped with what seemed to be jelly shooting slingshot guns. Only that if the jelly hit some kid, the kid would not just end up with a face full of desserts, but also on the ground, laughing their ass off. In another corner of the screen, two kids were engaged in a fight, wearing what seemed to be robot exoskeletons made out of scraps from the workshop class.

"What do you mean?" another teacher asked.

"Oh, come on, Hojo," the scientist in question said while sipping on a flask of whisky. "You see the stuff they use? You want to tell me that these neckless little devils with the IQ of a well-trained helper monkey could build those weapons on their own?"

"Rick is right," another scientist stated, though she really did not appreciate the helper monkey statement. "While I don't doubt that they built the stuff, considering the rather crude designs…"  
While she said that, one of the exoskeletons' Papier-mâché legs broke down after getting hit by a well-aimed and thrown water balloon.  
"…how could they be smart enough to even design those things?"

 _Because they didn't_ _design them,_ thought Lisa Loud while her colleagues were questioning the absurdity of what they saw. It took her some time, but after the news crew managed to get access to better feeds of what was going on, allowing her to see more of the unfolding chaos, she had finally come to recognize the design of the kindergarteners' weaponry. At first, she didn't see the similarities 'cause they looked way less sophisticated than they should be. But after she saw the mood altering jelly being thrown around, it was crystal clear to her.

 _I did._

Someone must have gotten to her secret notebook and recreated her experiments.

* * *

"I don't know where they got the stuff," Lionel answered Alexandra.

"What about our agents in the kindergarten class?" Le Roi wanted to know. "Shouldn't they tell us what is going on?"

"That is the thing; I didn't manage to get in contact with them the entire day."

Alexandra's normally reserved face turned worried.

"Whoever is behind the kids continuing the fight, he or she may know about us. I got reports from Sarah of many of our agents in the force being taken hostage in certain assaults."  
Alexandra was taking the information in calmly. But the fist she was making with one hand indicated that she didn't like to hear about it one bit.

He turned his glance to the Loud siblings.  
"Additionally, we have input of Lola and Lana being on the run, supposedly with two other of their siblings and-"

His smartphone vibrated. He took a look. When he saw the Executioner's name pop up on the display, he directly gave it to Alexandra, who took the call.

"Alexandra here. What is it?"

A moment of silence followed.  
"What? How did they escape?"

* * *

3 minutes earlier…

 _"_ _Whoever it is, we should be glad they are only shooting us with paintballs," Luna replied to her sister's question. She was desperately pulling on the shack's door, thinking the two of them and their unwanted package_ _,_ _aka Bobby, would be save in_ _t_ _here. Finally, after putting all her weight into it, the door's lock cracked. "Finally. Now all we have to do is sit_ _, wait_ _the situation out and-"_

 _"No."_

 _Luna turned to her sister. "Excuse me?"_

 _"I said no," Lori stated. She was still looking down on her red fingers, deep in thought. "We are going in."_

 _Luna's eyes widened in shock. "What?"_

 _"_ _Luna, whatever is going on here, i_ _t i_ _s literally after us. Someone kidnapped our little Thumber and shot us and Bobby."  
Behind the shack, the scream of multiple kids flying through the air and something that sounded like whipped crème hitting the ground could be heard.  
"And call it a hunch, but I think it is also behind the chaos here."_

 _Luna could now see a mixture of determination and anger in her sister's eyes as she lifted her head. "If they are going to raise literal hell just to get to us, can you imagine how much danger our brother is in right now? Not to mention the others!"_

 _Luna wanted to say something, but realized Lori was right. She couldn't give much of a damn about the twins, being sure that they were most likely safe in detention. But Lynn, Luan and Lincoln? Something needed to be done. "And how are we supposed to get in there without ending up looking like we just came from a live action reenactment of a Splatoon game?"_

 _Lori glanced into the shack and saw a couple of things that could help her. "I have an idea_ _._ _"_

 _The Executioner started to get restless. Behind her in the school floor, she heard the chaos unfold. In front of her_ _,_ _she had a perfect overview on what was essentially a literal class war. She rather wanted to be out there and help her fellow CDR members, but Alexandra's orders were clear. If only the Loud siblings would just…_

 _Suddenly, she saw some movement. "Gotcha!" she shouted and shot a paintball at her target. A direct hit on its…pawn? "What!?"_

"This is ridiculous," stated Luna.

 _"No, it is a start!" Lori exclaimed, waving her left arm around the corner of the building. She had just been hit in the palm of her hand by their assailant. Normally_ _,_ _that would have hurt like hell, but thankfully she had her hand protected by the rather thick material the left arm of Hazzle the Nutty Squirrel, Royal Wood Elementary's trusty mascot, whose costume was in the shack, was made out of._

 _"_ _I felt absolutely nothing," she stated, glad that her theory they could use the costume for protection had just been proven right. "This stuff is literally going to save our lives."_

 _"_ _Actually, only one of us," Luna stated. She_ _was_ _now wearing a baseball catcher mask, another accessory from the shack. "There is only one costume. And it would only fit any of us if we were Lynn's height."_

 _Lori looked at the separate parts of the costume. "Dang it. Okay, change of plan. I get the arms, Bobby gets the head and-"_

 _"_ _Wohoho, just wait a sec!" Luna said, interrupting her sister. "'He gets the head?"_

 _"_ _He is already wounded and he needs the protection while I drag him to the door."_

 _"_ _You what?"_

 _"_ _Do you think I am leaving him behind?"_

 _Luna, now genuinely angry_ _,_ _had only the following to say: "Yes. Yes, I expect you to leave him behind."_

 _Lori looked at her sister in utter shock. "What?"_

 _"_ _It's his own fault he is in the mess to begin with," claimed Luna. "He needed to impress you with how much he still loves you and ended up in the line of fire."_

 _Lori couldn't believe what she was hearing. She just stood there, shocked._

 _"_ _He is not your boyfriend anymore, Lori. So just-"_

 _Whatever Luna wanted to say abruptly ended when Lori slapped her in the face._

 _"_ _How dare you!" growled Lori. "How dare you tell me to leave Bobby behind, you heartless harpy!"_

 _Luna was genuinely shocked. She had seen Lori angry before, but this? Any love she had for her older sister was_ _,_ _in this moment_ _,_ _replaced by genuine fear and sadness about the fact she had made her THAT angry._

 _"_ _It is not his fault I have feelings for Lincoln," Lori continued. "He does not deserve to be hurt in the crossfire of whatever is going on here, just because of me!"_

 _Luna stayed silent, feeling that if she said even just sorry, Lori was going to throw her to the kindergarteners._

"I always thought of you as the one of us who cared the most for others. But if you act like this, I am thinking of disowning you as my sister, do you hear me, you brat?"

 _Now Luna was shaking. Lori wouldn't do something that cruel to her, would she?_

 _"_ _Lori, I-"_

 _She wanted to apologize, but the blond had already turned back towards Bobby. Putting the parts of the mascot on him before putting the glove and arm parts on herself, she took all her strength and lifted up Bobby so she could carry him on her_ _back_ _._

 _"Let me help you," Luna offered, trying to stabilize Bobby. But Lori rejected her._

 _"_ _If you really want to help me, do what I told you to do the moment I am on the run, understood?"  
Luna just nodded in shame and defeat._

 _"_ _We will meet at the infirmary on the first floor. And Luna?"_

 _"Yes?"_

 _Lori sighed and tried to give her sister a compassionate look. At least as compassionate as she could in her current state. "I love you. But right now you_ _are_ _act_ _ing_ _like a brat."_

 _The Executioner had expected a couple of things to see the moment the Loud siblings went out of hiding. What she did not expect was Lori Loud carrying the body of someone dressed in parts of a squirrel costume on the sports field, avoiding water balloons and jelly being thrown around by different children. Still, she should be able to at least get some hits on Lori. But just_ _as_ _when she was taking aim, she realized something.  
"Wait? Where is the musician?"_

 _Instinctively_ _,_ _she swung the scope further to the left. Only to see Luna Loud appearing from the other corner of the shack. Unlike her sister_ _,_ _she was only bearing some baseball accessories for protection. What made her freeze in surprise_ _,_ _however_ _,_ _was what she had in her hands.  
"Are those fireworks?"_

 _The Executioner remembered only now that for some reason_ _,_ _the shack was not just where the school hid part of its field equipment, but also some fireworks for the big game next week. Fireworks that were directly targeting her window. And like any good musician and Rock_ _'_ _n Roll fan, Luna had a trusty lighter in her pockets, in case a slow song was meant to be played at a show._

 _"_ _Oh dang it!"  
_

* * *

"She shot you?" Alexandra repeated in disbelief.

"Yes," confirmed the Executioner. Multiple firework rockets had managed to hit the room she was staying in by going through the window.

"Are you hurt?"

"Thankfully no," the Executioner stated, much to Alexandra's relief.

"What about the Louds?"

"I think they managed to get into the building."

Alexandra sighed. "Do you want to tell me that former student body president Lori and Luna Loud are within our territory?"

"I do not just want to tell you, I already told you so," said the Executioner.

This was not good. If the stories about Lori Loud's temper were anything to go by…  
"Alex, what shall I do? Go after them in a war zone? I-"

"Hold it," Alexandra told her. "I have to talk to Lionel."

Putting the phone down, she looked at her adviser.

"So, Lionel. What do you, as my consigliere, say?"

Lionel took a deep breath.  
"Alex, we need to get this situation under control," stated Lionel. "Cause either Dagmar and Van Pelt will stumble upon our operation sooner or later, or whoever is attacking us will tear our foundation apart."

He turned his glance towards the Loud siblings. "And that is not even covering the fact that we now have pretty much the entire Loud clan against us."

Alexandra wanted to say something, anything to convince Lionel that she had it under control, but she couldn't think of something. She, Alexandra Dumas, of all people.

"I get that the Loud business is important to you," he added. "But right now the school needs its student body president and not the boss of CDR to get things under control."

"You are right," Alexandra began. "We-"

Before she could finish her sentence, she suddenly flinched, closing her eyes in pain.

"Alexandra?" asked Lionel, worried. "Are you okay?"  
She opened her eyes. Much to Lionel's surprise, she suddenly looked more aggressive than before. "I am fine," she hissed at Lionel. She held the phone up again.

"Alex? Are you still there?"

"Yes. And you are ordered to still go after them."

Lionel raised an eyebrow in surprise. "What?"

"What?" asked the Executioner.

"You heard me. I don't care what is going on right now. The Louds are your only priority now."

"But-"

"No buts. I will send out Julius to support the hall monitors."

She turned her glance towards Lionel. "And you will send Eric's men out to support the troops on the battlefield. Use our go-carts and fireworks if you must."

Lionel was agape. "But kids could get hu-"

"I don't care!" barked Alexandra. "They decided to go to war against me. Now they shall face the consequences!"

Lionel was at a loss for words. The Alexandra he had worked for so far would never be that reckless.

"Understood, my Cardinal?"

"Understood," he replied between gritted teeth.

"Good," she turned her attention back to the phone. "As for Lori and Luna, if you somehow get the chance, lock them up somewhere where I can deal with them later."

No reply from the Executioner.

"Did you get me?"

"Yes, Alexandra," came a rather defeated response.

The chef of CDR smiled. "Look, if you get it right, I am inviting you to an afternoon of free games at Gus'. Okay?"

"Whatever you say," was the only thing the Executioner said before ending the call.  
Alexandra turned her attention back to Lionel. "We are going to get everything under control again and establish once and for all that I am superior to the entire Loud clan in every way."

At this moment, Lionel realized for certain that something was terribly wrong with his boss. He wanted to talk some sense into her, but she just shoved his phone back into his hands.

"Get "Painter" and "Plumber" ready. And in the name of the National Crime Syndicate, get Eric back here."

She didn't even give him the time to respond as she turned around and went back to the table to talk with the Loud siblings again. Lionel really wanted to talk to her, but he was already getting new messages on the phone from some of the "soldiers", asking what they were supposed to do against the kindergarteners.  
 _I am not a freaking war consigliere,_ he thought bitterly and took the next couple of calls. If Alexandra was not going to give the command, it was up to him to keep things under control, at least till she finally snapped out of her sudden act of cliché villainy.

* * *

The Executioner looked at her phone in disappointment.

"Dang it, Alex," she cursed and put it away. For the next couple of seconds, she was busy dismantling her weapon of choice and hiding it away in her backpack. "Have you finally gone crazy with power? I swear, when this is over, I am going to slap some sense back into you."  
Having gotten herself ready, she waited a couple more seconds at the door, leaning on it to listen if anything was going on outside. When it seemed it was clear, she stepped outside, ready to go on the hunt while still hoping her friends can get the situation under control.

* * *

The mood in the cellar had become incredibly thick.

Neither Lincoln nor Luan had heard what Alexandra had discussed with her Consigliere, but it seemed to be something important.

Lincoln was shocked about the fact that Alexandra, Lola and Lana knew each other. Then again, maybe it wasn't all that surprising, because he thought he remembered seeing her once at their home, but he wasn't too sure. He wasn't sure what Luan was thinking and he couldn't read her expression.

Alexandra didn't look all that concerned about her discussion with her consigliere as she returned to her chair.

"Where was I?"

"You were telling us about how you brought down half of Lucilla Van Pelt's staff by exposing them as bullies as well as the skeletons in their closets."

"Literally in the case of that one disturbing kid and their stuffed hamster," Alexandra added with a shudder.

"And Lola helped you in all of that?" Lincoln wanted to know. He still had a hard time believing it.

"It was fun for her," was all the second grader stated as if to change the subject.

"I can believe that," stated Luan. She was far more willing to believe in the darker nature of her sister. "But you know, there is just one thing I find weird."

"What?"

"How come Lola is not here?"  
Julia and Richie could be seen exchanging worried glances, while Alexandra's left corner of the mouth flinched.  
"I mean, she must be rather high in the ranks of your group if she helped you-"

"SHUT UP!" ordered Alexandra, slamming her fist on the table and startling Luan in the process.  
Lincoln didn't need any elaborate backstory to realize that the tale of her and Lola didn't have a happy ending.

"Did I hit a nerve?" Luan wanted to know, genuinely worried about Alexandra's emotional state right now.

The absolutely livid expression on Alexandra's face indicated that she didn't just hit one, but cut through it.

* * *

For the last couple of minutes, Lola had told her captive audience about Alexandra's steady rise to infamy and power after she managed to get Advisor Michael out of office. To make a long story short, it involved Alexandra exposing quite a number of bullies on ThouDuct, to the point other students decided to either follow in her footsteps or get into contact with "the White Fox" , asking him for help or to join "his" cause. Alexandra, at first, did not expect this turn of events, but eventually decided to seize the opportunity to do something "for the greater good" of the school.

A cause that would also require for her and her ever-growing group of friends and followers to play dirty. Younger kids got bribed to spy on their older siblings, bullies who considered themselves "privileged" because they had easy access to toys or candies got blackmailed into either playing nice and/or becoming more "generous" to the less fortunate, lest their darkest secrets got exposed in the school newspaper's tabloid section.

Soon, "The White Fox" and his "pack" were the most respected, but equally feared and mysterious group of juveniles known to Royal Woods Elementary.

"Kids respected me," claimed Lola proudly. "They feared me! The look on the faces of second graders who were forced to go to Alex and I's tea parties when she was talking about business? Priceless!"

Lana could be heard snaring from the other side of the room, her hands folded over her chest in disapproval and leaning against the wall.

"You were nothing but a bully."

"We stopped bullies, Lana!" protested Lola. "You know how much dirt "The Foxes" got on some of the worst bullies of this school at the time? We had them all in the sack! Either they stopped taking other kid's lunch money, or we were going to reveal all their dirt on the internet."

"And to do so, you became bullies yourselves? "Asking" them to share their goods?"

Lola blinked in confusion before adding, though a bit less proudly, that they never went overboard with that part of the business aspect.

Lynn raised an eyebrow. "How did you handle all of that? You were three years old."

"You know me," Lola replied. "If I set my mind on something, I can do it. Also we watched a lot of gangster movies to teach us how to build up our group."

Ronnie Anne could be heard chuckling. "You know, when I was at that age, I just wasted my time watching Yo Gabba Gabba!"

"Bottom line, we were close. "The Foxes", as we liked to call ourselves back then, were the heroes of the school and spread into all sorts of businesses to grow stronger."

Lola went silent for a moment, her expression becoming slightly sadder before she continued. "But then, summer last year, when mom and dad were busy testing Lisa's intelligence and handling the papers for her job at university, we had a fallout."

Lucy, who was silent up 'til now, asked the question that was on everyone's tongue: "What happened?"

* * *

 _It was a day like most days for Lola at a weekend. Play with Lana, fight with Lana, do something with another sibling, do some chores, train for her next pageant and_ _go to_ _a casual meeting with Alexandra over at her house for some playtime. It was not a long way for her to that house and she greeted her friend with something only her siblings, parents, Pop-Pop and_ _a_ _few other_ _s_ _saw: A genuine smile. Alexandra_ _wasn't in such mood_ _, her expression was serious and a little exhausted as she opened the door for Lola. "Hi, Alex_ _._ _How are you?"_

 _"_ _Fine. I'm_ _in the middle of the preparation for the meeting with the other Dons,"_ _Lola's friend responded_ _. "I hope you are prepared for this meeting."_

"Oh, I

 _am. I_ _will charm them, though if that doesn't work_ _,_ _I will break some knees."_

 _Alexandra shook her head. "I would prefer to avoid a mafia war_ _,_ _Lola."_

 _"_ _If you say so, I will hold myself back. For the most part."_ _Alexandra_ _led her friend down into the cellar. "Just don't screw it up like_ _you did_ _with our negotiations with the 5th-grader Underground."_

 _"_ _They tried to give me a wet fuzzi. Driving over their feet with my car was the appropriate response." The two entered the cellar which Alexandra had decorated for th_ _e occasion._ _Several boxes_ _were organized to being used as_ _a long table, on which laid the most fashionable assortment of napkins Alexandra was able to find. Several old chairs from the cellar_ _were_ _cleaned and positioned at the table. Placed on the table were a number of snacks, unhealthy and healthy ones_ _,_ _as well as a few electric candles (her mother wasn't willing to give her real ones) and some nice bouquets made of plastic flowers. On the walls hung a few posters of different GTA characters, as well as an especially good one of Don Corleone and under the picture of Corleone_ _,_ _a small audio equipment on a little table was playing music from an Italian opera._

 _Lola and Alexandra were not the only people downstairs_ _,_ _though. At least six other kids, some of them already in third grade, were there chatting with each other over business. These kids were all members of "The Foxes", which_ _,_ _within the last three months_ _,_ _had helped Alexandra turn from a ThouDucter making a fool_ _out_ _of a first grader into a force to be reckoned with. Not only were these kids keeping tap on all the bullies and digging up their dirt, but they used their influence within the different cliques of Royal Woods Elementary to help their boss slowly set foot in all sorts of schoolyard business._ _And_ _already no one at school dared to bully any kid in kindergarten and the bullies' former foothold in dealing with test answers has been smashed. And if things went good today, Alexandra would soon be allied with the kids from the Royal Woods Creeks._ _Although it hadn't happened yet, it was still_ _a_ _good_ _reason to celebrate. For Lola_ _,_ _though, everything looked kinda… off._

 _"_ _Don't you think that is a little excessive?" Lola asked, taking her seat on the improvised table next to Alexandra._

 _"_ _We need to make a good impression."_

 _"_ _I still think we could at least put up a tea set. Also, can we put up a pic of Tony Montana?"_

 _Alexandra sighed. "Do you really think any of the Dons will take us seriously if we try to associate us as fans of this street rat?"_

 _Lola was genuinely offended at hearing her favorite fictional character getting insulted. "Hey!"_

 _Alexandra, realizing she made a mistake, apologized immediately. "Sorry. I am just a bit stressed. In six minutes_ _,_ _I am going to negotiate with the Sewer Queen herself about our men using the local ponds for swimming activities for the next weeks."_

 _Lola wasn't too thrilled to hear_ _that. "I prefer a saratized pool."_

 _"_ _Sanitized," Alexandra corrected her. "Nice to hear that you learn new words though."_

 _"_ _Hey, I want to keep up with you."_

 _"_ _Alex," a girl suddenly said. Lola identified her as Julia, a friend and neighbor of Alex who has joined the Foxes a month ago and had easily become Alexandra's personal bodyguard. "The call starts in three minutes_ _._ _"_

 _"_ _Okay then," Alexandra replied. She pulled two Venetian carnival masks_ _out_ _from under the cardboard table and gave Lola one._

 _"_ _Masks?"_

 _"_ _I am not going to reveal my true identity_ _just_ _yet," Alexandra replied, putting hers on. Five seconds later_ _,_ _she realized that she should have not taken the one with the funny little bells.  
_

* * *

 _"_ _So it is decided_ _,_ _then," Alexandra said in a stern voice. Her gaze was fixed on a laptop, where the five other most influential Dons and leaders of Royal Woods children underworld/cliques were seen on_ _a_ _smaller screen. Alexandra herself would have preferred to work with five laptops simultaneously, but one was all she could organize. Simultaneously_ _,_ _she was also glad that Skype had not broken down so far. "We get a saying in the comic collector market and in return_ _,_ _we take down the bullies of middle school."_

 _Lola has started to become bored by this. It was funny at the beginning as they exchanged courtesies and veiled threats_ _,_ _but afterwards_ _,_ _it became more business_ _-like_ _, as in REAL business. Crunching numbers, offers about different commodities, borderlines of territories and other boring_ _/_ _not exciting stuff._

 _She loved to play Mafia_ _,_ _but playing the accountant side of things was pretty boring. Lola stretched her body and yawned while looking over to Alexandra who seemed to be really engrossed in this._

 _"_ _There is also the issue about the use of the Ketcham Park," a boy, 2 years older than Alexandra, said. He was called Don Claude Melville, founder and leader of the Capetian Coalition. "Too many of us use this area to play, meet and for business. I want it to remain as a neutral ground, so anyone can do business there."_

 _"_ _I_ _will_ _give you some business," promised Lola. "The Ketcham Park will be our territory_ _,_ _and if you have a problem with it Captain Capetian_ _,_ _you will have to discuss that with me personally."_

 _"_ _Don't threaten me, Villefort Montoya," the Don with french heritage called Lola out on her code name which was created by a compromise between her and Alexandra. "Unless you want to fight me_ _in_ _person."_

 _"_ _Say time and place."_

 _"_ _Montoya, stand back," said Le Roi in an authorian tone. "No reason to get violent."_

 _"_ _You are too polite," Villefort Montoya criticized her partner. "Show him that we are tough."_

 _"_ _We are_ _,_ _my friend, there is no need to daunt him," Le Roi assured her partner. "Everybody knows that nobody screws with you Villefort, or they will not see another day… without_ _seeing_ _blue. For a few days."_

 _The two looked back at the French Don who tried the read the two. Le Roi had tried to bluff_ _about_ _this aggression of Lola as part of an act to convince Claude he better didn't try to screw them._

 _"_ _I want to guarantee you that I will not damage the neutrality of the Ketcham park," the Capetian Leader promised. "But if you_ _are_ _worried about the safety of our customers_ _,_ _I would advise that any of our organizations send an equal number of soldiers to the place at all times."_

 _"_ _That sounds reasonable," agreed Alex and looked over to Lola, hoping she wouldn't speak so out of line again. Those were important talks after all._

 _Behind the two, activity has increased. Several other children entered the cellar, ate stuff, talked_ _about_ _and worked on ideas and concepts of their bosses. Students and kids_ _alike_ _worked on building little secret compartments in their lunch boxes to smuggle contraband into the school (an idea from Alex), sewed holster for small soft pellet guns in different articles of clothing (idea from Lola) and watched "the Untouchables"_ _on their phones_ _with headphones_ _on_ _(idea from both)._

 _It was really like a little hive of scum and villainy with children drinking alcohol free beverages, eating, playing cards, the knife game (with knifes made of rubber_ _, of course_ _) and different card games._

 _The only thing lacking was a bar fight_ _,_ _but her parents would be upset of that and Alexandra wasn't keen on having one happening either._

 _Lola wouldn't mind, hoping some kid would step out of line one day so she could teach them a lesson._

 _"_ _Now with the park being declared neutral territory, I would like to talk about the Fireside Girls situation, that-"_

 _"_ _Hold on a second," another kid suddenly demanded. Lola, who thought they could finally move on to some interesting topics, had to suppress her annoyance. "Half of my men are not able to do business in the park most of the time. I demand that a second loca-"_

 _"_ _Oh_ _,_ _shut your mouth, Don Dolnero!" Lola shouted, much to the surprise of the other Dons. "I don't care if you do your business in the park or the mall. I want to talk about those Junior Woodchuck wannabees who_ _are_ _try_ _ing_ _to set foot in Royal Woods!"_

 _"_ _Montoya!"_

 _Lola turned to Alexandra. "What? I can't be the only one getting bored here. I want to get this over with this before Randal eats up all the strawberry jam cookies."_

 _There were some chuckles from one of the screens. The matriarchy of the lemonade stand gang was highly amused by what she saw. More so than Alexandra._

 _"_ _I have to agree with your passionate partner, Le Roi," the matriarchy said. "All this talk about territory details? Compared to the Fireside Girl situation,_ _this is_ _quite dull."_

 _Lola grinned under her mask. "Perhaps we should discuss this first for the moment?"_

 _"_ _But I-" began Don Dolnero to talk, only to become silent when he saw the face of the matriarchy turn_ _ing_ _more stern. "Fine."_

 _"_ _What do you say, Le Roi?"_

 _"_ _Sure," Alexandra replied while eyeing her partner sternly. Not that Lola really cared about it, as it was now her turn to finally talk about a few nasty ideas she had in mind for_ _dealing with_ _the Fireside Girls.  
_

* * *

 _Around_ _thirty_ _minutes later, the meeting of the Dons was over. The important deals were made_ _,_ _and "The Foxes" were now officially the newest member of the "Six Families" of Royal Woods and_ _its_ _neighborhood. Lola was pretty ecstatic about it, celebrating with the other henchmen in the cellar, snacking on lemonade and cookies. Alexandra_ _,_ _on the other hand_ _,_ _was not happy at all. In fact, ten minutes into the celebration, she pulled Lola to the side to talk to her in private._

 _"_ _What were you thinking?"_

 _Lola, who was pretty happy till now, suddenly became concerned about the dry tone in her friend's voice. "What do you mean?"_

 _"_ _You questioned my authority in front of the other Dons."_

 _Lola was confused. "I didn't."_

 _"_ _And what do you call it when you suddenly start shouting at Dolnero and then at me?"_

 _Lola sighed. "Okay, sorry. I lost my temper. You know I am getting bored of these details."_

 _Alexandra stayed quiet._

 _"_ _But I didn't make you look bad, did I?"_

 _"_ _Oh no, Lola. You didn't."_

 _Lola was only four, but even she knew what sarcasm was._

 _"_ _You just gave the other Dons the impression that you are not entirely on board with my plans. That you are a hothead with her own ideas for how to run this organization. Ways they could exploit for their own gain. A goal they could very well achieve, if, say, I got removed from this group."_

 _Lola gulped. She had never seen her friend this angry._

 _"_ _I have shown you parts of "The Godfather", haven't I?"_

 _"_ _Yeah."_

 _"_ _And didn't you agree with me that if Sonny had kept his mouth shut during the meeting with the Turk, things would have gone mostly different in the movie?"_

 _Lola felt really unsure now. Her friend was just referencing one scene of the movie she really hadn't paid that much attention to. Mostly because it was too much talk_ _ative_ _for her taste._

 _"_ _I think so?"_

 _"_ _Then why did you just go full Sonny Corleone on me, Lola?"_

 _"_ _Look, I am sorry, okay?" Lola replied. She just wanted to go back playing with some henchmen. "But what do you expect is going to happen? They don't know who you really are, Alex. And I doubt they are going to send some hitmen after you just to make me head of our organization."_

 _Alexandra looked at Lola in bewilderment._

 _"I know this is important to you and these other Dons, but I_ _'_ _m_ _start_ _ing_ _to think you_ _'_ _re_ _tak_ _ing_ _it way too serious-"_

 _"_ _Ours?" Alexandra interrupted her._

 _"_ _What?"_

 _"Our organization?"_

 _"Yeah."_

 _Alexandra took a deep breath and said just one word. "No."  
Lola blinked. "What?"_

 _"No, Lola, it is not. The Foxes are not OUR organization. It is mine!"_

 _Lola was aghast._

 _"Also, it is no longer called "the Foxes". I am considering changing it to the "Cour des Renards", which means-"_

 _"YOUR ORGANIZATION?!"_

 _Somewhere in the cellar_ _,_ _a kid dropped their game controller in fright. All of_ _a_ _sudden, Lola and Alexandra had become the center of attention._

 _"I helped you!" protested Lola. "I helped you spy on these bullies. I glitter bombed these sixth graders who were onto us in Spring. I put Don Armage out when he thought he could step on our turf!"_

 _"_ _The Magic Card game trading business was dying out anyway!" argued Alexandra. "You almost caused a war with the local Waldorfschool!"_

 _"What were they going to do to us? Dance an H with their eurhythmics?"_

 _"_ _That's beside the point! And all your accomplishments aside, it was still me who started this group! While you were still learning how to spell your name on the side, I was taking down bullies left and right! I established the sweet trade business!"_

 _"_ _And I came up with the plush animal "care service"! Do you know how hard it was to trick Leni into believing all the_ _plush_ _animals she had to stitch up were mine?"_

 _Alexandra snarled. "Considering the intelligence of your sister,_ _I'm going to say it was easy as pie_ _."_

 _Some kids in the room felt the temperature drop._

 _"What did you just say, Alex?"_

 _"_ _Oh_ _,_ _you know what I am talking about," Alexandra replied._

 _"You take that back! Leni has a good heart."_

 _"Which is proportionally inverse to the size of her brain."_

 _"And your sister has awful taste in music!" Lola shouted._

 _"Well, that is something we can both agree on," thatwas the only reply she got._

 _Lola glared angrily at Alexandra, partlyabout the fact that her insult hadn't hadthe anticipated effect._

 _"Leni has not only a good heart but also talent as a tailor. In contrast to Randall!"_

 _The entire room became silent again and somehow even colder than before. Everyone looked over to Randall, who was enjoying some Disco Remix of a Final Fantasy game soundtrack._

 _"You are lucky he didn't hear this," growled Alexandra in an icy tone. "If he did,I would make you beg for his forgiveness!"_

 _"And I would do the same to himfor Leni's!"_

 _"Gals?" a worried Julia said, not quite sure how to approach the two. She had seen Lola angry before. But seeing Alexandra like that was something completely new. "I think you should calm down," she stated diplomatically._

 _Alexandra took a deep breath. "Listen, Lola. You are dividing your time between this group and beauty pageants. I am putting more time and effort into this groupto expand it. To turn the Cour into a serious,powerful organizationin the life of elementary students. Ergo, I should be the primary leader. The Don, the Godfather,if you will… Or Godmother,in this case."_

 _Lola threw her hands in the air and sneered. "If you think you can lead this organization without me, you are dead wrong! I am the social expert of this duo! I can make people eat out of my hands!"_

 _"But you have no talent for administration," argued Alexandra. "You may bring people in, but they stay because I keep everything running."_

 _"Meaning this "Cour" would stagnate without me," concluded Lola. "No new members, no way to expand. I am just as important as you are, if not more."_

 _Everybody around them checked on their weapons. Julia was visibly sweating and_

 _eyeing the other kids. She didn't know which side the others would be on._

 _"Don't flatter yourself too much, Lola. You can convince people, but_

 _theyare also drawn in by power," explained Alexandra more calmly. "And this organization now has enough power to draw people on its own."_

 _"And you think your measly amount of charm will make sure that our organization will prevail?"_

 _"My "measly" amount of charm is enough. Not to mention that I am also more social than you."_

 _Lola was taken aback. "What do you mean? I am very social!"_

 _Alexandra shook her head. "You are brash, commanding and manipulative to most_

 _of the peopleyou meet. The only people you respect enough to see as your equal are your family and people withpersonalities like mine, thosewho don't instantlybudge before your whims."_

 _"I just have high standards, that's all" insistedLola. Sheturnedher back to Alexandra, walking through the room. "For real now,Alex, you take this game way too seriously."_

 _Alexandra blinked, suddenly becoming more serious and somber. "Game? Do you really think this is still a game, Lola?"_

 _"Well, I-" began Lola, slightly flabbergasted at her friend's shift in attitude._

 _Alexandra didn't give her a chance to properly reply. She put her hands behind her back and walked towards the poster of Don Corleone, studying it intensely. "This is more than just a game for me, Lola. This is the route I want to take in life."_

 _"As a Mafiosi?" Lola asked in surprise. It was fun to play but becoming a professional criminal was not something she saw in her future. "Do you want to go to prison?"_

 _"I want power, Lola," explained Alexandra seriously. "Power to get rid of the bullies and other scum. And I will achieve it. Through the Cour and other means."_

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _Alexandra turned around. "After summer break, I am not just going into first grade. I am joining school politics."_

 _Lola was genuinely surprised. She knew Alexandra was interested in school politics ever since shedealt with Van Pelt's minions. But this? "Why?"_

 _Alexandra couldn't help but chuckle a little. "Have you seen the kind of state our last school president left the office in? Someone like me has an actual chance of getting a foot in there and change things up."_

 _Lola couldn't deny that this plan sounded good. Still,she tried to oppose to the idea. "Do you really think you will win the next election?"_

 _There is not much left in terms of competent leadership," explained Alexandra. "Linus doesn't want to run for president, neither does Deputy Solberg,and the only ones who seem slightly interested in running for that position are morons like Cartman and Grayson!"_

 _You are five!" argued Lola._

 _Alexandra shrugged with her shoulders. "True. So I may not become school president. But class representative is a first step in the right direction."_

 _"Boring!" blurted Lola who only knew about politics because pageant participants should say that they want world peace. "Politics is boring and useless. You will become boring, Alex!"_

 _A female kid had a paint-ball sniper riffle on her shoulder, ready to shoot at any moment andswitching her crosshair between Lola and Alexandra every few seconds._

 _"Politics isn't boring!" defended Alexandra her choice angrily. "Just because you are too stupid to understand it doesn't mean it isn't important!"_

 _"I am not stupid, you half-baked Governor of Michigan wannabe!"_

 _"You peasant princess!"_

 _"Anime Addicted Abomination!"_

 _"Blarney Bulkhead!"_

 _"Dumbest Don!"_

 _"Princess in punk!"_

 _"Lance Vance!"_

 _Everybody gasped at the last_

 _insultand stared at Lola in total disbelief._  
 _After several seconds of frightening silence and even thicker atmosphere,Lola continued but with an ice-cold tone in hervoice._

 _"So, what are you saying? That you want me to become a stick in the mud, just so you can look more professionaland live out your fantasy as a supervillain?"_

 _Alexandra had enough. She walked up to Lola, their foreheads almost touching when she decided to give her final piece of mind to the beauty pageant aficionado. "I want you to finally stop acting like a whiny, sissy, violent little brat, take responsibility and stop acting as if this is some stupid sandboxgame!"_

 _Lola, taken aback by the way her friend was acting, stumbled backwards. Showing weakness for the first time._

 _"But-but-"_

 _"But what, Lola? What?"_

 _"I thought we were just playing," she answered,uncharacteristically meekly._

 _Every single member of "The Cour de Renards" had their hands on some kind of soft-pellet gun now. Everybody was ready for the final confrontation between Lola and Alexandra. Two alphas had started to fight for leadership and only one would succeed._

 _Randall, earphones in his auditory canals, wasdancing with his eyes closed through the room, past anyone and everyone, humming to the music coming from thelittle music player._

 _Alexandra sighed. "We may have started it off as a game. But now… well, it isn't anymore, okay? The Cour-"_

 _"The Foxes-"_

 _"I said, the Cour," she chastised Lola, "is growing. We are becominga pillar of prepubescent society in Royal Woods. This organization needs order. It needs loyalty. I need loyalty."_

 _Lola was gulping. She did not like the direction in which this was going._

 _"So do me a favor: Either grow up and stop acting like a spoiled princess who thinks all there is to havingpower is acting like Tony Montoya on a rush, or do me and everyone in this room a favor and leave me alone!"_

 _Julia expected a lot of things. That Lola would hit Alexandra in the face, that she would throw further insults at the Don, even that Randall wouldaccidentally bump into someone and initiate a chain reaction of people shooting at each other in the process._

 _What she did not expect was for Lola to shakenly run past Alexandra and her and up the stairs._

 _"Lola, where are you going?" Alexandra wanted to know. She knew her words were pretty damn harsh, but she expected more of a verbal fight._

 _"I am doing you your stupid favor and leaving," said the beauty pageant, already up a couple of stairs._

 _"What? You can't. We are still having a separate Skype session with kingpin Loogie! You can't just-"_

 _"I don't care what the other Dons think of you, you dumb, Gambino fangirling meanie!" she shouted down. "And I don't care about you either!"_

 _Alexandra was too shocked at that,she couldn'tsay anything._  
 _"If I am such an embarrassment to you, I am glad to tell you thatyou don't have to worry about me ever again."_  
 _She opened the door to the basement and stepped out._  
 _"I am leaving your stupid Foxhole! Forever!"_

 _Now it was Alexandra's turn to be aghast. "What?"_

 _"We are no longer friends, dumb dumb!"_

 _With that said, Lola slammed the door shut._

 _Alexandra was speechless. And so were all the other kids currently in the cellar, including a perplexed Julia, who did not expect forthe fight to truly escalate like that. She was just about to put her hand on Alex's shoulder in support when the little girl ran up the stairs herself._

 _"Lola?"_

 _The front door of her house was open and the sound of a certain princess' toy car having trouble getting started could be heard._

 _"Lola... Lola, come back!"_

 _Alexandra realized that she had made a mistake. Not just for the group, which might suffer if Lola blabbed about them. But also for her personal friendship with the young Loud. When she finally reached the door, she could see Lola finally got her toy car to run. She tried to reach her…_  
 _"Lola, don't act like that. We-"_

 _…But the little girl in the princess dress did not listen. She just stepped on the gas and drove off. Alexandra ran after her, shouting her name. But Lola ignored her, much to Alexandra's growing anger._  
 _"Fine, who needs a brute like you anyway?!" shouted the head of the Foxes after her while she was driving off into the sunset. "Without you, I will achieve way more than with you, you… you… you bratty little Chicago fan!"_

 _Julia and other key members of the Foxes had by now reached her. Most of them knew Alexandra was more in control of her emotions. As such,it was quite a shock for them to see her act like…well, a little kid._  
 _"I will show you! You will beg me to take you back!"_

 _A little kid that kicked the dirt in frustration and made pointless threats._

 _"Boss," began a boy_

 _to talk, only to shut up immediately when he saw the anger burn in his boss' eyes._

 _"What?" barked Alexandra._

 _"About Loogie…"_

 _That seemed to calm Alexandra down a little. She took a deep breath and rubbed her sleeves against her eyes. "Tell him the call is off. I willtalk to him tomorrow. I- I need a break."_

 _She turned her attention to the other kids. "Anything interesting to see? Get back inside. Ask my mom for some juice and cookies, if you want."_  
 _The kids decided not to risk anything and just returned to their party. All except Julia._

 _"Alex… are you okay?"_

 _"Yeah, I am fine."_

 _Silence._

 _"Julia?"_

 _"Yes?"_

 _"Am I a bad friend?"_

 _Julia had to think how she could formulate her answer in thebest way possible._

 _"No, you are not. You are just someone who tries to do what is best for your court."_  
 _"Yeah, I know."_

 _More silence._

 _"Alex?"_

 _"Hm?"_

 _"Do you need a hug?"_

 _Alexandra just sneered. "Why would I need a hug?"_  
 _Instead of giving her a straight answer, Julia just hugged her from behind._  
 _"I told you I don't need a hug."_

 _"Yeah, I get that," said Julia. "But I just want to give you one, because you are my best friend."_

 _Alexandra stayed quiet._

 _"That's okay, isn't it?"_

 _It took some time, but eventually the boss of what would soon be known as CDR answered with a weak "yes", drowned in equally weak sobs.  
_

* * *

The mood in the classroom was rather somber after Lola had told her siblings about the day she and Alexandra Dumas decided to no longer be friends. "I broke all ties with her and the Foxes that day," she ended her story. Lynn expected her to add something sarcastic to that statement, but she didn't. Instead, Lola rubbed her teary eyes and sniffed her nose.

In the other corner of the room, Lana couldn't help herself but look at her twin with slight pity.

She remembered the day of Lola's break up with Alexandra quite well. She was in their room, playing with Cliff when suddenly Lola stormed in, her make up running down her cheeks. Before Lana had a chance to ask what happened, Lola barked at her to get out. Minutes later, Lana heard some soft crying from the other side of the door.

Later that night, Lana and her parents wanted to know what happened, the tomboyish four year old being ready to give Alexandra the beating of her lifetime if it turned out she had hurt her sister. But Lola kept quiet. Only the next day did she open up a bit, stating both had fought over some sleepover plans, which escalated to the point of one of Lola's favorite tiaras getting broken.

Back then, that explanation sounded good enough for Lana, who didn't like Alexandra that much anyway. However, she still tried to confront the five year old about the fight a couple of days later, in the hopes of getting an apology for Lola out of her. Instead, she got stopped by Randall and Julia at the playground. Now thinking back to the way the two locked at her, she assumed now that she would have become a victim of the Foxes right then and there, if Lola hadn't showed up, grabbed her by the shoulder and dragged her to the slides to play with a defeated and bitter look on the face.

"I am sorry to hear that your friendship broke down under such circumstances," stated Lucy in a monotone but sincere tone.

Lola just nodded. "Thanks."

From the other corner of the room, Lana sighed. "So you have really no idea what Alexandra is up to or where she could be keeping our brother?"

Lola shook her head. "All I know is that this is not like her. She can be manipulative and ruthless, but she would have never let things go out of control the way they are going right now."

"So what are you saying?" Lynn wanted to know. "That Lincoln's kidnapping is not her doing? That the kids just decided to act like savages all on their own?"

"No, I-" Lola held her head. "It- argh!"

Lana moved in closer. "Lola?"

"The kidnapping? That was her?!" shouted Lola. "But she would never do it in such a rush. And she would not raise an army of kindergarteners that tears down everything she has built as school president. And-"

Lynn leant in closer. "And what?"

"I don't know. I feel like I am forgetting something important…"

"Well, I am sure whatever it is, it may help us," threw Ronnie Anne her hat into the round. "But right now, just sitting here is not going to solve anything."

Before anyone could react, she went to the door and opened it. She looked out. The hallway was empty.

Lynn was furious. "Are you out of your mind, Santiago?"

"I haven't heard anything out there for over five minutes," defended the young girl herself, pushing Lynn to the side. The aggressive behavior of the tomboy was really getting on her nerves. "I say we get moving. 'Cause sitting here and listening to your sister's sob story is not going to save anyone."

* * *

In the confinement of their room, the Observer had to begrudgingly agree with the young Hispanic.

* * *

"Fine," said Lynn. She gestured to Rusty and her siblings to get up and moving. And so the Fellowship of the Linc, of which one member was very melancholic because of a tragic past event being unearthed in front of the twin she begrudgingly trusted the most in this world, went on.

* * *

The Observer did not want to admit it, but it realized that it had made a mistake by tampering with Alexandra Dumas. The young school president was harder to handle than expected. Which normally would have made for an interesting challenge, but in this case, it was now getting irritating. Primarily because as long as she was not dealt with, Lincoln was in constant danger. And the closest people who could help had just gotten an elaborate exposition dumped on them, but were otherwise still in the dark of the boy's whereabouts.

"This is a disaster," the Observer mumbled in its hand. "We need them to finally get a clue."

"And how?" the now evenly irritated voice of Yu-Bo asked, wanting to know. She had done everything in her power to manipulate at least the Bobby situation in the Observer's favor, and he was still pouting. "Are they just supposed to run into one of Alexandra's henchmen taking a leak and then follow him?"

"Too convenient," the Observer stated. It thought of a solution. And while the "leaking" thing was too dumb for its taste, the idea of them finding someone who could lead them directly to Alexandra before the latter was finished monologuing to herself in front of Lincoln and Luan was reasonable. But who to use?

"Yo-Bu? Give me a list of every member of that little wannabe mafia group."

"Just wait a sec," the voice said. Eight seconds later, a rather long file listing all the members' names and mobile phone numbers showed up on the Observer's laptop screen.

It read through it and stopped when a very familiar name popped up.

"He is a member of that group?" it asked in slight disbelief. Based on all it heard of Alexandra, it seemed a bit uncharacteristic to have him of all kids on the payroll.

"And he seems a bit higher on the hierarchy as expected," Yo-Bu added.

The Observer, now in a better mode, chuckled. "Whatever. He is absolutely perfect."

There was a short pause, before Yo-Bu had to dreadfully say the following.  
"Please don't tell me you are going to make him the new enemy."

"No. But he will be the perfect pawn to get on with this stupid development."

The Observer coughed. When it stopped and talked again, its voice sounded eerily similar to Alexandra's. "Call him. "Le Roi" has some special orders."

* * *

 **Hatoralo: "A little bit of selfish promotion: MamaAniki and I are writing another Loud House Fanfiction in case you didn't notice but this one was uploaded on MamaAniki's account."  
MamaAniki: "It is called "Crush on Big Brother" and has two chapters so far."  
Hatoralo: "The idea is from MamaAniki, I am more of a helping hand with that one."**

 **Hatoralo: "Until next time, hopefully sooner than later."  
MamaAniki: "We know the gap from the last chapter is wide, we want to apologize for that."**

 **Okay, before we go guys, without any banter from us separately, here is a question: Could we get a bit more feedback?** **We appreciate that our story has a lot of favs and followers, but it would be helpful to know a bit more when a gag actually works and when not or if we even should bother to continue writing, if otherwise no one is interested. We like writing on the story, but at this point we feel like we are trying to plant something in a salted desert.**


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